Beauty and the Beast
by klcm
Summary: AU - Christian and Ana have been secretly in a relationship for over a year. What happens when Ana has enough and the unimaginable happens?
1. Welcome to Heartbreak

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Right, no joining on from a storyline from the books, no sequel... Just a good ole AU story... Do NOT expect it to be anything remotely like the books =) Pushing the boat out here with this... expect angst and drama, and heart break... However, I really hope you enjoy this! _

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter One_

* * *

There it was again – the deceit.

"No mother," Christian's voice travelled through the closed door as Ana remained sat on the edge of the bed. "It's my assistants," he lied, "She came over to give me important paperwork and must have forgot it."

"Her entire purse?" Christian's mother asked back. "A woman doesn't just forget that."

"She was in a rush," Christian continued in a dishonest manner. "She said she'd come back for it as soon as she could. It's been sorted." Christian found the lies were spiralling more and more and even he found them to be becoming totally unrealistic.

"Okay, fine," Christian's mother gave up and Ana knew her boyfriend had just given his mother a look that begged her to change the subject. "When are you going to finally settle down?"

"Not this again," Christian ground out through what appeared to be clenched teeth. "I don't know how many times you want to discuss this mother but, I am not the settling down type."

Ana heard the woman sigh, "I wish you would just settle down, Christian. You deserve to do that now. It's time to stop running from commitment. It's not something to be scared off."

"I don't need a woman in my life," Christian snapped back at his mother. "I do fine alone and I will do fine for the rest of my life."

_Ouch that hurt_, Ana's heart clenched fiercely at hearing that. Here she was, loving him, and he had admitted he didn't want a woman in his life. If that was the truth where did that leave her? God, she didn't even want to contemplate their relationship ending. Not when Christian was the man for her.

"I don't want to settle down. Not now, not next week and not in a few years time," Christian told his mother. "So give this chat to Mia or Elliot and get off my back."

"I am just looking out for your interests here. I love you, Christian and I just want you happy," his mother tried to reason with him. "Can't you see that?"

"I do and I am happy," Christian told his mother back with a tone full of ease, "Filthy stinking rich happy in fact."

Ana began to phase the pair out now as her eyes watered. Ana couldn't control herself anymore. As she listened to Christian lie to his mother, Ana felt her heart tear away from her sleeve and begin to fall to the floor. She felt like she was Christian's world when it was just them. She healed him, made him a better man but, when it came to his family – or hers – she didn't exist. To the general public, Christian Grey was a single and not willing to change that.

His attitude to life had changed, Ana knew that. She had overheard so many conversations over the year that she knew he had better relationships with his family. She had seen him change over the year they had been together. She had a man that made her happy. He kept her sane, he protected her. He loved her for the most part.

But the biggest killer right now was the fact that no one but Christian's security knew she existed.

And the worse part of it all was that after recently celebrating their first anniversary together, Ana was done. She loved a man that didn't want her for much longer. Their demise was tittering on the edge of a dangerous cliff front ready for the freefall to death.

"I thought she would never leave," Christian commented as he came back in, ready to resume where he and Ana were. "Everything okay, baby?"

"Why are we in this relationship?" Ana asked, looking at her hands as the fingers began to tremble as the nerves erupted in her body. "What is the point in keeping this going when we don't make it public?"

"Not this again," Christian sighed as he closed the door and came in. He come from one argumentative woman to another. "We've been over this. This is better than anything else." He watched Ana look up at him. God, she was a beautiful sight with bright blue eyes and kissable lips that he wanted to bite at every given moment. He wanted a future with her and he knew it would be a perfect future. She had shown him he was worthy of that and he wasn't going to let that go.

"Yes this again," Ana told him and took a stand. "Was any of the true? That you don't want a woman?" She asked and saw him gawp at her, "It has to be somewhat true seeing as no one knows about me outside of here. I live a double life for you and I don't even know where we are going. I can't be hidden away forever from your family."

"What has brought this on?" Christian asked her, his arms crossing over his chest.

"The fact that I love you, Christian," Ana admitted and for the first time meant it. "I've fallen in love with you but, I can't continue to fall in love with you if this is the life destined for us. I don't want to be your dirty little secret anymore, Christian, when I want more. It isn't fair anymore. All these lies and sneaking around. It can't go on forever."

"You know we did this for a reason," Christian stated sternly, remembering her of their mutual decision.

"I know," Ana mumbled unhappily as she remembered them both agreed to keep their relationship on the down low. "But when we made that decision everything was new and fresh and fuck, I had just given you my virginity. I didn't expect to have a wonderful year with you, Christian. I didn't expect to fall madly in love with you." Christian closed his eyes to the idea of being loved and it broke Ana's heart. "Don't look like that hurts because you know it's true."

"I know," Christian whispered as he let the words swirl in his head. He knew Ana loved him, he had never felt more loved in his life than he had in the time since Ana was literally thrust into his life.

"I can't continue this if we're just going to be deceiving about it," Ana threatened, her tears growing in strength. Their army readying for a powerful onslaught as she readied to speak again, "I can't keep this relationship going if we aren't going to be more open."

"You don't mean that," Christian whispered at her, his voice practically stolen from him. "When the time is right we'll go public. When it's right for both of us we'll go public."

"But when is that?" Ana asked him back, begging for an answer, praying it was soon. "How do I not know that the right time for you is in another four maybe five years? I can't put my life on hold for that long, Christian. Not when I feel like a sordid secret to you."

"You're not a sordid secret to me," Christian calmed her, stepping towards her to grab her.

"Then why am I locked away all the time?" Ana asked, her tone sharpening at him. "Why am I locked in here every time someone comes over? I feel like a monster. Fuck it, I feel like I'm an abomination to you at times." She locked her hands into her hair and let out a grieving sob, "Is that what you want for the rest of your life?" She looked up at him, locking his gaze with hers, "You want to live a perfect public life without a public love life whilst your woman remains hidden in this tower?"

Christian rubbed a hand to his brow. He had lived like this for so long it felt natural and he couldn't exactly just jump ship from it now. It was a comfort zone – not to mix business and pleasure. However, in doing so, in loving a life so full of duplicity, Christian Grey was seemingly going to be losing what he loved most – Anastasia Steele.

At first she had given him her body after claiming _lust_ at first sight and now he realised it was love at first sight but, in a bid to keep self preservation and to protect them both from the media whirlwind, it was now back firing when he was losing it all.

And suddenly Ana was leaving the room. "I can't do this anymore. Christian, I love you so much but, not enough to feel like this anymore," she felt the grief explode through her body. Was this what heartbreak really felt like? "I can't live anymore feeling like you don't love me. I deserve to be loved, Christian. I deserve to go out on dates with my boyfriend and I deserve to be shown to the world like the best accessory you have. Except I'm not to you am I? I'm just the girl that you come home to who keeps the bed warm." A tear streamed down her face as the realisations fell into place, "I'm not worth more than that to you am I?" She didn't need an explanation she just grabbed her bag and began to live.

"You can't go," Christian stopped her, rushing before her to block her exit. "It's late. You cannot go out now. We need to talk this out. We need to sort this out."

"Not right now. I cannot stay here," she whimpered as she felt trapped. "I need to get out." She went to dodge his body but, he was too fast. He grabbed her and held her in place. He was going to let her go. "Let me go! I don't want to be here right now, Christian. Don't make me your prisoner," she begged him, "please." When he let her go, her heart plummeted to the ground completely. "I'm sorry," she felt a need to flee from the apartment and to apologise for doing so.

She was just sorry that her love for him wasn't enough.

And just like that she was out in the cold, running with a broken heart and she felt like her soul had been twisted and taken a major beaten. She wanted to feel loved and adored and for the most part she did but, there was a part of her that felt like she was missing out.

For Christian Grey she felt she could have waited but, now she saw she couldn't.

She'd waited a year in the shadows for this?

Wiping her face she turned and looked back at Escala. She looked right up the flat face of it and at the penthouse that topped it all. She had left the man she loved up there and she hadn't really given him an opportunity to fight. If she felt like she wasn't loved then surely words were only futile?

Turning, Ana decided to just go home and drown her sorrows. She would numb the pain with alcohol and she would prayer she would never have to feel her cracked heart ever again after today. The grief that consumed her was breaking her down. It made her knees weak and she actually just wanted to either curl up in a ball and cry out the pain or run back to Christian and beg forgiveness.

Surely she was passed that now?

Suddenly a burst of pain ripped through her face and down her neck and she barely was able to remember the sound of shattering glass and the feeling of alcohol running down her body. She stumbled backwards onto the cusp of the darkness formed by an alleyway beside a boutique and felt herself dragged a little into the pitch black. She was still so stunned she just managed to put her hands up to shield herself from more hits.

However, she wasn't able to prevent much when the darkness hid the culprit of this attack and Ana couldn't tell where the next hit was going to come from. She felt sharpness cut through her skin on her arms, on her chest and, worst of all, on her face before she heard more glass shattering. She wondered if the weapon used on her was now destroyed and she was spared.

When no more hits came, all Ana could do was fall more against the wall behind her dazed and terrified, shock filtering throughout her body. Had this really happened? Was this moment really happening right now?"

"He won't want you now," a feminine voice hovered above Ana, thrashing down one last time with something sharper than before. Once it had done the final piece of damage the attacker let it drop to the floor, allowing it to shatter before fleeing from the scene, leaving Ana behind and seriously hurt. She remembered hearing more glass break underfoot and as she looked up hazy from the shock she could only work out a hooded figure running off back into the light of the street.

Slipping to the gravelly ground, Ana couldn't even get up off of the floor anymore. She just raised her hands to her face to evaluate the damage with her fingertips only to feel deep gauges and rushes of adrenaline fuelled pain race from the left side of her face down into her chest where she had taken the attack the most.

Pulling away, she shakily held her hands up to the streetlights. She howled out as she realised her hands were covered in bright crimson. The whimpering that followed out of her mouth was almost inhuman. Christian didn't wholly love her and now she had no chance to win him back.

The blood on her hands, the blood she could fell pulsating down her body only started to make her dizzying head swirl more. She didn't need a mirror to know her fate. Even though she knew it already and she knew it was going to be dire, Ana couldn't quite believe the one thought in her head.

How could he love someone that was now so damaged?

How would Christian Grey love a monster?


	2. Piecing It Together

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Oh wow, you lot have blown me out of the water with your response to this! I sure hope you continue to enjoy the journey within! Thank you, thank you, thank you! _

_As for the details of why so secretive – patience is a virtue ;)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Two_

* * *

Grace Trevelyan-Grey knew when one of her three children were lying. They were all the same with their own little ways. They all messed up in their own ways. Her eldest didn't know how to stand still and her youngest didn't know how to give eye contact whilst her middle child remained the most unfathomable. That was until you continued and you were able to trip him up.

Her son, Christian, the middle child, was the one that was hardest to break between her three children but, when Grace managed it she walked away with a smirk on her face. Her son's exterior barely changed until the conversation went on for a tad too long. She knew Christian lied a lot. It was a part of him and she expected it with his damaged past but, it didn't make it easier when he was now a twenty-eight year old male and had the ability to handle things. Although Christian had the tendency to lie and give eye contact and stand still, he failed at keeping a neutral tone. Grace could hear when he was spouting lies. His tone was taut and arguing and he really worked the saying '_attack is the best form of defence_'.

That was how she knew he was lying when she left his apartment to get to work. The entire journey she had been mulling over it. That purse left by the front door caused too much tension. If it were just his PA's then so be it, he didn't need to get so tetchy over it. Not only that but, when she brought up about him settling down, he had a certain look in his eyes that made Grace wonder more than she should have.

His grey eyes showed wholeness and happiness. If it were down to his money he would have had that look years before when he made it big and rich in Seattle. Over the past year, that look had grown and deepened and now was shining brightly.

Only finding your other half enabled that look. It was the look her husband Carrick brought to her eyes followed by her three adoptive children. She just hoped she hadn't looked too far into this and read it all wrong.

Looking over the board she saw what patients they had to what staff and she was amazed how overstaffed they appeared to be today. She saw there were a lot of minor injuries coming through and was glad for a slow paced day.

"Working the emergency department with us today I see, Dr. Grey," one of the young nurses asked as she came to Grace's side, filling out paper work on the nurses' station.

"Yes, it's quiet on the paediatric ward so they wanted me here today," Grace commented with a smile. "How busy has it really been?"

"Dead," the nurse behind the desk cut in as she got off the phone. "However, we have a trauma victim coming in. It looks like it's going to be serious one as well. Mass blood loss already."

_So much for a slow paced day!_

"Well we best get ready for it," Grace piped up and rubbed her hands together in anticipation. "Let's get trauma two prepped and ready for the arrival. I want a trauma team ready. No one dies today," she stated and kept her mantra alive. Grace hated telling families their loved ones had died and she would fight death itself to prevent it happening. "Get the blood bank ready, Jane. I want to be prepared for this one."

"On it," the nurse spoke and grabbed the phone again.

As everyone set off, Grace turned around. She always loved the thrill of the ED at the hospital. That on the spot saving of people's lives. It empowered Grace to be the best. Looking around she saw her orders being obeyed and set about to free up some nurses. It didn't take her long and before she knew it they were prepped for whatever new emergency would come through the door.

"Emergency's just arriving!" One of the interns came up to Grace, readying to do her job alongside Dr. Grey.

"Let's go," Grace ordered and rushed for the entrance. Just as she got outside she found the EMT's pulling out a stretcher and rushed to help. "What have we got?" Grace asked as she ran to meet the paramedics with the latest case.

"Twenty-two year old female, found unconscious with lacerations to face, throat and neck. BP is 90 over 50 and she's just beginning to show signs of tachycardia," the male medic spoke as Grace took the chart and ran beside them as they entered the hospital. "From the scene we could see that it was a bottle used in the attack but, no one saw anything from initial police investigation so it's unclear."

"Okay, trauma room two and lets get her stabilised before we decide if surgery is needed," Grace shouted out as they entered the readied room and looked down at the unconscious female strapped down with gauzes plastered to her skin.

The medic took one look at Grace and gave a solemn look, "Surgery is needed for this one."

That broke Grace's heart. Even a doctor of the amount of years she had been it still broke her to think of how damaged people could become. However, she chose to be a doctor to save lives and that was why she was here today. "Lift on three," Grace instructed as everyone, including the paramedics got ready to move the female off of the stretcher. "One, two, _three_," she called out and everyone worked together in unison. As she stepped back to allow one of the medics to move the stretcher away she turned, "What's that?" Grace asked as she noticed something in the male paramedic's hand.

"It's her purse. It was at the scene with her," the paramedic said dropping onto one of the side cabinets.

Grace stood mesmerised for a moment. She knew that bag. She had picked it up when questioning her son on it belonged to. Looking at the woman on the bed being assess Grace felt sickened for a moment. That bag had been at her son's apartment. She knew distinctively from the multicoloured scarf tied to it and the diamante '**A**' and a love heart hanging with it. She now knew the owner of the bag that Christian had sworn was his assistants however, Grace knew from going to her son's work he only hired blondes. There was more to it and she felt uneasy as she noticed the black leather was smothered with the sticky remnants of blood.

"Who is she?" Grace sprung to life, feeling her heart beginning to thud so hard the beat pounded in her ears. If this woman was anything to do with her son like she thought then she had to keep a level head and look after this woman.

"We checked for identification and verified her name was Anastasia Steele," the medic told Grace honestly. "She was conscious on the scene when we arrived but, she was hysterical and far from lucid. She said her name was Ana but we found her purse and double checked just before she passed out. The blood loss was enormous when we got there, we were waiting on it to take its toll."

"Okay, thanks," Grace appreciated the medics and took command of the room. "Right we need fluids set up, a cosmetic and general surgeon down here and we need bloods. Find her blood type and get her ready for a transfusion." Grace went over to Ana's right hand side and began to pull at the gauze on her cheek, exposing it to the room. When it was fully removed Grace was both shocked at the mess of her patient's face and the sheer beauty she was.

"Her pulse is weak, her breathing is slowed," another doctor in ED said as he came and helped. "Signs of shock are becoming prevalent."

Grace listened but, did her own job. She replaced the gauze to Ana's face and then moved down to her neck. "We have a bleeder near her jugular. We need a surgeon here now to work on that. Where's the blood?" Grace asked as she reached for more gauzes and pressed to Ana's neck. Locking gazes with an intern, Grace narrowed her sight, "I want you here now holding on tight to her neck. I want you to keep pressure on her neck until we have a surgeon down here to fully assess the damage." Grace only stepped aside once the intern listened and stood in Grace's spot. Slowly Grace inspected the rest of the damage to Ana's chest and saw slices all over it. Whoever did this was out with the intent to cause mass damage.

As she inspected the depth of one of the lacerations to Ana's chest she heard a noise come from Ana. It was barely there but, it was noticeable. "Ana," Grace called out as Ana's eyes began to open. "Ana, can you open your eyes for me, Sweetie?" She ran her hand over Ana's hair, soothing her, not allowing her to panic for even a moment. "That's it, can you look at me?"

Ana mumbled something incoherently – muffled by both the oxygen mask and the blood loss her body was suffering. She opened her eyes but, only minimally and what appeared to be difficultly as she inspected her new surroundings.

"You're in the ED of the University of Washington medical centre, Ana. My name's Grace, I'm your attending doctor right now. Can you tell me what happened?" Grace started an attempt to pull information out of Ana but, she could see he was very much on the cusp of becoming unconscious and striving for consciousness. Lifting the oxygen mask off, she tried again, "What was that, Sweetheart?"

"He's going to leave me," Ana managed painfully and her tears filled before slipping from the corners of her eyes. Taking a deep, painful breath, Ana looked to Grace, her eyes fighting to open, "My boyfriend," Ana mumbled, "He's going to hate me."

Grace could see the emotional shock take over. She knew that sometimes the emotional side of a trauma was so much more severe it put a person's health in a tight predicament. From Ana's suddenly racing breathing she could see that happening now.

"If he loves you he'll love you whatever," Grace told Ana, her lips smiling reassuring. "If he was brought up right he will love you and get you through this."

"He doesn't love me," Ana let a cry come out with that sentence as she continued to dissolve into a new state of depression. She was weak and feeling worthless. She was scared and she knew the feeling in her told her she was scared of the predicament she was in and she was full with terror of how Christian would react if he found out.

God, she didn't want him to know.

"You don't know that," Grace spoke to her with a calm tone.

Ana gulped again, "I love him but, I don't think he loves me. He'll never love me now! He'll think I'm a monster! She made me into a monster!" Ana became more and more hysterical as she remembered her attacker's words. _He won't want you now._ "What did she do to me? What did she do?" Ana's hysteria only mounted and she began to bring her hands up to her face to claw at her already damaged skin.

Grace, acting fast, took Ana's hands and threaded her fingers through Ana's and make a shushing noise she used to make when one of her children were sick. It always worked and right now, Ana was at the stage she needed a motherly figure to guard her through this. "Ana, we need you to calm down. You getting this worked up isn't going to help your condition. You need to calm down and let us help you."

Letting her colleague work Ana's physical health, Grace stuck to aiding Ana's mental state to a calmer place. They had to assess and make sure the patient was ready for whatever port of call that was needed.

"Focus on me, honey," Grace soothed and saw Ana looking at her intently. "That's it. We'll get you fixed and you'll be able to get your man."

Ana shook her head slowly, "I don't want him to see me. He can't." She sniffled and her eyes fell a little to see more people race into the room and even though her pains were smothered with doses of morphine and whatever was forced into her veins she knew the damage was still real and apparently worse to see. As her eyes rose up and Ana reached up and grabbed the Grace's name badge between her blooded fingers, "Dr Trevelyan-Grey?"

"Yes, sweetie, but call me Grace."

"My boyfriend's surname is the same as yours," Ana said and she began to feel the need to close her eyes again. The exhaustion was just too alluring and clinging to her body for her to stay conscious. However much she wanted to, she wanted to just escape the overcrowded room and the nightmare that had become her life.

"Ana, please open your eyes for me. I need you to look at me, Sweet Girl. C'mon, Ana, you can do it," Grace fought her yearn to escape and pleaded with a heartfelt plea. The previous comment hit her hard. How many Trevelyan-Grey's could there be? Not many!

"I don't ever want Christian to see me like this. I'll have no hope of winning him back." Ana's voice was becoming an inaudible whisper, "I have to make him love me."

She then let her hand fall away from the name badge, snapping Grace's doctor's coat as it made a descent to the bed and gave into the evil claws that were begging for her capture.

Grace felt her breathing tighten – _how many Christian Trevelyan-Grey's were there in Seattle?_


	3. Truth Teller

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Well, earlier update, so let's press onwards =) I'm enjoying this more because of all your speculating. I'm currently writing chapter 7 so I'm hoping you'll love what's to come! _

_So without further ado, enjoy and thank you!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Three_

* * *

Grace had watched the surgery of Ana for as much as she could stomach but, she just couldn't continue when her mind was screaming at her – _That's your son's girlfriend right there. He lied to you all along. He doesn't even know she's here. No one but you does. That's your son's girlfriend._ _That's your son's girlfriend._ _That's your son's girlfriend!_ The voice was on a vicious loop, tormenting her for being greedy enough to not let Ana out of her sights.

She had a family that needed to know. God, Christian needed to know and yet Grace was compelled to just watch diligently as doctors worked to sew Ana up with the utmost amount of minimal scaring. And yet, it didn't matter how much faith Grace had in the other fellow doctors of the hospital or how the hospital ranked number one for the best in Seattle, she had that seed of doubt buried in her.

Anastasia Steele would still be left with scars on her body.

Wondering to herself, Grace began to mentally note what recovery would be like. Ana would be greeted with more than just this surgery because for now this was all about life saving actions not aesthetic beautification.

In a mad dash, Ana had slipped more into shock and the blood loss finally took its toll listing Ana as unstable and critical. Even without the correct substantiation, Grace knew that if this didn't work and Ana's stats didn't level out, she could well be telling her son his girlfriend was dead and the last words from her mouth was how she had to make him love her. How she felt he couldn't love a monster. How she felt she was a monster.

Her heart broke at the mere thought of it.

The only monster that Grace saw was the monster that did this to Ana. The thought of the person behind this roaming the streets freely made Grace's blood boil. She didn't know Ana but, she knew this woman loved her son. There was no doubt about that. There was no other Christian Trevelyan-Grey. There were no duplicates of the expensive bag with that same '**A**' key chain and there was no mistaking the inkling Grace had.

With that thought, she took one last look at the OR she was viewing and decided to leave Ana in the safe hands of two of the best surgeons in the hospital. She excused herself and fled hastily in need of finding sanctuary.

Finding it, she relished the lack of sound. There was no heart monitor going off, no ventilator, no speaking between surgeons as they worked over Ana's body. All the noises that had been a part of her life were no longer that. They were haunting her and she needed a moment to take a step back.

Taking a gulp, Grace looked to Ana's bag. She knew she shouldn't have brought it with her but, in the mad rush of everything; she ended up keeping it with her. Walking over to it, she opened it up and found Ana's phone. Ana's next of kin was her mother so finding that number wasn't hard but, when she unlocked the screen she found what almost amount to fifty phone calls from Christian. That was truth enough.

It didn't take her long before Grace began pacing the doctor's staff room, phone in hand. She had immediately contacted Ana's family the moment she could. She had heard her mother's voice become distraught with the news but, Grace had vowed to be here for their arrival. Grace couldn't leave until her conscience was settled. Between needing to know Ana's survival rate and needing to tell Christian about what had occurred, Grace felt like she was losing her marbles.

Her heart made a dramatic pause before falling into her stomach.

Throwing the phone back into the bag, Grace took a deep breath to gather some sense of serenity before she hit speed dial for her son. She didn't have to wait long for an answer and that both pleased and displeased her.

"What?" Christian barked down the phone as he answered.

"I'm guessing you're still acting out from our chat earlier," Grace remarked. It was a nervous reaction to offer sarcasm in such a dire moment.

There was nonchalant sigh, "Sorry, mom, it's been an awful day. I hate arguing with you and leaving it like that." Christian spoke apologetically but, Grace picked up that more than that was wrong. "I thought you were at work?"

"I am," Grace told him simplistically. She didn't divulge all just yet.

"Is everything okay?"Christian asked with a heightened tone.

Moment of truth dawned upon her and she had to go straight to the matter at hand. "Do you know an Anastasia Steele?" Grace asked and she didn't realise how apparent her anger was. She hadn't entirely noted how much the deceit in her son's dishonestly hit her heart.

Christian's heart stalled its beating – Did he lie or did he tell the truth?

"No," Christian lied and for the first time ever, he regretted it the moment it slipped out of his lips. Clearly he had lied for so long now it was all he knew to do.

"Okay then," Grace sighed, "So I thought you'd like to know that there's another Christian Trevelyan-Grey living in Seattle." She waited and only heard her son's breathing. "Now tell me the truth, Christian," She began, her tone lowering its octave and becoming dangerous and even hinting at daring him to lie to her again, "Do you know an Anastasia Steele?"

There was a moment of silence that lapsed by before Christian uttered anything, "Yes."

Grace closed her eyes, massaged her forehead as she sank onto a nearby seat, "How do you know her?" She asked and had to tell him the final part. "I know it was her bag earlier. I have it here with me now so don't even think about lying to me." She also had seen his number in her phone, texts from him, hell her backdrop on her phone was of the pair of them. She had never seen Christian smile quite so hard.

There was a sharp intake of air, "You have it?" Christian asked as though he were a lost child, begging for a way home. "Mom," he managed to say with a tight, pain filled tone, "Why do you have Ana's bag?"

"There was an accident," Grace started to say, hating herself for breaking such heart breaking news to her own son over the phone. "Ana was hurt."

"No," Christian gasped in absolute horror. "You're lying."

Grace didn't even recognise the voice that came down the phone. "I wish I were, Christian. I really wish I was," she spoke with a chaste sob in her voice. "It's her. You know I would never lie to you about anything like this."

Christian felt that comment lance through him. Penetrating his core through and through with its icy coldness. His mother would never lie to him – that was gospel truth – but he chose to lie to her. He didn't deserve honesty so why was she giving him it?

_Because she loves you_, a voice from beyond beckoned forth at him. _She'd never meddle with your heart. She's your mother. She loves you. Like Ana loves you. You stupid fool!_

Closing his eyes, Christian admitted his biggest, most heartfelt secret, "I'm in love with her, mom."

"Then I think you need to get to the hospital and prove that," Grace told her son honestly and even though she remembered Ana saying he wouldn't want to see her like she was, Grace felt both parties needed to see one another. Her son had just uttered a sentence so pure and real that Grace knew that Ana would do better if Christian knew. If Ana didn't want him, then that was her decision but, she needed to see him herself. "It's bad."

"What happened to her?" Christian dared to ask his mother and he literally gripped his phone tightly just so that he didn't drop it. "Why do you have her back?"

"She was attacked," Grace breathed out and closed her eyes as she awaited the fallout. "She's in a bad way so I think you need to get here now, Christian." She licked her lips as if to ready for the words to come out easier, "She's in surgery at the moment."

All Grace heard was Christian's sob and she refused to divulge more information just now. She hated that he was sobbing uncontrollably and she wasn't there to help him nor was she there to comfort him. She had to get him to the hospital before she broke down with him. "Get here and I'll tell you everything," Grace instructed her son lightly. "I don't understand why you had to hide her away, Christian. She really loves you. I know that for sure."

"I know she does," Christian sniffed as he tried to calm himself and suddenly he was on his feet. "I'm coming now, mom. Please stay near her. She means more to me than I ever thought. When she left here earlier it was after an argument and seeing her leave killed me. If she dies I don't know how I'll survive. I know she's in good hands with you around." He took a massive gulp of air, "I'm sorry I hid her from you. I will explain everything but, I need to get to her."

"I'll be here waiting," Grace said and just closed her phone and sunk back to the seat she had occupied earlier. She put her head in her hands and didn't move. She felt so caught up in this and Ana, for all intent and purposes, was a stranger. She was like any other patient that she treated but, Grace felt emotional tied to her.

Was Ana both the making and breaking of her son?

"Dr. Grey," a curt voice broke the silence around Grace. "Dr. Grey, your son is here. He's going ballistic." She watched Grace sit up and she gave a sad smile, "You've been in here nearly an hour. We knew we needed to leave you be but, when your son turned up we knew we had to get you."

Standing up, Grace puffed her chest up and smiled, "No, you were right to. I should be working."

"You work hard enough, Dr. Grey. We all knew you were up here, if we needed you we could have paged for you." The nurse held the door open and motioned for Grace to leave first, "He's down at the nurses' station with two men."

She had realised she had sank so far into the abyss of her mind but, apparently she had lost too much time sitting in that room. She had even gone to see how Ana was doing. She had no more to tell her son than she already knew. Walking towards him, she had never felt this nervous before and as he caught sight of her and near enough ran at her, Grace felt a lump form in her throat.

"How is she?" Christian asked, grabbing his mother's arms. "Is she okay?"

Grace didn't speak for a moment. She just stared. She just stared at what her son had become at the hands of a woman. He was in love and it wasn't even a little bit in love. He was head over hills in love and the look in his eyes, that grief, that pain, was so prominent she hoped she never had to finalise to him that Ana wasn't going to make it.

It was the same look she got when she thought about losing her husband. If Carrick died then a part of her would go with him. They were just married by paper, their souls were entwined and he was irreplaceable to her.

"She was when I was last watching her surgery," Grace commented and felt weak suddenly under the watchful gazes of Christian and his henchmen Taylor and Sawyer. She knew these men, spent time with them and here they were with panic and concern laced upon their masculine features. They knew Ana but, she never did and that hurt to know. "Erm, she was attacked with what we can only be glass," she started to speak but, she felt like this was out of body experience. She was telling her son details on a girl he loved and she didn't know who she was. "She's got a lot of facial and chest lacerations. She practically bled out before they got her to the hospital. I was with her until she slipped into unconsciousness and that's when she ended up red lined to the OR."

"No," Christian let a cry out. "Who-who did it? Who the fuck attacked her?"

"I don't know. I don't know, Christian," Grace admitted and pulled Christian more to the side. "It's done severe damage, Christian. Her mental state was not good before the surgery. We won't know what it will be like when she gets out."

"When will that be?" Christian pressed for answers. "When can I see Ana?"

"I don't know," Grace breathed out exasperatedly. "You're not next of kin or related so her surgeon might not grant you answer."

"I'll buy the fucking hospital to get in there," Christian threatened. "Then they won't move me."

Grace winced at the power her son had. "Look, I will try my hardest but when her parents get here they will be granted

"They live outside Seattle. They might not be here for hours," Christian told his mother. Their families might not know of their child's respective partners but, Ana and Christian knew everything about their other halves families. It wasn't a secret. "Did she recognise you?"

Grace shook her head, "she was barely lucid, Christian. Like I said she had major blood loss working against her. She was hysterical as well. I'm surprised she was able to converse like she did." Grace looked at Christian's grey, tearful eyes, "This is going to be a long process after this."

"Dr. Grey," the doctor working on Ana came towards them, interrupting them. "We've brought up your trauma victim. We thought it would be best if you work with her seeing as she responded

"Is that Ana?" Christian asked and looked to his mother, grabbing her hand to prevent her leaving. "Is Ana your trauma victim?"

"Yes," Grace told her son and looked at her colleague. "George, how is she?"

George gave a sympathetic look, "She's still critical but, she's as stable as she's gonna be after that amount of blood loss. We have her hooked up still to blood. We've gotta monitor the cut on her jugular. It caused massive complications during the surgery. She's going to need more surgery but, for today we aimed for saving her life and patching her up the best we could whilst her body lasted. We lost her four times as it was. I wouldn't risk prolonging the operation longer than necessary."

Feeling Christian go weak, Grace turned to him, "I want you to take a seat, Christian. No amount of money is going to get you down there. Let me go and do my job and I will back with news. As soon as she comes to, then I will be here telling you that." She saw Christian remained unmoved and she looked to Taylor, "Keep him here. I need to go down there."

Christian had never hated seeing his mother walk away from more than he did right now and sinking down to the seat behind him was the only thing he could do.

It felt like an eternity before his mother came back and he just shot up from his seat. His angst was getting the better of him and buried under his shock and grief he could feel the volcanic anger readying to erupt in him.

Whoever did this was as good as dead. That was final. Taylor and Sawyer were practically burning with the same feelings. He no long had workers. Because of Ana he had a bigger family. Sawyer and Ana were best friends and there were no insecurities there. Ana would let Christian have them when her entire devotion weighed entirely on Christian.

He now wished the world had seen how in love they had become over the year.

"How is she?" He repeated his sentence from earlier.

"She's stable," Grace replied simply. "You're allowed down there-"

Christian cut her off with formality, "I want Taylor or Sawyer posted on her door. Whoever did this is out there. I don't want to take chances," Christian stated, wanting one of his two best men watching over Ana.

"One step at a time," Grace soothed and took Christian's hand in hers. "I've gotten it okayed for you to come down and see her quickly. She's under constant monitoring but, you're allowed to see for yourself that she is alive and being looked after."

"Okay," Christian whispered, his adrenaline lost.

Grace just gave him a small smile and then led him back to where she had come from. She took Christian to the door of Ana's ICU room and stopped, stalling him with her. "I'll leave you be," Grace rested a hand on her son's shoulder. "I'll be near but, she's in and out at the moment. She's weak as well. She's fragile."

Nodding, he felt his mother leave him be and he just stood stock still looking in, the lump growing in his throat as his eyes burnt with tears as if they were acid. Christian looked through the glass door at Ana as she slept. His hand came up to press against the glass pane as his eyes trailed over her fragile body. She had a bandage covering her left cheek, one down her neck and her entire chest was little covered, the gown lowered to allow easy access to her injuries. She was covered in tubes and wiring and just swallowed by it all.

This was a sight that was going to haunt him for life and he would never forgive himself for letting her leave the apartment like he had. On a bad note, thinking she was unloved. God, he loved her and if anything, this matter – the one of life and death – only made him realise how much he truly loved her.

And he was scared – how was it possible to love a woman to this extent?

Seeing her eyes open, Christian took a hesitant step forward, his breaths bated, his lips beginning to twist at the sides as he saw her wake up.

The reaction that came from his sweet beguiling girlfriend was one he hadn't anticipated fully.

He was met with absolute devastating fear.


	4. If You Really Love Her

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So, don't be expecting double updates even though I'm ahead of myself. I intend to stay at least 3 chapters ahead of myself for this story =) So you get this, I get bed and I hope that's win, win situation!_

_Thank you, thank you and thaaank you for your reaction to this story! It has been phenomenal. You are all amazing! _

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Four_

* * *

As her eyes met his, panic smothered Ana's expression and she began to shake her head. "No, no, no," she began to ramble in a panic. "I said I didn't want him to see me!" Ana screamed out, her voice a shrill cry. "He's not supposed to see me!"

"Ana," Grace barged past her son and rushed to Ana's side. "He wants to be here."

"No, no," Ana whispered feebly, the tears streaming down her face, the ones on the left soaking into the gauze covering her injury. "He doesn't love me." She closed her eyes to escape the sight of Christian and she felt Grace lean in to cover her line of sight for a moment. Opening her eyes she just stared at Grace but, it was too late and she just unravelled. "He can't see me," the first time slipped out as a heightened whispered but, it seemed to just break the ice. "He can't see me!" Ana cried out weakly as Grace tried again to calm her, knowing that sedation was the only viable option. "I'm nothing anymore! He won't love me if I look like this," she flared her nostrils as her breathing hastened. "Grace, you can't let him see more than he has."

"He loves you," Grace commented as she watched from the corner of her eye George push a syringe into Ana's IV. She knew the effects would be instant.

"How can he?" Ana asked as her eyelids began to droop, her words slowing, "How can he ever look at me again?" Ana asked weaker and weaker. "I won't be perfect. He deserves more," her final words were completely slurred and only Grace really heard them.

Grace closed her eyes as Ana finally slipped into unconsciousness and her heart rhythm began to calm. She opened them and stood up straight. She knew it was bound to be a long recovery but, it seemed even Grace undermined this.

Christian barely recognised he was falling until he was slumped on the ground. He once felt like he had the whole world at his hands and now he was nothing more than a lower class simpleton. Without Ana nothing else seemed to matter. Nothing was worth it. She had shown him the best ways of life – ones that didn't need money – and he had clearly shown her he hadn't felt the same.

If he had proved he loved her she would have needed him now. She wouldn't have pushed him away with screaming pleas. If she knew the depth of his love then she would have begged him to stay. He wouldn't have stood at her door watching her panic and he wouldn't be left feeling like he was an intruder.

He suddenly felt himself lifted by Sawyer and Taylor and led out of the ICU and as much as he didn't want to leave Ana, he knew his frenzied behaviour wouldn't bode well with doctors, nurses or patients.

Being sat down, Christian noticed Grace coming towards him and he stood up only to be pushed back down and sat with his mother. "I don't know why she doesn't recognise you. She's seen your picture so many times," Christian admitted to his mother. "She knows everyone. She knew what you looked like. She didn't act like she knew you in there."

"We'll see why when she's not so heavily drugged," Grace told him, not thinking Ana would recognise her right now. "Even before the sedative was administered she has anaesthesia and morphine in her system. Post-op is always confusing for whatever patient. Her body hasn't had chance to settle. It could be days before she is less forgetful, clumsy, _hysterical_. We can't guarantee."

Christian began to sob uncontrollable and just fell against his mother's chest. He needed human contact and, even at twenty-eight, he needed his mother's touch. He just broke down and felt his mother hold him tightly, speaking to him as she lightly rocked him.

Then suddenly he pushed away," I'm so sorry," he whispered and wiped his face. "I'm sorry I lied," Christian apologised profusely for the way Grace was finding out about his relationship with Ana. "I was going to tell you. It was never supposed to carry on this long."

"For over a year, Christian. How long was it going to last before we found out?" Grace asked exasperated and tried to understand. "Why lie for so long?"

Christian threaded his hands into his hair and leaned forward, his elbows to his knees. Remaining in that position, he spoke up, "At first we mutually decided that it was for the best. Ana had just landed a job and didn't want her relationship to me having leeway. She was worried if people found out she was dating Christian Grey they would assume she would rely on my money more than talent. For me, I just wanted some privacy. I'm sick of being spotted, I didn't want that for Ana, and after Kaitlyn I just wanted to try something new and find my footing again."

Grace watched her son rise up from his seat. She remembered Kaitlyn. She also remembered how much she hated Kaitlyn.

"We got stuck in that way. It was a habit I fucking regret now," Christian stalled for a moment. "I was nearing my breaking point. I fucking love Ana, mom. I didn't know love until I met Ana and I will love her regardless of what happens from here on out. I barely survive without her. I can't begin to comprehend a life without."

"Will you cope with her behaviour being like you just witnessed or will that make you run?" Grace asked cautiously. She wasn't trying to be unsupportive; she was being to be realistic. "She doesn't want you to see her, Christian. You need to face up to that fact now. Can you deal with that rejection?"

Rejection – a nine letter word that sent shivers up Christian's spine. Could he? Could Ana rejecting him over and over, in multiple different forms, make him give up? Closing his eyes he remembered the blissful fifteen months they had shared and it had been filled with so many glorious moments that he knew a future without them in the horizon scared him.

What was worse – fighting for Ana or walking away from her?

Looking to his mother, he hoped he would make her proud, "She is never going to get rid of me." He put his hands on his head as if to open his chest cavity up to made his breathing easier. "God, I tried to keep her out of the public light because I know from the threats I get that she would be an easy target to get at me. Take my money, fine, I can make that back. Take the woman I'm in love with and I'm a goner." Letting out a growl, he stood and began to pace back and forth in front of his mother.

"You were never like this with Kaitlyn," Grace prodded the sore spot in Christian's life.

Christian shook his head, "With Kaitlyn it was different."

"She had daddy's security," Grace rolled her eyes at remembering how ridiculously tight Kaitlyn Brown's security could be.

"Ana is nothing like that, mom. She loved me for me. Not my bank account. She makes her money and doesn't bother me for much. She even put my wallet in the bin the first few months we were dating because she wanted to prove that money wasn't the issue. It has always been about her and I and what we felt." Christian looked to his mother, with doleful eyes as if what he was about to say was coming to a close, "I feel like I finally have what I see you and dad have."

Grace put her hand to heart as she heard that. Everything she had imagined in those dark moments between seeing Ana and learning who she was weren't for nothing. Her son had found his missing piece. After being lost for so long, Grace could see how complete Christian was at the mere thought of Ana.

"If you feel like that don't let it go. Whatever happens from here, you have to fight for it. That's all you can do," Grace literally reprimanded Christian, admittedly administering tough love. He needed that rather than mollycoddling. "She needs to feel you love her not just have the words thrown at her."

"I know," Christian spoke back and wanted nothing more than to start that part of his life. He wanted to enforce the truths but, couldn't. Not with Ana so fragile right now. Her mental and physical state wouldn't take it. "Who would do this to her? Who would do something this brutal?" Christian asked and looked at his mother, at his two guards. The answer wasn't in any of them.

"Think," Grace stood up to meet her son's posture. "Who could have done this? If it wasn't random them who would have done this? Ana knew it was a female."

Christian felt his eyes widen – they had clue number one – but he couldn't think logically. "I mean, thinking about it, there aren't any threats in my life right now. We had problems with Kaitlyn when she saw Ana and I together at the start. She threatened to hurt Ana if I pursued the relationship further." Christian released a humourless laugh, "We decided that was another reason to keep quiet. Ana is so independent she stepped right around me and threatened Kaitlyn back but, we just wanted to make sure we weren't playing with fire. Kaitlyn wouldn't do this," Christian tried to convince himself. "She's not been in my life for nearly a year."

"Could it be Kaitlyn that did this though? Whether she's been in your life or not, Christian, could she have done this?" Grace suddenly asked and she saw that the doubt was there on Christian's face. She was thinking about this rationally. She knew Kaitlyn, and she was a possible candidate.

"I don't know. It's an option," Christian remarked and turned to his mother. "And to be quite honest, as much as I'm after blood, I need Ana to believe I am sincere. I need Ana to see that I don't care what she looks like. I'm in love with her – her love for me, her faith in me, her smile, her laugh, her entire being. Her beauty is just an extension of that." He stopped everything he was doing – his minor pacing, his anger, his breathing and looked to his mother. "I will kill whoever destroyed her." _Including myself for starting the ball of fate rolling_, Christian's inward voice spoke with a wry tone. Turning to Taylor and Sawyer, Christian meant business. "Get Welch on it," Christian asked Taylor, not going into more detail. Once Taylor nodded and excused himself Christian put his hands to his head and paced. "We need to call Kate," he stopped and looked at Grace who stood confused. "Kate is Ana's best friend."

"Elliot's Kate?" Grace asked and watched Christian nod and Grace realised just how much deceit ran through this entire moment in life. "Oh God," she began to feel the panic rise in her throat, sending heat across her body. "Do you know how many people are going to be affected by you and Ana lying?"

"I do now!" Christian exclaimed forlorn. "I was finally going to tell her that we would share with the world our relationship but, when we argued earlier I just clamed up and this happens! I was so shocked when she told me she had fallen in love with me that I didn't fight like I should have. If I had she wouldn't be here." It was then Christian's breathing faltered on him, "I did this to her."

"No," Grace jumped in to stop her son from going down this path. "Do you know what you father did when I first told him I loved him?" She asked Christian and he shook his head. "He went away for a weekend." She gave an almost sad burst of laughter, "When he came back I thought that was I through but, he proved he was scared of love. We were young, he was terrified of his feelings and he ran from it."

"You just took him back?" Christian asked shocked.

Grace laughed, "God no, I made him work almost six solid months to regain my trust but, Christian, the bottom line is that we loved each other and in the end I understood where he was coming from. Love is scary when it's real but, that's how you know it's pure."

"It is pure. It's the purest thing I know, mom," Christian told Grace and he weakened under the sheer measure of love he had in him. "I think in the end I was running scared. I didn't want to make everyone know about me loving Ana because I was scared I would lose it. Mine and Kaitlyn's breakup was so public and false, I didn't want a repeat."

"Do you see that happening now?" Grace asked Christian and begged for an honest answer.

"No. No I don't. I love Anastasia Steele and she will marry me one day. Right now I need to make her see that and I will make sure everyone knows who I love." His eyes darkened for a moment and he locked eyes with Sawyer across the room, "Especially the bastard that did this. That fucker signed their death warrant the moment they even thought about touching her."

"What about if it is Kaitlyn?" Grace asked, trying to negotiate how far Christian would go to avenge Ana's attack.

"What about her?" Christian asked without even a single ounce of remorse. "She deserves punishment if she's behind this." He took a deepening breath, one that pumped his chest out, "Whoever did this to Ana will make sure they wish they were never born."

"You aren't alone," A masculine voice erupted from behind Christian causing him to swing around.

"I'm Carla," the woman stepped forward, her eyes rimmed with redness and fresh tears. "I'm Ana's mother. This is her father, Ray. We got here as soon as we could."

Well shit! This was not how Christian wanted to meet the parents.


	5. To Believe A Lie

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_I was supposed to update before work earlier but, I got involved in writing the other chapters and then was running late or work! Oops! But now you get an update and I hope it doesn't disappoint =) _

_Thank you for the response to this. You lot are out of this world!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Five_

* * *

"Oh, Mr and Mrs Steele," Grace said taking a step forward. "Grace Trevelyan-Grey," Grace introduced herself. "I was the one that phoned you."

Carla gave a sad yet welcoming smile, "How's my baby?" She asked and felt her eyes water as Ray put his arm around her. "Is she okay?"

"She's in the ICU resting at the moment," Grace said and motioned them to follow her to a private room. She noted that Christian followed like a little lost sheep and she had to stop him, "Christian, sweetheart, I need to talk to Ana's parents."

Christian shook his head, not prepared to leave just yet. "I need to be here."

"This needs to be private for her family," Grace stopped her son, pressing her hands to his shoulders to push him backwards.

"I am her family!" Christian exploded suddenly. "I'm the man that loves her; I need to be here for her!"

Looking to the distraught parents, she saw the same look of confusion on their faces that she had when she first put all the pieces together. It was so flagrant that to ignore it would be quite literally unethical. "Christian," Grace tired as she turned back to Christian. The defiance that greeted her was almost shocking.

Carla, with a watery smile, spoke up, "Let him stay." She didn't say why but, she felt a need to keep him here. Between the depth of his voice, the conviction in his tone and the devastation in his eyes at this predicament she felt forced to keep him here.

"Sure?" Ray asked and Carla nodded fiercely. "Okay, let him in."

Waiting on Christian to come in, Grace pressed the door and used the action to take a moment of sweet contemplation before taking on a professional persona and turning back. "First off I would like to state that Ana is struggling with this attack and even though I didn't perform her surgery I have been listed for her post-op care and hospital recovery."

"What happened? What got her to this point?" Ray asked, praying for his daughter and he could just see that Christian was standing awkwardly silent on the sidelines.

"According to the EMTs that brought her in, she was attacked. There was glass found at the scene and in some of her cuts so we can assume that was what was used." She watched the news register and then began to just spew the incomprehensible news. "Ana has suffered a great deal of physical injuries," Grace started solemnly, not caring for her son right now. She had to give Ana's parents a competent doctor. "I was the attending trauma doctor for Ana when she was first brought in. By the time she got here she was showing signs of shock as well as showing signs of tachycardia. We began to assess her injuries and found her to have massive facial, neck and chest trauma caused by a sharp object." Taking a calming breath, Grace could see her son standing in the corner alone and breaking down as she spoke, "She had lost a huge amount of blood from her neck wound where it looked like her attacker had gone for her jugular. She's cut up from what looks like Ana putting up a defence against the hits and, fortunately, that saved her from more wounds to her face."

"My poor baby," Carla broke down and fell against Ray for support.

"Is she going to be scarred from this?" Ray asked, trying to mentally work out how his daughter would get over this.

Grace gave a small nod, "From what I saw, the lacerations were more than surface deep. Most of the tears ripped through several layers of skin and muscle. I had a cosmetic surgeon called down the moment Ana was brought in but, she'll need several more surgeries before they can say how minimal the scarring will be." Grace knew it seemed farfetched but, she needed to get these two people ready for what could well happen with their daughter. The injury to her neck was not one to take lightly on its on but, coupled with the amount of lashes to Ana's chest and the gauges to her face, Ana was, for the time being, highly dependent on what the hospital had to offer.

She could slip at any moment.

And that wasn't even taking into account how much she could slip with her mentality when she had to fully face herself. The reflection in the mirror was almost the hardest person to face. Now Ana had to find the courage to confront herself.

"I think for now it would be best if I go to Ana and I'll come back with a more up to date report on how Ana is doing. I'll also bring her surgeon down to discuss with you our next steps in this. I will advise you now, from the behaviour she has displayed, I will getting a psychiatrist on board. Before you decline, we do it with all of our patients who are brought in due to an attack of any degree. From what I witnessed of Ana's behaviour before and after the surgery, her mentality will easily make a quick decline. I just want to be prepared."

"Do whatever to look over our baby," Carla told Grace, pushing all of her faith into the other woman's hand.

"I will," Grace said with ease. "I promise." She had faith in her words and as she lead them back out of the family room, Grace was ready to help Ana however possible. There were no boundaries to Grace and her work. She strived to be the best. That was why she was asked to work at the University of Washing Medical centre. It was the best hospital in Seattle immediately classifying her as the best. To be the best you had to believe.

Walking back out they all took their own seats as Grace disappeared to check on Ana's condition and see if there were any distinctive changes. Everyone seemed to take their own spots and even though he could feel Taylor sticking close and see Sawyer remaining nearby the ICU doors, Christian had never felt so alone.

He wanted to run to Ana's room, beg her to wake up and see that he was serious. He needed to prove to her that everything that happened wasn't the truth. Slowly the bitterness in him grew. He began to loathe himself. After all, why the hell had he let her leave late at night? God, he had sent Sawyer but it was just too late. She was nowhere in sight. He had practically pushed her into the path

But what if it was planned? Whoever did this would have gotten Ana whatever. They would have purposefully done this in another place at a later time. If this was done with pure intent then Christian really wouldn't stop until justice was served. For now, Christian just hated that he felt like he played a part in this outcome. His fight for her came after she left. Hell there was at least eleven voicemails proving that.

He just prayed she had heard them – or would get a chance to.

"Carla!" Kate practically cried the name as she came into the room and saw Ana's parents sitting together like a united front. "What happened?" She asked and looked to Ana's father, "Ray?"

"She was attacked," Ray told Kate and watched as her entire face fell and he took her into his arms. He valued Kate like a daughter like the Kavanagh did Ana. "All we know is she is in the ICU." He ran his hand over her back to calm her and felt her move her head and then abruptly push away.

"Why are you here?" Kate asked as she noticed Christian sat alone in the waiting room. She practically stalked over to him. "You don't even know Ana!" Kate's mind began to conspire against her. She went from normal thoughts to absurd ones. Why was Christian Grey here when her best friend was in a hospital bed? What was his part in this? "You should leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," Christian fought back as he stood up from his seat.

"Why not?" Kate asked, her tone heightened with displeasure. To her, Christian Grey was nothing to Ana but, everything to Elliot seeing as they were related.

"I'm dating Ana," he admitted and he found the cross he bare as a result of lying to everyone was easing. His heart blossoming as he admitted it freely that he was dating Ana.

"No you're not," Kate laughed hysterically at that. "Ana hates you and you hate her." She then realised everyone was dead silent and the seriousness was scrabbling around the room. "You're fucking kidding me!" She then shook her head, "No, you're not dating her. She would have told me. Ana can't lie to save her life."

"I'm in love with her," Christian made the statement direct, with a short manner. There was no messing around with it. It was what it was. _Love_. "We never told anyone."

"Liar," Kate remarked in utter exasperation, her eyes starting to roll at the disbelief she was feeling. "God, Christian, Elliot and I saw how you two literally reacted to the other. It wasn't friendly and she couldn't wait to get away from you the moment the opportunity arose."

"That was over a year ago," Christian replied, keeping a calm tone. He didn't want arguments right now when he felt like he was becoming a broken man as each second ticked passed. "We were drawn together and I can't lie anymore. I am in love with Anastasia Steele." He felt his eyes water as he said that comment, he felt so much for Ana and he was fuelled with fear she would never give him the chance to prove it. But what if she never let him back in? What did he do then? He could feel everyone watching him, waiting for him to say more but, he was frozen. He couldn't. He couldn't do it. He needed Ana.

"Ana told me about you," Carla suddenly spoke up and she saw Christian look at her terrified. "She told me just after your first anniversary when she came to stay with me. She told me about you keeping it quiet and she just prayed that soon you were going to just go open with the relationship. She wanted everyone to know what you did to her. You've made her happy. I just wish we all knew what had her so complete."

"It was supposed to be soon," Christian replied and ran a hand over the back of his neck. "Fuck, it was supposed to be now!" Ducking his head, Christian didn't want to let them see him cry. He just sat down and put his head down, hands on the back of his neck still. "Now she'll never want to do that." He looked at them all staring at him, his brother looking utterly shocked at this side of him, "She doesn't want me now so it coming out is all for nothing. It's all for fucking nothing!" He then stood up and, without thinking; he swung and punched the wall. He felt the pain radiate through his closed fist but, he didn't care. His emotional pain was so much more palpable. "She doesn't think I can love her," he then broke down against the wall. With his forehead pressed against the cool wall, his punch hole by his flat palm, Christian wanted to take back everything that made Ana unhappy.

Elliot literally just did what he knew. He did what felt right for a big brother but, what he didn't realise was that his brother would latch on and just cry heavily into his chest.

Putting her hands to Elliot's shoulders, Christian pulled away and looked at his brother. "I went down there and the sight of me makes her go into a frenzy. The way she screamed, Elliot, I can't forget that. I made her react like that. Me." He felt his tears fall, "I made this happened. I caused this."

There was a huge amount of collective shock around as he admitted that.

"She left my apartment thinking I thought she was an abomination. She would never be that. She's my Ana. My _sweet, funny, loving, beautiful_ Ana. I thought I was protecting her," he took a shuddering breath, "I was only hurting her." Looking at his brother, Christian allowed himself to issue his heart and soul with a final blow. "I was only torturing the most precious thing in my life."


	6. Facing Yourself

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Surprise early update ;) Might get you another update today!_

_You lot just wow me! I love how much you love this! It means a lot to me! I hope you enjoy what's to unravel for our pair!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Six_

* * *

When Ana woke up she wished she hadn't. She lay for a moment, waiting on her vision to clear some and she saw the empty doorway. Immediately she wondered to herself if Christian had been a figment of her imagination. He felt real; her emotions towards him felt real, Grace felt real but, a part of her felt like she had dreamt him.

Thinking about Christian, Ana felt her heart rate gallop as his face filled her mind. Taking a deep breath she could feel the discomfort over her chest, the tightness in her neck and she didn't even acknowledge the feeling up the left side of her face.

Her eyes watered again but, she let them fall to the entrance of her room. As life continued on outside her door, she realised that right by her hand was a control and she could only guess that if need be, that would be her a nurse's attention. She'd never been to hospital before in her life. She hardly got sick, never had a health complaint and was lucky to never have to visit family in hospital. Now here she was – damaged, weak and broken hearted. She had no idea about how they worked, or what was in store. TV programmes didn't teach you everything.

God, she wanted to know the ins and outs of everything. She wanted to know how the doctor's had saved her life, how well they had fixed her. She needed to know how on this hell would last.

The last thought on her mind was her family. She didn't want people to see her. She didn't want people who knew her to look at her and have that look in their eyes as they remembered her before all of this. How could she cope with pity? She was barely able to keep herself from breaking down; she didn't want to have to stop her family from doing so.

Taking in all of the stimulus around her as her body began to level out all of the analgesics in her blood, Ana knew that her escape, if she had the energy, was not going to be pretty. From just sense and feeling she could feel the amount of wires on her, the amount of tubes swirling from her body. She hated it all. And as much as he knew she should rest, she was plagued by the attempts to try and battle off the demonic voices.

She needed to distract herself from herself.

She could tell morning was breaking. Even in her sterile, artificially lit room it was still so obvious outside the door of her room that a new day had dawned. She tried to repress the moments of the attack, the moments of her argument with Christian. She remembered waking up the day before to thousands of kisses. She remembered the nights they had played in bed for hours before racing to get a midnight snack. She imagined the amount of movie nights they had indulged. She remembered how many times he would kiss her with every chance he had.

However, it was no good. She had to know the how severe this was for her. Every memory she strived for ended up with searing pain and her hands coated with her own blood.

That was it for her. She had to evaluate the damage to her body before she could face anything else.

She rose her hand up slowly and only a few inches from the top of her bed. Immediately she noticed the backs of her hands were covered with white gauze and tape, the left one worse than the right. Dropping her gaze, and focussing on her left side, she saw plasters stuck up her forearm and an IV slotted into her arm just below her elbow joint. The veins sticking out revoltingly against her even paler skin and that alone – pain aside and bandages forgotten – she knew this was bad. Trailing her eyes over the tubing, she found herself looking up to a bag of clear fluids. Slowly moving her head to the other side, she saw a bag full of red and she immediately dropped her eyes as if she had seen something she was told she couldn't.

Squeezing her eyes shut didn't allow for her to think this was any less of a grave situation that it really was. She was trapped in here consciousness and unconsciousness and the reality revolving around her was her reality.

"You shouldn't be doing anything strenuous. Physically _or_ mentally," Grace's voice suddenly popped into Ana's hearing. Grace offered her a smile as she came into the room, approaching the bed and grabbing Ana's chart to check it over. Satisfied for the moment, Grace put the chart away and took a perch on Ana's bed. Grace hated to be like any other doctor. She hated how formal some were when they stood no further than the end of their patient's bed to discuss with them. Grace enjoyed being personal and friendly and this time around it was beyond different. This time her patient was her son's most beloved possession. The sense of responsibility was greatly exacerbated right about now. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

Ana didn't answer the question. Actually she avoided it with pleasure. "You're Christian's mom," Ana spoke with a whisper. "I recognise you now from all the photos I've seen. I never thought I would meet you." She could see there was hesitancies lining every shade of Grace's eyes. "And if I did, I never expected it to be this way," Ana felt the tears slip down the curve of her cheeks. All she could see how alone she was in all this. How she was scared to let Christian near her for fear all he would see was an actual abomination that needed hiding away from the rest of the world.

Hell, even if Christian banished her from his life, any man that even gave her a chance would do the same.

"I felt safe with you last night," Ana admitted, "I know why now." Ana just felt overwhelmed by the presence of Christian's mother. "You probably hate being my doctor." Ana didn't dare look to Grace as she spoke, "You probably hate me and you have every right to. He didn't tell you about me and I didn't want him to. You probably think I made your son into a liar."

"I don't think that for a moment," Grace spoke and took Ana's hand in hers, careful of the cuts. She gave a small smile and her eyes watered as Ana finally looked to her, "I know why you did it. Christian told me all about it after we had to sedate you. I hope, when you're stronger, you can tell me why yourself."

"What's the point?" Ana asked, her voice so thick with grief that Ana felt consumed. "Why would I tell you why we hid it when after he sees me he won't want me? Christian is so deserving of actual perfection it kills me."

"To him you are perfect," Grace told Ana back, giving her hand a light reassuring squeeze.

"I don't feel like it," Ana whimpered and her chest heaved a few times at the thought. "I did before but, now I just feel like I'm nothing." Ana's breathing was heavily, wheezing almost in the barricade of her chest and she looked to Grace with terror in her eyes. "I feel trapped," Ana suddenly changed the subject as she looked from Grace to the IV in her right arm pumping her veins with blood.

"You will for the time being," Grace spoke with an apologetic tone. "We had to get your blood level back up. I think soon you'll be removed from that IV and only be left with this one," she pointed to the one in Ana's opposite arm, "And then you'll need that to keep you hydrated and give us easier access to keep you pain as minimal as possible."

"And then there's the catheter," Ana grumbled unhappily. Even that made her cry and she hated how freely it hit. "I just want to disappear."

"I understand that, Ana, but you need to let us get you better," Grace soothed Ana and it felt good to see her react positively. "We are here to aid your recovery and support you through everything, Ana. You aren't alone. Especially from my side of this."

Ana nodded but, from the way her nostrils suddenly flared, and the way her lips began to tremble, "Can you get me a mirror?"

"Ana," Grace pressed back, her voice light and stained with worry. "I don't think that would be a wise idea. You're weak right now and you don't need this. It can wait."

"I need to do this." Ana closed her eyes, took in a comforting breath before releasing her newest fear free, "I need to see what I'm left with." She had to see what mess she was left with. She had to evaluate if she could survive being a beast for the rest of her life.

"I agree you do need to do it but, Ana you suffered a great deal and you're only just out of surgery. I think you need rest before you do this," Grace tried to be the voice of reason. She wanted Ana to rest and recoup a little before she took on her own reflection and experienced everyone seeing her for the first time. However, Grace couldn't deny the amount of sheer defiance that Ana was staring at her with. Regardless of her extensive medical knowledge, Ana's volatile mentality was fuelling her to a dangerous end. "Can you not just wait?"

"No," Ana bit back honestly. "I just want to see what she did to me."

"Okay," Grace relented with a sigh. She got up and left the room. She went to the nurses' station to see if they had a hand mirror and she was pleased when they did. It meant that she could get this moment over and done with reasonably quick.

She knew this wouldn't be pretty.

Going back in, Grace passed the mirror over and then sat next to Ana. She reached up to Ana's face, before looking Ana directly in the eyes. "Ready?" Grace asked as she peeled a little of the tape back, Ana's hand that was holding the mirror shaking violently.

"Yes," Ana whispered back so delicately there was barely any noise there.

Grace peeled away the square band-aid, leaving the bottom bit stuck so she could easily flip it back up to hide it away. She watched Ana choke on a sob, putting her hand to her mouth in horror. There, on Ana's left cheek was a deep, sickeningly raw strike. Even though the cosmetic surgeon had worked his hardest to make this wound need the least amount of work, post-op would make anyone run scared.

Ana had enough pretty quickly and allowed the mirror to fall. She felt Grace covered her cheek up but she had already seen the devastation to her face. "I'm ugly," Ana dissolved into her grief and she hated how vain she sounded. She had always doubted her beauty and Christian had helped her work her issues out. She was the most beautiful person to him and she felt it, knew it, lived it.

Now it felt like none of that mattered. Ana felt like a part of her life had just died a horrible death.

Knowing this emotional downfall would weigh heavily on Ana, Grace needed to talk her down from the sensitive ledge she was beginning to reside on. She needed to calm her and get her to rest. "Can you just listen to me for a moment," Grace asked, pulling away from Ana to give them a little distance. "Can you do that for me for just two seconds?" She watched Ana just stare at her, the shock of her injuries gathering more and more on her face, "Can you just listen to me?"

"Yes," Ana told her slowly, feeing her sobs now cutting her breathing short.

"Christian is here for you," Grace started to tell, moving the mirror away from Ana. "I've just been told he's out there crying right now because he feels like he brought this upon you. He feels like this is his fault and he feels to blame for the fact that you'll never know how much he loves you. He feels unworthy of your love because of how he treated you."

"But I do love him," Ana breathed out the truth and knew she would mean that until the day she died.

"Shh, I know," Grace shushed Ana and continued, "What matters right now is that you both are in the same place for the same reason. He feels you don't love him now because of this and you feel like he doesn't love you and never can. You are both caught up in the middle of this." Grace took a deep breath, "You need to realise that there is more than just you affected in this."

"Just not right now," Ana whispered back lightly, not ready to face more truths than she had.

Grace nodded, "No, not right now. We'll do it when you're ready, sweetie." She saw Ana settle more but, she also knew that given the chance, Ana would run forever. That wouldn't be happening.

And if there was another thing Grace knew, it was that the chat she just had would be used later on Christian.


	7. Truth of the Matter

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ Second update of the day... but now I'm going to bed so you'll have to wait ;) I hope you enjoy and thank you, thank you, thaaank you =)_

_All details – CG being a dom or not, their meeting, everything like – will get answers =)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Seven_

* * *

"She lied," Kate suddenly piped up, shocked still. There had been an overwhelming wash of silence in the room. Everyone, except Sawyer and Taylor who stood protectively as if on guard, sat down in the waiting room and waited for more news and yet no one said a word.

Having taken himself to the corner, Christian just sent prayer after prayer to whatever higher deity he could think of. He sat defeated in one of the hospital's plastic chairs flexing his hand. He could stop himself hissing in pain but, he couldn't stop wincing a little as he realised he had done damage.

"She lied for you," Kate then sneered directly at Elliot. Her emotions were so messed up she didn't know what she was doing but, lashing out felt so good. "I can't believe she would lie for you!"

"I lied for her as well remember," Christian retorted back at her. "It was a two way thing. Ana and I did this together. I didn't force her."

"A lot of fucking good it did you," Kate's reply was nasty and she couldn't stop herself. "Now, are you telling me that you, _Mr Egotistical_, are going to accept Ana as she is?"

"As she is?" Christian gasped and even though he could see this was upsetting Ana's parents, he wouldn't condone Kate acting up. "She's still going to be Ana. She's still the Ana fell in love with!"

"How do we know you're truthful?" Kate asked, she had Ana's best interest at heart but, it didn't stop her from sounding like a total bitch.

"I fucking fell in love with her the moment I saw her that's why!" Christian exclaimed sharply and put his head into his hands again as he remembered that poignant moment of his life. "I fell in love for her not her looks!"

* * *

"_Christian, bro, lighten up," Elliot joked as he spun around on his stool. He put his elbows back onto the bar and just looked around the room as the night just begun for a lot of people. He then leaned into his brother, hitting him slightly to make him look, "I wouldn't hook you have with a heifer."_

_Christian laughed at the irony. Elliot would set him up with a heifer if he was given the opportunity. "Sorry, Elliot, I don't believe that for one second."_

"_It's Kate's best friend. They live together. Ana's amazing, believe me," Elliot gloated over his girlfriend's roommate. "She's an absolute piece of dynamite."_

"_Why aren't you with her then, Elliot?" Christian asked back in a snarky manner and rose his eyebrow at his brother questioningly. _

"_Too stubborn and defiant for my liking," Elliot quipped with a smirk, she was perfect for Christian. "She back chats too much, too sarcastic and from time to time her independence would wane the attraction for me."_

"_Have you not met you girlfriend?" Christian asked sarcastically, remembering that Kate was argumentative and stubborn as hell when she wanted to be. "So hang on, if she's all those why are you palming her off onto me?"_

"_I'm not palming her off onto you. She's perfect for you, bro!" Elliot exclaimed excitedly. "You know full well I would never do something this serious if I didn't think you were ready."_

"_I'm not ready for this," Christian sniped back at him and looked back at his drink._

"_Well you better be," Elliot commented and twisted back on his stool. "Drink up, baby brother! Your potential future is right behind you."_

_Great! Christian downed his drink and then listened and turned around to meet this woman that Elliot had gotten reasonably acquainted with._

"_Hi," Ana said putting her hand out to shake his. She laughed nervously and tucked some hair behind her eyes, smiling brightly as her blue eyes met Christian's. "I'm Anastasia but, call me Ana. You must be Christian." _

"_I told you she wasn't a heifer," Elliot joked with his brother to try and crack some of the ice._

_Ana laughed again in the same manner as before, "Excuse me?"_

"_Elliot tried to tell me it was okay because he wouldn't hook me up with a heifer," Christian gave an awkward sideways smirk. He then grabbed her hand in his and shook it, "Christian Grey. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ana_stasia_."_

_Elliot had forgotten to mention how perfect she was. With her pale skin and curly brunette locks, her eyes stood out remarkably with their blueness and beauty and her lips – the ones she was currently biting onto sexily – looked like they could speak utter bullshit and yet mesmerise anyone._

_Maybe Christian was ready for this after all._

_Clearing her throat Ana tried to take her hand back but, it seemed the man before her was reluctant to let her go. As she looked to his hand in hers, she suddenly felt a rush of electricity run from palm to palm and she quickly pulled her hand back. She was shocked. No man had ever given her such a rush before but, this grey eyed man had certainly done that for her._

_Maybe she was more ready for this than she had thought._

_Christian barely took his eyes off Ana the entire evening but, he felt like his brother and Kate were the ones running this show and he just didn't have control. It didn't feel natural and it seemed Ana felt the same._

"_Ana's just started her own fashion company," Kate gloated with a bright smile. "One of the best designers Seattle will ever see."_

"_Seattle? If you're a fashion designer why not conquer New York or Paris? London or Milan, Anastasia?" Christian asked intrigued. He was talking from the business side of his mind. _

"_Why not Seattle?" Ana asked and gave him a smirk, "I mean, if I'm good enough won't I make it wherever I am in the world?" She spoke with such ease and confidence that Christian's admiration for the woman sky rocketed. "I have my own online company anyway but, there's no reason I can establish myself in any state. If I'm good enough my designs will pay for my flights and I'll go from there."_

"_Good point well made, Anastasia," Christian remarked impressed. "You seem very confident in your goals."_

"_More so in my talent, Christian," she gave him a coy smile. She came across confident but, a part of her still remained shy and hidden. Especially when it came to meeting men like Christian whenever that happened she always ruined it. However, she wanted more of Christian Grey. "I've actually applied for a company here in Seattle. I'm just waiting to see if I'm good enough to get the job. If I am then there's my foot officially in the door."_

"_I'm sure you will be," Christian supported her claim. He knew a success when he saw one – he wouldn't be filthy rich if he didn't._

"_See what I mean about you two?" Elliot asked putting his hand around his brother's shoulder. "Mom and dad would be so happy to see you settle down with Ana."_

_Ana near enough choked on the last gulp of her wine as Elliot admitted that._

"_I am not looking for anything serious," Christian growled at his brother. "Not right now."_

"_Oh come on, Christian, Ana's perfect for you," Elliot jumped in and immediately saw Ana blush._

"_Erm," Ana gave a humourless giggle, "I'm going to go. It was great meeting you, Christian but, it's clear that we were brought here under false pretences." She shot Kate a dangerous look as she stood up and grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, "I won't wait up for you, Kavanagh."_

"_Ana!" Kate and Elliot called out together._

"_See you later!" Ana called out over her shoulder feeling so humiliated and besotted she was confused._

"_Well, now you two don't quit your day jobs to become match makers," Christian spoke with chagrin and took his own stand. "I think Ana's got the best idea of leaving. Have fun you two and never meddle with my love life again."_

_He left a sullen faced Kate and pissed off brother that this night hadn't gone better_

_Walking out of the bar, Christian shrugged on his jacket and looked to see where Taylor was parked. When he saw the familiar Audi he made a beeline for it. As he walked, all he was calculating the ways to kill his brother and copious ways to apologise for his behaviour. _

"_Leaving so soon, Mr Grey," Ana's voice travelled over his shoulder and made him turn around. "I thought maybe you'd like to get to know me without Kate and Elliot interfering." _

_As he looked at her, she gave him a smile – sweet, beguiling, delectable. _

_He never knew that smile would be greet him every day after._

"I fell in love with her," he whispered between his sobs. "I never expected it to happen that easy but, all I've done is fall in love with her day after day after day."

"Then why did you lie to us all?" Kate asked, her tone cutting and accusatory. "If you loved her so fucking much why did you hide her away?"

* * *

"We had our reasons!" Christian bellowed back, feeling like he needed air, "We both decided on keeping it a secret until we were ready. She got that job with the fashion company; she didn't want people knowing I was her boyfriend to affect that. I know how money complicates things so I understood that. After my ex I was scared and there were problems there." Christian took a cleansing breath. "We got too deep. I didn't realise that I would actually be ready when she was."

"She should dump your dumb ass for this," Kate sneered as she crossed her arms over chest, unable to look at Christian any longer.

"Kate!" Elliot scolded, unhappy with that comment.

Christian stood up, "Maybe it'd be a hell of a lot easier if she did just get rid of me." As he went to leave he stopped in front of Kate, leaned in towards her pointing his index finger at her, "But I won't leave her right now and I won't believe a word she says until she is fully recovered. Believe it or not, I love her. Scars or no scars. I won't even let you ruin that so don't even dare."

Leaving the waiting room, Christian could feel Sawyer behind him but, he continued to walk until he was outside the hospital. Standing outside in the new day, he quickly made a phone call to Andrea to say he wasn't going to be in for an indefinite space of time and then to Welch. He listened intently before terminating the call and feeling the temptation to connect his fist with something hard.

"Don't punch the wall again," Sawyer commented and Christian stalled. "What did Welch have to say?"

"Not a fucking lot," Christian grumbled back. "Kaitlyn has apparently been in London for almost a year. Apparently she clocked into work this morning. So that dries up that lead. Welch has recovered some video footage of Ana's attack but, apparently it's mostly in the alleyway and too dark to see anyone. The figure is so well covered it's too hard to establish an identity. I don't know what else to do right now?"

"Nothing," Sawyer stated simply. "Your girlfriend is currently in the ICU, there isn't much you should be doing, Christian." He gave a reassuring smirk, "So let's get your hand seen to and we'll go back upstairs," Sawyer motioned to Christian to go back inside. "It seems to not be too busy in the ED right now so you might be lucky. Ana won't appreciate you hurting yourself anyway so we might as well look at the damage before you go into her."

"If she lets me back in there with her," Christian spoke unhappily, imagining being kept at arm's length. It would be like someone casting the air from his lungs, putting it in a jar and dangling it in front of him.

"You will," Sawyer noted back confidently in that idea. "Ana loves you. You both carry the same weakness. She'll need you by her soon."

Christian knew he was right. He would get back to Ana and Kate would eat her words in one day.


	8. Gossiping Reality

**! Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Gonna try for two updates today ;) Happy Friday? Lol Thank you everyone for the reviews, alerts and favourites... To the guest who didn't like that Christian was in a relationship before Ana, I won't apologise for that route in this story. It's an AU, we're trying to get away from the books with it. She is another catalyst in the storyline... _

_Mini rant over, ENJOY!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Eight_

* * *

It was then the last comment ended that Ana finally reached for the button. She didn't just stop at one hit, she pressed the button several times and even as Grace entered the room, she just lost herself into the grim truths bestowed upon her.

_I was in the OR when they were working on her. She's never going to have a normal life after this. _Ana had closed her eyes as the voices came into her hearing range. _Dr Carlson has scheduled more surgery for helping with reducing the scarring but, I don't think she'll be that lucky. She'll have those for life._ Ana had closed her eyes but, the words were already penetrating her head. _Whoever wanted to do this wanted permanent damage and I guess they got that. She's disfigured beyond belief._

Feeling her heart began to race, Ana panicked but, between the weakness and the sheer inability to move from the bed because of all the medical equipment she just continued to attack the button in the hope Grace was still around.

"Hey," Grace's voice came across calm and with ease – like it always did. "Ana, what's wrong, honey?" She asked as she took to Ana's side, "C'mon, Sweetie, open those eyes and look at me." She waited for Ana to open her eyes and immediately she saw the broken look sitting right in the same place as it had originally. "You could have just pressed once."

"I needed you," Ana admitted and felt the overwhelming need to just have Grace here.

"Well I'm here," Grace replied and didn't find it an issue to be so needed right now by Ana. "What's wrong though? I can see you are bothered by something." It was as she said that Ana crumpled all over again. It seemed there wasn't even an hour's break between each meltdown and they came as fresh as ever. "Oh, sweetie, talk to me. Don't cry."

"The nurses out there," Ana tried to calm herself but, the tears were burning in her chest, boiling in her throat and churning to form a suffocating lump in her throat. She pointed to the two nurses that were now _working _and lost her control more. "They know I'm disfigured. I'm never going to be normal." She took in a jumpy breath and looked to Grace, "I'm never going to just be normal. People are always going to be talking about me."

Was that how this was always going to be? Was she always going to have people talking about her as she walked down the street? Were people always going to just stare at what she had become? Ana wanted to believe that she could just walk to work and be normal. She wanted to know she wouldn't be the point of stranger's ridicule.

And she hated that she had the same thoughts in her head. She felt like she was in school and watching the bullies get their claws into one of the geeks. The world didn't change the older you got. People were still going to be judgmental and issue you with abuse whenever they wanted to. So why would Christian be different? He attended galas and fundraisers. She had often looked at magazines and newspapers that had a snapshot of him and felt shots of pride and sadness wash through her. Now he would never want her by his side. As far as she was concerned that was final. No one would want her. She was broken physically and mentally right now so why would her family be any different?

"Grace," Ana grabbed Grace's hand in hers. "I thought before, with being a secret, was okay. Now I know that everyone will have a reason to hide me away. It won't just be Christian that wanted me out of plain sight. Now everyone is going to do it." Ana dropped her eyes at the thought of it and then looks back to Grace, "I don't want to be shut away, Grace."

With her own eyes watering, Grace was finding it harder and harder to be just Ana's doctor when she saw how in love both Ana and Christian were with one another and it was hard for her to just leave emotions at the door especially with Ana declining into a depressive state so quickly and hastily.

Flaring her nostrils, Ana rolled her eyes to stop more tears from falling. "I'm trying to accept this but, I can't, Grace. I want to try and be okay with this but, I can't do it." Ana hiccupped a few times before continuing, "I really can't accept this."

"Ana," Grace stopped her rambling, "You don't need to accept anything right now. At this moment in time, you are only supposed to rest and get better. I am not looking for you to accept what happened to you. No one will be looking for that. I am looking at you keeping calm and letting us here and your family support you through this. The rest will fall together when you least expect it."

Ana had to believe those words. She had to believe that Grace would never set her up for a greater fall. Christian had always praised his mother. After all, she had saved his life when he was little. She had taken him in, given him a life, and in the end, given Ana him. Ana had to believe that Grace only had her best intentions at heart.

"I want you to get more rest than you are," Grace told Ana as she stood beside her bed. "I'm going to check your vitals then I'm going to get you a light sedative to calm you," she saw the fear ignite in Ana's eyes and she took Ana's hand. "It won't be as strong as the one we had to give you earlier. This one will just calm you and help you sleep a little if you want to."

"Okay," Ana admitted as she realised that Grace really was the good guy. "I trust you."

Grace couldn't stop the smile that grew as a reaction to that, "I'm also going to get you a private room set up. If your vitals are balanced then I want you away from those nurses and with a group that I personally trust." She saw Ana offer a thankful glance. "I want this recovery to be as easy as I can possibly make it for you, Ana."

Giving a small smile, Ana felt calmer, "Thank you."

Leaving for a moment, Grace came back and checked Ana over before she administered the sedative. She then checked all of the equipment and noted that Ana's pulse was still a little irregular. Until that corrected itself, then Ana needed to remain here. She remembered the wound to Ana's jugular and reminded herself of how much blood pulsated from it the moment she took the pressure bandage away in the emergency department. It was going to take time to heal.

"You need me call for me," Grace said as Ana settled back down and allowed her to leave the room. She saw Ana's surgeon in the ward and she knew she wouldn't stand for nurses to behave how they should. This was supposed to be the best of the best and the workers – however small or large – should reflect the high ranking of the hospital.

"George," Grace said as she approached her colleague, "I need a word."

He looked up and gave her a welcoming grin, "Sure thing, Grace, what's up?"

"The nurses in this department need to be a bit more careful with what they're saying and where they are saying it," she began to say, crossing her arms over her chest and not ready to back down. "Our patient in room 4 is dealing with massive facial trauma as it is and two of the nurses were discussing her whilst she was in earshot. We already know Miss Steele is not coping well with the truth but, she doesn't need people talking about her. Especially when they are supposed to be the professionals here."

"Let me guess Nurse Burton and Sunderland?" George asked and looked over at the pair as they stood together at the nurses' station, gossiping away. He looked to Grace who nodded and he was as unimpressed as she was. "We've had issues with those two before and usually their shifts don't clash but we were understaffed so we couldn't avoid it."

"I just don't think it's wise that nurses like them should be working in the ICU of a hospital when the people are either extremely ill or severely damaged. They need nurturing and care. Not small minded gossiping," Grace exclaimed with a heartfelt tone. She was more than a little passionate about her patient care.

"I completely agree with you and I will be taking them in for a word," George agreed and ran a hand over his brow. "How is Miss Steele?"

"Fragile," she admitted and sighed. "Her pulse is still not regulating and she is too easily worked up."

"Has she not asked for family?" George asked and saw Grace shake her head. "It's going to be a hard recovery if she doesn't let anyone in."

"I understand that," Grace nodded with her agreement. "I was going to try and get moved from here to a private room but, she's not ready for that."

"I'll assign to Nurse Smith to room 4 for the meantime. I'll be needing to do a post-op check and then we'll review Miss Steele and we'll look at moving her to a private room," George optimised and saw the two nurses he needed to talk to giggling away. "Excuse me, but those two need talking to."

Allowing him to leave, Grace watched both become rigid and serious as George called them out. As he took them to a side room, Grace decided she needed to see her family. Everyone deserved an update after all. Walking out, Grace found her husband now in the waiting room and she stopped midst step, "Carrie?" She called out and felt her morale drop and her facade slipped. In the presence of her husband she felt she could be weaker than she portrayed. With him here she was fully supported and she was safe to weaken.

"Elliot rang me," Carrick told her and offered her a smile before trying to break the tension in the room, "Seems we've got some family drama going on."

"I'd say," she remarked and took his open arms with pleasure. Drawing strength from him, she pressed back and released the heaviest sigh she had since this dilemma started. "There isn't much change I'm afraid. She is still weak and her pulse isn't improving right now. Until she gets a regular heart rate and pulse going she will be stuck in the ICU. We don't know if she's at the risk of relapsing so it's constant monitoring until we reach such a point."

"When can we see her?" Ray asked, all he wanted to do was see his daughter and see what they were dealing with. It wasn't a big ask, just a paternal one. He had to see what someone had done to his baby girl.

"Soon," Grace smiled to keep the peace. "I've given her a light sedative to keep her calm for now but, I think it would be best if we go against her wishes. It's not usual for me to do this. I respect all of my patient wishes but, I'm worried that if we leave Ana any longer without any familiar faces she might never want to see them."

"So how are we going to do this?" Ray asked and tried to see from Grace's face if he could guess. His worry for his daughter was too much to look past and he couldn't make sense of what Grace was up to.

"I have a plan, if you're willing to abide by it for the moment?" Grace asked and she knew it was a huge favour because she would never want to be in Ray or Carla's position with this. However, with Ana's best wishes in the forefront of her mind, Grace knew this plan of action would break Ana before allowing her to build herself back up.

"Whatever," Carla started to say, "I just wanted to see her. Do whatever you need to. I just want to see my baby."

Going against her better judgement, Grace approached her son.

"She needs you," he said and turned to her parents. "Ana is being a little hostile to people. I have a plan but, can you give me a few minutes and I promise you can come down and see Ana."

Carla, even though she didn't like not seeing her daughter first, put complete faith in Grace, "Do whatever to help our baby." She took Ray's hand and held it tight. "We know she's in safe hands. I just want her to get better."

"She will do, I promise," Grace issued another vow and looked to Christian. "She needs love," Grace told her son and it panicked her to see Christian so fit to burst with nervousness. "She just needs you and your love right now."

Christian knew she was right but, the impending feeling of doom didn't bare thinking of.

_Love conquered all didn't it? _That was the old age saying after all.


	9. What's Fair?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Update two! I have work tomorrow so no double updates tomorrow! Thank you for the response... enjoy..._

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Nine _

* * *

Christian retraced the same steps he had made hours earlier. This time he felt like his heart was climbing up his throat with every fresh beat soon to be stuck in his throat ready to choke him. His nerves were getting the better of him and he knew why. The woman he loved had pushed him away only a little while ago and he would never be able to forget the fight she put up. He didn't want that reaction again.

_Fight_, a voice summoned forth in his mind. _Fight for her, you bastard! Love her, need her, want her._

Those words literally like a mantra in his head propelled him onwards back to Ana's room. As he stood in the door way, reminiscent of earlier, he saw Ana looked more rested but, he guessed that was the drugs swimming her veins. He stood, without breathing, watching her and he hated that he couldn't make any of this better. She was so small and fragile right now and he knew his actions were one of the many catalysts in this outcome.

Yet he couldn't let it win. He couldn't let his blame and guilt cloak him and make him do something he would regret. How could he ever regret sticking by her side? How could get regret doing what felt right in his heart? He couldn't but, he could regret leaving her in that bed to deal with this all.

After all, Christian Grey never gave up a good fight when he got one. He saw it through to the end and he always, without fail, reigned champion. His love for Ana would never dwindle its passion and he would never let her push him away. He knew it was going to be hard. He, like her, was scarred but that was what made him better at getting her to love herself.

Because of Ana, he loved himself and didn't care for the scars he gained as a child at the hands of his abuser. He and Ana were just one step to being more alike than ever and that was their powerful strength.

And just like before, her eyes lay upon him and there it was. Everything he had been scared of now confronted him. She didn't want him and all he could see was the damage. Taking a deep breath he knew his Ana was under all of this. He had to fight forward and not let anything deter him.

"I don't want you here," Ana whispered out, unable to get riled up right now. "I told Grace I didn't want you here." She tried to push herself up a little but, gave in, "I didn't want anyone here."

Looking for his mom, Christian found her gone. He was alone and he saw her watching encouragingly from the sideline. This was down to him. No one else could love Ana for him and he wouldn't let them.

"Don't," Christian snapped and looked at her, his chest heaving as he became overcome with absolute crushing grief and anxiety. "Stop pushing me away and telling everyone what I'm going to be like!" He remembered her words from earlier, and it hit him hard. _No, no, no. I said I didn't want him to see me. He's not supposed to see me! No, no. He doesn't love. He can't see me. He can't see me! I'm nothing anymore! He won't love me if I look like this. Grace, you can't let him see more than he has. How can he ever look at me again? I won't be perfect. He deserves more. _Those words had cut him up more than anyone would know. "Do not ever put words in my mouth for me."

Ana stopped, and even though her heart was racing and her thoughts were screaming bloody murder at her, she couldn't push him anymore. The sight of him was too perfect right now and she knew that really needed him.

"I understand that you feel lost and insecure, Ana but, that is no excuse to think I would ever make you feel that way," Christian began to speak up, walking from a little to rest his hands on the end of the bed. "I will get whoever did this, Ana. I will make sure they pay and I know that won't make it any better, it won't heal you but, it's all I can do without feeling useless because you don't want me here."

"You didn't want me remember," Ana muttered every tear in her voice. "You didn't stop me from leaving. You didn't fight."

"Because I didn't want to make you a _prisoner_," he relayed her words back at her. "I never want you to feel trapped in a relationship with me when we can avoid it. I let you go to allow you space, I even sent Sawyer to follow you but, I shouldn't have done that."

"You didn't do this to me, remember?" Ana asked him back nonchalantly. "You didn't smash a bottle in my face to attack me with it." She remembered that explosive pain that rushed through her, "And you didn't decide to slash me with it. Someone else did."

"I will catch them," Christian ground out, "I will make them pay."

"Please don't do anything stupid," Ana tried to stop him but, she knew Christian could be a law unto himself. "Don't do something you'll regret."

"I regret letting you leave the apartment!" Christian snapped back and made a feral growl noise. "That's all I regret. That and making you feel like I can't love you now! Fuck," he put his hands to his head. How did he make this seem like this wasn't an instant reaction to her attack? How did he make her see that he wasn't just doing this because she was hurt? Because he wasn't, he wasn't just doing this because she where she was. He loved her. Thinking about it, he loved her so much his entire being throbbed. It had never been like this. She pleased his heart, body and soul.

There was no other way to explain it. They indulged in a kicky love life, one that Ana had teased him with but, one he had found gave him a sense of control he had longed for. She cared for him in ways no one else had – showered with him, woke him in the night with kisses, took care of his nightmares, made him dinner, looked after him when he was ill and she was the antidote he had always needed for his past.

"I know words are futile right now," he started and looked back to her. "God do I know that but, I won't let you lose yourself anymore. I won't let you do that because I know you, Ana. I know how strong you are and I know how you will conquer this. However, I won't back down and_ leave_ you to do it alone. I won't fucking do that for one moment. I won't. I can't."

He silenced suddenly and braced himself as his mother made it known that Ana's parents were coming in. He looked to Ana and saw her bracing herself in a similar manner. As she saw her parents she felt her heart balloon. She wanted her parents more than ever but, now they were here she could only see the same look on them that Christian and Grace held.

"Hey Annie," Ray said as he and Carla stepped in to stand beside Christian.

"We got here as soon as we could," Carla spoke and smiled weakly unable to feel comfortable with seeing her daughter.

"Hey," she replied, still not finding much to say.

"We're going to be here all the time," Carla told her daughter, offering a smile that she had always used when she was a little girl and ill. The comforting motherly smile that always worked to make Ana feel better, however, for once there was even a reaction to it and Carla just pressed up, "We're never going to be leaving you."

Ana surveyed both her parents and her heart sank into her chest and it actually hurt to admit that parents were standing there obviously feeling bad for her in copious amounts that it felt like they may as well be lashing her with a pity stick. They hated even been in the room five minutes and Ana felt herself snap. She didn't know if it were the medication she was on or if it was the fact that her morale was so low it was bypassing hell but, she couldn't take it.

"What so you can stand there and stare at me like this?" Ana asked bitterly, seeing as they were all staring at her with the utmost pity, she felt herself bend and break entirely. Ana huffed faintly as she saw her parents continually staring at her in the same way everyone else was staring at her, "Great, it just seems to be a new you're all getting a new look! Let's pity Ana!"

"C'mon, Ana," Grace stepped in, "This isn't fair."

"Isn't fair?" Ana asked with an incredulous tone, her teeth ground together. "This isn't fair!" She shouted and even though her voice was weak and coarse, the temper in it only began raising higher and higher. She then began to rip at the bandages on her chest, fighting with the one on her neck and finally ripping the one from face before anyone could stop her. She was pleased that Grace was too slow to react to her. "This isn't fair!" She screamed at them and it seemed the circulating air in the room hit her wounds like fuel on a fire. "What isn't fair is that I am left looking like this! How is it fair that I end up like this? How it fucking fair that you all get to stand there and look at me like I'm not the same Ana you all loved!" She began to heave as her lungs seized and she felt her head swim, "I'm still me but, I can see you don't think that! I just want to be me!"

"Ana," Grace called to Ana, trying to put out her anger. "Ana can you take a deep breath for me please, sweetie. I need you to calm down and take some deep breaths," She tried and reached up for the oxygen mask before taking off the nasal cannula from Ana's face and began to put the mask onto Ana which only made her agitation worse. "Ana, this will help you. I promise."

"No," Ana fought back unable to feel ready to go back to having an oxygen mask on. It reminded her too starkly of when she woke up in the hospital to seeing everyone surrounding her, saving her. "I don't want that. I don't want to be here," she whimpered and felt her vision begin to spot with her anxiety levels. "I want to go home." She looked to Grace as she felt herself weaken entirely, "I want to hide away, Grace." She began to cry, "I want to hide away. I don't want anyone to see me anymore. It's too much. I want to hide."

"I know you do," Grace agreed, understanding where Ana was coming home.

"They don't look at me the same," Ana began to cry as she fell victim to the rapture of doubt and let the darkness cloud her rationality. As she began to cry more she felt how hide it was beginning to get to catch her breath but, she also could fell Grace readying to put the mask on her again and she just had to fight back. She didn't want the feeling of entrapment to gather momentum and surround her wholly.

"Ana, just listen," Christian begged as he left his spot by Carla and went around the side of the bed. "Please, just listen to my mother."

Trying to comprehend his words, Ana didn't remember much more as her head began to spin. She heard her name get called but, only really heard Grace as she began to scream for help.

After the way she had just gone off at them, maybe this was the deserved end of it all.


	10. A Time to Snap

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So life isn't easy for our pair eh? Don't expect it to pick up =P LOL Enjoy and thank you!_

_Short and sweet because my energy level is nearly empty!_

_Final note – I expect one reaction over one character from you all ;) Lets see if we have a majority vote in time for tomorrow's update ;)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Ten_

* * *

"She's right," Christian began to speak, more so to himself, as he paced the waiting room. "She's completely right. How is it fair that she is going through this? How is any of this fucking fair?" He felt like a crazed man and he guessed to the other seven people in the room with him he looked it as well. All the voices in his head – the snide ones, the comforting ones – were all there for one reason. His torture.

"Christian," Carrick stepped in, trying to stop his son. "You need to take a seat and wait for news."

"We don't know what's wrong with her," Christian gave his father a look full of wide eyes and tears and felt like he was the little boy he and Grace had brought home years ago. "She was fine and then she was having problems with keeping her eyes open and breathing. What's wrong with her dad? What else is she going to be put through?"

Carrick had no words; he just wrapped his arms around his son and gave him a moment to weaken in the arms of support. He didn't care if it was happening in small doses, Christian needed it. Or at least until Ana was more accepting of people seeing her. When he felt Christian weaken his hold on his body, Carrick pushed Christian back to a chair and got him sitting.

"She's going to be okay. Do you think your mother would let anything less than that be the outcome?" Carrick asked keeping faith in Grace's ability alive. "Ana's body has suffered a great deal and she's only been out of surgery a few hours. There aren't any magical cures. We need to understand that."

"I wished we never had lied," Christian sighed and then fell forward so his elbows were to his knees and he was staring down at the worn linoleum of the room they were trapped in.

"I bet you manipulated her into lying," Kate sneered from her side of the room, her eyes sending a death glare at Christian. "She would never willingly go along with this."

Christian could feel a headache beginning to rise in the lower part of his skull just waiting to scream across the entire circumference of his head like a tight band. Ana knew he got headaches when he was most stressed. Ana also knew how to get rid of them – lots tender loving care and a massage. Except Ana wasn't here to do such a thing. Ana's health had declined so much that her mother had screamed for help before ordering everyone to be removed from the room.

"I knew she had changed but, she has never been someone to deceive," Kate continued to leer as if Christian wasn't present or important. "Did you not guess anything?" She turned on Elliot, "You spend enough time at Escala, god you and your brother live out of each other's pockets."

"I had an inkling," Elliot admitted and put his hands up to stop a barricade of attacks especially as Christian looked at him in distressed astonishment. "Look, okay, it wasn't enough for me to pry, Kate. My brother has a right to privacy as does Ana. They were happy, that's all that matters."

"That's all that matters?" Kate asked her boyfriend and laughed acerbically over that claim, "What matters is that she's fucking disfigured because of him!"

"That's not fucking true!" Elliot argued back at his girlfriend, "It was a decision made mutually between the pair so back up and shut up. He didn't attack her and do you really think Ana would want us all out here arguing?"

"Well I don't think that matters right now seeing as she can't step in and feed some bullshitted lie to stop us!" Kate shouted back at Elliot, and it was as though she was near on breaking point herself. The tension she had been feeling since getting the care early hours of the morning was only weakening and readying to snap. "No, she won't be out here feeding us more lies because she's currently in the ICU after being horrifically attacked! So not only have her lies caught up to her but, she seems to be prevented from making more up," the moment the sentence ended, Kate regretted it.

"Enough!" Elliot bellowed and stood up so he was towering over Kate. He didn't want to be domineering to her but; sometimes she just needed knocking down a touch or tow. "Ana and Christian are old enough to make these decisions, Kate, accept that. If they wanted to keep their relationship a secret so be it but, it's out in the open now and we have a friend who needs us. Fuck, my brother needs up and you just want to sit there picking holes. We are all in this together so stop acting like a spoilt bitch like you were the only one not told." He took a few breaths, "How do you think my mom felt working on Ana only to learn she was in love with her son?"

Kate blinked a few times in shock and shame but, she didn't spoke.

"And you think you found out worse? My mother had to save Ana's life because if she died then we'd all be finding out that not only was Christian dating someone but, she was dead. So stop feeling hard up and get over it. Ana's forceful enough with her decisions and if this makes them happy then so be it," Elliot was literally heaving with his emotional outburst, "The past is the past. So you need to get over it and accept everything's that happened and look after our friend."

"Okay," Kate spoke lowly, not meeting anyone's eye contact as she sat feeling like a told off school girl. "You're right."

"It's not all about you," Elliot muttered and dropped back to his seat and looked to his brother. He said nothing else, just gave him a supportive smile but, he could see it wasn't enough. He had never seen his brother look so lost in his life. He looked away just as the doors to the ICU opened and his mother ran out. Like Christian and Ana's parents, he was one of the first on his feet.

"What happened?" Ray begged, not caring who asked first. He just needed to know.

"She's resting again," Grace told them reassuringly and calmly.

"What happened?" Christian asked the same question again, his voice flexing with tension and strain.

"Her blood pressure rocketed that's all," Grace told them and let out a breath as she smiled. "This is what I've been worried about. The wound on her neck is a lot more serious than we first thought and when her blood pressure easily spiked her body begins to react negatively. With medical intervention she is calmer and her blood pressure is near normal." She didn't wait long enough for people to question further, she just ploughed on with the detail, "Right now we have given Ana a stronger dose of morphine and sedatives to help her sleep and keep her body relaxed. She's gotten too worked up over the past few hours when she really should be resting. I decided to make an executive decision to sedate her so her body can recuperate for a few hours."

"You sedated her?" Christian asked, his eyes opening wide on him. "So we can't see her?"

"I'd say now is the best time to see her," Grace told them and looked to Carla and Ray. "You can sit with her if you want. Ana won't need to constant watching this time if you do. We won't have to worry about her blood pressure spiking if she gets agitated. I know it's not a nice way to see your daughter but, for now it's the only option we can give."

"I'd like that," Carla said and looked to Ray who agreed. "But I need to know something."

"Of course," Grace agreed with politeness. "I'm here to help as much as I can."

"Why is she so okay with you being around?" Carla asked and she saw Grace stricken by the question. It wasn't rudeness, it was wonderment. Why did her daughter want another woman and not her own mother?

Grace released a careful, gradual sigh. This was a tough one but, Grace could only be honest. "Right now, she's found an attachment with me that she can't find with anyone else. Once the shock on her mind and body dies down she will think more rationally. I was there from basically the start from. She knew my reaction to it but, with everyone else, it's like she's waiting to be judged." She took a breather before continuing on, "When she came in, I was the one that actually attended to her emotional needs. I had a colleague working on her physical wounds but, I know from my experience as a trauma doctor that the emotional welfare of a patient is just as important as anything else. It all coincides. Not only that but, she told me she recognised me as Christian's mother from photos she had seen so I was familiar to her in some sense when she needed some familiarity. I know from patient feedback the emergency department is one of the scariest places when you are in such a medical state like Ana was."

"In that case, thank you for being there for her," Ray appreciated and realised that Grace was more than a doctor right now. She was a Godsend.

"It's no problem," Grace smiled. "I think there will be a delay on getting Ana to speak to psychiatrist. At first I thought it was for the best to get her to talk but, now I understand that her body can't cope with the way she becomes." She looked to Christian, making him become alert with her impending request. "Christian, I understand wholly if you want to get John in to aid Ana's psychological therapy but, we have a very good therapist here who I'd highly recommend."

"I'll call him," Christian agreed.

"Okay," Grace breathed, "I really need to go and get some fresh air. It's been a long shift but, I have the nurses on alert to contact me if there are any changes. One of them will come down when they can to take you to Ana." She waited for everyone to disperse again before she turned to walk away.

Carrick stood watching his wife, and as she came over to him, he smiled at her, "I'm proud of you."

"Just doing my job," she scoffed never seeing the praise in her work as necessary. She did her job to help others not for self accomplishment. "I need some food, come with me? I need some space."

"Sure," he replied to her and took her hand before leading her from the waiting room. He said nothing as he walked with her and he knew she had everything set up in case Ana needed him.

"This is not how I expected my shift to go," Grace told him with a mirthless laugh. "Christian has a girl that really loves him." It was the only thought on her mind, the only reason Ana got so worked up was because of her love for Christian. It was what ruled her, powered her, failed her right now.

She took one last look at her family and Ana's before allowing her husband to just occupy her mind for second.

Watching Grace leave, Taylor stepped up closer to Christian, "I think it's time we got you home for a shower and food. I can have Gail prepare something. You need some rest."

"I'm not going home," Christian defied his lead guards demand. "I don't care how long I have to wait I am not leaving the hospital for a second." He threaded his fingers into his hair and pushed them back, "I will leave here when I can take Ana with me."

"Christian," Carla spoke up, "We don't know when that will be. She wouldn't want us running ourselves into the ground. She would want us to carry on with life."

He looked to a woman he always imagined meeting, "I can't do that. I can't carry on with life with her in a hospital bed. It won't happen," he stared at Carla and took a deep breath. "I can't function without Ana. I know she's still here but, the thought of her in a hospital bed is paralysing. I can't leave."

"Is this what Ana would want for you though?" Taylor asked, snipping deliberately for an answer.

"No," he admitted and dropped his head to the floor. "It isn't but, I can't leave. I know she hates people worrying but, I'm not just any person. I love her and she needs to know that. She needs to see that. She needs to know how sorry I am." His final part of that summation came out juddering as his sobs gripped at his throat.

And the last person he expected to hold onto him was Carla but, he gave into the hold and strangely he felt like it were Ana clinging onto him. The two women gave such similar hugs that Christian found a dose of solace.

"You do know she knows you love her?" Carla asked giving him a squeeze before pushing away. "She's always known that. I even knew that from the way she said your name." She gave a smile, "But for now, help her how you know you can," Carla told him simply. "She needs support wherever we can get it. That's it."

His mother was right and so was Carla, she needed Flynn and he had the utmost trust in that man. After years of putting trust into one man to help him conquer fears and battles, Christian knew he could help Ana the most. Finally getting the courage to ring Flynn, his phone rang. Not recognising the number and no caring for manners, Christian answered the call, "What?"

"Now, now, Christian, darling, that's no way to talk to me," the voice near enough sang down the phone, "Especially when I have the exclusive on Anastasia Steele's current medical condition. I'm sure everyone will just eat up how Seattle's mega-millionaire has been living a double life and is now cooped up in a Seattle hospital standing vigil," The voice bitched down the phone with merriment, "I mean, the tabloids would snap up that world exclusive."

Christian's eyes grew wide. _Kaitlyn!_


	11. Breaking Points Break

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_And here we are... Kaitlyn stepping up to the mark and it has now been decided that she will become quite a permanent character ;)_

_Thank you and enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Eleven_

* * *

"Listen here you psychotic bitch," Christian pushed up from his seat and immediately all eyes were on him. "If I find out you had anything to do with Ana getting hurt I will hunt you down and make you regret the day you ever met me!"

"You can't prove it was me," Kaitlyn laughed down the line at him, mocking him. "I'm sorry, Christian but, you know you were only right with me. She doesn't deserve you. Not rich enough, barely passes as a talent. She's not even pretty. Not anymore anyway."

"Don't test me," Christian challenged back at her. "Don't you dare even think for one second I don't mean what I say to you. I have enough money to get me out of anything and I have enough contacts to make sure you disappear that it will never get traced back to me."

"Oh," Kaitlyn giggled, "I always did think your aggressive side was positively sexy! It still gets me off in ways no one else could." There was a pause, "In ways _he_ never could."

"Don't be such a jealous bitch, Kaitlyn," Christian mocked at the phone. "You wasted a good thing cheating on me and you know it. Your father certainly knew it! Don't you dare think I'll let you get away with taking it out on Ana!"

"I already did," Kaitlyn laughed and closed the call.

Without thinking, Christian threw his phone and put his hands to his head, tearing at his hair so harshly that his knuckles went white and the hair follicles on his scalp began to scream. "Fucking bitch!" He had no idea what to do but, let his anger make him hyperventilate. As his brother's hand came to his shoulder, he shot around violently to be confronted with his brother's tiresomely, worried face.

Elliot furrowed his brow, "Chris, what the hell?"

"It's Kaitlyn, Elliot, I know it is!" Christian looked at his brother as though he were protector of the world. "Kaitlyn did this."

"I thought you hadn't seen her in over a year?" Elliot asked, remembering the tornado that had been Kaitlyn Brown. Elliot prayed he never had to see the man eating, self centred, spoilt princess ever again his life.

"I haven't," Christian admitted and then shook his head, "Well I have but, with Ana there. It was about eleven months ago. She turned up at Escala and she went straight for Ana. God, she was vicious and she threatened us, threatened Ana."

"So who is this Kaitlyn bitch because I want to knock her down to size for even talking to my best friend in any threatening manner," Kate jumped in defensively, finding another thing she wasn't told about. She had to redeem herself now.

"She's my ex," Christian exhaled the cold truth. "She cheated on me one night and I ended it. When she found out about Ana and I were dating she stepped in. She told Ana that it wouldn't last long and if it did she would do something to prevent it lasting any longer."

"So why aren't the police picking her up and arresting her?" Kate asked belligerently, unable to stand still. "I mean, she has a motive."

"She's not been in the country for nearly ten months. There's no need to suspect her or that's how the police will see it," Christian admitted with defeat. "I don't know who else it could be. No one else bore a grudge against me, no one else knew about Ana outside of our apartments."

"I didn't know and I was in the apartment most days," Kate sneered unimpressed with that comment.

"I am sorry you didn't know, Kate but, leave it the hell alone!" Christian bawled at her to shut her up and it worked. "Yes, we were together. No, you didn't know. Yes, we both started to regret it and you can take it out on me for the rest of my life once Ana is better but, for now, listen to my brother and just give it up!" He looked at her and he could see she wasn't dealing with this as well as she tried to show and he couldn't work his temper down. "There are worse things going on right now other than you not being told!"

"You're right," Kate suddenly snapped, her eyes showing a foreshadowing of anguish and she went and grabbed her purse. "You're right. There are worse things going on here than that and it's not like she needs me. She doesn't need me here so I'm going to go."

"Kate," Elliot stopped her by grabbing her wrist with his hand.

"Let me go home, Elliot," Kate tried to free herself from his grasp.

"Why are you going?" Elliot asked, remembering his girlfriend couldn't wait to get to the hospital.

"She's supposed to be my best friend and I've been sat here for hours learning that she lied to us all. I thought Ana was better than and I can't bring myself to see her. I can't sit here and wait for more news. I can't stay here when I feel like I can't breathe," Kate told Elliot, yanked her hand from his and fled.

As Elliot walked back into the room, he felt torn. Did he follow her or did he stay here? He looked to Ana's parents, "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be," Carla admonished and stood up, "Kate has always been one to gain attention no matter what the situation. You have to learn to accept it and right now, she's dealing with this like we all are. Ana never was one to lie so it shocked me when she told about her relationship with Christian. With Kate and Ana they're like sisters soothe deceits a little hard hitting on her right now. Kate will come around when she's had time to settle. Right now she's hurting."

"I don't want it to be too late," Elliot mumbled and took a sigh. "I'm going to go and ifnd her." He looked over at Christian, "Will you okay, bro?"

"Yeah," Christian nodded, his voice nothing more than a croak as he realised just how severe the repercussions were becoming. "Fancy ringing Mia and telling her?"

"What's the time differences?" Elliot asked, feeling nerves bubble at having to ring Mia to alert her about Ana's newfound condition. He found it weird how he and Mia knew of Ana, had met her a few times when she was at Kate's apartment – hell, Mia, Kate and Ana used to go shopping – but no one knew how deeply rooted she was in their family.

"Five maybe six hours give or take," Christian shrugged not really caring. "I'm pretty sure for this she won't mind a wakeup call."

"You're right," Elliot agreed and grabbed his phone. "I'll find Kate and then ring Mia. She'll probably head straight back but, you're right she needs to know."

Watching him leave, Christian felt overpowered with a need to make Ray and Carla believe in his feat for Ana. "You do know I will fight for Ana right?" Christian asked Ana's parents as if they were going to be dishing out redemption for him to take. "I will make sure she is loved for the rest of her life regardless of scars or not."

"I didn't actually expect anything less," Ray smiled, proud of his daughter for finding a man that was in love with her that he would fight and not run when the opportunity arose.

Christian then took it upon himself to find a nurse. He wanted them down with Ana now and he wanted Taylor and Sawyer posted at her door, keeping her room secure. He came back seconds later after catching a glimpse of Ana sleeping and literally being shooed by a nurse who said she had one more thing to do and would be out to them.

By the time he made it back she was practically right behind him with a polite smile branded on her face and a readiness to get them in there. "You can come down now," a nurse broke the woeful silence and gave them a smile. "She's sleeping but, you are more than welcome to sit with her if you're prepared for us to be in and out." She could see the worry on everyone's face, "She gave us a turn earlier but, as long as she remains calm she'll fly through this recovery." She went to turn and leave but, shock back to face them, "I must warn you there is a detective here to question her. I've said she's sedated and not ready physically but, he wants to wait."

Christian felt an untamed growl rip through his chest at someone waiting to badger Ana for details. He would have to wait. If Christian couldn't get a simple conversation out of her without her becoming unstable then a stranger wasn't going to bully information out of her.

Yet he kept it in and waited until they were back near Ana's room before he took on his own jurisdiction and found it wasn't right with him for a detective to just _hang_ around.

"Go in," Christian suddenly ordered Ray and Carla, "I'll sort this detective out." He waited for the pair to follow the nurse in after they gave him yet more appreciative smiles and he turned to see what appeared to be the detective. "Are you here to question Anastasia Steele?"

"Yes, detective Clane, and who are you?" He asked Christian, looking him once over with an accusatory glare.

"Christian Grey, boyfriend of Anastasia," he extended his hand to the gentleman but, the moment he had hold of it, Christian clamped his fingers around his hand so tight he had no way to free it. "Ana is in no fit state to be prodded for answers. I know from how she reacts to us that she is fragile and easily upset. I don't think you should be probing until she is ready."

"I understand, Mr. Grey but, I am here to just do my job. The quicker we get details the fresher it is," Detective Clane spoke apologetically. "I'm just here to do my job and help put away the person that did this to Miss Steele."

"And I understand that," Christian began to say, after all, he wasn't an unreasonable man. "I have my girlfriend's best interests at heart right now and you can ask any nurse or doctor that has helped save her life, she isn't mentally ready for this and you want her to bear down and tell you everything that led to this?" Christian felt a wash of incredulity come over him as he stared at the man, "She was attacked and that's horrifying enough but, she's in the ICU and barely is able to have her family around her and you want to give her a fucking pop quiz on the fact that someone disfigured her? No, I'm sorry, as much as I want the bastard who did this to her caught, I can't risk being pushed from her hospital room again because her blood pressures spiked and she's pushing back her recovery."

"And I suppose you'll order your two men to keep me away?" Clane asked, crossing his arms over his chest as if to become domineering towards Christian and get his own way.

Smirking, Christian knew what the detective was doing and he followed the man's actions. Crossing his arms over his chest, he levelled up with the detective and stared him right in the eyes, "They're paid security and do as they're told. Like I said, Ana isn't fit enough to discuss this with you and all she seems to remember was it was a female. Now had you looked at CCTV footage you might be able to do some legwork and see what you can find from that but, apparently harassing ICU nurses and trying my patients is all you're good for, _detective_."

Giving in the detective reached into his pocket and pulled out a card, "The moment she is up I want a phone call from you personally with information. I will be back tomorrow if I do or don't hear back and I will be bringing an artist to get a sketch going."

Christian watched the man leave and as he turned around found Taylor and Sawyer both standing stock still but extremely amused at the sight they had just witnessed. Going to Ana's room, he found a chair on her left side for him and he immediately placed a kiss to her forehead and took it. As he sat beside her bed, her parents opposite, Christian thoughtfully played with his bottom lip. Pulling it side to side with each new cognitive though that bypassed the vessels of his brain. He was on her left side, the most damaged side and even though he could only sit and stare, it wasn't out of disgust or horror. It was because she was his Ana, the woman of his dreams, the woman he wanted to married.

Every feeling, every ounce of emotion Ana ever made him confront only sat before him, waiting for him to dive in. His opinion of her didn't change. He actually understood her outbursts. He would have been the same. The pair of them were so alike they worked at duo. He was ashamed of the scars left on him from childhood and she was an insecure beauty. Together they conquered their issues and fell in love with their anxieties.

He had already mentally processed the idea of a plastic surgeon – the world's best – but he felt too occupied with just gaining his spot in Ana's life to be worried about pressing for yet more surgery than she already needed.

He was just happy to be here right now. To be here and watch her sleeping and knowing that his love was only becoming more and more fortified the more his thoughts were consumed with her.

When he saw her eyes begin to open he felt his body stall every working organism it should have carried on doing. His breathing was gone, his thoughts vanished, his eyes just staring until he found himself slowly restarting. Slowly moving forward, he put his hand in hers and called her name, telling her he was there regardless. He knew she wasn't fully awake, nor would she be, but as her hand moved in his panic swept through him.

However, seeing her fingers thread and grip on a little with his gave him some hope that maybe one day they could make it through this to the life they loved.

To a life where Ana felt beautiful regardless.


	12. Don't Leave

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Double update again today =) Hopefully again tomorrow! =) Enjoy and thank you, thank you and thaaank you for the reviews, alerts and favourites. You guys are truly amazing and you empower me to plough on with this story and make it the best it can be =) SO thank you!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twelve_

* * *

It seemed like hours had lapsed. The three of them had spoken to one another during the time they had been there. They had learnt a lot about Ana and Christian's relationship and couldn't wait for Ana to explain a little more. They all agreed that until she was out of the ICU she would not be pressured into anything.

They knew enough – how Ana and Christian met, why they fell into a world of secrecy, Kaitlyn's gaining input in Ana ending up in the hospital bed before them. They also didn't blame him like Christian blamed himself. They claimed it could have happened to anyone but, Christian felt that without the lies they had woven and without the argument then Ana would have been at home right now with him.

All conversation just ceased as Ana groaned a little, moaning at waking up. Everyone ceased up and everyone was quiet as Ana came to and opened her eyes to the same sight that had greeted her several times since her surgery. For a few moments no one spoke, Ana just tried to gather some bearings together. When she was a little bit more aware se could pick up Christian by her side, her parents here and she wondered if Grace was around or not. She seemed to be here in case something went wrong.

"You came back then," Ana murmured in an undertone as if trying to not attract too much attention. She didn't look anyone directly in the eyes, more or less looked down and away but, she didn't want them to leave. She needed them all and she if she didn't look at them then she could remain in denial that they were pitying her right now.

Christian looked to Carla and Ray, and he then looked back at Ana, never letting her hand go, "Of course we did, baby. This is where we need to be." He knew he would stick by his baby girl for as long as necessary and had even thought once or twice about finding someone in Seattle to stay so he could help Ana with everything. He knew that the outside world would not accept like him. They wouldn't accept her, love her. They would judge her and he wanted to be her dad, the man that fought the world for her.

"It isn't," she denied them being here a right excuse. She felt they had other places to be, other things to be doing than looking at what precious little Ana had become. "You don't need to be here," she began to push them away again. She was scared for them to leave, terrified for them to stay and the confusion she felt only riled her up.

"It's okay," Ray stepped in, knowing he was more scared of working her up again and making her need medical intervention all over again. He didn't know if his heart could take seeing that again. "We can go," he told his daughter and immediately Carla and Christian supportively agreed.

"We can come back when you're ready, Annie," Carla admitted a little roughly. She didn't want to leave at all. "We have no problem leaving.

Christian was the more hesitant one but, he accepted that for now he would have to back away to fight for her properly. "We can let you get some rest, Baby." He then kissed the crown of her head and began to leave with Ana's parents.

They really wanted to leave her and Ana's heart couldn't take it.

"I don't want you to leave," Ana croaked her whispered plea making them all stall. "Please don't leave me," she begged them softly, still half asleep but, the tear that crept from her eye and trailed down her cheek added fervour to her request. "Please don't leave me here alone," she began to cry full pelt, fat, heavy tears streamed her face. "I don't want to be here alone anymore."

As everyone came back, her mother taking one hand, Christian grabbing the other she just broke down and wanted nothing more than to leave this place. However thankful she was for Grace and her help, Ana wanted to just go home, fall into bed and beg this to be an awful nightmare.

And as all three of them took their spots again, Ana didn't say a lot, she just merely lay there staring. What was there to say right now that would break the thick tension? She didn't know, and she wasn't sure there was any reason to really try. She felt she owed them so sort of reassurance but, she couldn't build the words up to say it. However, there was something she needed to say before she bottled it. It was something that would only say once and never say again.

"I saw the detective arrive earlier," she began, "But, I didn't see her," Ana whispered dryly against her dry throat. She closed her eyes, "I was turning back around when something hit me. I didn't know it was a bottle until I was on the floor. All I did was look back at Escala and then turned back and that's when it happened."

"It was near Escala?" Christian asked in shock horror.

Ana just gave a short, slow nod. "By the alleyway by the boutique I always end up," Ana gulped as she remembered the moment. "I stopped to look back up at the apartment but, it hurt too much so I just turned to run home. Except _this_ happened."

Christian's eyes watered. He had watched her walk about from the apartment complex before his anger had torn him away and he loathed himself away from the sight of her retreating figure. Had he just stood and watched, tortured himself for a moment longer he would have been able to get to her, help her and possible make it so she wasn't this critical.

"And I just remember what she said to me," Ana's lip began to tremble as she was cast back to that alleyway. Ever since that moment of her life all she had felt was darkness cloud the peripherals of her life. It was replying the dastardly deed on loop in her mind.

"What?" Christian asked with a greedy notion. He wanted to know and he wanted to be able to ring the detective and give him Ana's recount of what happened. He just hoped that would be enough. "What did she say?"

Ana closed her eyes, bit her lip with nerves and took in an inhale, "_He won't want you now_." She allowed the sobs to take her other now and the memories were more and more prevalent in her head. "How do I know she's not right?"

"She isn't!" Christian snapped his retort and felt his breathing hasten as he imagined what Ana was going through. He knew he was in this for the long run and the long run now involved a lengthy recovery for Ana but, he wasn't a saint with his temper. He easily sinned with his rage and on the turn of a dime he could snap wildly. He saw Ana looking at him with wide eyes and he closed his eyes, counted to three before opening them again. "She isn't right because I want you," Christian told her, pressing the truth upon Ana. "She doesn't know me. No one but, you knows me. I love you, Ana, and that is final."

"He really does love you, Annie," Ray spoke up, strengthening Christian's claim of the heart.

That was the final thing that Ana needed to break about - Acceptance. She had parents that didn't hold her big, dark, consuming secret against her, they understood it. She felt like she didn't deserve such a thing after she had lied for so long. "I'm sorry for lying," Ana admitted lowly and began to cry. "I wasn't going to continue it. I wanted you to meet him but, I couldn't do that without Christian's permission. I know I told you, mom, but I wanted you both to know and not like this!" She felt the familiarity of stress take over, "I didn't want to tell everyone this way. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen."

"We know," Carla said and sat on the bed, "We know that, God do we and your father understands. Don't you Ray?" Carla asked over her shoulder.

"Yes," Ray said and stood at the bottom of Ana's bed, steadying his stance by placing his hands to the end of her bed. "I know there's a lot to talk out still but, I don't care about that. Right now, my priority is you."

"See, baby, we're all here," He said and sat like Carla on the opposite, his hands wrapping around hers. "That's all we want to be is here for you."

Ana nodded and found a roughness on her hand. Looking down at her hand she was confronted that something that turned her stomach. "What did you do to your hand?" She asked as she saw the cast on it. "What did you do?" Panic took over her tone of voice in an instance. Multiple scenarios fled into her mind, burning her with each moving image.

"I punched a wall," he told her in vain. The pain in his hand was nothing compared to the pain in his heart and soul but, he'd endure it. He remembered the endorphins that ran rabid into his veins as he made the fist size hole but, once they had depleted he broke.

Christian realised that Ana was his hidden kryptonite. She kept him alive and strong and he loved every day but, something happen to her and he felt like death might as well be his best friend. The thought of spending any time without her broke him in ways no one else ever could. She picked him up and beat him down without him even realising it.

Underneath the cold exterior of Mr Hotshot-CEO, Christian Grey was a weak man. Ana was just his armour. Without her he was vulnerable and running scared.

"You punched a wall?" Ana asked weakly and imagined being there to see it. As she watched him give a coy smirk and laugh at how sarcastic she was being with her frailty she felt like everything was normal and she was just casually winding him up. She could believe that their relationship wasn't teetering on a dangerous edge for her to watch fall to its untimely death. Except as she smiled too, she felt her cheek burst with pain and tension in the bottom peripheral she saw the white bandage lift up. Her smile immediately dropped and diminished.

Was this what it would be like that? Would her cheek never feel the same? Would she ever feel the same? As the questions flourished to life in every membrane of her mind she just shut up and felt her eyes water. She looked to Christian, regardless of her parents being with them and searched his eyes with hers, "I just want you to hold like you always do. Like you did before that argument, Christian."

There were no arguments. Christian didn't even seek acceptance from Ana's parents. She wanted him and she would have him. Christian climbed onto the bed. He took Ana into his arms and allowed Ana to tell him how close and tight he could hold her. He didn't want to hurt her but, she needed his physical contact as much as he needed hers.

As he held her, he felt her break down but, nowhere near as severe as she had earlier. It was more a cathartic release she was feeling right now. She was giving into her pain and worries knowing that Christian was here for her and would let her go. However, he was becoming too aware of the repercussions to his actions. He might not have attacked her but, he was one of the reasons she had left that night.

He knew sorry wasn't going to suffice anymore.


	13. The Good Doctor

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ It's Monday so I hope the promise of two updates today will curb those frowns from facing down any more! Thanks for the reviews – now don't go killing Kate or Kaitlyn... We need them! ;) _

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirteen_

* * *

"You're mother's still in there," Flynn said as he stepped out from the ICU. He had come down at Christian's insistence to find Ana in the state she was and because of her condition, Grace had stayed nearby just in case.

Nodding, Christian shot up from his seat. "Well what do you think?" Christian asked as he advanced towards Flynn.

"I'd say we're going to be dealing with a severe case of PTSD if we're not careful," Flynn began to say with a professional manner.

"Going to be?" Christian asked sceptically and looked at the good doctor before him.

"When I first spoke to you I just thought we were dealing with an acute stress disorder but, I'm afraid, it seems to be so much more severe than that. I mean without a doubt that is what Ana is currently suffering with and could still be seeing as the shock of such an attack doesn't just disappear. However, the most cases I've seen like this post traumatic stress is merely a future game. At this rate she will fall victim to that too."

"I should have gotten you here sooner," Christian's hands fell into his palms. He felt like so many things were going wrong on him and he hated it.

"From what your mother told me, Ana was in so fit state to talk to someone like me. Her initial response to you tells me that," Flynn tried to comfort Christian the best he could. "It wouldn't have mattered if you had gotten me here the moment Ana was admitted or whether you got me here when she was out of the ICU, Ana's mentality was slipping."

"She needs saving," was Christian's only conclusion but, he just saw the end of this dilemma drawing further and further away. "She needs saving and I don't think I can do it. What if I'm not strong enough, John? What if I'm only going to break her more?"

Flynn saw a relapse in Christian's behaviour and he couldn't see a reason to believe it was a forever way of life for Christian. "I think you underestimate your ability to look after her. She is more panicked about you and how you'll love the new her but, Christian, you aren't the same man I started giving sessions to. Ana made you into a stronger, more resilient man. You need to accept that. You need to believe in the you she made you"

Christian looked at his friend, his helper and knew that he was just living in the moment and panicking over it. "Okay," he took a deep breath, stood up and shook his body as if to limber up. "I want to know everyone. I need to know what I'm dealing with." Christian didn't care how much this would hurt to learn, he wanted to be ready for Ana. "PTSD, what is it?"

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder," Flynn began to say, seriousness eluding from him. "It's a severe anxiety disorder that develops in the aftermath of exposure any form of psychological trauma. Right now, the attack is overwhelming Ana's ability to cope with what's happened. Hence why she kept pushing you away and becoming mentally and physically unstable. She will be like that for however long she needs to be but, she needs persistent support. If you slack at all she will fear that you are giving up on her."

"Okay, and what about what I can't do. What do we do then?" Christian asked, allowing Flynn a sounding board to just spill every detail and expectation of what was to come.

"She'll need regular sessions which she's okayed to have with me. Apparently she can trust me the most right now rather than strangers. It's to be expected but, I wonder if she'll be up for group therapy when she's healed." He saw the look in Christian's eyes that told him it was a bad idea, but Flynn felt adamant in this decision. "She will need to acknowledge that she isn't alone and that she is probably one of the luckier ones in a situation like this."

"I'm sure telling her she's lucky will go down well right now," Christian grumbled unhappily.

Flynn let out a humourless laugh, "Not right now she won't respond well to that but, in group therapy she'll meet people disfigured beyond belief. I mean people that are leaving major physical impairments. Meeting those type of people will make her appreciate life more. Believe me, Christian, I've worked this job for many years, I wouldn't lead her astray."

"I know," Christian replied honestly, "I know you wouldn't. I understood that when you told me that she was the best therapist I had gotten myself." He let out a slight chuckle at remembering how when Ana gave him her absolute trust, he found solace. Being allowed control and love enabled Christian to be freed of some many horrible restraints. For years, Flynn had helped manage his issues but, Ana entered his life and she was therapy no amount of money could buy.

"I want to see her again, Christian. She's going to be going through a lot of transitions in and out of the hospital and she is going to need some psychological help with that. Her world view has change, that is clear, and we need to assess how she responds to the general public." Flynn hated laying this on so thickly but, he knew how much the pair loved one another and he had tried for months to understand why the pair didn't just go public.

Their reasons were much smaller than they thought they were.

"I know it's early days and there's no way to tell if they've begun but, I want you to keep an eye on her for flashbacks or reoccurring nightmares. The majority of people who go through any form of traumatic event relive the moment of trauma." He could see the horror lace upon Christian's face as he thought of Ana continually suffering, "There are so many factors we need to prepare for, Christian. I want you to be ready for them for her. It'll help Ana get better in the long run."

"She'll be better once the plastic surgeons done more surgery," Christian tried to believe that himself but, he didn't, he couldn't. He knew he was in denial and there was no way Flynn was going to let his mind set start believing false claims.

"You know that won't be a direct cure right? She will always have scars as a result of this," Flynn pointed out honestly. "You can't just reverse what happened to her."

"So the surgeon said," Christian whispered as he remembered speaking to the plastic surgeon. "He's scheduling another surgery for her in a few days but, has warned she will still have scars from them whatever."

"What about you? What do you think?" Flynn asked, knowing that Christian would have thought this out already.

"I think." Christian began and sucked in a difficult breath, "I think I will give her the option of another plastic surgeon. I'll hunt the entire world for the best damn surgeon to come here. I will pay whatever for him to take the scars away if need be."

"Is that wise for Ana?" Flynn asked, reflecting on his little talk to Ana. "She might not want to be forced into anything like that."

"I won't force her!" Christian's voice exploded harshly. "I just want her to know that she doesn't have to look exactly like she does right now forever! I just want her to see there are people who could help her. I won't lay it down and say she _is_ getting it done. I won't force her into it."

"I got that," Flynn defended politely. "What I want you to understand is that you bringing in a plastic surgeon might open up a lot of raw emotions and insecurities." Flynn spoke with his degree and could recognise that Christian was merely a desperate man clutching at every straw possible. He could also see that this talk wasn't going to work when Christian was consumed with ways to help Ana when the matter was out of his control. "Where are her parents?" Flynn asked changing the subject swiftly.

Christian ran his hands over his face, "They're looking for an apartment close to mine and Ana's apartments. We don't know where she'll want to go when she's discharged but, they didn't want to change _normal_ life by living with us." He looked at Flynn, "They've got Sawyer with them so he can ring me and I can for an apartment."

"They love her enough to drop life?" Flynn asked as he leaned forward, elbows to knees.

"We all love her enough to drop life," Christian stated heatedly. "She fucking deserves the love but, she doesn't see that anymore. She just thinks we all look at her differently."

"Christian, right now her mentality is not what is was. It's acting like a conspiracy theory and I'm sorry to tell you that it will only get worse then she goes out into the real world. Strangers will exacerbate her anxieties and her insecurities. Just because you and her family love her whatever, not everyone else thinks the same way," Flynn finalised and knew soon they would be going around in circles. "People will judge her just as easily as you judge others. It's a human fault we all have driven into us and we are all guilty of it. None of us are saints."

"I know that. I know I can't just make it better and I know people are going to speak about her," Christian was panicking at the thought of the ridicule Ana would have to endure. He wouldn't be able to bear it if people mocked her and hurt her in broad daylight. Christian wouldn't survive if Ana was taunted and bullied by people who knew better.

"Do you?" Flynn asked and knew he had to press onwards, "You can't hide her away and if she starts doing that herself you need to intervene. If she decides that locking herself up is right for her then she will only see that as normal in the imminent future. She will only learn to live and gain a tolerance to others by being outside living her normal life. She will need to adapt to life again."

"I'm not interrupting am I?" Grace asked as she walked over to the pair as they looked engrossed in whatever they were discussing. She saw them look to her and spoke before she could be badgered, "She's resting," Grace gave a sympathetic smile. "Which is what she really needs lots of while her body recovers. We had a little talk before we got her comfortable and then I had to fill in some paperwork and such."

Grace had actually had a lengthy chat with Ana before Ana allowed Grace to actually leave. They had discussed Christian for a while and Ana knew he loved her – she couldn't mistake that. However, Ana hated how Grace had become the only one that didn't look at her like she was damaged goods and how Grace cared for her how she couldn't ask her own mother to do so.

It was almost as if Ana was scared to ask her mother to be her mother and make the clarity settle more. Having Christian hold her had began to make her feel that. Having that one piece of comfort wrap itself around her didn't feel right anymore. It was it was forced with succour and Ana knew she was terrified that hugs would never feel the same.

Grace hugging her had felt like nothing was wrong but, that was only because Ana had nothing to place a comparison with. There were no previous hugs with Grace. They had met under the pretence of doctor and patient.

But maybe that was what made Grace Ana's _saving grace_.

"She'll be moved first thing tomorrow," Grace smiled positively as she continued. "Which I would say is a good sign that we're one step closer to a full recovery."

Christian wanted to believe his mother but, he wasn't stupid.

This recovery was far from over.


	14. When Reality Hits

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Second update for the day... enjoy! I am now off to bed and the cliffhangers are coming out of the woodwork ;)_

_Thank you for the reviews... Enjoy! _

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Fourteen_

* * *

Ana had barely spoken since her chat with Flynn and she didn't dare now she was moved out of the ICU. At first they had tried to put her in a room with another patient but, all she had done was gone one a frenzied rampage. She saw the moment she was pushed into the room the way the person and her family looked at Ana and she couldn't cope with the gawping stares. It had been enough for Grace to intervene and demand answers as to why Ana was in a shared room and not a private one like the one requested. Ana was separated from society. People and Ana just weren't working anymore. Strangers and Ana just didn't mingle well.

And now as she sat with Christian she wondered where everyone was. She hadn't seen her parents, hadn't even heard about Mia and Kate. Grace was gone and she felt like her life was slipping through her hands like grains of sand.

Soon she would find the palms of her hands empty and neglected.

She turned to Christian as he sat with his head stuck in his Blackberry for the umpteenth time and she wondered why he just put himself through sitting here when he could be productive. "Shouldn't you be at work?" Ana asked Christian as he sat typing furiously at his phone. "I'm sure all that typing would be made easier if you weren't here."

Christian calmed his typing, slowing it as he began to look at her, giving her all of his attention. "No but, my stress levels would be through the roof if I wasn't. Why would I be at work when all I would be doing is worrying about you?"

"Because you own a business," Ana told him only stating the bare obvious at him. "It doesn't run itself."

"My place is here," Christian fought back. He trusted Sawyer to protect Ana if he were to go to work but, he didn't trust himself to leave her. He was out for blood – Kaitlyn's blood. Plus, he didn't know her whereabouts seeing as she was last listed as in England at work but, now she was taunting him over Ana's attack.

"I'm not going anywhere," Ana mumbled at him. "Everyone else has left me so why won't you?"

Christian ran a hand over his face, he couldn't tell her what everyone was doing because she wouldn't understand and she would say they were only pitying her. "I'm not ready to leave just yet okay? I don't feel ready to leave right now."

"Maybe you should," Ana grumbled at him as she turned her attention away. "Then you wouldn't be glued to _that_ thing." She hated herself for feeling second best to a phone, to his work, to whatever was going on in that tiny screen. Her mind was vicious right now but, she fell captive to it too often. Right now it was telling her he moved on and she believed the malicious tone in her head. Why wouldn't he look elsewhere? No one wanted a damaged girl. Men wanted perfection and she didn't fit the criteria any longer.

George knocked on the door, breaking the tension in the room, tearing Ana from the demons in her. "I'm here to look at your wounds," he said as he came in a little bit, a kit of everything he would need in his hands. Christian knew him as Ana's main surgeon but, Ana was more consumed with Grace leading her care that he knew she would shut down a little at this doctor being here.

"Okay," Ana responded and felt a little disheartened that it wasn't Grace. "Where's Grace? Why isn't she doing this?"

"She had other important matters to take care of whilst on shift," the doctor said with a short smile. "She'll be back when she has the chance to."

"Okay," Ana replied in the similar quietness she had used before. She didn't say anything else as the doctor began his work and she was only supported by Christian slipping his hand into hers and she just grabbed it and clung to it as if it were her only life line.

Ana didn't say a word as the doctor began to peel the bandage covering her cheek away. She felt him press around it, trying the stitches, seeing if there was tenderness and Ana had to wince a few times. She closed her eyes as he began to clean it up to cover it with yet another white woven gauze. She felt him remove the one around her neck, the air circling her throat, hitting upon the cut and she just closed her eyes tighter and waited for it to be over.

"How does your neck feel?" George asked as he grabbed her chart only seeing Ana shrug indifferently. "I'm concerned because the damage to it isn't healing as fast as I'd like it to and I fear we're looking at an infection there," he told her as he jotted down on the chart before setting it down and going to check Ana's chest wounds.

"This infection," Christian began, his voice heating up, "how does that happen? I demanded top care for Ana so how the fuck does she even risk an infection?" He wasn't happy that more pain was being inflicted upon Ana when she didn't deserve any of it. "I want an explanation."

"Infections can be caused for so many reasons it's hard to pinpoint an origin. All we can do is find out if we are dealing with one and administer antibiotics," George told them jumping right to the point of the matter. "Other than that I would say rest."

"Rest did her a lot of fucking good already didn't it?" Christian sniped at the doctor unimpressed knowing he was going to be contacting his mother the moment he could.

"Christian," Ana spoke up, her voice calming him immediately. "Stop it. We can't avoid these things." She wished she could believe that but, she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the fact that she reached her breaking point over their sheltered relationship.

"We could have!" He said as he stood up and paced beside her bed.

"Now is not the time for this," George began to say, trying to kill Christian's mood but, he didn't know how Christian worked so he was only going to hit a brick wall. "We'll get some bloods ran and we'll go from there but, we're looking at a prolonged recovery with the healing process being so slow anyway," George alerted them and even though he was trying to be comforting, he didn't have Grace's way with issuing news. "I'll leave you to it."

Ana watched him leave but, she didn't feel happier. She found that George didn't have the same effect as Grace and he only made her feel worse. So not only was she going to feel weaker she was going to feel crappier and lower than she was already. Great, just what she needed.

"It's just another obstacle," Christian pointed out trying to satisfy his mind and Ana's.

"Yeah just another one," Ana grumbled and withdrew from the room. She sunk a little into her mind and just closed off and it seemed that Christian accepted that behaviour from her now. He just didn't try to push her to talk anymore and she knew he was growing bored already. She could feel he was and it was like torture to be a witness. When she went quiet he went quiet and yet he made no attempt to soothe her properly not like he used to.

He barely kissed her, only held her hand and he never tried to apologise wholly for that night. She could see the guilt on him, how could she not when it was laced into the grey of his eyes? However, he just appeared to be closing off from her and she was terrified that she was watching their finale. She knew what a relationship ending felt like as much as Christian and she wasn't a fool to deny it was happening.

She was being realistic and she was accepting their future for what it was going to be.

_Nonexistent._

There was total silence in the room when Christian's phone vibrated in his pocket. Ana watched as he pulled it from his pocket and read what was now on the screen and even he couldn't hide the expression on his face or the growl that released itself from between his clenched jaw bones.

"Who's that?" Ana asked him, finally making movement to look at him.

"It's no one, baby," Christian deflected his answer. "I've got to discuss something with Taylor and Sawyer," Christian took a stand, straightening up. "Will you be okay in here alone whilst I discuss with them?"

"I guess," she whispered at him and just let him go. How could she tell him no she wasn't okay with him leaving her and how could she just be okay with his reaction to a message coming through on his phone? Simple, she couldn't but, she let him go and do what he needed while she did what she did best lately – remain silent.

Ana took a gulp and hated this. There was so many uncertainties in the air that she wanted to scream at them all. Literally bellow from the pit of her stomach and scare them all to leave and never come back again.

Why had Christian left the room she had no idea but, she needed to. She didn't want to be kept out of the loop and have more secrets mounting. Secrets had done enough damage to last a lifetime.

Pulling herself from the bed and onto her feet, Ana finally realised just how weak she still was and now she was forcing herself to move more she felt how her body reacted. How each of the wounds pulled and screamed but, curiosity got the better of her. She sat still for a moment, gathering her bearings with each fresh beat of her heart and then looked at the IV still connected to the bag of fluid that hung above her head. She pulled the tubing out and the slipped out of the bed enough that her feet were flat to the cold floor. She was thankful she didn't have to deal with a catheter anymore!

Shaking she pressed down and stood up fully before going over the steps Christian had made. Going to the door, she hid enough to be out of the way but, she used the door for support. Then she just listened to what was now top secret.

"I don't love her," Christian said to Taylor and Sawyer as they stood grouped together. "I never fucking loved her enough. God," he groaned out, "I don't love her enough for it to end up like this. How do I end it now?"

Taylor and Sawyer remained silent.

"Tell me how to fucking end this now?" Christian asked and put his hands onto his head, clawing at his hair with his anger. "How do I end this before we get any deeper than we are? How do I fucking cut all ties to her now?"

"I don't know, Sir," Taylor spoke up. "But I am sure we can sort this out quickly and efficiently. That's how we handle everything. It'll be no different this time."

"I need it done soon," Christian commented with a darkening tone. "I need it done now!" He began to shout as the tension began to rise. "I want her locked up and out of my sight," Christian snarled in utter frustration like he was trapped and agitated. "No one should ever have to look at her. I don't want her within even an inch of my life anymore. I'm done. I want to move on."

Ana felt her knees weaken and she felt her heart snapping off into pieces.

Her only conclusion was that he was discussing her. Who else would all those sentences revolve around?

He didn't want her. He-He didn't want her out in public. He wanted her hidden and locked away like an untamed animal. Her head was screaming at her, torturing her senseless and as she stood there dazed and even more heartbroken, Ana decided to find the perfect escape.

It would be her perfect escape from life.


	15. Misery's Business

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Right only one update today... I am going to attempt a little of my 'Fifty Shades Abandoned' or 'A Grey Heart Epiphany' today so I'm going to lay off this for a day... I will be back tomorrow and back on track... Plus after my shift tomorrow evening I am not in work at all until two weeks time! Expect some writing to get done without interruptions ;)_

_Right... enjoy, beware and know I am thankful!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Fifteen_

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Taylor looked up as he saw movement in the corner of his eye and only just saw Ana look him dead in the eyes before running off down the hall way. It wasn't fast but she was running. "Ana!" He called out and pushed passed both Christian and Sawyer and ran after her.

The other two quickly followed.

Christian's panic magnifying and taking command of his entire being. He was not prepared to let her go too far. He wasn't prepared to lose her. He wasn't prepared for her to escape and do this alone. He loved her. This was his battle as well as hers.

She could hear them behind her, chanting her name, trying to get her to not run but, she just had to get away and if she didn't get out of the hallway soon then she would find herself caught and captured. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't let this life continue any longer. She couldn't continue feeling like her life was ebbing away from her. She had to end it before she was left living as a mere shell of herself.

Looking over her shoulder she saw her time was nearly over and she had to do what she had to do. Seeing a room advancing towards her, she knew she could duck in and find some way to kill the voices in her head and the world around her in one go.

Like a feral animal, Ana just ran into the room, not caring about what it was only to be confronted with an operating room. She just ran in and felt herself panic even more. She had been in one of these having her life saved days prior. Except she felt like her life ended that day and nothing else and that wasn't the gratitude she should have.

She heard the door open and she ran further in, looking for something to help her with her cause. Hearing her name leave Christian's lips she turned and stepped backwards. She hit the bed in the middle of the room and looked up to be cast within Christian's worried glare. Why was he so worried? If she did this then he wouldn't need a way out. He would have it and he wouldn't have to live with any of the guilt that came with it.

"Back away!" She shouted at the three men, heaving against her panic and fears. The tears were now streaming and as she felt the tape to her face loosening with the dampness she tore the gauze away and discarded of it. "Leave me alone," she said as she backed up and hit a metal table covered in surgical equipment. She tripped on it and both her and instruments on it went flying. Everything falling to the floor in one shrill ricocheting sound that bounced off the walls and added to the drama unravelling.

Christian immediately wanted to swoop in but, she pushed herself away from him, edging closer to the furthest side of the room. "Ana, please," he began to speak like a beggar. "What are you doing?" He watched as she slowly rose to her feet and Taylor hit his arm and pointed to Ana's hand. "Baby, what are you going to do with that?"

Looking down to her hand, Ana didn't entirely know right now but, the feel of the scalpel in her hand felt right. She tested it in her palm a few times before she raised her head and looked to Christian, ignoring Taylor and Sawyer.

"Call this your get out clause," she whispered at him menacingly and swiped the bandage from her throat and allowed her neck wound to be on show. She then raised the scalpel carefully to her throat and pressed it against her jugular.

"Don't do anything stupid," Christian put his hands up at her, showing he met no harm and took a step forward but as he did she only pushed the blade more into her already scarring neck. "Ana, please, I'm begging here."

"If I dig deeper than the bastard did that night I won't have to suffer any longer," Ana spoke with smirk on her face as if to taunt Christian. "If I just cut my throat now I won't have to worry about anything anymore. _This_ will all be over! This life will be over for the better!"

Her words were killing him. "Ana," Christian cried out to her again. He wished her could just run to her and capture her in his arms but, he knew the moment he moved even an inch forward then Ana would plunge that scalpel so far into her neck she would bleed out within seconds.

"You want to know how to fucking end this, Christian?" She asked and she saw realisation dawn in the eyes she had fallen in love with. "Want me to tell you how you can get free of this?" She asked him, her voice near enough vehemently spraying from her vocal calls, "You can get free by me ramming this fucking knife so far into my throat that you never have to look at me again!"

"Ana, no," Christian was grieving already for the words he had spoken.

Ana prolonged a blink but, she found the knife against her throat was the best feeling she had had in far too long. "I won't need to be locked up and hidden and no one will have to so much as think of me looking this if I just end it now!" She pressed the blade a little, feeling it slice her skin and she lavished that one trickle of blood that escape. "You can move on and be happy and I will be nothing but, a fucked up memory for you to replace!"

"That wasn't about you!" Christian tried to argue but, he could see the damage was done and he couldn't take it back. It just didn't stop him trying. "You overheard the wrong thing."

Releasing a mirthless laugh, Ana shook her head. "If I died today no one would care," Ana spoke the truth that was torturing her heart. "Why would they?" She asked and felt a shuddering sob fall from her lips. "Nobody wants me and you proved that the most. Sticking your head in your phone, barely talking to me, allowing me to just withdraw and then to want to see me locked up and hidden away. That really finished this hell off."

They always say you'll burn in hell for your killer sins but, if anyone asked Ana, she would passionately tell everyone that hell was the coldest place in this life. It tortured your soul, stole your happiness and made sure you feel the loneliest person to ever walk the earth. There was no fiery heat here, or flaming bowels that she had grown up believing in. No, this place was long and dead and never ending.

Christian was crestfallen at that claim. She had heard him? She had heard everything he had said and she knew the truth now. This was not how she was supposed to find it out. This was not how he wanted her to know!

"What we were discussing was Kaitlyn," he tried to get her to see sense. "She contacted me and I think she did this Ana. I want that bitch locked up and personally tortured. I want her dead for bringing you to this point." He could see Ana try to contend with that information and he realised it would take more than this to win her back. "If she did this Ana I will make sure no one finds her body! I just need to find proof that she did this. "

"I don't care who did this," Ana whispered at the man that she loved with all her heart and soul. "I don't care who did this now it's done! Finding who did this is the least of worries because it changes nothing!" She shouted at him and looked at Taylor and Sawyer, "You can't do anything either but stare at me!"

"We will get who did this and we will fix everything," Christian was once again grappling at straws.

Ana took in a deep inhale, feeling the knife pushed against her already painful neck. "We are not living a fairytale, Christian. This isn't some fucking spell! This is for life. I am like this for life! Finding the person behind this doesn't change that!" She shook her head in disappointment at Christian's hope. "I will always be the beast in this story. Why can't you see that? I am nothing more than that anymore!"

"Never," Christian whimpered as his own pain began to exceed their boundaries. "You'll never be that when I want you to live with me, Ana. I want you to grow old with me. Ana, I want my life with you. I don't want you to end your life. I want to show you off as the woman I love," Christian tried to bargain with her using his hopes and dreams for their future together as his tool to do so.

"Don't even bother trying to cover it up and make me feel better," she tried to get him to stop, her sarcastic wit catching on evilly. "I know what everyone is thinking. What everyone wants to say to me. I know what I look like, Christian!" She shouted at him and her hand began to shake even more violently as he stood against her jugular. "I know I am a beast now and I know that no amount of surgery is going to change that!" She slumped against one of her sobs, "I'm nothing but, a laughing stock and I won't ever establish myself in my career. I won't be beautiful enough for that! I won't fit in anywhere! I'm not made for this life anymore, Christian. I don't think I ever was."

"Please," Christian begged, crying himself. "Ana, don't do this. You've got it all wrong. You heard something that isn't about you and you are taking it too far now."

"Taking it too far?" She asked him, her eyes going wide with the panic that he was guilt tripping her. "My best friend won't come near me. My parents have just stopped coming by. Your mom doesn't even come near me either and you," she sobbed out and heaved on her inhale, "You want me to be locked up in Escala. No one wants to see me," she cried out as her legs buckled and her hand just tightened on the handle of the sharp blade. "No one wants to look at me anymore so why don't I just make it easier for them to live with?" She asked, her question empowered by her raw emotions. "If I die no one has to have a guilty conscience for making up reasons to not look at me!" She gave a few short breaths, "I don't see it taking it too fucking far!"

"You are," Christian argued back, hating that it had gotten to this point. He had been so consumed by Kaitlyn he had neglected Ana and guiltless done so. "I don't want to lose the only woman I want to marry and have a _family_ with."

"No," Ana took that comment hate. "I won't be a beautiful bride," she cried out, pressing the scalpel closer into her skin drawing yet more blood, "I won't be someone's gorgeous mom. I'll be a monster! I can see it now, my own child crying at the sight of me and claiming me to be one of the monsters from under its bed! It'll grow up ridiculed because of me." She was letting her woes come unravelled now and she didn't care about anything, "I'll only ever love it but, I can tell they'll suffer because of me, because of the mess I am!"

"That won't happen," Christian disagreed with her profusely. "I wouldn't let it."

"I won't ever be beautiful again," she sobbed and felt her legs bend as they weakened under the weak of her body and her misery. She began to sink lower to the floor.

"Baby," Christian took a step forward but, he saw that Ana just pressed the scalpel closer to her neck. "Please, Ana."

"Just let me do the right thing," Ana begged him and pressed harder. "Just let me do this for me, for everyone. Let me go."

Christian felt like his heart had been torn from his chest, ripped through his ribcage and was being torn to shreds by the wild animals that were Ana's grief and sorrow. He wanted to save her but, she was too far gone for him to do so. He apparently could beg, cry for her, try and give her hope of a future with him but, it didn't work. It was no good. The moment he saw the blood begin to fully trickle down her neck he knew he was too late to save her. Even as she cried against the blade that she felt was her key to exiting her pain, she still pressed it harder and harder.

Christian couldn't cope anymore. His last sight of her was her ending her life and his and the last noise was her sobbing as life allowed her to get lost.

Dropping to his knees, Christian felt like he couldn't breathe. She wanted to die, he wanted her to live but, his love didn't seem to work. How could he make her unhappy by just loving her? She couldn't see what he wanted with her and she thought it was all a lie. His truths were her lies and he had pushed her further over the edge. His life was ending alongside hers.

Even more so as he heard the scalpel finally fall and clatter against the floor.

Ana was finally silent.


	16. Claim to Grief

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_SURPRISE UPDATE ATTACK! Did you expect this? ;) I hope you enjoy and THANK YOU for the amazing response!_

_Song: __**Bastille – Oblivion**__... It goes perfectly with this chapter and the last but, has been a constant source of inspiration throughout writing this story and will, I hope, be a constant inspiration for me._

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Sixteen_

* * *

Daring himself, Christian slowly began looking up. His heart suddenly burst in his chest, galloping, palpitating away. He had to look at her. He had to see what she had become. He had to torture himself and know he was just too late. He near enough felt himself die again at the sight before him.

Ana wasn't dead. She was far from it.

There hunched on a spot on the floor, alone, was Ana. Her body jumping and shuddering with her silent sobs. The scalpel fallen to the floor only mere feet away from her body. She hadn't gone through with it and as much as the heavenly angels wanted to open up and start singing, Christian didn't know if his mind was grieving too heavily already and was tricking him into seeing her alive.

He was scared to blink in case the sight before him would be one of her laying on the floor, her throat slit after her every intention was to do so. He was terrified to do that but, when neither Taylor nor Sawyer dragged him from the room he knew the sight was all too real.

His angel was alone and crying out heavily before him and he was wondering if his eyes were toying with him.

He had to be with her! He had to show her that she was not alone.

Without any other thoughts, he crawled towards her on his hands and knees, not caring how ridiculous he looked. The moment he could, he carefully placed his hands on her arms, mindful of her wounds, and unravelled her body.

The face that looked at him, as beautiful and wounded as it was, looked marred with even more grief but, most of all, the regret her large blue eyes were highlighted with was heart wrenching. The tears that were coursing down her face were just spiked with remorse and shame and he just couldn't believe that she was still here with him, breathing.

"You're alive?" He asked her in utter disbelief as if this were a mirage. A beautiful hallucination brought on by bereavement. She nodded slowly and again she allowed herself to mourn her prior actions. She broke down and cried because of every single pain she was suffering and to top that all she was disappointed in herself for going to such an extreme length.

"I'm so sorry," Ana sobbed against Christian's chest, her hands reached up to claw at his shirt and grip onto them as if he were the one to redeem her for her preceding sin. "I'm so sorry, Christian. S-so sor-sorry. I-i tho-thought I-I was do-doing th-the rig-right thi-thing."

"Shh," Christian calmed her, "I can't believe you went that far and I would do anything to stop you doing that again. I would even cut my own face to show you that I don't care. I just don't care." He cupped her face, his fingers on the left splaying out around her deep gash on her cheek. "I would do that. I would be scarred for the rest of my life for you, Ana. Do you not see that?"

Ana just flared her nostril, her body and mind in the middle of a break down and as Christian's eyes became hooded with his wounded feeling she only sunk deeper.

"How could you be so stupid to try that?" Christian asked her. It was now his turn to speak. "How could you fucking think I would be happy with you doing that?" He asked her and he wanted to shake her and waken her up to the truths around her. "Do I look like a happy man who just thought the love of his life had killed herself in front of his eyes?"

"No," Ana whispered back, her eyes stuck staring at his.

"It's because I'm not Ana!" He exclaimed at her, his anger breaking his control barrier. "I'm not happy right now and I won't be happy until you are. I want you to see what I see when I look at you. I don't see a monster; I don't see a fucking beast. I see the woman I love. I only ever saw the woman I loved. I don't see what that _monster_ did to you. I see passed these." He told her and turned her head slightly to survey the wound to her face.

Ana closed her eyes as he did so and she was scared that even his words wouldn't stop his true feelings from flying free. She felt his hand loosen as he ran his hand up her face and she did let herself cry a little more.

"They don't make you, who you are," Christian whispered and as he turned her head back to him she allowed her eyes to open again. "They don't make you my Ana. You make my Ana." He watched the tears crystallise along the lids of her eyes, "How could I ever not love you?"

"I'm damaged," she tearfully cried at him, her eyes crying because she felt beyond repairable right now. All she wanted was to be fixed. "I feel I don't deserve love anymore, Christian. Look at you and look at me," she tried to convey her point.

"I have my own scars," he reminded her, giving a small, mirthful smile to try and ease her mind. "Each and everyone you love as if they were beautiful."

"They are," Ana rested her hand to his chest, staring at his chest as if she could see through his clothes and at his bare skin. "They're the most beautiful part of you, Christian. They exude strength and everything you've been through. My survivor," she breathed out the final sentence. Looking up at him, she saw the way he was staring at her. She sounded like a hypocrite after that. "Yours aren't like mine."

"No, they're more rewarding of courage and bravery," Christian praised her immensely.

Ana snorted, "I tried to kill myself. How can you say that to me? I tried to take a cowards way out and you're praising me. I'm a weakling, Christian."

"No, you're a woman who is living in the aftermaths of an inhumane attack. You are dealing with so much and it's still fresh. You are not supposed to be feeling amazing and like everything is going to be okay. You're allowed to break down. You're allowed to be weak in the face of this right now."

Taking in a heavy inhalation, Ana was terrified of the future. Not for her scars but, of Christian's opinion of her. "I didn't want to disappoint you."

"And you haven't. I'll admit I have never been that scared to lose you but, you needed saving. I plan to do that when you feel alone and can't cope. I am always going to be here, Ana. I mean every word I tell you. I won't lie to you. You know how I feel about liars. Lying is for cowards. You were desperate to make everything right."

"What about what you said earlier to Taylor and Luke," she hiccupped as she sat remembering his words. "It sounded like you were talking about me."

Christian couldn't resist the laugh he released, "Kaitlyn is back for real." He saw Ana look at him in horror and he could see the conspiracy piece together that she was the most likely of candidate who had something about Ana and Christian. "She contacted me and I want her out of my life now. I want her locked away and gone for good. I want to end her," Christian bit the last few words with unbelievable amounts of anger and putrid hate.

"Oh," was all Ana could say and her depressive state just claimed her more. How could she have been so stupid? The man she was in love with loved her just the same amount. There was no denying that now. It was those thoughts that spurred her to ask him a heartfelt question. "Can you really love me?" Ana whispered her plea, beseeching for truths wherever she could find them.

Reaching up, Christian took the white gauze covering her cheek and let it drop to the side. He placed a hand to the side of her face, his fingers edging around the wound. "I will always love you, Ana. There's nothing not to love. Those scars are beautiful because they are a part of you." He let his tears run free, not caring for them right now, "I know it's going to be hard for you to get over this but, I will be with you every step of the way. It's you I love. I love you for you, not for what you look like." He was repeating his words from earlier like a well constructed manipulative eulogy but, he had to give her his heart however many times necessary.

"I'm scared you'll wake up one day and see you are actually only loving a beast," Ana spoke lowly of herself but, with the scars on her face she knew she was ugly.

"You'll only ever be my beauty," he told her and gave her a smile. "The beast here is the doubt you're feeling. You'll always be my beautiful Ana if you keep smiling. Baby, your laughter has brightened my life and just having someone like you want me has made me see that there is more to life than physicality." He could see he was only cracking the surface of the problems that now sat between them but, he would do this for as long as necessary. "You gave me my heart remember?" Christian told her and smiled at her.

Ana just bobbed her head up and down at him.

"I want to grow old with you, Anastasia. I don't care about anything but, you. I want to see if you every morning for the rest of my life. I want my first hello to be yours and I want my last goodnight to be to you. No one else has made me feel like that and no one will ever do that to me. You mesmerise me, you beguile me, you love me."

"Me too," she agreed to his every whim and word and cried again. "I feel the same, Christian. I re-really do."

"Good," he told her and using his hand on her right side, he pulled her in and for the first time he committed to the first kiss they had shared since this happened. He didn't just fuel the kiss with the need to shut her and her new insecurities up. He kissed her with the passion and lust of a man that had lost everything and was willing to kiss death to bring them back.

As he pulled away he knew he had to get her some medical help. She wasn't strong enough for this anyway and yet she had escaped watchful eyes and tried her body with burning through so much adrenaline. However, Ana near enough curled into his lap and held him close to her body.

Christian was aware of the door opening but, he didn't tear his attention from Ana.

"What's going on in here?" She whispered to Taylor after seeing Christian and Ana on the floor, bodies now melded as one.

Taylor gave a sympathetic smile before he spoke, "Ana tried to_ kill _herself." He whispered it so not to reawaken what Christian had just calmed down. "We seriously thought she was going to do it."

Grace felt her own grief bubble up in her, and she felt her eyes water. "H-how?"

"Scalpel," Taylor muttered and he heard Grace gasp knowing she had seen the partially blooded scalpel on the floor. "She was pressing it to her neck but, apparently seeing Christian break down stopped her."

"I'm going to go and get a blanket to cover Ana in and get someone ready to tidy this room up," Grace fled the room before she could break down entirely. The moment she was out of the room, she stood with her back flush against the wall and just cried out. She knew Ana wasn't coping she never expected it to get to this point.

Taking a cleansing breath in deep to her lungs, Grace wiped her eyes and went in search of a blanket.

Going back into the room she found Christian was literally cradling Ana who had cut her crying short of sobbing and was just seeking solace from his touch. The moment Christian looked up at her with terrified eyes; she went over entirely to the pair.

Grace wrapped a blanket around Ana and allowed Christian stood up and scoop her up into his arms. He didn't start the journey back to Ana's room until she rested her head to his shoulder, her arms looped around his neck for support.

As they neared her hospital room he felt her grip tighten on his clothes again, her body tensing up and he tried his all to calm her back down.

He knew she was terrified of the repercussions that were going to be waiting for her.

After all, you don't try to commit suicide and go on your merry way.

She felt like she was becoming Anastasia Steele, the clinically insane.

If she was a danger to herself, what else was she capable of?


	17. How Strong You Are

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So the original chapter 17 I did got bumped and I've gone all crazy with the chapters I've done and what not... BUT I got this done so woo to hoo with an update before I have to go to work... My LAST shift for two weeks – how lovely! _

_THANK YOU for the amazing response to the last few chapters – don't expect an easy ride but, do expect intensity of ALL measures ;)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Seventeen_

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"Did they tell you how long I was going to be on suicide watch for?" Ana asked, praying that she was going to get some good news and not just more repercussions of her stupid actions. She hated this. God, how she hated this.

Flynn kept his distance from Ana, sat in a chair by her bed as she lay back hooked up to an IV and feeling more mournful to her actions than ever. "I'm afraid, Ana, that I can't put a limit on it."

"But you're my therapist," she stated hoping that fact would get her some leeway. "If I'm on suicide watch I'll never get out of here. I don't want to be trapped here forever."

"It won't be forever, Ana. It's a precautionary thing we have to do in order to make sure you're safe," Flynn told her with ever growing concern. "It was a stretch to allow you to have the IV tubing put back in but, your physical health is as important to us as your mental health."

Ana just licked her lips and nodded. She might have placed a scalpel to her throat but, she could honestly not think of anything worse than tying the tubing around her neck and finding a way to strangle herself. She had made a mistake. She had done it on impulse and now everything around her was apparently an aid to her suicide.

She could get angry but, she was the one that had led them to taking extreme measures to protect her from herself.

"Grace is leading your watch," Flynn admitted and immediately saw Ana relax and gain a little more acceptance. "It's a little more unorthodox for her to do so but, between your surgeon, Grace and I we all know she has your best interest at heart. You're in the safest hands with her around."

"That's how I felt when they brought me in," Ana whispered and then rubbed her forehead to try and just comprehend what was going to happened in the next few days. Whilst Grace had tended to her wounds, she had watched a nurse take from her room everything she could use to hurt herself and now she was left with practically nothing in the room. Half of the stuff she didn't even have a clue how to kill herself with.

Maybe she wasn't as desperate as she had first thought.

"You're looking a little distant," Flynn cut into her thoughts and she looked at him slowly. "What's on your mind?"

"How much effort it feels to try and kill myself," she admitted softly to him and bit her lip nervously, scared that one of these moments she would say the wrong thing and get detained for the rest of her life. However, Flynn remained silent and contemplative as he silently coerced her to continue, "Want to tell me what you were feeling when you ran to that room?" Flynn asked, knowing that Ana to confront her issues and start to confront some of her demons.

"I felt alone," Ana whispered and sniffled as her fears began to rise up. "My parents weren't here, my friends weren't, and with Christian, it felt like he was growing further away from me. I just felt like if I wasn't here anymore it wouldn't be a problem."

Ana looked up and over to Christian as he stood outside talking to his mother and her vision swam in front of her eyes, her nostrils flared to cull the tears and stop them from falling into their individual free falls. He had admitted everything to her. He had told her what her parents were lovingly doing, she had found out that Kate wasn't dealing and Elliot was trying to form some way to get her to see sense. Mia was unable to get back for at least another day and Grace was still, primarily, a paediatric doctor first.

Everyone had valid reasons but, Ana had failed to think rationally and see them. Now she felt stupid and embarrassed.

"Can we, erm, can we move on?" Ana asked and knew that Flynn would mentally jot this down as something to go back to on a later date.

"Sure," Flynn agreed with ease. "How do you feel about the surgery in a few days?" Flynn asked and he could see fear literally detonate in Ana's eyes. "I see it scares you," he assumed loosely and she looked down, literally affirming his suspicions. "What scares you?"

Ana wrung her hands together nervously, "The entire thing. I don't like the idea of going under. I mean anything could happen and I wouldn't get a chance to make it right. I hated how I felt when I woke up the other time. I'm scared to feel it again." She admitted all of those freely but, the last claim hurt the most, "What if it fails?" She asked, her eyes wide with sheer fear as she looked up at Flynn. "What if it's all for nothing?"

Flynn's gaze had to soften, "Everything is worth a try once isn't it?" He asked her and saw the she saw sense in his words. "If this works, even if just a little, you'll heal with a slightly more minimalistic scars than before. Isn't that worth it?"

"I'll still have scars," she feared and began to cry. "I know everyone is here to help but, I will still have to live with scars. It terrifies me to be left with them and to get rid of them." Ana hissed with confusion, her hands threading into her hair, pushing it out of her face completely. "I feel so lost still at what would be the right thing to do."

"Understandable," Flynn countered and sat up straight ready to divulge some more information. "Christian has been researching every opportunity he gets and he has lists of people who are willing to help, but until you're ready and don't feel pushed he isn't going to mention it to you," Flynn alerted Ana sensitively.

"What?" Ana asked confused, "What has he found?"

"When you're healed you'll be more eligible to scar revision," Flynn began and leant forward, elbows to knees, hands clasped together. "It's basically scar reduction. It's not always a direct cure but, the outcomes are usually extraordinarily successful. Patients have barely any scarring left and they feel like they can live again. Christian has been in contact with a few people that are willing to fly in."

"I won't get made to do it will I?" Ana asked with trepidation, because as much as she wanted it, she knew it would kill her to be forced into it. "They all said I would be me even with scars."

"He has people on standby," Flynn stalled her worry, "He isn't doing anything until you give it the green light. He won't force you or make you feel like you have to do it. If after the newest surgery you want to go through with it after your recovery then they will come here for a consult."

"Okay," Ana breathed out trying to calm herself. "Is it right that I feel so confused right now, John?" Ana asked and her voice shuddered a little, "I don't want scars but, I don't want the get them removed to just be accepted. I don't want to feel like I _have _to get rid of them." She let tears fall then at how lost she felt, "But I don't want to be an outcast forever."

"Ana, you do not have to do anything to please the world," Flynn told her softly. "You do not have to do this for anyone but, yourself." He watched her nod in agreement, "I, personally, think you're strong enough to take on the world scars and all because I know you're that type of person. I know I only met you a few times before this happened but, I have studied people and their behaviours my entire career. You will get through this and you will make something amazing from it," he told her, profiling her in his mind as he spoke. "Ana, you won't let this destroy you. I know you don't see that right now but, there will come a point when you know if you want to be an inspiration or not."

"I'm not one if I'm trying to commit suicide," Ana fought back, hating the memory in her mind and the words on her lips. "How can I inspire people when the moment I got a chance I just wanted to cave and give in?"

"Because you stopped," Flynn said and watched Ana look at him in shock. He noticed she started to breathe heavier, her eyes going to search Christian out just outside her room. "What's wrong?"

Ana bit her lip before speaking, "That doesn't really make me strong does it?"

"Yes, it does. There was something bigger in you that stopped that inner need to just die. Something stopped you from going through with this entirely. That shows strength," Flynn spoke with his personal perspective.

"Christian," Ana said with a wistful smile and then her smile trembled and she began to cry heavily. "He loves me regardless of this and I can't, I just can't believe it's true. How can he love me when I'm just proving how weak I'm becoming?"

"Ana, don't push for anyone but you with this," Flynn sympathised and even though he was trying to support her, he could see that she was darkened ghost of herself. "You start to do that and you'll only find yourself wanting to escape."

Ana just nodded, unable to find anymore words. Everything that had occurred, everything she had done had finished her and she was ready to say goodbye to today and wake up in the morning to a brand new day. Maybe if she tried hard enough she could out sleep her recovery.

A wishful thinkers dream wasn't going to save her.

Flynn cleared his throat, "I think we're done here for today, Ana," Flynn told her and stood up, giving her a smile. "I will be back tomorrow but, I think you've had an exhausting day." He sat on the bed for a moment, "Even though you are seeing me tomorrow, if you need me, for anything, call me. I will listen to you always."

"Thank you," Ana whispered and allowed the doctor to go and even though she felt like a major weight had been lifted from her and in turn she felt exhaustion. She looked up just as Christian came into the room. "You do know I'm sorry right?"

"Ana, I know," he replied and sat on the bed with her. "You don't have to keep looking for my forgiveness. I'm here and I'm ready and willing to help you." Christian took her hands in his and held them tightly, "You do realise that right? You do know I am going to be here through thick and think. I will be here for every single moment of this."

"I know," Ana smiled and closed her eyes and was silent for a moment. She just let the tears fall and she just let Christian's words snake into every membrane of her brain and work as a way to numb ever malignant influence.

"You okay?" He asked her, worried at how silent she had become suddenly. Then he remembered that Flynn had just left and he knew from personal experience just how exhausted he felt after a session with the good doctor.

Opening her eyes, she just nodded at him, "I just want to sleep," Ana admitted feebly. She wiped her face free of the tears knowing that life right now was going to keep feeling like an uphill battle until she faced every single one of her demons – and there was a lot of them she had to get through.

Getting up off the bed as she began to lay down, he helped her. "You don't have to fight the world alone, Baby," Christian solemnly vowed as he lifted the sheets to allow her to lie down. He went to sit down and felt Ana grab his hand. Taking the notion to heart, he pulled his chair as close to the bed as humanly possible and looked into her wide, doleful eyes intently, before repeating his own forlorn pledge, "I won't ever let you fight this world alone."

As she closed her eyes, she tried to believe that and take it to heart.

But, she was the condemned one. Christian wasn't.


	18. How I Knew You Loved Me

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Sorry for the delay on an update! I've been busy all day =) But, here we are... update time! Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favourites =) You lot are amazing!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Eighteen_

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"She's gotten too deep," Grace spoke with Carla and Ray as they stood outside Ana's hospital room. They were watching in on their children as they slept soundly. "She cut herself quite deeply on her throat so she's back under observation there but, it's more her mental state we need to keep monitoring."

"I can't believe she would do this," Carla tried to stop herself from crying as she spoke those words.

"Ana wasn't thinking rationally. She already regrets doing it and she has already taken responsibility of her actions and had a long session with Flynn. He's going to come by every day whilst she is here and then he is going to help with the transition once we get Ana home." Grace was the first to jump in and defend Ana, "She felt like she was very alone. You two weren't here, I wasn't either because I was up on Paediatrics, Kate hasn't been by. Christian has been stuck trying to find a motive and evidence to get Kaitlyn convicted. She felt alone and thought she would grant us all a free pass. She see's that was wrong now."

She saw the same look on Carla and Ray's face that she had felt herself.

"C'mon, I'll tell you everything Christian, Jason and Luke told me," Grace said and guided Ray and Carla away from Ana's doorway so she didn't hear everything.

Hearing everyone leave, Ana rolled over to be met with grey eyes and she wanted to smile but, felt she couldn't. Like she didn't deserve to smile after everything she had done.

"Do they hate me?" She whispered her question at him and she could feel her tears begin. "My mom never raised me to be a coward and that's what I feel I've become. I'm scared of everything and everyone and all I wanted to do was just end it all. She didn't raise that daughter. Do they hate me, Christian?"

"No," Christian moved in then, grabbing her hand and taking it in his. "No, Baby, they're just upset right now."

"I'm turning into such a disappointment," she wallowed and sniffled on her tears. "I never wanted to be that. I only ever wanted to make them proud."

"You dropped the scalpel remember?" Christian asked her, pointing out that major detail. "You were strong enough to give up. You didn't commit to it. You didn't follow through on your suicide."

_Suicide_ – that one term alone rose fear in a person to immeasurable levels. Even thinking about it now, Ana wanted to take the easy route out but, she had too much to live for. She had too much of a prospective life with Christian to give up so easily.

And if Kaitlyn was the culprit to this then she didn't want her to win.

"I feel like a letdown," Ana whispered at him, her fingers tightening their grip a little onto his.

"I know it's hard but, you can't keep bullying yourself over this, baby. What's done is done and we can only decide how we move on from it all. In my mind, you didn't go through with it. Therefore, you didn't sin, you weren't a letdown. You showed me you didn't want to do it when you dropped that damn scalpel."

"I saw you fall to your knees like I had already done it," she confessed, staring at him to gauge his reaction. "I couldn't do it. I saw what I was doing and I realised you loved me, Christian. You wouldn't have reacted like that otherwise." She looked at him and saw how much his love was woven into his expression like a rich tapestry. He meant everything he did and she hoped he felt the same when he looked at her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Christian replied with ease. "What do you want to ask?"

"How did you know I loved you?" Ana asked, her hand still in his, her eyes dropping down to look at them.

"Remember when you found out I had been stalking you, for better use of the word, in that bar?" Christian asked, dragging up a memory from the first few months of months of their relationship. "And you tricked that guy brilliantly?"

Ana giggled her first real giggle since this happened as she remembered that day. It wasn't a complete Ana laugh but, Christian would take what he could right now.

"_Is this wise?" Taylor asked as he sat with his boss in a bar, trying to look inconspicuous in the crowd. "I mean, she loves you and trusts you, why can't you just do the same?"_

"_Because I just want to be sure I'm not setting myself up to be a fool here," Christian replied, scared of a bad outcome._

"_Ana isn't Kaitlyn," Taylor pointed and saw that Christian understood that but, found himself in too deep to just back away. "I hope this works out how you want it too and you're put on your arse for being a secretive bastard."_

_Christian offered a grin but, only because he did have faith in Ana not to break his heart. He had never classified himself as a class A stalker but, since a messy break up he found himself compelled to do so. However, watching Ana out on a night out with Kate and Elliot was proving entertainment. After being cheated on once, he knew this was the only way he would know if Ana was serious about her love for him. He just hoped she didn't hate him for it._

"_Hi I'm Steve," Some random man said as he stood next to Ana._

"_Hi, I'm not interested," Ana said and turned on her stool. God, why did Kate run off with Elliot?_

_Apparently Steve didn't know when a girl was turning him down because he walked to Ana's side. "C'mon on, Sugar, what's your name?"_

_Rolling her eyes, "Ana," she told him with the most uninterested tone possible. "I'm kind of busy here."_

"_I saw," he laughed. "Girl, you sure know how to occupy a bar." _

_Ana groaned, picked her drink up and down so more alcohol to numb herself from this guy's idea of flirting. It worried her what men actually classified as flirting in their minds. "Are you going to let me get on with, you know, occupying the bar?"_

"_With my company," he told her with a smirk. "That's the only way I'm going to leave, princess. When I see something I like then I have to go for it. I don't let it stray."_

"_Right," Ana told him, spinning the glass around in her hand thoughtful. "So not only am I now a thing, you did just compared me to something that would stray. Kinder like a dog!" Ana sarcastically retorted and laughed. "You really know how to woo a woman."_

"_Hey now, lady, that's not what I said," he backed off as he realised she was feistier than she looked. From afar she looked timid and tame, a shy brunette. Up close and personal she was a bit of a cat. "Go on, just give me a chance. I'm pretty sure I could rock your world."_

_Ana scoffed – there was no way he could do such a thing. "Okay, Steve, let me run this show."_

"_Oh an independent woman is such a turn on," Steve rubbed his hands together in glee. "Okay, gorgeous, have some fun."_

_Ana smirked, deciding to play this with perfected sexiness and utter calmness. She knew what she was doing and she was going to enjoy it. Grabbing a piece of ice from her glass she banged it onto the sides to rid of alcohol and then began to suck on it, smirking to herself at what was to come._

"_Damn girl that is hawt," the creep began to speak watching her then run it down her neck as if to cool herself down. She then dropped it into the glass of ice and stood up. Steve thought he was getting lucky._

_Licking her lips in anticipation, Ana stepped forward, "You seem like a nice guy, Steve but," she didn't say thing, she merely grabbed a hold of his penis and balls so hard his face contorted as she robbed him of his manliness in one swift grab. "I'll let you know that I am no man's idea of a one night stand and you won't be the lucky first."_

_Steve just made a gurgling noise as he tried to beg her to let him go. He was losing dignity with each breath his struggled to inhale._

"_My man's in this room watching right now and I hope he saw all of this," she released Steve's manhood and allowed him to fall into one of the bar stools. She patted his cheek and smirked, "Now, be a good sex pest and watched what is never going to be yours walk away."_

_With that she walked away knowing that there were a few sets of eyes on her now. She didn't care about them; it was Christian she was more concerned with and she could always feel his eyes on her. It sent a sensual rush through her body and made her feel strangely aroused. Now she wanted to get home and sober up the way her man always made her._

_As she entered into the night air, she felt the alcohol in her system take full effect on her and she decided to be sensible and wait on a cab. However, it seemed someone had different ideas. Being pressed against the wall, Ana remembered looking at those grey eyes and greedily getting lost in them. All she could read was a man who claimed a woman as his._

_He'd seen it all apparently._

Ana couldn't resist resting there with her eyes closed, remembering the way he kissed her. The force of it was severe and overpowering she felt the air literally sucked from her lungs with it. Her heart ballooned and blossomed and she knew what she had done had been the best show Christian Grey had ever had in his life.

What he didn't seem to realise was that she would do it to every man. She was in love and no man was going to change that opinion.

"I knew I loved you from that first day," Ana whispered and finally opened her eyes to stare at him. "I knew from the way you said my name that I simply couldn't just let myself walk away."

Christian smirked, "Anas_tasia_." He said applying the emphasis onto the last part of her name. He leaned in and took her hand, "You do know we have so many memories like that to make right?" He asked her, "I'm not done with you. A lifetime with you isn't nowhere near long enough, Ana. I won't ever bore of you or your beauty." He knew the doubt in her mind would take more than a few loveable anecdotes to get rid of but, Christian was only speaking from his heart.

"I wish we had shared all this before now with our family," Ana told him sorrowfully wishing that the joys her and Christian had shared together had been well known.

"Me too, baby. Especially with Kate because that girl can't cope with lies," Christian joked with her. He hated that Kate was so distant and with it Elliot but, he had to believe that she would be coming by soon and if not, then he was going to find her.

"I want to know something," Ana suddenly spoke up, her tone croaky and weary.

"What's that?" Christian asked, willing to answer anything. There were no bars on secrets now. He was done with secrets unless they were necessary – like when he was ready to pop the question to Ana.

Ana looked up with watering eyes, "Why isn't Kate here? I mean you said she knows so why isn't she here? I thought I was her friend. She should be here right now. I want to tell her everything but, I can't. I need my best friend."

There was an eight million dollar question – _Why wasn't Kate here?_


	19. Start Of Redemption

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Right, minor- MAJOR – issues… My laptop seems to be dying a slow and torturous death for me… Luckily I haven't lost any chapters thanks to an awesome first reader and a trusty pen drive! And my brother lent me his laptop… But if updates become sparse please know it's no fault of my own!_

_Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favourite… Please enjoy =)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Nineteen_

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Kate cleared her throat as she came to stand at Ana's new hospital room. She hated to see her best friend in this state. It wasn't right to see Ana so fragile and small when she was usually one of the biggest personalities once set free.

Gazing over Ana came face to face with Kate and at long last, Ana felt anger bubble in her body, souring her stomach with its torturous nature. She had been in this hospital now for four days and she hadn't seen or heard her best friend even in passing and the truth of the matter was it hurt.

Giving a smile, Kate spoke up, "I asked Sawyer if he could just give us a couple of minutes alone," Kate spoke nervously, pointing over her shoulder at the now vacant spot outside the room.

"Is that what you really want?" Ana asked feeling like her friend was only here because of being guilt tripped.

"Yes," Kate replied meekly, timid beyond belief. "I'm so sorry, Ana. I didn't mean to just disappear."

"Then why did you?" Ana asked her best friend. "I've been waiting for you to demand access into my room but, every time you just didn't turn up."

"Yeah," Kate laughed nervously. "I should have been doing that." She nervously pushed some hair behind her ear and tried to be okay with this. "Where's Christian?" She asked, wondering why Mr Egotistical wasn't occupying the room like he had every opportunity he could.

"Grace got him to go home. They're both coming back but, I wanted him to have a shower and get proper food. Grace was the only way to get him to do that," Ana told her and shrugged. "Plus I wanted some silence. I mean, I know Luke's outside but, I don't want him sat beside me just staring at me all the time. I just needed some-"

"Space?" Kate ended Ana's sentence and saw she got it right.

"Right," Ana commented and gave a small grin to her best friend. "I just feel like I should be feeling better or I should be able to feel like me," she dropped her gaze a little as she admitted this. "I don't feel like me anymore, Kate. I don't feel like I'm worth anything. I don't even know how long Christian's going to stick by me if I don't just stop acting this way."

"You think he'd run?" Kate asked, her tone dubious and she was just shocked. "That man would wait a lifetime for you, Ana. Even a blind man could see that."

Ana's bottom lip began to tremble, "I always had self image issues, Kate. You knew that but, with Christian, he attends big events. You've been to a few with him and Elliot but, what type of show is that going to be if he takes me with him?" She looked at Kate and it was as she raised her gaze the tears fell, "He says I'll always be beautiful to him but, how do I know he'll think that when I make him a mockery? I don't want to embarrass him, Kate. I don't want him to be laughed at."

"Oh Ana," Kate shuffled up the bed a little more. "He loves you and I'm pretty sure anyone who said other, even if they said one thing, he would bury them. People aren't going to talk," Kate tried to make light of the situation but, she knew how people's minds worked.

"The nurses here did it already," Kate whispered miserably.

"They did what now?" Kate asked in utter disgust. "I swear to God I will rip their faces off!"

Ana grabbed her hand harshly, "Don't. Grace said she had sorted it but, it hurt to know people are already discussing me." She then laughed a little at Kate being feisty with the nature of the matter. She knew this didn't emancipate Kate of her actions but, Ana was in no fit state to bare grudges and keep people at arm's length. "I'm so happy you're finally here," Ana admitted to Kate not ready for Kate to leave any time soon.

"You shouldn't be happy I'm here," Kate spoke with misery. "I've been an awful friend to you."

"Shut up," Ana tired quickly. Not sure how she was going to drum some sense into Kate and remain awake. She'd barely been awake but, apparently her body loved to conspire.

"I was jealous of you," Kate admitted ignoring Ana's plea for her to shut up, her voice lowering with how ashamed she was of her admittance. "I am still jealous of you. I just got swallowed whole by everything and I only knew to run."

That woke Ana up! Ana just stared at her friend, "You're jealous of me?" Ana asked with sardonic mirth, "You're jealous of the scarred girl. Sounds legit, Kate!"

"You were always prettier, more liked, more successful. I was always, always Ana's best friend. It's a title I love but, I have been jealous of you since we started college. You never understood how loved and liked you are and it never went to your head. You were just perfect."

"That isn't true," Ana fought back. It certainly wasn't any longer.

"Why didn't you just tell us about you and Christian? If it was the publicity thing we would have kept it a secret. We would have kept it quiet but, there wouldn't have been so many lies!" Kate exclaimed, begging for answers from her friend. It wasn't good enough coming from Christian. She needed Ana to tell her the reasons for why the secrecy.

Ana had thought over the reasons why they had kept the relationship so top secret. It was like it was some world ending news that would wipe out everyone's existent. In the grand scheme of things, Ana had come to realise that their reasons for hiding their relationships were pointless and not even as major as they had felt.

She could have proven her worth regardless of Christian's money and she would have dealt with the publicity by keeping Christian's head in the game. She proved that he could have a love life and a business life, making it public was just one more step forward for them. She wished they had caved long before that night.

"It felt right at the time," Ana admitted softly and she shrugged. "We were protecting one another and we fell into a comfortable way of life. We just never got the right opportunity."

"Didn't get the right opportunity?" Kate asked incredulously confused. "He came to enough galas and events alone. You could have gone public there!"

"It's not that easy!" Ana exclaimed forcefully and she felt the tension on her throat and she immediately placed her hand flat to it in order to self soothe. "We got comfortable and we never had a right time. I reached breaking point and left him when he didn't seem to want to out me. I was going to come home to you and down a bottle of wine and just fess up."

Kate gave a low laugh, "We would have made a right pair that night then," Kate grumbled and put her head so far down her chin was practically to her chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ana asked, her curiosity spiking and she saw Kate remain hesitant. "Kate, c'mon, what is?"

"We had a," Kate paused, trying to steady herself a little. She shook her head as if to limber up and then she cleared her throat, "Erm, I thought I was pregnant." Kate's shock was palpable and her eyes watered heavily, "Elliot packed up and left the moment I questioned it. I suppose he wasn't ready for that news. Like I am!" She exclaimed with a nervous fit of laughter, rambling and she faltered suddenly, "He came back an hour later, bags and all, with three different brands of pregnancy tests in hand. He found me curled up in the bathroom." She took in a calming breath, looked to her best friend and tightened her gripped around Ana's hand, "We had barely reconciled when I got a call about you. I needed you and you needed me apparently. I let that cloud the way I acted. Which wasn't acceptable I know that but, I just lost control."

"You thought you were pregnant?" Ana asked her friend, feeling a swirl of broodiness gather in her at the thought of it.

"Seems we all have our share of secrets," Kate tried to joke and shrugged and suddenly felt the room closing in on her. "That's for another day. What I want to know is what has your parent up in arms?" Kate asked and saw Ana shatter all over again. "Oh, Ana, what is it? Talk to me, please. Ana, I'm sorry but, please, Steele, what's wrong?"

"I tried to kill myself yesterday," Ana admitted with a feebly note to her tone and she heard the take back of shocked air from Kate. "One of my reasons for justifying my decision was because my best friend hadn't come near me." Ana didn't bother moving and she didn't dare herself to look at Kate. "I put a scalpel to my neck and caused more damage and the only way I snapped out of it was seeing Christian sink to his knees. I thought I would be doing everyone a favour but, he gave me a reason to think again." Finally looking into Kate's grief stricken expression, Ana felt her hands begin to shake a little, "I can't believe I tried to kill myself."

Kate could read the shock all over Ana – from the way she was to the tone of her voice – and she could see that what Ana had done was possibly marked as the worst thing she had almost committed to. Kate could feel her heart begin to race in her chest and she knew if she didn't watch out she would soon be having palpitations at the fear racing through her.

She was an awful friend and she had more than words to attempt to make things right with Ana.

And just like that Kate began to cry. She covered her face with her hands and just caved to everything she had been feeling. There was so much going on in the past few days that it all just got too much and she toppled. She fell into a pool of misery and all she saw was mistakes falling all around her.

"Kate, there's more here. What's going on?" Ana asked and admittedly she was thankful for this distraction.

Not moving her hands away entirely, Kate shielded her face away from Ana. "Everything's going wrong. This isn't supposed to be happening. I-I th-think Elliot and I are over and then I was confronted with this relationship you've been in and I saw how much Christian was in love with you. I was jealous that I have never felt that type of love from Elliot. Now it's all ending and I don't know what to do, Ana. Life is such a mess," Kate admitted sobbing into her palms.

Reading her best friend was one of Ana's best skills and she pushed herself up gingerly and reached for her friend's wrists. Pulling Kate's hand from her face, Ana could see her usually pristine best friend drowning in tears with mascara tracks streaking her face.

"I thought you were going to die," Kate admitted and remember the moment she received the call to say Ana was in hospital and she was plunged into limbo. Even when they got to the hospital there was all the mystery of Ana's survival and then when Ana's parents and Christian were forced to leave Ana's side, Kate had only imagined the most unimaginable outcomes.

"Well I haven't," Ana told her friend, being stern with her words. "I'm still here and still needing my best friend!" Ana felt her mood break, her eyes beginning to sting, "I needed you, Kate and you just weren't here. I thought I had done something wrong but, I didn't want to admit it was because you had met Christian and found out our secret."

"That was it but, I was a coward. When it all got too much I just ran. I didn't cope and all I've done is hurt you," Kate literally sat mourning her decision. "I know sorry isn't enough and I know I can't just take it all back," she released Ana's hand and wiped her face clear of tears and toughened up. "Time to get my war paint back on and tell bitches where to go."

Ana just giggled and felt more of her body and mind relax. Her family didn't really judge her or change towards her. She knew it would be a while until they were normal but, it would be a while before Ana felt and acted normal again.

She had to give them the benefit of the doubt here or lose them.

"You really are still beautiful, Steele. I mean that," Kate commented and took Ana's hand in hers. "I know whatever happens from here on out, you will make something amazing out of it. I know it's scary but, I can see you taking the world by storm."

"No one's going to trust a depressive," Ana sighed and wondered if she would be able to free of herself the derision she had created in life. "How is anyone going to take me seriously with scars on me, Kate? No one's going to take someone that attempted suicide seriously."

"No one has to know about that," Kate optimised and shook Ana's hand to make her look at her. "No one but, the important people need to know okay?"

Ana rolled her eyes as the tears began and she just nodded her head.

"Oh, there seems to be another world exclusive for me to tally up," a new voice spoke from behind Kate. "The press is going to just eat up your entrance to the limelight Ana, aren't they?"

"Who the hell are you?" Kate asked, defensively as she stood up beside Ana's bedside and crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't prepared for Ana to be put through more hell than she already had. Kate was here to redeem herself after all.

"Let me introduce myself," Kaitlyn commented as she stepped into the room, setting down her bouquet of flowers. "I'm Kaitlyn Brown."

Kate's eyebrows lifted up in shock, "And I think you're leaving." Elliot had told her all about Kaitlyn and why she was the reason for Christian's hesitancy to meet Ana and give love a shot.

Ana didn't know what to do. She was silenced and frozen to her spot on the bed. Hearing it fresh and in the room, Ana was thrown straight back to that darkened alleyway.

Every wound on her body now suddenly felt like it was on fire.


	20. Bitch's Paradise

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Still a laptop down but, still on my brother's laptop so there's a plus side eh? Not sure it'll be so good when my brother gets back from work and wants to nick his laptop!_

_Rant moment – to the guest reviewer who told me to basically make Ana happier and get over this. Why? It's been days since this happened, she is not going to be happy anytime soon after such a massive traumatic event happening. Don't expect it. I am a little sick of reviews and PM's telling me Ana's characterisation is basically too whiny and needs to just get over this… In reality that doesn't happen and I won't make my story unrealistic. I'm sorry for coming across bitchy but, I won't trample over such a delicate subject to appease people who can't log in. I will handle this story as realistically as possible until the end._

_Sorry for that, for now enjoy… and thank you!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty_

* * *

Kaitlyn's laugh stopped Kate in her steps, "Stop right there, Honey. Your guards down the way, so I had a free pass," Pursing her lips, Kaitlyn played with the buds on the bouquet she had brought. "I wasn't sure what flowers to get you so I brought you the ones that Christian always used to get me."

"How about I show you where to put those," Kate took a step forward, her best sarcastic bitch smile playing on her lips.

"Where might that be?" Kaitlyn asked sizing Kate up as she closed her arms over her chest and proceeded to drum her fingers along her arm condescendingly.

"I was thinking somewhere a little less," Kate paused, hummed for a second before finishing her sentence, "_Sunny_." Kate wasn't going to back down and right now she could see that Ana was not only silent but, terrified and she suddenly pieced it together. Christian hadn't been stupid when he had said Kaitlyn was behind Ana's attack.

"I'm sure," Kaitlyn remarked in a disdainful way. She gave a patronising smirk and turned her attention on Ana. "Have they said how scarred you'll be as a result of this inhumane attack, Anastasia? I would hate for Christian to have to feast his eyes on an imperfect beauty. I mean, after all, our man doesn't do well with scars."

"He doesn't care about them," Ana muttered back finding Kaitlyn the only person she couldn't give eye contact to.

"Oh, you poor deluded soul," Kaitlyn tried to offer same empathy but couldn't quite get passed the fake vibe in her voice. "We all know you're next in line to be booted out."

"Unlike you, I love him," Ana replied with strength in her tone and finally looked up at Kaitlyn. "I wouldn't cheat on him for sexual fucking gratification! I know an amazing thing when it is handed to me and I am lucky enough that he still loves me."

"I have a scar!" Kaitlyn suddenly exploded at the sound of those words. Her insecurities bubbled and burst. "Mine was hidden from plain sight but, he couldn't bear to make love to me. He was repulsed by it. Told me I just reminded him of his past. That's why I went searching for another man!" Kaitlyn told her, "You'll be the same soon, Ana. You'll be nothing but, a pest in his life and he won't wait to cast you aside for the next woman to warm his bed up."

"That's not true," Ana whispered, trying not to believe the words of the evil bitch before her but, Ana wasn't of a rational mind to deal with such convictions.

"No, it's not true," Kate spoke up, her tone light as she played Kaitlyn's enemy. Kate could always catch a fiend in a group and Kaitlyn was just glaringly obviously as pure evil. "Has he ever punched a wall because of the anger he feels at you being hurt? Has he ever thought he'd die if he'd lose you? And had he ever crawled onto your hospital bed when you were at your lowest and just held you?" Kate asked, "Hmmm?"

Kaitlyn remained silently belligerent for a moment. She stood watching Kate mulling over what she could well do to make her newest strike.

"Has he ever cried over you being in pain or did he just leave you the scarred little bitch that you are?" Kate questioned and was hoping that Kaitlyn would snap and give up a confession.

Apparently the rich bitch was much more cleverer than she looked.

"He did want to marry me," she tried to use that as her way of upping the ante.

Kate had to laugh, "Is that your_ best_ shot?"

"He wanted to marry me before the attack," Ana spoke up, still quite quiet, "Now he wants to go through with it." Ana looked directly at Kaitlyn, not witnessing Kate's fired up expression, "He loves me regardless of what you did to me."

"You've got no proof I did this, dear sweet, naive Ana," Kaitlyn said and went back to the flower arrangement. "I've only just gotten back from living in London with my fiancé," she held up her hand and wiggled her finger, "Who will vouch to whose bed I was at the time of your attack."

"Oh so you weren't sleeping around on him then?" Kate asked, intervening. "Only you're looking a little haggard around the edges so either that's from too much fucking or a guilty conscience."

"Jet lag," Kaitlyn defied with a humoured giggle.

"Of course, how silly of me and how silly of you coming back when you have fingers pointed on you're right now as a lead suspect," Kate chided as she stood her ground and Ana. "Walked right into this didn't you?"

"It's my mother's birthday at the end of the week. I am hardly going to pass that up," Kaitlyn strung out more lies to the pair. "You'd be surprised how much of Ana's attack is actually broadcasted. White, unknown, female found in the Seattle area fitting your description had my attention bought right away. Then they pegged an identity to you." She plucked a petal off one of the roses and rubbed it between her finger tips, "I'm surprised Christian didn't have you safeguarded from the publicity." She laughed and flicked the damaged petal in Ana's direction, "Obviously he doesn't care about you that much."

"It's public?" Ana gasped, trepidation of what the outside world already thought of her began to take her over like a volcano readying to blow.

"No it isn't," Kate fought back, defying that little false truth. "She's just trying to rile you up, Ana." Turning her fully fledged attention onto Kaitlyn, Kate had never been more disappointed in a person in her life. "You're finding this really fun aren't you?"

"Highly amusing," Kaitlyn agreed. "I just really came to find out what the hell Christian saw in little Miss _Scar-face_ and not me." She bit a little at her words as she spoke, "I mean she's not known, she was barely pretty before and now she's ruined." Kaitlyn laughed, she had researched Ana's history the moment she had walked onto the scene over a year ago. "Who in the fashion industry is going to look at a girl with masses of scars all over her bare skin and want to buy or sell her designs?" Kaitlyn laughed, "You'll make a mockery of everyone you'll go near!"

Kate let out a disbelieving laugh, "You're a joke, you know that? At least she isn't a trust fund kid which is all you'll ever be. Did daddy's money get you to London and back?" Kate asked not prepared for anything else to go against Ana. Looking to Sawyer over Kaitlyn's shoulder, Kate didn't say anything but, prayed he got the point she was making with her expression. He had to call Christian. He had to call Grace. He had to call whoever could get here fast enough. Applying her attention back to Kaitlyn, Kate noticed she had hit a spot, "You better watch out because before long Ana will be a name on everyone's lips and not because of her scars but because of her talent and you will regret the day you ever, and I mean ever, put your hand on that bottle that night."

"You gotta prove it was me, sweetheart," Kaitlyn scorned Kate with a deep drive of disparaging snobbery.

Sawyer now stepped into the room, shoulders set broadly, chest puffed out, "Mr Grey was already on his way back when I rang and doesn't, under any circumstance, want to see you near this room." He saw Kaitlyn look at him, "So I suggest you leave."

"Oh just drag her by that stupid weave, Luke," Kate waved the notion of mistreating a woman. "It'll do her favour to lose that scatty fake brown hair."

"I'm leaving!" Kaitlyn laughed but, stalled for a moment to look directly at Ana, "Oh, Ana, Ana, _Ana_, he won't want you now!"

"That's it," Sawyer growled, grabbed Kaitlyn in a way that could only be classified as man handling and marched her out of the room.

"I can get you done for this!" Kaitlyn exclaimed as Sawyer didn't let her go.

"Have fun trying," Sawyer muttered unhappily as didn't relinquish his hold on her.

Kate let out a feral growl and then turned to face Ana, "That little bitch needs locking up in a mental asylum and someone losing the key straight after." Dropping her attention from her anger fuelled at Kaitlyn, Kate noticed Ana's chest jumping with struggling breathing like she was choking. "Ana?" She asked rushing to her side. "What's wrong? Ana?"

"I can't breathe," Ana gasped, clawing at the bedding as flashbacks came at her full throttle. She wanted Christian here. She knew that flashbacks were probable. She had discussed them with Flynn but, seeing Kaitlyn had triggered her first major one. He won't want you now. He won't want you now. He won't want you now.

Kate looked around frantically, petrified for what to do. One the one hand she wanted to run from the room and beg for help but on the other, well there wasn't another! Ana was clinging on to Kate's hand whilst she struggled with her breathing.

"Ka-ate," Ana heaved on struggled breathing, her face reddening with the struggling of her breaths.

"Help!" Kate suddenly began to scream out. Not knowing what else to do. She was consumed with fear as she practically saw her best friend dying before her. "Help! Please! Someone help!" She looked back at Ana, her eyes watering harder, her vision becoming difficult. "C'mon, Steele, in through your nose out through your mouth. You know how to do that. Remember when we were jogging that time and we both realised how unfit we were and we ended up breathing properly like that. Do that for me now, please, Ana. Please."

Kate's rambling was sporadic and frantic but, she was trying everything she could muster.

"Ca-can't," Ana managed between her struggling breathing but, the lack of air was beginning to weigh heavily on her and she was readying to just close her eyes. The tears were now streaming down her face and she knew her minutes of life were limited.

"Yes you can," Kate pushed for Ana to hold on but, even as nurses streamed in she didn't move and she didn't give up on her best friend. "Please don't die, Ana. I don't want you to die. I have so much to make up for. Even just now I made you pity me. I don't need pity. I need to be a good friend. Please," Kate began to cry heavily as Ana was given an oxygen mask and the doctor came in. "What's wrong with her?" Kate asked and as she pulled away, Ana just tightened her hold. "She doesn't want me to leave her so stop making me damn move!"

It was futile as Kate found her taken from Ana's bedside as people rushed in and she was just left with Sawyer outside the room. She was shaking so damn hard she thought all of her limbs might disconnect from her body. The terror in her was overwhelming. Just a minute ago she had been defending Ana to Kaitlyn and now Ana was struggling with life.

"She'll be okay," Sawyer tried to stay strong but, in all the time he had worked for Christian and gotten closer to Ana, he hadn't seen her ill once. Now she was surrounded by hospital staff who were running in and out of her room like crazy.

"But she isn't right now!" Kate exclaimed and fell into Sawyer's arms. Both of them were at a loss right now waiting on news, waiting on hope.

"Luke! Kate!" Christian's voice forced the pair apart and they both turned to see Christian, Elliot and Taylor coming towards them. "What the hell happened?" Christian asked as he was prevented from going in. "How does Ana get into this state?"

Kate went straight for Elliot's embrace, "She was okay. Kaitlyn was here and Ana was fine. She was handling it but, then Kaitlyn said something before she left and it seemed to trigger something in Ana. By the time I turned back, Ana couldn't breathe." Kate was crying fully now, "They wouldn't let me stay in there! She wouldn't let me go but, they forced me out here!"

"Shh," Elliot said and held her closer to his body. "Shh, Kate, you need to calm down. Ana's in the best possible hands."

Christian began to pace, hands stuck to the back of his head, "I'm going to kill that psychotic bitch when I get my hands on her." He turned to pace back and on his fifth trip he saw his mother racing towards them. He released his hands and moved towards her instead of falling his ghost tracks. "Mom, I don't know what's wrong. None of us do."

Grace put her hands up to calm him, pushing him backwards towards Ana's room and the others. "I'm going in there now. I got a page a few minutes ago but, was with a patient," Grace spoke with an apologetic tone. "I will help her and find out what we're now dealing with." Grace then went to go into the room but, turned back, "Carla rang me. Her and Ray are on their way in. Keep them calm when they get here."

Letting his mom go to Ana when he knew he couldn't cut into Christian in ways that were inconceivable but, the moment he heard her command control the room he relaxed a little knowing Ana was in for the best possible care.

He quelled his pacing and took to standing watching Ana keep her eyes on Grace, plying full trust in her and one by one the nurses began to leave the room and not go back in. The moment his mother had Ana calm enough to allow her to leave, Grace went back to them and Christian felt ready to pounce.

"What's wrong with her?" Christian asked immediately, feeling Kate right behind him.

"It's nothing too bad," Grace gave her honest opinion. To her it wasn't the worse thing but, to someone without a medical degree under their belt any medical condition was severe. "By the looks of it an extreme panic attack hit which caused Ana's struggled breathing. She's just exhausted from not being able to inhale the right amount of oxygen." Grace looked back at Ana who she could tell was nearing the point of closing her eyes and resting, "She'll be on oxygen for a little while until she's calmed completely but, she's going to be fine." Grace grinned confidently, "To be honest, we needed to be ready for these attacks."

"It's normal?" Kate asked, the terror still in her.

"I'd even say perfectly normal," Grace opted to apply more positive on this. "Go in there, she's just a little worked up. She's fine."

Christian didn't need telling twice. He raced straight in, grabbing Ana's hand and bringing it to her lips and kissing her knuckles. "I'm sorry I wasn't here, baby. I'm so sorry," Christian cried at the love of his life.

Ana reached up and pulled the mask down a little to her chin, "You're here now." She gave him a smile as she spoke with laboured breathing and then moved the mask back to help her breathing stabilise more. "That's all that matters." Prolonging a blink she pulled the mask down again, "She said that sentence to me and I was just back there," Ana felt the dams burst and her tears were instantly smothered in tears. "It felt so real."

"Oh, Ana," Christian literally moaned in pain. Only able to imagine what she was going through. He just wished her pain was his. He could see that even though she was slowly breaking down she was ready to sleep and Christian merely kicked his shoes off and climbed onto the bed with her. Immediately she fell into his ready arms and found ultimate peace. "I love you, Ana."

"I love you too," Ana whispered back as she closed her eyes and tried to forget the nightmare she had just lived.

Watching his brother, Elliot felt a burst of envy grow in him. "I'm sorry I never made you feel that loved," Elliot whispered before kissing the crown of Kate's head.

"I feel it right now," Kate said as Elliot prevented her from collapsing at everything she had just witness. "I really feel it right now," she murmured as she turned in her boyfriend's arms and just buried her head into his chest.

Grace came back to see Elliot and Kate holding on tight to one another and when she walked in she saw Christian laying with Ana, soothing her enough to allow her to give into her newly found exhausted state.

She loved that two of her children were so able to be heroic but, she kind of wished her husband was around to be here. What she wouldn't do for a bit of support from Carrick right now even though she was at work.

As she turned around she saw her husband standing in the wings waiting to be her hero, a smile on his face.

"I just wanted to say how proud I am of you," He said resting the flowers on one of the chairs nearby and wrapped his arms around her.

Apparently love was enough to help anyone.


	21. To Do What's Right

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Another update! I hope to update tomorrow but, my brother's home tomorrow so either I can nick his laptop or mine will get fixed =) _

_Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-One_

* * *

"You know yesterday," Ana began to ask, "When I tried to you know?" She didn't want to verbal say 'I tried to commit suicide' because it only riled the guilt up in the pit of her stomach.

Christian gave a quizzical look, "Yeah?"

"It felt like I was running for ages," Ana admitted softly. She remembered seeing Taylor look at her, their eyes meeting but, she just ran as fast as she could until she saw a window of opportunity.

"You weren't," Christian countered with pain as he remembered her running. "Taylor doesn't understand how you got away so fast but, mom said it was probably the adrenaline and you then crashed and burned afterwards." He tried to keep strong by giving a small smile, "You know how much I love you right?" He asked, his eyes meeting hers.

"Yes," Ana whispered and she did know, she just didn't feel she deserved it any longer. Now in accordance to how she looked. She felt loved and worthless all at once and it scared her that the latter may well win.

"Good," he replied and allowed the silence to slip between them. He wouldn't press her to talk when she looked peaceful enough just sitting here silent and still.

Knocking on the door, Grace stepped in, "Not interrupting am I?" She asked and Christian shook his head and she came into the room fully, going for Ana. "Hey Sweetie," Grace said as she came to sit on the bed. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay," Ana smiled a little, trying to make her sentence believable. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Grace replied sweetly.

"Then why do you look so worried?" Ana asked and could feel herself getting worked up.

Grace sighed before she began, "I've been asked to come and discuss the surgery that you were listed for today, Ana," Grace said as she came into the room. She saw the alertness fire up in Ana's eyes and she just pushed through the moment with a smile, "Want Christian here?" She asked and Ana quickly nodded. "Well Doctor Marsden wants you down just after midday if you want to go ahead with it. He wants to reduce the thickness of the scar on your neck."

The first thing Ana thought was the first thing Ana asked. "Will it get rid of them all together?" Ana asked and failed at showing the inflection of hope that layered her tone and doused her soul.

Grace gave a sad smile and reached out for Ana's hand, "No amount of surgery is going to remove the scars completely, Sweetheart but, there are measures we can commit to that will enable us to reduce the amount of scaring and fade them from being as severe as they can be."

"What's this for then? If it doesn't get rid of them what is the point?" Ana asked as fear pricked across her in icy jabs, all of her hope was gone now, "What does it mean for me?"

Grace could see how lost Ana was with knowing what to do and what not to do and it pained her that she was so confused over what would, no doubt, benefit her in years to come.

"I'm not entirely sure what the procedure is but, the cosmetic surgeon of this hospital has brought in a colleague who works on scar reduction. He's looked over your file and is feeling optimistic that he had reduced the scar width on your neck and let it all heal together instead of cutting into healed skin on a later day."

Ana felt herself shake, "I don't want it," she immediately snapped. "I don't want more surgery." She had finally made the decision based upon the fact that whether she went through this or not she would be left with scars. She was forever going to live with damage to her body and she knew it would always rule her.

"Ana, have you thought about this?" Christian asked, unwittingly pushing her to think he wanted her to go ahead with the surgery.

"I don't need to think about it. I will be just going through this for nothing," Ana replied sadly, not seeing a need to subject herself to this when she would still wake up feeling like she did.

"That's not true," Christian tried to be the rational being between them.

"I don't want the surgery," she snapped and felt the tight of her words near enough feel like it were strangulating her. She could feel them begging to know why, "He'll see what I did to myself. I don't deserve to be helped to hide my scars!" Ana began to cry, placing the base of her palms to her forehead in growing irritation. "I don't want it! I just don't want it!"

"Okay, Ana, okay we won't force you," Grace stepped in, adding cold water to the fire that was firing up around Ana. "But please remember that no one will ever judge you for what you did the other day. You hit a rough patch. If anyone then the doctors and nurses here understand that the most."

"I just don't care anymore," she muttered and knew she had to protect herself from any more hurt if she could. She closed up then. She didn't look away from staring at her lap and when Christian and Grace left to be with the others she curled herself up and just lay silently still.

Ana lay there listening to them all discussing the surgery and she closed her eyes. In her heart she wanted them all to just love her for her – scars and all – but, in a rational part of her mind she knew that they would only ever see her as a victim if she didn't even give this ago. She didn't want to see that look in their eyes forever.

That was how she knew she would give anything to just give anything to have a normal day back in her life.

She would put every single ounce of self aside to just have them look at her like she was Ana again.

"I want the surgery," Ana called out and saw everyone look at her. "I want to go ahead with the surgery."

"Ana," Christian ran straight back it. "Is that what you want?"

"I can see it helping with all of this," she told her quietly and she sniffled on the thoughts in her head. Ones that were screeching at her this was a bad move, the ones fighting back that it was a brilliant idea. "I can see it helping with how I feel."

"You didn't want it done a few moments ago, sweetheart," Carla said as she came to her daughter's side. She could contain how elated she was right now. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I can only see working," she replied submissively and just wanted them to accept this change of plea, to make it happen and allow it to be over with. "I want to go through with it."

Everyone looked at Grace, seemingly willing this surgery to happen.

"I'll go and get the ball rolling," Grace commented and excused herself.

Even though no one verbally forced her, Ana was only doing this for everyone. She was grasping at the idealism of her past life, praying it was still hers to have but, she knew this wouldn't happen but, she had to give it a try. She had to try this to for their sake and hopefully hers.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Beauty and the Beast -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

When it came to taking her down, she only wanted Christian with her and, of course, Grace who followed down with them. She didn't say anything as she was pulled from her room, watched the lights above her move past her one by one and then felt the movement of her bed slowing.

"This is as far as you can go," one of the orderlies stopped Christian as they reached a set of wide doors with frosted panes of glass clearly illustrating that the operating room was on the other side.

She looked around, suddenly bursting with life. "Christian," Ana grasped for his hand, praying that her anxiety would keep him here. "Don't leave me." Hell, she wasn't just scared, she just wanted Christian to make a stand and realise she was now only doing this for everyone else and not herself.

Knowing his money wouldn't work here, Christian turned his anger towards comforting Ana, "Baby, be brave for me okay?" He asked her and hated seeing her crying all over again. "I will be right there waiting when you to wake up. We all will be. Then we can look at getting you home. You and I, we gotta start that life we set up. Can you be brave for me?"

"Yeah," Ana admitted and tried to calm herself.

"We have to go," the nurse beside Ana's bedside cut in.

"I love you, Baby," Christian managed to get a kiss before Ana was taken from him completely. He watched the doors closed, his Ana gone with the people who were going to make right of her injuries and hopefully alleviate the restraints on Ana's near enough non-existent self-esteem. He stood for a few moments unable to walk away. It was so different to the one the other day and only just down the corridor. Christian felt bemused how a hospital could look so different a mere few feet apart.

"C'mon," Grace suddenly spoke as her hand came to his shoulder. "Let's go and grab a drink. She's in good hands."

Looking at his mother, Christian allowed her to take him away but, not before he looked over his shoulder at the doors, hoping he would be somehow granted access to be with her.

However, he could never even imagine the turmoil Ana was feeling now she was alone with strangers. She knew they were helping her but, they were strangers and she was terrified of being mocked – verbally or mentally.

She just prayed this would be over and done with soon so she could be alone.

Ana hated being moved from her bed to the one in the operating room and she felt her chest constrict. She had been here days before and she had tried to kill herself. Sure it wasn't the same room but, she could only just feel herself being consumed with the memories. They swam and bit at her skin, trying to get her to cave to their power. Closing her eyes as she found herself being connected to a heart monitor again and a sheet was placed over her, Ana tried in vain to escape.

But it seemed she didn't have to worry as the surgeon spoke up first and made all the voices become forgotten for the moment. "I promise you, Ana, you are going to benefit from this," Doctor Marsden said as he came into view, scrubs on and a mask on his face but, Ana could see the optimism in his eyes. "Believe me you will see the benefits immediately."

Ana didn't say anything. She was frozen in this place – literally and mentally. How did she get herself here all terrified and alone? Oh yes, by being a martyr and doing things to suit everyone else! Just like you did with your relationship to Christian. You kept it a secret so he lived a pristine live. Now the whole world is going to know the most handsome, most richest and probably one of the most prestigious men in Seattle is dating nothing more than a scarred, depressed, suicidal loser.

It was then that she felt ready to fight back. Ready to say she didn't want this surgery but, it was too late. The ball was rolling and she had spent too long procrastinating to declare what she wanted. As she watched the anaesthesiologist bring the mask down to her face and tell her to count backwards from ten, Ana could only think between each new count about what life was going to be like when she finally made it home and this surgery was just a fail.

None of the thoughts were happy and the darkness that consumed her terrified her even more than ever.

She didn't want to live in that cloud forever but, at this rate it didn't seem to matter.

She was a victim for life.


	22. Lashing Out

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Another update =) To the guest review who ask if we were just getting Ana whining – yeah you are! Have some consideration for people who have been through this type of things. Traumatic events don't just disappear. – God I had having rants in AN! LOL_

_Anyway, THANK YOU and enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-Two_

* * *

"C'mon," Ana heard muffled in her ear. "C'mon, Ana, wake up."

Opening her eyes slowly, she saw Christian beside her to the left, Grace to her right and she took in a deep breath. It was over. It was all over. She just had to wait and see if it had been a complete success for her or if she was due a life so full of scarred tissues and damaged emotions. She took a few moments to gather her bearings she found it increasingly difficult to do so.

However the more she began to feel the fog lift from her mind she realised that everyone was around her bed but, it felt like judgement day as their eyes all bore into her. She tried to bring her hand up to massage her forehead but, found herself bound down.

Looking down in a panic, she saw padded cuffs on her wrist, tying her to the bed. She quickly looked to the other side and panic ensured for a rapid release. "Wh-what is this?"

"This is for your own safety," Christian spoke up first and looked at everyone before sighing. "This is to keep you safe from yourself."

"Keep me safe from myself?" Ana questioned confused, trying to rack her mind for answers but, all she could remember was seeing the mask come down onto her face and being asked to count backwards. That was it. She had slipped into a blissful oblivion and loved it. "Why are you doing this to me?"

She felt like she had been lulled into a trap. She had made the decision to go through with surgery just to alleviate how they looked at her and now she had woken up to find herself practically chained down and everyone looking ready to break around her. The tension was rife in the room it was almost suffocating. She felt so confused over what had happened and she didn't know what to do or say. Had they made her think she was having surgery but, really they just wanted her to be detained properly. They wanted her to feel like a cage animal and they and they had succeeded.

Grace cleared her throat, looked to everyone before turning her attention to Ana. "You went hysterical in the operating room as they were putting you under," Grace informed Ana and could see that Ana was having a hard time accepting her guilty actions.

"No," Ana shook her head disbelievingly. "No, I didn't. They put me under fine."

"No," Grace replied, covering Ana's hand with her own, "You had a panic attack just as they went to put you to sleep and you attacked a few of the people. You were sedated and brought in here." Grace could see the tears swimming in Ana's words and she hated the words that slipped from her lips, "You took a scalpel, Ana, and slashed a couple of the nurses across the face and arms."

"I didn't," Ana denied those claims and couldn't accept them as truths. She had literally become a beast in all sense of the word. "I would never do that. Why would I do that?"

"You had a panic attack, that's all," Grace let her know the truths of her reactions. "You did some pretty bad damage."

That caused Ana to literally explode. The mere thought of hurting someone like she had been hurt didn't even bear thinking about. "I don't want anyone to look like me!" Ana beseeched trying to get them to understand. "I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. I didn't do it. They're lying. I didn't do what they're saying I am!" She looked around as everyone remained silent on her and she just felt her chest restrict more with the uproar of dread. "Grace take these off of me, please. You're my doctor; you know I'm not dangerous. Please," Ana started pleading with the only person she knew to and she could see it wasn't working as Grace remained unmoved. "Why won't you help me?"

"I'm not your doctor anymore. You're too high risk for my training," Grace bailed on being Ana's lead doctor. "I'm sorry but, I've got to get back to my paediatric rota." She offered a sad smile and she could see Ana breaking down even more. "Listen to the doctors and let them help you. The medication that Flynn has prescribed will help you with what you're struggling with, Ana."

"You're leaving?" Ana asked, taking the abandonment heavily.

Grace looked at her watch, and nodded, "I have to go start my shift." She got up, trying to be supportive and then left the room hastily before she, herself, broke down.

What the hell was happening? Ana couldn't grasp onto sense right now and sensibility was becoming too intense for her. She wanted nothing more than to apologise to the people she had hurt but, right now the people she loved were seemingly giving up on her for something she couldn't categorise as her actions.

Carla, who had been a mess since finding out what Ana had done, just broke into a sob at seeing her daughter unable to contend with her mistakes. "I'm sorry, I need some air. I'm going to go home."

"Mom," Ana called out, one more person leaving her. "Mom, please don't go!"

Watching Carla leave, Ray broke his peace. "I'm done," Ray suddenly burst out. "I am so done with all of this. No amount of help is going to change what she's become." He had tried to stick it out. Hell he had kept Carla here but, he was a hypocrite and he couldn't do it any longer. He needed his daughter to get help but, he knew soon he would feel like he was forcing her to get the right help.

"Dad?" Ana tried to reach out to him but, her arms snapped back with the restraints. What was going on here? She was being accused of things she had apparently done and she couldn't remember one of them. She couldn't admit to something she had no recollection to doing. "I didn't do this! Why won't you believe me?" Ana asked, crying out in anguish so that someone would hopefully see she was screaming out the truth. "Why won't any of you believe me?"

"Because we've seen the damage," Christian admitted softly and practically with shame. "We saw what you did, Ana. No one else did that but, _you_."

"I didn't do it," Ana whimpered painfully and couldn't, for the life of her, see herself doing such a callous and evil action as attacking people so viciously. "Why won't you just hear me out?"

"Because we saw the proof!" Kate shouted, making her presence known and it seemed that she was back to leave again. "I didn't come back for this," Kate put her hands up to admit defeat. "I thought I was being selfish but, you're just cannot accept help from anyone. What happened to you?"

"I didn't do it," Ana still continued to proclaim her innocence profusely but, she could see the more she did so the more people were just willing to leave her as Kate ran without another word.

"I'll come back in a few days," Elliot bailed as well, unable to look at Ana. "I never thought you would do something like this, Ana, and I can't accept it right now." He scratched his head, trying to gather some sense and finally looked at Ana. "I'm sorry, Ana. I know you and this is messed up. You need to face up to what you did."

So this was abandonment in its freshest forms? This what was it felt like to have a support network collapse before you very own eyes. God, Ana wished she had just bled out in that cold, dark alleyway. At least when she was laying there she could see directly at Christian and think about him, not about losing him.

And now with only Christian was left and Ana felt herself fight more and more with her restraints. She wanted freedom and she wanted an escape.

"Stop that," Christian told her off. He stood up and calmed her by covering the cuff with his hand, "Don't try and get free. You'll only damage yourself."

"What's happening with me?" Ana asked and she didn't mean with the attacks, she meant with her rapidly declining mental state. She had gone from being loveable Ana to a ghost of herself and she hated every single minute of it. She was never meant to be like this and she didn't want to be like it forever.

"You're being put on anti-depressives straight away and you're being kept like this until you're not a risk to yourself or others," he spoke lowly, not really placing much emotional response into his tone. It was like he was programmed with his words. Like it was all so well rehearsed before she woke up and she couldn't blame him for getting like this.

"I don't deserve this," Ana cried out woefully. She just wanted this hell to stop dead in its tracks.

"So those people deserve what you did to them?" Christian retorted and immediately regretted how sharp his tone came out. "God, I know you're hurting and this is difficult for you, Ana but, this is getting too far! I've gotten Flynn in, that's not working. I've gotten surgeons in to help you and that never happened because you went fucking ballistic and lashed out. Now you're in denial over your actions when there were enough witnesses in that fucking room to get you restrained and admitted to the psych ward."

"No," Ana sobbed, shaking her head harshly at the idea of that. "Don't let that happen. Please, don't let them do that. Don't make me go there. I won't survive in there. I won't cope."

"You're not coping now," Christian stated, pointing out the obvious fact here. "So maybe it will be best for you to get admitted and then we can get you some direct, focused professional help."

"I don't want that," she input her needs and wants and it only made Christian sink into his seat and become quiet. "Christian?" Ana asked, her tears falling but, no one caught them – not even herself. "Christian?" She questioned again and watched him look at her, the silence becoming deafening and crushing all at once.

"I thought I could do this as well," he started to say and bowed his head.

"No," Ana whispered as she knew where this was going. "Not you as well. Please, not you."

"I can't do this anymore," Christian told her and his head lifted enough to look directly at her. "I can't be what you want anymore, Ana, and I can't force you to be what I need."

"I can be what you need," Ana tried and pulled at her restraints. "I can be anything you need me to be if you just tell me, Christian. Tell me, and I'll be it. I will. For you I will." She was fighting strong but, she could see that in a very Christian Grey manner, his mind was made up. "Please, don't leave me. Don't make me go through this alone. Please, Christian, I will do anything."

"You've done everything to show you aren't willing to accept our help so it's best we just leave this here," he told her and even her tears didn't make his decision become questionable. "You need help and that isn't something I can give you. I'm sorry I wasn't enough to be the one to save you."

She watched him get up and begin to leave his spot in the room. "Please, don't do this. This isn't right."

"No, what isn't right is me waiting around. I can't wait for you to tell me to leave. I'm cutting my ties here now, Ana," he told her then continued to walk. Christian stalled in the doorway, the last remaining one to fully leave. He turned to look at her with cold set eyes, "God, if you just woke up to what's going on around you, you could make all our lives better!"

As she watched him disappear, Ana felt her heart breaking all over again. How many more times could her heart shatter like this and it still beat? Looking around in hope that everyone had miraculously came back to her eyes caught a sight of a strip of metal. Looking closer, she heard herself gasp. There on the table beside her was a scalpel, just lying in wait and in arms reach. This had to be a joke. This couldn't be really happening. The sight of the scalpel forced the scream from her lungs. The sight of it sent her screaming in a mad frenzy to find her family and she fought her restraints.

She was a trapped beast. All alone and tortured and she couldn't submit to that. She couldn't submit to losing everyone like this. However, no one came back when her screams became unbearable. No one came in to soothe her and no one came to free her.

It was when air ran out that everything went black for her.

That was her only escape.


	23. Flawed Satisfaction

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Did you expect an update this soon? I couldn't leave you hanging and to those that have my Facebook I allowed them to cheerlead me through another chapter so they could have get this update ;) So I dedicate this to them =P _

_Enjoy! And thank you!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-Three_

* * *

Opening her eyes, Ana felt disconnected from her body like every sense and limb was discombobulated from one another. Her arms and legs felt heavy, and her head was swimming in a heavy fog. This wasn't the effects of a sedative anymore. She opened her eyes to blurred movement and muffled noises and she closed them again. Slowly she blinked on and off to cheer her vision but, all she could muster was Christian's copper hair seemingly hovering above her. It was then she heard the familiar sound of bleeping heart monitor and she knew something had either happened to her when she passed out from all of the screaming or she had dreamt the most horrible nightmare possible.

"Hey, beautiful," Christian grinned as he saw Ana's eyes open and he shot her grin. He was more than ecstatic she was awake now.

"Was it a dream?" She asked, not caring that her voice was minimal and she felt like absolute crap.

"Was what a dream?" Christian asked and he leaned his arm over the top of her head, running his hand over her hair.

"Where everyone left me," she stated and licked her lips to help with the dryness on them.

"We're still here," Kate stated, jumping in to aid the statement. "There's nowhere else we need to be than right here with you. Nothing you're going to do will stop that."

Ana gave a tired smile and tried to move her head but, the soreness in her neck prevented her from moving. She remembered what the surgery was for and she felt her heart ache in her chest. She just prayed it was a success. Moving her hand up, she found it unbound and free and she went to swipe away at the oxygen cannula propped under her nose.

"Leave it," Grace spoke from above her suddenly, Kate now replaced.

Looking up as Grace checked over the IV bags above her, she found that Grace was smiling at her. That had to be a good sign, right? Bringing her gaze down she closed her eyes exhausted and just lay there for a moment well aware of Christian's hand in hers. She then felt the blood pressure cuff around her arm tighten and she just lay there waiting for the foggy cloud clinging to her to start to lift and disappear.

"How are you feeling?" Grace asked as she jotted Ana's blood pressure day and released the pressure from the cuff.

"Tired," Ana rasped back, opening her eyes to a clearer view of everyone sitting around her bed. "Really tired and confused," she stated and furrowed her brow.

Grace smirked knowingly having seen multiple patients feel like this over the years, "Totally normal, sweetie. If you feel the need to sleep it'll help greatly believe me." She looked to Christian and saw his worrying expression slowly lifting. She leaned down to Ana so she could focus more on her, "You're under double observations but, I reckon you could sleep through most of it."

Ana just nodded, slowly caving to the analgesics floating alongside her blood cells. She was happy everyone was here and not leaving her right now and she would greatly sleep knowing that. It was reinforced as Christian's lips dotted kisses to her knuckles and she couldn't help the smile that played onto her lips.

"I told you my girl would pull through," Ray commented as he watched Ana sleeping. It was different now. Before they had been waiting for her to wake up and speak after the surgery. Now with her asleep, it was just sleeping off the anaesthesia in her system. "How about you go and get some rest, Christian?"

"I can't leave her," Christian refused without thought. "I won't leave without her knowing about it first."

"Christian, you're going to crash and burn soon," Grace stated to her son, worried to see him collapse because of the stress and exhaustion he was going through.

Christian ran a hand tirelessly over his face, feeling his stumble pushing through, readying to show his neglect of his personal care, "I'll be in the right place if I do so."

Grace sighed, "Would Ana want that though?" She asked and she saw Christian's expression answer everything. "No, she wouldn't. She is worried enough about her own future, she doesn't need to worry about you on top of that."

"I just can't leave her," Christian stated, his tone begging them all to just leave him be. "I just need to be near her." He looked up at his mother, his eyes watering and he no longer cared if he was a weaker man right now. He just didn't care anymore. "She nearly died and all because I couldn't get over myself to show her off to the world. She is perfect and she is my other half and I'm hers. I know I am but, we did the wrong thing and we lied and because of that she nearly got killed. I can't leave her. I can't let her down any more than I have."

"You didn't let her down," Carla spoke up not seeing that statement from Christian as true. "She apologised for the same mistake but, Christian she loves you and it's more than apparent that you love her with your entire heart. These things happen and we can only use them as the moment to change things."

"When I get my hands on viable evidence to string around Kaitlyn's neck things will change," Christian spoke in a frustrated heated tone. "That woman deserves more than a fucking jail sentence for this."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Beauty and the Beast**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Opening her eyes again, Ana immediately found her vision cleared and the limbs feeling like they were joint to her body. Taking in a deep breath, she found she felt miles better as it was and she just needed to see Christian. She had to see if he had left her but, as she turned her head she saw him sleeping soundly and yet awkwardly beside her.

"He won't leave," Kate yawned from Ana's other side forcing her head to turn. "We tried but, he wouldn't budge so we left him."

"He needs to go home and rest," Ana spoke tiredly and her worry bubble that shrouded Christian only grew. She gave a few prolonged blinks and looked to Kate again. "What about you?"

"I'm not leaving," Kate confirmed and crossed her arms over her chest and gave Ana a stern look. "Christian and I are like the male and female version of one another when it comes to you. Stand our ground, remain unmoved and attack anyone that means you harm."

Ana gave a small smile at that thought and she looked over to her sleeping Christian, "he really does love me."

"He really does love you," Kate affirmed the sentence with much pride. "I think the public would have eaten you up. You're perfect together." Kate spoke but, Ana become silent and withdrawn. "Ana, seriously, you need to take a look at this from our point of view. He will show you off to the world and show everyone that no one shines a light even close to you."

"I don't want to be shown off to the world," Ana admitted meekly and turned her gaze to Kate. "I never really did. That was another reason we kept quiet. I was never ready for the limelight that followed Christian. Now I really don't want it and he can't have a secret wife that no one see's."

"You'll feel better after you see the outcome of this surgery and plus, Christian would love you regardless of what you look like," Kate comforted her friend. "Plus, we all win as a result of this surgery. You can see how well it went and we can see you getting some of you back. It's all we want." Kate tried to gauge Ana's reaction but, she couldn't fully do so. "Ana, c'mon, girl, what's really bugging you here?"

"I didn't want the surgery," Ana confessed and raised a hand to her mouth to smother her sob. "I did it for everyone," she continued to cough up her confessions like she was a sinner in church. "I just wanted everyone happy." She looked to Kate, daring to look her dead in the eyes and see what she had just caused to erupt. "Please don't tell anyone, Kate. Please, they don't need to know."

"Oh, Ana," Kate was crying with her best friend, closing the gap to wrap her hands around Ana's supportively. "Why didn't you just do what made you happy?"

"I-I thought making you lot happy would do that," Ana fessed up more and tried to calm herself, "It didn't work."

The last thing Ana remembered as she broke down was Kate climbing onto the bed and soothingly wrapping her arms around her to rocking her to sleep. When she woke up she was still curled into someone but, this time it was Christian's arms around her, his chest her face was against and his smell that kept her calm.

"You okay?" Christian asked, sensing her waking up.

"Yeah," Ana replied and reframed from moving. "Was the operation a success?"

"Yes," he started, kissing into her hair. "You slept through the rest of yesterday afternoon so the doctor's coming by with Grace this morning to check you over."

"Okay," she nodded and just became quieter. It was a success and she felt like a failure. It was becoming an increasingly joint outcome right now.

"Ana, what's the matter?" Christian noticed that Ana was panicking and looking around, tallying up everyone's response.

"Just a bad dream," she whispered, more to herself than anyone else.

Christian moved then, moved enough to get her lying down and enable him to look at her. "What dream?"

Ana's lip trembled again, the thought hurting her, "Everyone left me. They hated what I had become. You left me as well. You cut all ties to me," Ana began to cry again, her loose emotions untangling so easily. "I had attacked people with a scalpel and everyone just left me because I wasn't me."

"You didn't do that," Christian stated to calm her woes. "You do realise that right?" He saw her nod and he gave her a smile. "Do you remember what happened before they put you under?" He asked and saw the panic cause an uproar in her eyes. "You had a panic attack but, you calmed completely once you were under. That was the only hiccup the surgeon could report when he came to us after getting you comfortable in recovery."

"That's it?" Ana asked cautiously, "It was a good operation?"

"I'd say it was a terrific operation," Doctor Marsden said as he entered the room. He gave a smile as he came in with Grace and it appeared that Ana's parents were just arriving as well. "I wish more of my patients sailed through an operation like you did, Ana."

Ana pushed a smile out but, she wasn't confident about him being here and she wasn't in the mood to be joyous.

"Now, do you mind me taking a look?" He asked and she shook her head. "I'll be quick and we can get you resting again but, I think if we don't have any more hiccups then you'll be looking at eligibility to have all scars revised."

"Oh, that is wonderful news," Carla exclaimed happily, grabbing her husband's hand. "Isn't it, Ana?"

"I guess," she muttered and could the elation on everyone's face.

"Right let's do this," Doctor Marsden took control and ordered for a nurse to bring in clean bandages whilst he took off the post-op bandage.

Ana surveyed everyone's reaction as she felt her surgeon pull away the surgeon and from their expressions they were telling her it was a good outcome. It was the first time she had seen them with so much positivity in their eyes and it pained her. She had sacrificed what she wanted to see them smile again.

She had thought it would work on her mood but, it didn't. How did she get over the fact that they were only happier because her scar looked better? They were happier for any other reason. They were happier that she was less damaged.

Even with her crippling emotions she pressed through, "I'm guessing it looks different?"

"Oh, Annie, it looks miles better," Ray grinned happily. "If one surgery does this imagine what a few more could do."

"You look amazing," Carla said with a watery smile, Grace in quick agreement.

"Always my beautiful, Ana," Christian grinned broadly at her.

She was getting back to being some form of beautiful so why did she feel like an ugly duckling still? Why did it feel wrong to be giving less scarring after such a vicious attack? Ana dwelled for a moment to try and make sense but, all she could deduce was that doing the surgery for everyone else but, herself was causing her more grief that ever.

Don't Flynn's words echoed in her mind and she now felt like fraud for not listening to sound advice. _Ana, don't push for anyone but you with this. You start to do that and you'll only find yourself wanting to escape_. It was too late to listen to that voice.

Her family were happier with the outcome and that should be what mattered. She was accepted again for being normal in the eyes of everyone around her. Exactly what she had wanted to get back in her life but, it appeared no one noticed how unhappy Ana felt with herself.

At the end of it all, they would subject her to whatever other surgeries until she was near perfect.

And it only further broke her heart to feel unaccepted by her own family.


	24. Reality's Mistake

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_First off, I am trying to get a head start on publishing my own original work. If anyone is interested in reading my work or supporting me then please like my Facebook page – Author Kirsty-Anne Still. Thanks in advance!_

_As for this story… I am building up for the turnaround in Ana's behaviour but, I REFUSE to rush it and I refuse to feel bad for writing my story how I feel is right - Especially when I have dealt with depression and mental health before in my life – with myself and someone very close to me. I don't take the situation lightly in reality and I won't with this. Plus, even the strongest can fall to rock bottom before they reclaim their old self. So if you can bear with Ana being like this then you can reap the rewards soon. Believe it or not, I have written up to chapter 28 so I know what's going to be transcending and I can promise that breakthrough is on the horizon._

_There is method to my madness!_

_I hate ranting in AN's so I'm going to shut up and leave you with this chapter =)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-Four_

* * *

Ana's mood was on a continual decline but, she tried her hardest to cover it up and the fact that no one mentioned her quietness meant that no one noticed. Good. It was exactly what she wanted. She didn't want to be noticed.

She had told them about her dream and Grace had notified her that it was well known for people to have extreme dreams whilst under the effects of anaesthetics and it appeared that Ana was no different to any other person. Admittedly, Grace could see that Ana was shaken from it but, she had to remember that post-op effects were rife for at least twenty-four hours. She would only worry completely if Ana was still acting weirdly in the evening.

Everyone was sitting quietly, not ready to force conversation from Ana seeing as she was in and out of sleep. Now, however, she just lay there. She didn't speak, didn't smile, hardly moved. She just lay there staring ahead, contemplatively still.

Christian was growing tired and could barely keep himself awake. He wanted to be at home messing around with Ana, enjoying cuddles whilst watching a film. Hell, he wanted to plotting a way out of the secrecy and share her with his entire world.

Apparently everyone's dreams didn't come true. He was left staring at the shell of his heart. He then saw something flicker in Ana's eyes. Some form of life ignited suddenly.

"Mia?" Ana croaked out and felt like this was bizarre to finally see Mia after so long. She, Kate and Mia usually went shopping together so they were long term best friends in that aspect.

Mia stood in the doorway, bags galore, a sympathetic, apologetic frown on her face. She had seen Ana as she approached the room and could see Ana lying lifelessly in the bed, hospital gown swapping her, bandages swallowing her skin.

"I'm so sorry it took me so long to get here," Mia apologised but, looked to Ana. "I've been kept up to date and was told how successful your second surgery was." Her bubbly nature started to take command. "But I can't wait to see what the scars will look like after surgery," Mia spoke excitedly. She had Ana's best interest at hearts and it wasn't making Ana fell much better about anything. "It'll be like nothing happened!" Her energy was being fed from her nervousness. Having been one of the last to arrive she was left with the brunt of it all.

It'll be like nothing happened. Ana would have laughed hysterically if she could just find the energy to do so.

"Sorry," Mia apologised again, "That was uncalled for. I just, I don't know what to say or do in this situation. I don't know what to do to make it right."

Grace went to her daughter, motherly putting her hands around her daughter to keep her protected for the moment. "You're here. That's enough and we're all on the same grounding with the surgery. It was a success and it just enables us for a clear insight for the future." Grace spoke confidently but, she could see from the look in Ana's eyes that something wasn't right.

"You're here now," Christian smiled and she could see that Mia looked a little confused at her brother's presence. "We'll tell you later."

"Oh, okay," Mia looked questioningly and looked back to Ana. She could see that Ana was a shadow of herself. She wasn't the girl that giggled over lunch and could put together the best outfit possible in five minutes. So she tried to just be herself for Ana in the hope it would make the moment a little better. "I brought gifts!" Mia changed the subject hoping to break the tension. She didn't deal well with this amount of seriousness at the best of times but, right now she was nervous because of it. So she grabbed one of her bags and put out on the table over Ana's bed a copious amount of souvenirs. There were ones that looked like the Eiffel tower, Big Ben, the Leaning tower of Pisa all things that had shown where Mia had travelled in the last few months.

Picking up the Eiffel Tower, Grace hated this but, she had to do her job of leading Ana's watch of suicidal tendencies. "Ana's not allowed anything sharp," Grace spoke cautiously and kept her eyes trained on Ana for the moment. She saw Ana give a smile and nod to tell Mia everything. There was no need for disclosure, she knew what she done. "Ana's currently on suicide watch."

Mia gasped and looked to Ana unable to put such a dark and twisted act to Ana. "No, please don't tell me you went there." She looked to Ana, tears forming thickly in her eyes, "You wouldn't have done that, Ana. That isn't you."

"I was desperate," Ana tried to make it all okay with that remark but, she knew apologises were idle. What's done was done and the effects were long lasting. There was no denying it, no masking it, only accepting it.

"Desperate made you try to kill yourself?" Mia exclaimed, wishing she had gotten here earlier and dealt with this with everyone else. "I knew it was horrendous what you were going through but, Ana, you do not go to such extremes. You take matters into your own hands."

"This isn't any of those matters," she said and patted the bed for Christian's hand. The moment she had it she was gripping on tight, hating the ridicule that Mia was unloading. "I didn't – I don't want to be like this."

"Erm, is there something going on here I should know about?" Mia asked seeing Christian's hand in Ana's. "It's cosy for a pair of people who barely know one another."

"That's the thing," Christian began to say. "Ana and I have been hiding a relationship from everyone." Christian coughed to clear his throat, "Ana and I have been dating over a year now. We have our reasons and I will tell you all about them but, you need to understand that I love Ana, Mia. It wasn't an act against you to not tell you. We just fell into this way of life."

"How do you just fall into this way of life?" Mia asked incredulously, her confusion becoming widespread. "I thought you trusted me," she directed that at both Ana and Christian and couldn't for the life of her understand why they kept this all a secret.

"It wasn't personal," Ana tried to step up to the mark to offer a defence on the matter. "It was something that was right for us." Ana could feel herself getting tearful over defending her relationship, "Please, Mia, there are some many things you need to be told." Ana was not far from begging but, she knew Mia's character more than anyone. If she found a situation too hurtful she clammed up and ran and Ana could see this happening. Mia needed to internalise and she just hoped if it was like old times, Mia would quickly get over the situation at hand. "Mia? Please say something."

"Erm, I need some air," Mia pretty much shuddered on her words and left the room in tears.

Ana just looked downwards, away from everyone's gazes because she knew everyone was worried by Mia's reaction. Ana had expected it to be fair. Why wouldn't everyone react in such a way?

"I'll go and see if she's okay," Grace excused herself.

And the moment Grace left, Ana burst into tears. They weren't cathartic cries, they weren't healing her. She just felt like everything was still slipping through her fingers even when it was smooth running for a time period. It appeared that when new situations arose, she found herself raw and susceptible to all the elements of emotion.

"C'mon Ana," Christian jumped in, sitting on the bed. "She'll get over this and we'll all be okay. The surgery went brilliantly that's one positive for us. Mia will get over this and that's another. We're all here fo-"

"No, don't!" Ana finally snapped and everything, the pain, the tears, the emotions come flood from her. She took a deep breath before speaking but, she could see that this needed said, "Don't tell me that! You can tell me the surgery was brilliant and that what I did the other day didn't matter but, it's all wrong. I didn't want that surgery and that day I wanted to die. I wanted to cut my throat and end it all. I thought if I just listened to you all and made you happy then I would feel the same but, it didn't turn out like that." She heaved, shuddering on her inhale and exhale, "I won't ever be accepted by you lot if I don't go through with more surgery. I won't ever be looked at the same if I don't have more surgeries and all I want is for you to stop treating me like a victim and fix me medically. I want you to look after me and love me how you all did before. I just want to be loved for me but, I feel like I will only be truly loved if I try and get rid of the damage."

"That's not how we feel," Carla jumped in, speaking first.

"It's how I feel!" Ana shouted and took in another laboured breath knowing she needed to calm down, "It's hard enough knowing everyone outside of this room is ready to judge me for my scars before they let me in but, you all said so, the surgeries would help me fit in. It will be worth it when I go back to work. I don't want any more surgeries. I'm not ready for that." She released a sob, them all captivated by her breakdown, "I'm nowhere near getting over this attack and I have to deal with more operations and more reasons to fit in when I don't want to fit in. I want to hideaway and get over this in my own time. I don't want to rush this."

"Why didn't you just say no?" Christian asked, his tone taut with raging emotions as he felt like he had forced Ana when he hadn't wanted to do so.

Ana looked to Christian, "Because I would have felt like a disappointment to you all. You're all trying to help me and get me over this and I just thought if I went through with the operation I would make you proud and I would show you I'm trying. I didn't realise it would hurt me so much." The shock around her was palpable and she could see that she was only adding to it. "I did it to make this easier on you lot."

"That's not what this is about!" Ray exclaimed, finding himself near breaking point. "We're supposed to be helping you, Ana."

"But you're not," she admitted and saw the shock. "Not all the time and when you're not I feel like I have to be the okay one." She closed her eyes and tried to stop her tears, "Before they put me under, I remember panicking that I wasn't ready for what was going to happen and all I've felt is unhappy since waking up. I realised as I lay in that operating room that I am never going to be the Anastasia you all know and I won't sit around anymore and just be the cause of you all suffering."

"What are you saying?" Christian asked, treading dangerously close to the truth.

Ana tore her gaze away from her hands again and she made herself look at the grey ones before her. Everyone else in the room disappeared suddenly and she uttered the one word she knew she would regret forever, "Leave."

Christian's eyes watered, "Excuse me? What the hell Ana?"

"You still want perfection. You want me to be perfect, feel perfect. Well I don't and I won't and nothing is going to change that. Can't you see that, Christian? You and I live in totally different worlds now. I won't ever be on the same page as you anymore. I am not that Ana you want. I don't know why you love me. You can do so much better! Realise it now."

And apparently Christian did realise it as he got up and left the room without a plea, a goodbye or any form of closure.

What had Ana just done?


	25. The Absolute Fall

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Right, regardless of negativity, I am NOT changing what I've written. So if you believe this Ana to be in the wrong, pleased don't read and bash my work. The negativity isn't necessary. It's not going to remain this way forever but, appears those that have read my other work don't trust me with this. If you're still reading, I hope you enjoy and know how THANKFUL I am to you =)_

_As put in my previous chapter, I've started a Facebook author page – Author Kirsty- Anne Still. I would love for you to stop by and give me a like, possibly share! I'm trying to kick start a name for myself as a serious writer and would love for your support. So if you're interested, take a look on Facebook and give me a little like =)_

_Thanks, Kirsty_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-Five_

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"Ana," Kate gasped, turning her attention from Christian's retreating figure to Ana who even though she looked devastated, she didn't look remorseful. "What the hell was that?"

"That was me doing the right thing," Ana told Kate, her tone low and carefully used. "He needed to leave. He needed to go and start a life without me. He needed to go away and realise what it is he needs!"

"He needs you!" Kate shouted back, still in disbelief that Ana had told Christian to leave and he had listened. "He only needs you!"

"Well he can't need something that doesn't want to be here!" Ana bellowed back, the ferocity of her voice igniting pain in her chest, neck and up into her left cheek reminding her of what made her into this _person_. "You all need to see that I don't want you hanging around waiting for me to just snap out of it and just accept surgeries to make me, me again!"

"We won't push for more surgeries, Ana, we're all here now to be whatever you need us to be," Kate tried to reasonable with Ana, tried to start feeding Ana what she needed to hear but, it seemed to not even start to have an effect.

"Oh, for fuck sake, Kate, you're only here out of guilt so face up to it!" Ana yelled at her best friend, "You left because you hate the fact that I kept a secret from you and you left because you couldn't face the fact that I had a man who loved me more than your precious Elliot had ever shown you!" Ana took a deep, domineering inhale, "You turned up and even then you made it all about you. How you had a pregnancy scare, how you and Elliot were failing at your relationship well for once, Kate, I didn't care. Not with a massive gash down my face and not with the type of future I am facing. I couldn't care less about your relationship problems when you probably drive him up the fucking wall!"

"That's not fair!" Kate said, her eyes watering with the verbal assault. "You do not get to throw that in my face. I was terrified that I had lost you but, it seems we have doesn't it?" Kate asked, willing to sharpen her claws. "I couldn't handle everything and maybe I should have shown my face sooner but, I was trying to get myself together and accept that you had lied and see the importance in all of that had happened. I was trying to be what you needed and when you were here being my best friend I unravelled and told you everything. I will forever regret not just being here in spite of that. I just want to make it right now."

Ana flashed a look to her friend and watched as Kate flinched under the power of it, "Well do the right thing now and fuck off!" Ana's words were literally spewing out from her lips without her meaning them to. She wasn't even thinking about them they were just falling out one after another. "You can now take my place, Kate. Why aren't you having a field day with that one?" Ana asked spitefully, "You can finally be the successful, beautiful, perfect one!"

"I don't want that," Kate cried, because she didn't. She wanted her best friend to come out of this but, slowly the realisation was dawning. Ana was beyond lost and it didn't matter what anyone said, she was sinking. "I don't want to take your place."

"Well you've got it," Ana continued to lash out, "I'm not going to be successful because let's face it, Kate, Kaitlyn was right. No one is going to want to buy, sell or even make my designs looking as heinous and hideous as I do. No one is going to love me properly with scars on my face without remembering the god awful day it happened and I am far from fucking perfect!"

"Please stop this," Kate sobbed and covered her mouth and looked to Ana's parents and she could see them trying to rationalise this behaviour. Looking back, Kate was desperate, "Please just stop this now. We can get Christian here and we can make this right."

"Nothing is going to make this right!" Ana screamed and put her hands to her head. "I hope he hates me. I hope he looks at every photo we have of one another and wants to burn it because he realises that I will never, ever be the girl in those photos. I hope he's at home throwing all of my things away and discarding me out of his life because he will be so much better off without me now."

"No he won't be," Kate tried to fight back. "That man doesn't function without you, Ana. Just stop doing this and open your eyes to that."

"I've opened my eyes," Ana began, "And I see the future as worthless and not something to strive for." She could see Kate try to not accept this fault in Ana but, Ana couldn't stop herself. "I wish I had died."

That seemed to finish Kate off entirely, "I can't believe you just said that."

"Well believe it," Ana muttered back, her voice becoming dangerously low again. "I wish I had bled out on that alleyway floor like I was before someone found me. I wish my last sight had been just staring at Christian's apartment. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this right now. I wouldn't have to worry about keeping you happy, or keep my parents," she pointed at Carla and Ray, "from breaking down. If I had just died I would be dead and buried and forgotten! Christian and I's little secret wouldn't have come out. You wouldn't have to be living on guilt. My parents wouldn't have to look at me like they are right now. Grace and Carrick wouldn't see their son as a liar and Mia wouldn't be losing faith in her brother. Christ, Elliot would still be his normal self. I have changed everything. I have ruined everything for everyone."

"You are making yourself believe this," Carla jumped in. "You are doing this to yourself now. You are on self-destruct, Baby."

"And doesn't it finally feel good to get it all off my chest," Ana retorted fiercely. "Glad I got the surgery done now, mom? Aren't you glad I am more like me than ever?"

"Stop this," Carla begged Ana, she had nothing more to say than that. "I understand that we may have pressured you but, you don't get to say things like that and expect us to be okay with it," Carla put on a stern tone unable to allow her daughter to destroy her life more.

"Well don't be okay with it," Ana stated, her tone alien to anything she had used before. "Grab your things, and leave. Go and realise that this isn't something you can help with me anymore. Don't be okay with your daughter disappearing."

"You'll regret this," Carla warned, losing her ability to be here.

"And if I do, I deserve all that I get," Ana placed herself into the devil's hands and allowed herself to play advocate. She was so full of rage and anger that she needed to just get it all out. Damn, the consequences. "I deserve to be alone in this world so why don't you just leave me the hell alone and live a perfect life without me."

"Because you're my daughter," Carla fought back, unable to stand this much longer. She didn't even feel like she could wait for Ray to explode. For now she was in fight or flight mode and the latter was winning her over.

"I am not your daughter," Ana stated back and shook her head. "Not anymore so do me a favour and get out of my face and don't come back!"

Carla took a look at her daughter and hated herself for what she did. She regretted taking her bag and leaving but, she couldn't be subjected to the room. Tomorrow was a different day. Tomorrow she would come back for her daughter. Today she had to lick her wounds and remind herself that Ana was merely lashing out.

"That was uncalled for," Ray struck up, his tone stern like he used to use when Ana had misbehaved. "We came here the moment we got the call. We didn't even know if you were going to survive but, we had to be here. We had to believe you would survive. We had to wait and hear what had happened fully and what you were going through. Your mother and I have been so stressed over this and you treat us like this."

"Now's your time to go and relax," Ana authorised for him, and she was slowly coming down from her angered high but, now she had started she couldn't stop herself. She couldn't stop until every emotion was washed out and killed. "Call this your get out of jail free card. You and mom can go off into the sunset and forget about me."

"Annie," Ray began with a warning tone, "Do you really think we're going to leave you just like that?"

Ana looked out of the door, "Mom just did so yeah I do think you're going to _leave just-like-that_," she stated those words without much gap, they were staccato and said with the same bland tone. "You're not even my real dad so why do you care so much?" Ana asked Ray and narrowed her eyes. "Couldn't get your own kid so took over another man's, and now you realise that she's nothing but, a little ungrateful bitch!"

Ray looked mortified by her words at that point. "You really are turning into a little monster that's what you've become," Ray stated, not caring about hurting her. Their pain over the entire situation had meld and collided and this was the outcome.

"Halle-fucking-lujah!" Ana put her hands up a little, "Ray Steele finally understands what I've become. It only took him six days to hit the jackpot right there. I am a fucking monster and I will be one until I die. Can't you see that or do I need to rip the bandages from skin to show you again?" She watched Ray remain unmoved and silent, "Good old surrogate daddy finally see's what he's little Annie girl has become!"

"Don't push us all away now, Ana," Ray stood his ground, recovering from her callous words. "Don't you dare push us away when you need us most." He could see the defiance on her and he wondered if this was an in the moment reaction or if she was like this forever. "I know you'll regret this."

"I won't," Ana dared him to come back at him. "I won't regret realising that you aren't my real father and that you aren't really needed here. I won't regret realising that my best friend is only here out of guilt because she is selfish bitch and I won't regret pushing Christian to leave me earlier." He flicked her eyes from Ray to Kate and back again, trying to measure their reactions. "You know I'm right, Ray. You're not my dad, you're here by obligation so why don't you realise that you never had any kids and the one you thought you had doesn't really love you."

That finished Ray as he finally did leave the room with the utmost disappointment in Ana's behaviour. He, like Carla, would come back tomorrow and he would keep coming back until Ana snapped back into her old self – or as close as her as they could have.

Kate looked from the doorway and too Ana and shook her head sadly. "Well I think you deserve a round of applause there, Steele," Kate muttered as she too grabbed her things together. "You just alienated yourself from everyone that has stuck around and wanted to help." She shrugged her jacket on and then looked at her friend, wiping her face clear of her tears. "So have fun with this recovery alone. We might share an apartment but, when you're out of here, I'll make sure I'm selfish enough to keep to myself."

And just like that Kate left too and Ana just sat there suddenly quietened at long last. She sat there almost shell shocked at everything that had happened. Just like her dream she was now all alone but, this time it was all down to her will. Her actions had caused them to leave before and now her words had sealed the deal.

She got her wish – she was all alone now.

And she didn't feel any better for it.

If anything that dark cloud that clung to her was only becoming ever more suffocating.

Rock bottom was the loneliest place in the world.


	26. Rock Bottom

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Right, to the guest reviewer who said I needed help, I don't. I am perfectly sane minded and do not appreciate being told I am basically messed up because of what I'm writing. I call it being a good writer and not mentally messed up. Also, to those that have bashed my story I'm sorry it displeases you but, if you've got nothing nice to say then don't say anything else. There are others that love this story line._

_Do NOT expect any updates tomorrow as this girl turns 22 =) So I will be celebrating a little and not writing or updating. Sorry!_

_However, enjoy this update!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-Six_

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This was what Ana wanted – the unforgiving loneliness – so why was she sitting here crying? She had no right to do this. She had no reason to cry when she had told them to leave. She had pushed them away and used words she would never be able to take back. She had hurt the people that loved her most and cared for her unlike any other people and she had turned on them. She had become a monster in the face of everything going on and she couldn't take it back anymore. She had done the damage and she had to accept the future she had allowed herself to make for herself.

_I won't regret realising that you aren't my real father and that you aren't really needed here. I won't regret realising that my best friend is only here out of guilt because she is selfish bitch and I won't regret pushing Christian to leave me earlier._

They were her words but, looking back, in hindsight, Ana regretted every single word that she had spoken. She hated that they had come from her and she hated herself even more. She hated what she was becoming because now she didn't just feel like a beast physically, she felt like one right through to her core. She was evil and malicious and she was undeserving of people loving her and being here if her thanks and gratitude looked like they just had. She didn't deserve people to love her. She deserved harsh reality and the bullying gazes of people on the outside world. She deserved everything she got because she had brought it all upon herself.

Taking a deep breath, feeling the pull on her throat as her oesophagus contracted tightly, she rolled her eyes and allowed them to fall on the sight before her. She looked at the souvenirs left on the table before her and she wondered how sharp the point really was and if she could do any damage. After all, she wasn't even allowed the plastic beaker of water before she could shatter it and use the shards like Kaitlyn had.

God, why hadn't she have just taken that blade and sliced deeper than she could have? It was as she asked that question that she remembered Christian falling to his knees, sobbing himself in defeat. His defeat was her defeat. Without him, she would be dead and she had gotten him to leave. She had pushed him away and tried not to care about needing anyone else but, now, in the immediate aftermath, she wanted to call everyone back.

And as her thoughts twisted and darkened even more so, Ana just shuddered unhappily as she sat alone and she just sobbed loudly and unattractively to the empty room. It was all going wrong. Life wasn't supposed to be like this. Life wasn't supposed to be getting worse. It was supposed to be turning into something amazing.

Covering her face with both her hands, Ana brought her legs up so her knees were near enough crushing into her chest and she just let everything go. Sure she had cried here and there and broken down in the form of being suicidal but, right now crying seemed more feasible than breathing.

What had she become?

She didn't even want to look in the mirror and confront herself fully. She hadn't looked at one since that first time after surgery but, now she couldn't bear to look at herself to be confronted with a ten foot beast, with horns and claws, hungry to destroy lives.

"Ana?" Grace asked confused as she came back into the room. "Ana, where is everyone?"

"They left. They're not here." Ana sobbed back at Grace, "I made them leave. They left me." That last sentence knocked the shock into Ana's system, "Oh God, they left me."

"Why?" Grace asked, she was confused to the hilt at why they would all suddenly leave. She had seen Christian run but, everyone else she had no clue.

"Because I made them," she sobbed and her shoulders slumped more than should be humanly possible. She looked up at Grace, her eyes so heavy with tears; Grace could only imagine their weight. "I was horrible to them all to make them leave. I thought if I was horrible they would go and they did. They all left and they aren't coming back."

"They will," Grace optimised, knowing that everyone would come back. Especially Christian, he had to come back.

"No," Ana cried out, whimpering on her own thoughts, "I made them feel worthless to me to make them leave. I told Ray he wasn't my real dad. He's the closest I've ever had and I love him but, he won't come back now, Grace. He's gone. He won't want me as his daughter ever again. I told my mom I wasn't her daughter anymore and she had realise it. Kate, oh God, what I said to Kate," Ana just stared ahead wide eyed and in shock still, "She's never going to see me again and Christian needs to start a life without but, I can't bear to see him leave me. What have I done? Why did I do it?" She looked to Grace, "Why did I do that, Grace?"

"Self-preservation," Grace spoke coolly and collectedly. "We do these things to protect ourselves but, sometimes it gives us a wakeup call. It's done that hasn't it? You know what you've done wrong?"

"They were only looking out for me," Ana said in response. "You all love me and want me better and I didn't see that. I ignored that fact. Why, Grace? How did I get to be so blind?"

"Not blind," Grace denied the claim. "You're just lost right now, Ana. That's all. You're lost and searching for the right thing to do. Sometimes the right thing isn't the right this in the long run but, we're your family. We will come back whatever."

"I don't deserve them coming back." Ana wallowed and knew she deserved that destiny. "I deserve to suffer alone now and I will. I will get through this alone and I won't look back at what I ruined. I can't do that. I'm already terrified of life, I can't look around and just remind myself that I'm all alone to face it now."

"You're never alone," Grace told her with a smile, "I'm always going to be here." She pressed onwards with her support, "From the first day I met you, Ana, down in the ER I knew I was met to. I'm not going to let you push me away and I'm not going to leave."

Ana's eyes clouded for a moment as she remembered that night and consequently remembered back to that initial impact that hit her face. It made the little cuts over her face pulsate and throb with memory but, then she remembered feeling the shard of glass cut through her skin. She remembered the searing pain it created and how she felt the warmth of her own blood and how sickened she was by it all. She then remembered her words before watching her attack leave and her eyes just stayed staring forward as she found herself looking up at the bright lights surrounding Escala. She allowed herself to slump to the floor, her eyes never leaving its penthouse and she remembered laying there for ages before help found her. She knew a part of her disappeared before she left the apartment but, it seemed that more left her as she bled out and all she could do was torture herself at what Christian was doing guarded in that top apartment.

"She's out there, living a good life," Ana closed her eyes to the bitter shreds of memories and tried to focus her mind somewhere else. "She's out living a charmed life."

"She living with a guilty conscience," Grace countered in tone so rife with vehement it showed that Grace was gunning for Kaitlyn as well.

"She'll always be free," Ana whimpered knowing that would be how life turned out. "There's not enough evidence to convict her with and we all know it's her word against mine." Looking to Grace, wide eyed and scared, Ana admitted one of her deep fears, "I'm scared I won't feel safe again, Grace."

Grace gave a small smirk, "Christian won't be letting her run free." She reached up and wiped Ana's tears away, "He will be fighting to get her put away and there are so many of us that want to protect you."

"They won't care anymore," Ana covered her old tears up with new ones. She sniffed heavily against them and tried in vain to stop them but, it was useless. The only people that hadn't abandoned her was Grace and Sawyer and Sawyer was here by obligation. "What have I done?" Ana asked and shook her head in absolute embarrassment. "I don't expect any of them to forgive me. I don't think I'll forgive myself but, I wish I had a do over button." Ana took a tight gulp, swallowing the lump in her throat, "I wish I had just walked out of the bedroom when you were there and introduced myself like I had planned to do so on so many occasions. Hell, I wish I had just given him more time to come out in public. This is my fault and it's always going to be."

"It is not your fault," Grace scolded Ana fiercely. "We don't ask for bad things to happen to us, Ana. They just happen. It's a way of life and it hurts as hell when it does but, there is a reason for everything but, it is not your fault."

"It's my fault he felt the need to hide a relationship, it's my fault we didn't tell our family, it's my fault I said my job would suffer, it's my fault for leaving that night and it's my fault for ever picking Christian and sticking with him," Ana just cried over and over again. "I just feel like this is meant to happen."

"Never think this was meant to happen," Grace reprimanded Ana for her choice of words. "Never think you have to be happy right now and never ever think you need to feel like you're at fault. Ana, I can only imagine where you are mentally but, I know what I'm thinking isn't even close. You lashed out and you're allowed to do so but, never think that your family would cut you out just like that. If they have enough rationality in them they will be back here." She could see Ana's doubt, "I will make that a promise for you but for now, I am going to go and call your parents and give them an update, okay?" Grace asked and saw Ana nod gently. "I know they left under the circumstances they did but, Ana they will be back. I want to see you getting some rest. You need it. Everything will look better in the morning."

Ana inwardly scoffed at that idea but, allowed Grace to start to leave. "Grace," Ana started and reached for Grace's hand, "Can you take everything that I could, you know." She didn't finish with words but, a shrug. "I'm scared of myself."

"Oh, sweetie," Grace dropped back to the mattress and took both of Ana's hands in hers, "I was taking them anyway because of the rules but, you admitting you're scared of the potential outcomes shows strength. Not many people who want to commit suicide ask for the means to do so to be taken from their reach. Believe you are strong, Ana and if you feel yourself struggling, you find me."

"I will," Ana remarked and she knew that Grace was causing damage control by ringing her parents and she couldn't see that going down well. Why would disowned parents want to know their nasty daughter?

Watching Grace take every suicidal weapon she could use, Ana sunk into the bed. She had killed every change she had of staying afloat in this world after pushing everyone away from her and she really did want to die.

Curling up in a tight ball, she held her pillow close to her face and just like her medically induced dream she screamed until she all but lost her breath and began to lose consciousness. This time however she was well aware of Grace coming back into the room just in time to push a button on the wall, yelling for help and saving her again.

Why was she worthy of a saving grace?


	27. What I Want

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Surprise! There's a lull in my day so you're getting an update before I go celebrate! Thank you everyone that reviewed, I love you all =) Now enjoy and I'll see you tomorrow with an update ;)_

_PLEASE NOTE – THIS IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF OR READ ANY OF CHRISTIAN'S POV!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty-Seven_

* * *

Christian walked hastily back towards Ana's hospital room. He had left with reason and he was back with that reason in a box clasped under his right arm, held against his side. Taylor had thought he was going crazy when he had started to rummage but, Christian was on a mission and he was going to show Ana how life was going to be from here on out. There was no doubt about one thing – Ana was never, and he meant never, going to lose him. He needed her to realise some things because clearly she didn't understand how vehemently pure his motives were when they concerned her.

He picked up his pace and strummed his fingers along the side of the box and just continued forward but, when he saw Ana's room come into few he realised how empty it was how Sawyer was absent.

What he found shocked him to the core. It seemed that every day they were one step forward then fifty steps back. Right now, her recovery just seemed to be prolonged. She was staring off at one of the blank walls to her near empty room, heart monitor back on and oxygen cannula back and this was the most lifeless he had seen her.

"We have a problem," Grace commented as she stepped in bedside Christian. She had been talking to Sawyer about keeping observation on Ana when she wasn't around. Seeing Christian back made her feel slightly better. "Ana unleashed hell and everyone disappeared."

Christian looked shocked beyond belief. He had barely been gone two hours, how could anarchy unleash itself so easily?

"She's hardly spoken since everyone left," Grace stated as she came to stand by her son. "I found her screaming into her pillow after I had gone to ring her parents," Grace told Christian sadly. "She was just screaming, barely breathing. I called a code blue and administered a dose of benzodiazepine to just relax her. The moment it worked she calmed down but, she was still laboured with her breathing."

"Fuck," Christian said, running a hand over his head. "What got her to this point?"

Grace shook her head sadly, "She literally flipped out after I went after Mia. Said some god awful things I can assume and made everyone leave. I found her crying alone in her room, Sawyer looking terrified outside the room. She thinks she's lost everyone."

"She hasn't lost me," Christian stated and saw his mother smile, "I just needed to go and grab reinforcement." He turned to his mother, "It is okay to bring this in right?" He asked and showed the box but, hesitated to open it.

"As long as she can't do damage with it then yes but, don't leave her with it alone," Grace warned and didn't want Ana to run any risks whilst she was alone. "She's scared of herself right now," Grace admitted and could see Christian's eyes illuminate with fear. "She's completely out of sorts with life right now and she needs to make her wrongs right before she falls any further. She's convinced that she won't get to do that because everyone's left."

"I will get them back here," Christian stood by that adamantly. "What's happening? Do I need to ring Flynn?"

Grace shook her head, "I did that not long ago. She's being started on Prozac tomorrow. John wants to come by and discuss with you how regimented she'll need to be on them," Grace could see the horror lace onto Christian's face but, she needed him to see the benefits that Ana would reap from these. "She'll be less prone to anxiety attacks, Christian once they take effect and she'll find it easier to rest. I know it's extreme but, you know we wouldn't be pushing for this if it wasn't truly, truly necessary."

"I know," Christian admitted lightly, "I guess I kind of hoped that Ana would just get better. She would see the brighter side of this." He sighed, letting his hopes go, "I guess I need to be sterner than I was and I will be. I will help her through this."

"If you can just get her to speech again it'll be better than nothing. It'll be a start here," Grace hoped as watched Ana reach up and wipe her face clear of tears. "Christian, that girl will get through this and we will get our lives back on track but, please, please tell me you aren't just here to make sure she gets better and then leave her."

"I'm gonna marry that girl in there," Christian spoke with a grin. He gave an almighty teeth bearing grin at the one thought.

"Thank God," Grace moaned her appreciation. "She wouldn't survive a life without you. I can see that now, Christian and I know it's bad timing and we're in a sticky predicament but, I thank God you found Ana."

"Now's my time to go and show her that she's mine," Christian told his mother and gave his mother a confident smirk and walked into the room, placing the box down and then went to Ana's side. He crouched down so he was eye level with Ana and saw her eyes searching all over his body as if to make sure he was really in front of her.

"You're back," Ana whispered, stating his existence as if it wasn't real. "Why are you back?"

"Of course I'm back," Christian spoke back gently. "I know I left in quite a bit of haste but, I have my reasons. I had to come back."

"I told you to leave," Ana brought her hand up to cover her eyes as her face screwed up and she began to cry. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Oh, Baby," Christian sighed as he saw how upset she was with herself. "I know it seemed that way but, you telling me all that just forced me to take my foot out of my ass and be what you needed." He gave her a bright smile, unwilling to let this go on any longer. She had her few days of being upset but, now she wasn't allowed to wallow. "The man you love. That controlling, stern, megalomaniac man that drives you stir crazy at the best of times but, who gets the point across every damn time."

"I think I need him," Ana admitted softly and she knew she could do with a stern telling off and bit of his comical wit to keep her in line and she was thankful for noticing a twinkle glisten in Christian's eyes.

"Good because the point I have to make here is that my Ana, the one that is lying in wait to break free, is gonna cause hell on earth when she makes her comeback. She is going to sass and she is going to break through so many glass ceilings regardless to get what she wants. She is going to be stronger and bolder and she is going to make more statements that ever," he told her and even though Ana was doubtful, he could see he was shaking its foundations that had be set in deeply. "This, what you're feeling right now, is going to change and it will stop feeling like some massive ten tonne weight on you, baby. I will promise you that. I will never let you do this alone." He leaned in, "Ever." He gave her a kiss and then stood up, grabbing the black box from the table and he sat on the edge of the opposite her.

"What's in the box?" Ana asked and hated how weak and emotionless she felt under the influence of the drugs she was given. However, she was pleased they had calmed her and helped her rationalise but, she was ready to feel a little more awake.

"Our life," he stated with a very matter of fact tone and just lifted the lid to it. "In here is every little photo and memento we have every made together."

"Everything?" Ana asked disbelievingly.

"Okay, so a few things I had to leave out but, the important things are here," He corrected himself and smirked. "Like this," he said and pulled out the first ever photo the pair had of them together. "I remember this being taken."

"Over breakfast," Ana remembered reaching for the photograph. It was one Gail was compelled to take as Ana sat with legs over Christian's lap at the breakfast bar, both working on a crossword in the morning paper. "I will always love those types of mornings."

"Many more to come," he commented as he passed her photo after photo of their life together. It didn't matter than no one knew about them; Christian documented as many aspects of their life together. He then laughed and pulled something out and held it up to her, he saw her eyes widen and her lips twitched.

"Is that the handle from my bedroom window?" Ana asked eyeing up the silver metal rod in Christian's hands and she watched him smirk. "You still have that?"

"I literally _broke_ into your bedroom, of course I kept it," Christian quipped humorously. "Smothering your orgasms with my lips is a lot of hard work."

"If I remember we mastered the art of it," Ana smirked knowing there were multiple times Christian snuck in via the fire escape and there were numerous times he had hidden under her bed when Kate had entered the room.

"What we going to do when we're not playing dangerous, Miss Steele?" He asked, trying to pull her free of emotionally bindings.

"I don't know," Ana murmured, worried about how they would cope. She then broke down and felt the need to liberate of herself of her actions. "I didn't mean a thing I said," Ana admitted with such sorrow her soul was screaming the words. "I don't even know why I said it," she said and even though she wanted to get hysterical but she guessed the drugs in her system were doing the good job of putting up a protection barrier.

"You don't need to beg me for forgiveness when forgiveness was already given," Christian told her honestly and he knew everyone else would feel the same.

"My parents probably hate me," she whispered at him. "I am screwing my life up bit by bit and I can't stop myself." She took a deep breath and at long last let the one think that was both keeping her going and hindering her free. "I still want my life with you," Ana murmured against his chest. "I can't love anyone like you. I've never loved anyone like you, Christian. I don't ever want to try and do that when it's so natural with you. I can't find it with someone else."

"Well it's a good thing you and I will be in this life a long time together eh?" He asked her and knew his life was destined to be with Ana. "You and me, we will take down Kaitlyn and the rest of the world. You can scream and shout at me all you like but, baby, I left with just cause. I left with a reason to do so. I wasn't leaving because you screamed at me to do so." He smirked pulling a photo up, "I was hoping we would do this again sometime soon."

Ana had to laugh a little and she found it therapeutic. There before her was a picture taken when Christian had put the timer on for the camera and left it on the side before he had picked her up and promptly placed his head between her breasts making her giggle.

That entire day was a good day.

"I love that sound," Christian stated and he saw her look at him and agree. "I know you feel lost, Ana. I know this world seems like a battle but, you and I, we'll conquer it all. I won't let this win. I will make you feel like you did."

"Good," Ana uttered lightly. "I want my life back," Ana whispered at Christian. "That's all. I want my life back in my command. I want my parents back, I want my faith back and I want to be better."

"Life is coming back," Christian spoke softly to her and smiled. He could see that even though she was drugged, there was still a hint of Ana shining through, refusing to give up to this. He then looked to the door way, "It really is coming back to you, Baby."

Ana looked to follow his gaze and her heart fluttered with hope.

There in the doorway were her parents.


	28. Rebuilding Rationality

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Thank you for the response and the birthday messages! You lot are really amazing!_

_On another note, please like my author page on Facebook – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – I'm trying to gain a wider web presence for my original work and would love the support! Thanks!_

_Now enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty- Eight_

* * *

Today was a new day, Ana decided. After seeing her parents at the doorway she felt a restoration in her faith. It amazed her how the simple act of them returning like they had thrust belief and hope back into her.

She had apologised to them, taken back as much of the hurt as possible and from the way her mother held her, and Ray, she felt forgiven and liberated. It was in their arms that she knew she could be whatever she wanted and still be their daughter. She now saw that and she now believed that.

Opening her eyes, she could hear Christian's breathing and could decipher he was reading a newspaper from the sounding of him shaking it straight. Taking a deep breath, she moved her head to the side and saw him concentrating on the printed words. She then saw just him was a new display.

One she couldn't be silent about.

"What have you done?" She asked and made him jump. She giggled at his reaction but, she had to know what the hell he had gotten up to whilst she left.

Christian looked over his shoulder and turned back to her, "I thought you might need a little more than me as a reminder of how much I love you." He gave her a cheeky wink and set his newspaper down on the bed, "That wall is staying like that until such a time you are capable to say freely 'Christian Grey loves me' and even then the pictures remain." He smirked at her, "Testament of true love."

Feeling her eyes beginning to swim, Ana looked each photograph over and she felt her heart shudder with a new swirl of emotions. They had really lived a perfect year together and she couldn't fault that. The only issue was the secrecy and now that cat was well and truly out of the bag. How could she give up a life she had come to fall in love with as much as she had Christian Grey? Simple, she couldn't and wouldn't give it up.

Even with her doubts remaining.

"Everything's so perfect in those pictures," Ana commented sadly, remembering how beautiful she used to feel to Christian.

"Don't doubt we won't be there again," Christian stood stubborn with his claim. "You and I will be going on dates and taking walks and I will show the world the best prize ever.

"What if I don't want that?" Ana asked back, trying to keep at bay the monster that loved to take hold of her and drag her back down to hell.

"Then I know you are lying," Christian spoke back and narrowed his gaze on her. "I know that regardless of your scars, you are begging to be accepted and not just by the people that have been living in this room. You will take the world by storm."

"Not a good storm," Ana mumbled, and she couldn't stop the insecurities from bubbling up on her.

"No," Christian remarked, stood up and leaned in towards her, hand to her chin. "You will be the brightest, most spectacular storm anyone has ever seen before. People will pay to say your name soon. People will not forget what the Anastasia Rose Steele has to offer the world and anyone that thinks otherwise will regret it."

"Is this you going protective on me?" She asked with a weak smile.

"Best believe it," Christian grinned at her, the glint in his eyes only securing the seriousness in his words. "Now you need to realise that I am going to be your best and biggest supporter, Ana, and _ain't nothing going to change that_."

"God, I love you," Ana breathed at Christian and loved how much she meant those words. They weren't just straight from her heart, they were driven from the depths of her soul and meant with such conviction she wanted them to echo around in Christian's mind forever.

"We've brought breakfast so cut the lovey dovey mushy stuff," Ray commented as he came in and put the food down on the table before going to Ana's side. "How you doing, Annie?" He asked her as he pulled back and went back to sorting the food out.

"I'm good," she grinned at him, ready for food. "What did you bring us?"

"Chocolate pancakes," he said and shot her an all knowing smile he had given her many a times over the year. "Your favourite."

Ana put a hand to her stomach as it rumbled and she was grateful when her mother handed her

"No problems, honey," Carla smiled and took a seat beside Ana's bed. "You seem better today." Carla's approach was a little hesitant but, she saw that Ana reacted well.

"I'm feeling better today," Ana commented back as she opened up the polystyrene container with the steaming food in and she looked to her parents. "It's still a little shaky but, I am finally starting to feel a bit like me."

"That's what we like to hear," Ray commented happily and passed Christian one of the containers. "We just got you the same, is that okay?"

Christian grinned, "Living with Ana had got me quite accustomed to these pancakes so thank you." He took the container and immediately opened it and took a sniff of the smell that permitted out. "They smell delicious."

"They taste it too," Ana commented with a mouthful and she loved how good her spirits were feeling. She knew she was rocky and she was acting a little bi-polar with her reactions and feelings but, right now she was going to eat her pancakes and enjoy this moment.

"Someone was hungry," Carla quipped as Ana finished her batch and handed the empty box back to Ray who quickly put it away in the empty carrier he had brought the food in. "Feel better for that?" She asked and Ana nodded merrily.

Everyone was praying that this up rise in Ana's mood was long lasting. None of them wanted to see how low she was the day before. None of them wanted to watch her suffer to that extent.

"Morning you lot," Grace said as she stepped into the room and came to stand at the end of Ana's bed. She smiled as the pair greeted her and she could see the difference in the air around her already. "How you doing this morning, Sweetie? Feeling any better?"

Ana nodded, "I am, thank you. I really am."

"Good," Grace replied and worried that she was about to kill a good thing. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out something as she began to speak up. "I brought this in, sweetie," Grace spoke a little wearily but, she confidently handed over a mirror. She watched as Ana took it but kept the reflective pane from showing her herself. "I need to check your wound to your neck and I brought it in just in case you wanted to take a look yourself."

Taking a deep breath, Ana spoke without looking at anyone who would influence her with this decision, "I want to see it." As the words left her mouth she looked up and gave a small smile, "I need to see it. I want to see it."

Immediately she saw everyone's eyes lighten up and Ana felt the positivity hit her this time.

"Okay then," Grace grinned and waited for Carla to move a little so she could get to Ana's side. Slowly she uncovered the wound to Ana's neck and just checked it over. "I am more than impressed with how this is healing, Ana. We'll check the others in a moment but, do you want to look?"

Ana swallowed the lump in her throat and brought the mirror up. She caught her entire appearance – the pale, gaunt skin; the reddening, sore eyes and then she saw it. Looking at her neck, even though it was red and raw still, the scar was so much thinner and so much neater that she felt a part of her esteem ignite and begin to rocket. Maybe the surgery was a success after all - physically as well as mentally.

As she looked at the scarring mark, she realised she didn't loathe it. Hell she loathed Kaitlyn and couldn't wait for her to get her comeuppance but, right now, Ana saw unadulterated hope. Something she thought she would never feel so soon after the devilish events that led to this point.

"Is that a good face?" Christian asked wearily as he watched her. She had a slight grin on her lips, but her eyes were stuck on her reflection. "Ana?"

"I didn't expect it to look that good," Ana murmured at him and she wanted to reach up and feel it but that was for another day. Today her bravery had her looking at it and that was enough. "I expected it to look worse. I don't know why. I expected to hate it but, I don't. I know it's still there but, I can deal with this. I know I can."

She then broke into a smile. She had to come back with a bang. She had to survive this now.

"Well, when I was called to come down I wasn't expecting this," Flynn commented as he stood in the doorway, a smile on his face. "I was expecting to be needed more."

"I still need you," Ana commented modestly and felt Grace cover her neck back up.

"I think we need to allow you to have a chat whilst we all go out. I'll clean your dressings up afterwards okay, Sweetie?"

"Okay," Ana replied and knew that even with a good mood going, she needed Flynn. Watching everyone leave, Christian the most tentative with his departure and watched as Flynn closed the door to the outside world.

"It's good to see you coping a lot better," Flynn spoke up first and had heard from Grace what had transcended the day before. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"I want to focus on getting over the attack, John," Ana spoke up, admitting her first step to him. "I want to get back on track first and then I want to look into my options with reducing the scarring. I don't want it all at once."

"That's a bold move to make, Ana," Flynn commented impressed. "But you know we will all be behind you 100% whatever you decide."

Ana nodded, "Well then, I want to deal with getting my life together, getting myself out of this hole I'm in and then I want to tackle everything else."

"Any particular reason you want to take a slower approach?" He asked, he knew people recovered at varying degrees but, most liked fast tracking their recovery. He didn't agree with that method but, he was a sounding board and a means of support to people and he would remain that.

Ana wrung her hands as she thought for a moment, "At the moment I feel like I am in constant battle with my thoughts and emotions. I have moments where I think about dying but, then I have moments where Christian or my parents show me how much they love me. I want to come out of this a survivor, John. I don't want to be a weakling anymore."

"It is still early days," Flynn countered slowly. "We can't make quick fixes."

"I don't want them," Ana stated. "I just want everyone to know that I know what I want to do now." She watched him remain silent and listen to her, "I want to think rationally, I want to wake up without a feeling of dread and I want to do this how I need to do this."

"We can do that," Flynn agreed with her. "Any major elements that have come to mind that you want to address immediately?"

"I don't feel that more surgery will help me feel good. I don't want to have that fear that it won't. I want to make my decisions rationally and on my own accord. Right now, I feel like I'm still doing things to suit everyone else. That's not how I want to do it," Ana continued and the more she said it, the more she admitted what she wanted, the more rock bottom drifted away. "So please, can you help me?"

Flynn gave her a bright smile, "Well then let's look at this objectively, shall we?" He asked and took a deep breath, "We can do this step by step and we can do this at whatever pace you want to do it."

"Slowly," Ana admitted with a brief laugh in her breath. She knew she could rush it and take control of her life but, she knew that in the long run that wouldn't work well for her. She knew the moment she was confronted with the outside world she would be confronted with a new battle and she wanted to feel more like the Anastasia Steele that thought it would be a perfect idea to wait for Christian Grey to leave that bar that first day they met.

She was going to make sure she would feel like that again. That was her goal because Christian was here to stay whatever.

"If I take this slowly and day to day I know I can make it out of this big black hole I've fallen into," she took a deep breath and offered Flynn her ultimate goal. "I want to be me again."

"I think you're going to do just fine," Flynn gave her a smile. Even though she was going to be subject to medication and therapy, Ana would be survivor once she found herself again.

For the first time since this happened, Ana knew that what Flynn was saying was true.

_She was going to be fine._


	29. Shield of Bravery

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_I am so sorry about my lack of updates! I was struck down with a massive migraine that has literally only just really gone… So since Saturday I've done a lot of sleeping and barely been on a laptop! But here I am! So excuse major mistakes… I'm still slow and ill! LOL_

_If you haven't, please check out of my Facebook page – __**Author Kirsty-Anne Still**__ – If you love my writing and am interested in my original work then you'll find it on there in tadbits! Also, I now have a new Twitter for my writing __** KirstyAnneStill**__ for my writing as well =) _

_Thank you, sorry for the wait but, enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Twenty- Nine_

* * *

"John said you're doing much better," Grace commented pleasantly. She put her hands on her hips and kept an eye on her patient.

Ana knew Grace was talking mentally but, she could tell she was also meaning physically.

"I wouldn't say better but, I know how I want this to pan out," Ana admitted and for once didn't feel guilty for wanting to do this how she felt right for her. "I'm just tired after everything."

"That's understandable," Grace acknowledged understanding that Ana's emotional onslaught combined with what her body was recovering from would just wipe her entire system. "Do you want to sleep or are you up for something?"

"Up for what exactly?" Ana fretted. She had no clue what could possibly be asked of her right now and she was scared of what it could possibly be.

"I want to try something," Grace commented suddenly and she looked directly to Ana, holding her attention. "It's a longshot but, I want you to go outside." She saw Ana's face glaze over with shock and fear all meddling together in hot fury. "Only sticking to the hospital grounds of course. I think it'll do you good," Grace tried to add her input to see if Ana would grasp at the idea.

"Go outside?" Ana asked, her voice quietening in volume until it was minimalist and shrouded with fright. "Now?"

Grace gave a curt head nod, "John and I have been talking on and off since you were admitted," Grace began to say. "In cases like yours, Ana, there are so many dark spots that can occur. We won't to give you preventative measures."

"Dark spots?" Ana asked, her tone becoming tight with confusion and laced with worry.

Grace sighed, worried at how this would affect Ana, "You're already signs of becoming heavily depressed but, with the behaviour you've exhibited we really need to be careful that you do not begin to show signs of becoming agoraphobic."

"Is that even possible?" Christian asked, jumping the moment he could. "It's been days."

"There's not a limit on how fast or how bad any mental disorder can become," Grace spoke with such a light tone that she hoped it would lessen the blow. "Ana, when we moved you from the ICU you panicked at being a joint room which is why we have you on your own. You've had the same nurses, doctors, the same people coming in and out of here for days. We need to slowly reintroduce you to the world outside of this room."

"I don't think I'm ready," Ana admitted and even though she saw some semblance of light piercing through she didn't know if she was ready to confront a situation that could end badly for her.

"I know, sweetheart," Grace replied honestly, "But the sooner you do this, the sooner we can deal with your reaction to being among the general public because you will have to do that." Grace could see how diffident Ana was to step up to the moment. "Like I said we won't rush you."

By the silence in the room, apparently everyone agreed and Ana was giving a few moments of bliss to just think.

Ana gave herself the moment to just take a few deep breaths, calm herself and try to find a rational thread in the mess that was her mind. There were so many things flying around, colliding with one another in her head that she wondered if she would ever have a cleared mind again.

Ana pondered on this. Her life had felt stuck in a time warp and she felt like the devil himself was playing puppet master with her. Morphing her and changing her into someone she wasn't. He was playing with her mind and mentally twisting her into a stranger. Did she give more of herself to the darkness or did she attempt to alleviate the black cloud that lived so vividly around her?

Apparently she was able to pull on a conscious filament of thought and find rationality in what felt like an insanely irrational world.

"Okay," she took a lungful of air as if to pump her chest out and give her courage an uplift, "I will go outside." As she looked up she caught the look on everyone's faces. Seeing them all look at her proudly like they used to with her accomplishments, Ana felt the hole in her heart begin to heal itself. "But," she added in, hoping not to destroy these expressions, "The moment I want to, can we come back in?"

"We do it on your say so and at your pace," Grace spoke with excitement. "If you want to sit outside for a long time, we'll do that. If not, then making it to the doors will be enough for me to say you tried. Giving it a go cannot and will not hurt, Ana." She then gave Ana a fresher, more optimistic look. "We'll use this as an excuse to get you out of that hospital gown as well," Grace gave Ana a playful grin and turned to leave.

"Apparently that means that Taylor bringing by a bag two days ago was worth it," Christian spoke up excitedly, finding the idea of Ana out of a hospital gown to be something worth celebrating. It was like it was a milestone set for them to enjoy.

"I get my own clothes?" Ana asked, her question coming out like a child asking a question in wonderment. She looked up at him, her bright blue eyes, for once not filled with tears, but gratified with awe.

"Yeah, baby, you do," Christian told her with a bright smile. "Now do you want help?"

"Can you help me?" She asked and then looked to her parents, "Do you mind?"

"Of course not, Annie!" Ray exclaimed, more than happy for Ana to let Christian take a stand here.

Carla agreed immediately, "We'll be outside waiting for when you're ready." Carla gave her daughter a kiss, "Take your time."

Listening, Ana pushed the sheets off of her the moment that the door was closed and slowly manoeuvred herself to the edge of the bed where Christian was grabbing her bag to set down ready to be emptied. This was the first time he was going to see her naked since the attack and even though she was covered in bandages, she still felt vulnerable under the scope of his gaze.

However, from the moment he untied the gown to the moment he helped her into her favourite patterned pyjama bottoms to helping her put a simple tank top on, she didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. Actually, she felt like she always had in Christian's presence – secrecy aside – she felt loved.

"I'm so proud of you," Christian praised her heavily as he wrapped the gown up ready to discharge of wherever he could. For now, he dumped it on the chair and went back to her, placing his hands on the mattress either side of her, he kissed her chastely. "God, you're amazing."

In the face of her own changing diversity, Ana did feel better about herself. She couldn't deny that accepting such a medial task like going outside – a part of everyday life – gave her a sense of empowerment. If she could do this, surely she could right her wrongs and find her life get back on track again?

She blushed, the first piece of colour to pierce through on her paled face and looked away. It felt like she was relearning the ways of love again right now. She was trying to fit it all together in accordance of her newer, scarred appearance. It was the hardest thing and yet the easiest thing for her to do. As she dropped her gaze, she caught a glimpse of a sleeve of something hanging out of the bag of things Christian had appeared with.

"Is that the hoody of yours I love?" Ana asked hopeful that her eyes were not deceiving her.

"Sure is," Christian said and pulled out the grey material that Ana wore more than anything in the comfort of Escala or her apartment. "I asked Taylor to pack it days ago."

Ana smiled, reaching out for the garment, "Can I wear this?" She asked and looked at him, "I want to wear it and it offers me with more cover. You know, just in case," she became unable to finish her sentence.

"You can wear whatever you want," Christian supported her decision. He would let her wear whatever she wanted if it meant getting her to take back the controls of her life.

Accepting the hoody in her grasp, Ana put it on with Christian's help allowed him to help her with some slippers he had in the bag and he helped her off of the bed completely, keeping her up. She found her limbs to be a little weaker than she could have imagined and she just held onto him as they finally walked from her room and made a descent down to the outside world that awaited her.

The closer the moment got, the more Ana's heart began to race and she panicked that she would cowardly change her mind and that thought was more apparent the moment the doors, with the world just behind them, came into view and drew closer and closer.

She took a staccato breath. She couldn't go any further just yet. She saw Grace's hand on the door, readying to push it open and allow them to go outside but, she couldn't react, she couldn't welcome this. So she just stood there, waiting, wishing, praying for strength to hit her.

"Baby?" Christian stopped with Ana, he didn't drag her out, he didn't force her. He waited. "Ana, baby, are you going to go out?"

"I-" she froze for a moment, "I don't know if I can." God, she wanted to walk out of those doors, head held high but, there was a glass block on it. She couldn't break through it. She was too weak to do so and she didn't know if she was prepared for what she would be met with outside.

"We're all here," Christian comforted her, knowing she knew full well they were all here for her. "We won't let anything happen. We're all here," he coached her, hoping it would work but, he just saw the apology lace into her eyes furthermore.

"I don't know," Ana whispered and bit her lip.

"C'mon, Steele," Kate's voice almost sang the words as she came to stand beside Ana. She saw Ana look up at her and she gave a bright smile even as Ana began to crumble into tears. "Hey, no tears, it's a gorgeous day outside and I think we need to take it in our stride."

"You're here?" Ana asked, her nostrils flaring as she looked all over Kate's presence before her. "You came back?" She saw Kate's smile fall into a modest grin, "I was horrible to you, Kate, you shouldn't be here."

Kate used Ana's hand in hers to turn her to face her, "You're my best friend and I knew you were in a bad place. You weren't thinking right and I reacted badly by leaving. I love you, Ana, You're my sister. How could I not come back?"

"Because I'm a horribly, ungrateful bitch," Ana felt the tear escape and roll down her cheek. "I-I," she stuttered for a moment and froze, "I regret everything that I said. I understand I hurt you when you found out about Christian and I and all I've done is continuing to hurt you."

"Hey what's a bond like ours with some hate," Kate winked at Ana. "Are you done with your bitch fit because I'll have you know I'll slap you right back to your room if you're not."

Ana gave a tearful laugh, "I'm done with that. Honestly, I've hit rock bottom. I don't want to stay here."

"Then let's go outside," Kate commented enthusiastically, taking her hand. "You are not going to hide away from the whole world and his wife. I won't let you and I'm pretty sure Christian won't either," Kate shot a pointed look at Christian and saw him agree.

"Too right," Christian almost gloated at that fact. He refused to hide Ana away. Regardless, he refused to let Ana become as lost as she had lately.

"Okay," Ana exhaled that two syllable word and just waited on fate's intervention. She needed a mighty shove to go outside and it had come at the right time and in the form of Kate.

"Ready?" Grace asked, offering Ana the option to back out and go back upstairs. Getting out of the room full stop would do Ana the world of good if that was as far as they were going to get today.

She was going to say she wasn't but, the moment she felt the hands on her give a tightened grip in aid of support, Ana took a deep breath, "Ready."

Grace gave a bright, broad, teeth baring smile at that word of pure defiance and opened the door, allowing them all to leave the hospital and enter the hospital outer ground.

Going outside, Ana closed her eyes as fresh air swirled around her and held her captive. She felt a little light headed but, she could only assume that came from being cloistered into a hospital room and not leaving it. However, the moment her senses caught up with one another she realised she missed the great outdoors.

She could hear people conversing, people laughing, she could hear nearby traffic and the low whistle of the wind mixed in with the sound of birds. She really had missed everything that filled thin air. Opening her eyes she allowed her world to just transcend into this piece of normalcy but, it didn't last long as other patients and family members gave a moment's notice to Ana.

She was now the subject of one important question – _what the hell happened to her?!_

She admittedly felt like a car crash – you know you shouldn't look but, you just couldn't help but get one quick passing gawp before you drove away. She had people staring at her quizzically as she walked towards a bench. Even with Christian one side, Kate flanked on the other, Ana felt entirely alone in this freak show. How could she not? These two were perfect.

For once in her life, Ana hated human curiosity. It was no longer an innate feature in the workings of a person's mind but, a morbid need to know a strangers business.

Ana breathed in and out between each new step she took. She mentally chanted a mantra to keep herself propelling forward at her slow, weak paced but, she didn't want to throw the towel in completely. Not yet, not now. And she was doing brilliantly right up until she caught someone pointing at her, then shielding the mouth to whisper to the person beside them.

"I want to go back inside," it was as she spoke she was backtracking.

Her shield of courage left behind.


	30. Best Part of Life

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_I'm running out of updates! I didn't wanna catch up on myself with this story but, being ill has killed me! Anyway, here's a chapter! Enjoy and thank you!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty_

* * *

Making it back to the room nearly four hours ago, Ana was still yet to take off the hoody she had hugged around her like a second skin. She was wearing a shield and all the time she was in it a part of her felt safe and secure and like no one could hurt her.

Since being back she found herself back in bed, covers over her, people surrounding her, drugs administered and Grace stressing how much Ana just needed to rest and recuperate. From the look on her face, Ana realised that Grace was apologetic over the way Ana had came back into the sanctum of her room. She'd even had a brief session with Flynn where he had stressed the same apology.

Ana had felt a panic attack coming on the moment she felt her lungs seize up. It was in the moment of seeing just one person point at her that she felt like the entire population was doing the same thing. She wanted nothing more than for the floor to swallow her whole and devour her into its haven but it never happened. Instead what she got was Christian helping her back inside, his hand rubbing her back to soothe her and a hubbub of commotion around her.

Chaos had broken loose literally.

Since getting back to the room, Ana had found the chaotic atmosphere shatter and lose its power. This was the calmest she had felt. This was the most content she had been able to be since she was admitted. There was no fear at the moment and she wondered if that was the cocktail of drugs she was continually given. She just dread to think what she would be like once she was given the Prozac. It worried her to think she was going on medication and she knew the moment she started taking them she would truly believe she was a depressive.

Right now she couldn't believe it because right now, she was happy or at least to an extent she could say the feeling in her was happier.

"I want to know how you two met," Kate started to say, snapping Ana back to the reality in the room and she knew that getting Ana to talk was only going to happen in this window of her good mood. "I mean, your first meeting went appalling."

"Remember I upped and left?" Ana started, pointing the question more so at Kate and she saw her nod, "And you thought it was an actual fail?"

"Don't remind me," Kate groaned and remembered that night like it was yesterday. She had known Ana and Christian were perfect for one another, she hated that it ended how it had.

"I'll remind her," Christian jumped in with much chagrin, he leaned in and rubbed his jaw as his smirk grew, "This girl here," he reached up and took Ana's hand in his, "Was waiting for my just outside the bar."

Kate's jaw dropped.

"We went to another bar just up the road and I don't know," Ana shrugged, "We connected. I saw him with Elliot and knew I wanted more. I just left because I felt I couldn't be enough seeing as he was fresh from a relationship. When I got outside I didn't want to let this moment pass."

"And I thank God every day she didn't," Christian spoke sincerely and rose her hand to his mouth.

"I didn't know you had the balls," Kate quipped impressed, nodding her head in approval at Ana. "I'm not saying I'm happy with how you kept it quiet for so long but, I can't stay angry when I can see how real this is for you two."

"I do love him," Ana admittedly in quiet tone and she felt her eyes water a little at the thought in her head. "The reason I left that night, Christian, was because I just wanted everyone to see this. I wanted them to see how happy you made and how happy I was about a future with you. When I heard you tell your mom that money was enough for you and that a woman wouldn't settle you I just felt like the walls were closing in. I had to get out."

"Hey," Christian calmed her rambling of woes and qualms and felt his own eyes water. "I know we got lost in that life and it didn't seem like I wanted to show you off, Ana. But I did, I so did. I was just trying to find the right time."

"You two got your wires so badly crossed it's unreal," Kate muttered unhappily, divulging their real problem. "Both of your seemed to lack communication right there on not coming out with the fact you're dating. If you'd just talked it out we wouldn't be at this point."

"Yeah we should have," Ana whispered back and looked at Christian's hand in hers. She could dwell on what had happened but, it wouldn't change the fact that she was disfigured.

Christian pushed some of his hair back out of his face, "Life would be so much simpler." He furrowed his brow as he imagined a life with just full publicity and he saw it for its real worth – simple. "God, I fucked up, baby."

"No," Ana told him, calming his heating tone. "No you didn't. We both did. We both agreed. We both believed that at the time our jobs would benefit better without the media getting wind of our relationship. Looking back, it's a really crap reason we did it for but, we did it and we have to live with it. Simple as." Ana tried to show her optimistic side but, finding it in the Pandora's box of her mind was a struggle. "We just need to get passed this."

"Do you think Kaitlyn would have done this? Like really," Kate asked, jumping the gun a little with her question but, she was waiting for the meddling bitch to appear again.

"Yes," Christian and Ana spoke in unison before Christian continued. "She had threatened Ana already. Threaten to destroy her before she could really take off. She threatened to get me sued for some absurd reason or another and she promised we would regret adding publicity to our belt.

"She might not have done this though if there was so much coverage," Kate tried to rationalise the situation. She wanted to find a loop hole somehow, somewhere.

"Actually, if I know Kaitlyn like I think I do then she would have done this whatever," Christian spoke up, his tone gaining edge as his anger began to ripple. "This was orchestrated and she spent months planning it to make sure she had every base cover. I know it."

"That girl was always a nutcase," Elliot grumbled remembering too many bad memories about Kaitlyn Brown.

"Exactly," Christian agreed with his brother. "She would have loved the publicity that came with her doing anything to us."

"She's going to get the same publicity now though," Kate tried to rationalise how Kaitlyn's mind worked but, apparently trying to think like a psycho wasn't as easy as she had first thought.

"But not on her say so," Christian protested back and couldn't help but feel like his voice was just a constant moan whenever Kaitlyn was so much as thought of. "She did this for a reason. She did this for effect. She did this to get caught on her terms."

"No, that's not it. Nothing will not going to work. She's got her alibi," Ana's voice suddenly penetrated the air. "She isn't going to get caught and that isn't something I can live with."

"I will get her put away, Ana," Christian spoke with such certainty it burnt through to his soul. "She might think she is the lucky one that got away with it but, she hasn't fully prepared for what measures I will go to."

"I just want to be safe," Ana breathed, hoping he heard her desperation. "That's all."

"I will make you safe," Christian vowed solemnly. "Mark my word."

Carla cleared her throat after watching Ana's serene body language slowly tense up, "I think it's best we move this conversation onwards. I think Ana's had enough stress today. It's time we just talk about something less nerve-racking."

"Carla's right," Christian breathed a massive sigh of relief at being able to just drop the Kaitlyn problem. He had his own men at work and until he was informed differently, he's top and main priority was Ana.

"I got something we can discuss," Kate blurted out and narrowed her gaze onto Ana and Christian again. "I've been thinking about if there were any indicators to you two dating."

"And have you thought of any?" Christian asked, his tone daring her, challenging her with a fury.

"Oh yeah," Kate gloated and flexed in her chair, settling back in a casual poised position. Escept her words weren't at Christian after his taunting dare but, at Ana. "When you went away," Kate began to piece it together, "You said you were going to Australia."

"I did but with Christian. We went travelling," Ana grinned and remembered how perfect those three weeks were just living simplistically and not having to worry about getting caught.

Elliot had to laugh, "Bro, you are a dark horse aren't you?"

"Believe me, it was the best three week lie of my life," Christian grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Business trip my ass. I was celebrating my first anniversary with the girl I loved in Australia and just letting loose."

Ana choked on a quick fit of laugher at the thought. She was pretty sure that Christian's idea of letting loose wasn't what she wanted her mother and father to know. She settled promptly and found that her little moments of ease and normalcy were quickly shrouded with darkness but, she couldn't let go of the memories that kept her sane right now.

"Oh yeah, we had fun," Christian grinned even harder and then allowed his curiosity to bubble. "So, I'm curious," Christian piped up suddenly. Attention turned onto him and he looked between Ana and her mother before settling back onto Ana. "You told your mother?"

Ana blushed, gave an impish smile, "It just fell out." She was tiring now and she was trying to hide it. "It just literally fell out."

"Oh it really did," Carla laughed remembering the night. "She even told me how she wasn't supposed to be telling anyone."

Christian chuckled at the thought knowing how much of a blabber mouth Ana could become when she got started. "So all the time I was keeping quiet you were actually blabbing it around?" Ana nodded at him, a small grin playing on her lips, "I'm glad she told you, Carla, and I hope you understand exactly what Ana means to me. What I feel for her isn't just a reaction to this but, a reaction to my first meeting Ana. That first day I knew she was going to be trouble but, I didn't realise it was going to be something I loved and cherished every day. She made it into my heart in such a way it seemed easy to her and she taught me to love, like truly love. I will forever be grateful for her just for that."

Ana put her hand to her mouth and tried her hardest to just hide her yawn but, she was failing when everyone began looking at her. She felt rude for interrupting but, she was finding it increasingly difficult to just concentrate on the budding conversation around the room.

"You tired, baby?" Christian asked as he caught her trying to hide her notion of exhaustion

"Yeah but, carry on," she told them and smiled. Just because she was tired didn't mean that all conversation needed stall altogether. She liked hearing Christian's voice as she slept. His voice was like her own sweet lullaby.

"What were you saying?" Kate asked, her interest peaking.

"I was saying that the fifteen months I've been in a relationship with Ana have been the best of life. I want a lifetime like them," he smiled as he spoke that line. He looked at her as she began dose, trying hard to keep her eyes open, "I can't think of a better life."

Ana closed her eyes a smile curving onto her lips at his words and let conversation carrying on around her, however long the journey she was never going to doubt how much people wanted to be here with her.


	31. Playing Coward

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Sorry for the lack of updates lately… Still unwell and this weekend my brother is home so I will be spending time with him so if updates disappear you know why =) Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favourites! Enjoyyy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-One_

* * *

Christian rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen the knot that was gathering across them. He had barely moved in two days and he refused to do so now. He would sit here until such time that Ana was nearing leaving this room and going home. It had been eight days and every day he woke up he found he cherished life more and more – especially Ana's. He knew that she was in a bad place and there were no easy fixes but, he wished all the money in his accounts would just enable him to save her from herself.

"She's still sleeping then?" Kate asked as she came in with coffee for her and Christian. She handed it over, remembering from many occasions that the pair and Elliot went out for coffee and she remembered he liked it black with no sugar.

Christian nodded and took the coffee, "Yeah but, mom's been in checking on her religiously all morning. Apparently this is just Ana's body recovering to everything thrown at her," he took a sip of his coffee and looked at Ana. "She's on the comedown."

"Well we can only think that this is doing her the world of good," Kate tried to dig out the silver lining and then she cleared her throat. "Any more news on Kaitlyn?"

"Not a lot but, I have men working on cracking her fiancé. There's a lot of grey areas that we need to cover and I intend to get her locked up. God, does she deserve to suffer," Christian quite literally growled the words. Any thought of Kaitlyn just boiled his blood and made him want to seek revenge. If it wasn't for Ana he would be danger to the general public.

Accept that, Kate felt the need to press onwards with this conversation, "So, how come you have so many photos when you never went public?"

"I just couldn't stop taking them," Christian gave a slight shrug and he couldn't withhold grinning like a school boy. He looked at Ana, his eyes stuck on her, "I find myself walking into the room and just watching her and thinking to myself how the hell I mastered it. I mean how does someone like Ana look twice at someone like me?"

"It's not your money," Kate felt a need to defend her best friend quickly and gave a smile and brought her shoulders up as Christian looked at her. "Ana isn't materialistic."

"I know she isn't," Christian agreed and dropped his gaze onto the sleeping Ana before him. "I've spent so many nights watching her sleeping waiting for that one day to just tell everyone the real reason why I'm so happy. Why I'm less of asshole," he huffed on a humourless chuckle, "I wanted everyone to know why I'm more bearable. I wanted everyone to know what had tamed me. Who had made me the man I always dreamt of being."

"Was there ever a time you were going to go public?" Kate pondered, she had been thinking it since finding out about the whole relationship.

Christian nodded, "I'd bought her this gorgeous dress once. It was a peachy pink colour, real Grecian style with dark embroidery work on the waist. The moment I saw it I saw her in it. I was going to bring her to the fundraiser my mother arranged but, Ana got-"

"Got ill," Kate finished Christian's sentence for him as she remembered the night all too well. "She got struck down with some virus she caught from work. That girl hardly gets ill and if she does she just carries on but, that knocked her on her arse."

"Yup," Christian gave a mirthless laugh and looked down at his hands. "Regrettably, I took that as a sign that maybe the time wasn't right." He shook his head in disappointment and then suddenly he felt himself get angry at himself, "I'm a fucking coward. It's all I see when I look back. How the hell she is ever going to believe I love her?" He looked to Kate, his eyes wild with fear, alive with terror that he could be dealt a future without Ana. "

"By showing her every day that she is worth the world," Kate gave her simplest means to making Ana feel loved and idolised.

Christian took a massive breath and sat up, "I need to make a statement because I am sick of the tabloids mentioning I'm here and no one knowing why. I want to shut their accusations up and I want them to know my biggest secret."

"Is that wise?" Kate probed, giving a questioning look.

"It'll stop them accusing me of being gay," Christian tried to joke. "I won't let her be shut away anymore."

"What if she wants that?" Kate pressed, fearing for Ana's already fragile mind set.

Christian stalled all thoughts, all bodily process as he thought about it and he had one opinion on the matter, "I won't let her become a recluse, Kate. I won't do that. I won't allow her to lose herself. I won't pressurise her to go public but, I refuse to let her think that locking herself up is the best thing." He put his hands in his hair and bowed his head entirely. God, he didn't know what to do right when everything could have dire consequences.

Taking in a deep breath, Kate changed the subject quickly, "That evening, when Ana was ill that's why you left early wasn't it?" Kate asked, piecing the pieces together. "You left to get home to her?"

Christian nodded, "she was exactly where I had left her on the couch."

"What about the dress?" Kate asked with a playful grin. "I kinder want to see this dress myself."

"I still have it at the apartment," Christian said and his gaze just stared off as he remembered the box that was sitting unopened.

"Have you not given it to her?" Kate asked, wondering how such a dress could escape Ana. She usually was able to sniff a dress out from a mile radius.

Shaking his head, "I don't think she's even found it."

"Well I am shocked," Kate literally gasped and then melted into a laugh, Christian doing the same. "I might have to pull her up on it."

"I was thinking I might give her it when we get home," Christian mused out loud and thought for a moment. "I just don't want her to think I want to showcase her just yet."

"She won't," Kate replied with a genuine smile and heard her phone go off. She grabbed it and smiled brightly, "Elliot's just coming in. He wants me to meet. You be okay here?"

"Sure," Christian commented, not lying with his simple comment. He was more than okay to be here alone with Ana. He watched her leave and reached over to grab Ana's hand, noticing quickly that such a little motion woke Ana up. "Hey," Christian quickly responded to the blue tired eyes just staring at him. "Nice to see those beautiful eyes open at long last."

"I'm still tired," Ana whispered at him, and she meant it literally and in a sense that she was tired of the same old feeling cloaking her.

Christian gave her a smile. "Then sleep, baby. You just sleep."

"Where is everyone?" She whispered, straining her eyes to stay awake just a few more minutes.

"Kate's gone to meet Elliot downstairs, your parents are currently getting settled into their new apartment," he paused and looked to his Rolex on his wrist. "Actually, they should be on their way here now. Mia's fluttering around somewhere waiting for you to be awake so she can apologise," he saw a small smile splay on Ana's lips, "And my mother is finally sleeping because she's been on the go since you've been admitted."

"Okay," Ana yawned and adjusted her hold on Christian's hand. "Can I have a cuddle?" She asked meekly, childlike and meek in manner. "I miss you." She knew it sound ludicrous because Christian had barely left the room but, him sitting beside and holding her were so different and she missed his hold when he would wrap his body around hers whilst in bed. She was literally craving his hold and her body and mind was yearning for it.

Feeling his heart ache, Christian carefully got up and lay with her. The moment she melted to his chest in his embrace, life seemed so much simpler. He felt Ana draw in the deepest of breaths before releasing it and settling again.

"I love you so much, Ana," Christian whispered as he looked down, the bright white bandage on her face meeting his gaze, and he just brought her hair back, well aware she was asleep and continued anyway. "There will be no day you won't know how much I love you. I need you like I need the breaths in my lungs and I know you need me too. Baby, I will make you feel like the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth. Mark my words."

He lay there still and just listened to her rhythmic breathing. Even though there were demons and doubts shading their path, Christian only needed to know that Ana had survived to believe that their future together was going to be the best anyone could ever imagine. He closed his eyes, feeling at peace enough to just rest a little and imagined that future. He only saw a bright smiling Ana, looking radiant as ever, the scars unfading but, just adding to her beauty. She wore the scars, they didn't wear her.

He would make her take command and he would make sure that her scars were not a barrier for her to try and defeat forever. She was going to get all of the riches in the world she had dreamt of with her career and she was going to shock people with her talent and drive.

He took in a breath and opened his eyes to see Ray and Carla conversing as they sat around. It tried to wake up quickly and just stifled a yawn which caught their attention. "Sorry, I didn't think I would fall asleep so easily."

"It's been a long few days," Carla empathised with a warm smile. "We didn't want to disturb you when you were finally getting some rest."

"Thanks," He said and took a look at Ana before planting a kiss to the top of her head, catching her forehead and hairline. "Has she woken up at all?"

"No," Ray began, "She's barely moved either. We just didn't want to move either of you for a moment so we left you to wake up yourself. Sorry if we woke you up talking."

Christian waved them off, "It's no problem. I was only going to hold her not sleep."

"Well you obviously needed it," Carla smiled at him. "Kate has been up but, her and Elliot have gone to grab some lunch for everyone. We can see if Ana wants to eat anything."

"She might not want to eat. Flynn and my mother warned that the medication she's now on, whilst it won't take effect fully for maybe weeks, Ana will be experiencing the side effects so her appetite might be even more non-existent than it has been."

"Right," Carla nodded, having remembered the chat but she was so consumed on watching Ana that she had gotten lost from the conversation. She felt Ray take her hand and give a reassuring squeeze and she felt the heaviness of quietness just descend upon them all.

"Hey," Grace broke the silence in the room as she came in a few moments later. "It looks like the Prozac are more than doing their job."

Christian looked at Ana, "Yeah, she's exhausted." He was surprised when he heard that the medication could cause insomnia but, Ana had barely been awake in the past two days and even now she was in no hurry to wake up.

"Her body's dealt with a lot," Grace assured them. "She needs this type of rest right now and it might not seem it but, in the long run, it'll do her the world of good to just sleep." She came into the room more, sitting on the end of the bed. "Right I've got some news."

"What?" Ray jumped in, father mode spiking into existence.

"I've been in a meeting with Ana's doctors and Flynn," Grace stated and saw she caught everyone's attention. "We're looking into discharging her in the next few days," Grace commented and she couldn't hide how good it felt to finally start Ana on a new path in this recovery. "She isn't a risk to herself as much as she was. She hasn't shown any behavioural traits that she is suicidal anymore and I think she needs to cope with being out of here and recuperating at home. She needs to be someone safe to her. She needs to get better at home now. There are matters we need to cover but, we will be getting her home soon. Of course, Flynn and I will be by daily to make sure there aren't any changes but, I think it's time that Ana started to rebuild her life."

Christian looked over his shoulder as Ana slept. He didn't know where Ana wanted to live but, he wanted to be by her side at all costs.

Nothing else in the world mattered any longer and it wouldn't until Ana was back to herself.


	32. Big Wide World

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Sorry for the break in updates! I decided to take a day out and spend it with my brother as I don't see him as often as I would love to. Forgive me? _

_I hope you enjoy this and know how thankful I am for the support I have had with this story! It is being made into an original after much agreement – If you wanna see the change check out my author Facebook page – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – and you'll see my original stuff =)_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Two_

* * *

"You're doing so well," Carla coached her daughter as they sat outside. It was barely even nine AM and with Christian having been called to work, Ana felt a need to try and go outside on her own. With her mother here and her father on his way, Ana felt a burst of pride rush through her system. If she was strong enough to do this it had to be a good sigh. Right?

Ana gave a forced smile, trying to believe it but, what he mother couldn't hear was her heart pumping so fast she was sure if it thrashed anymore against her rib cage then it would burst out for the world to see. God knew what she would be like when it came for her to leave the house without a bandage in place because, after all, wounds healed.

"You should be proud of yourself," Carla's hand wrapped around her daughter's a little more, keeping it from shaking. She knew this was a big step – sitting in public – but, she never doubted that her daughter wouldn't take it in her stride. "Real proud," she added and all she got was a head nod from Ana. "Stop bottling," Carla pressed, "A problem shared is a problem halved."

Ana knew right away her mother was right.

"I worry about life on the outside," Ana mentioned, making a hospital stay sound like a prison sentence. "Like how every single aspect of my life is going to just be changing and it's going to such a battle to get things on track."

"Well you do realise you have a family that loves you on your side?" Carla asked and Ana looked to her and nodded vigorously in response. "And you do know you have a man that loves you and will stick by you."

In that moment, Ana sucked in a difficult breath. Her mind swirled and drifted off for a moment, took her away from the main topic at hand, "I know he loves me," Ana spoke up softly. "I just wonder if love is enough," she admonished and took in a deep, soothing breath. "You know once these are off," she waved at her face, her hand gliding over the space before her neck and chest to apply emphasis. "What is he going to think when there is no hiding? I don't want to hide at home. Not in a place I should be me without threat. I don't want to worry that I am not enough with my scars. I just don't-"

"Ana, baby," Carla cut into her daughter's rambling and turned on the bench, taking Ana's hands in her. "You need to take a deep breath and look at this more objectively. He isn't going to leave when he sees those scars. He looks passed them. He loves them like he loves you. I know that. I see that. I've lived that with you. His love for you is undeniable and nothing is going to change that." She gave a small, comforting smile, "He loves you so much that you will be loved until the day you die. I'm confident in that and as your mother I shouldn't find any man good enough for you." She rose her hand up to catch her daughter's lone tear with the pad of her thumb, "But for Christian I do. I don't doubt a word that leaves his mouth and neither should you."

"I hope you're right," Ana whispered, a small smile curving onto her lips.

Carla leaned in, a self-assured grin plastered onto her lips, "I am right."

At that Ana did cave into a light giggle, knowing how pushy her mother was being and knew she wouldn't be like it if she didn't mean it. Ana just had find herself and then the self-doubt that shrouded her would begin to lift and disperse. Her family wouldn't lie to her and especially not right now.

"It's easier to believe you today," Ana admitted and she felt sheepish as she spoke that. "If you had said this to me days ago I would have laughed and told you where to go." She watched her mother laugh at her, "I am so sorry for everything I have put you through."

"Hey now," Carla started in a scolding manner. "You know that apologises are useless here. I have nothing to forgive you for, baby. You were, hell you still are, hurting and you snapped. You had to reach that point to realise that you were doing something wrong. Now look you at you," Carla could only smile at her daughter, "You make me so proud."

Flaring her nostrils as her eyes watered, Ana tried to calm herself, "I remember lying in that room and I could only see my mistakes. I couldn't believe I said everything I did especially to Ray. He is my father. There is no disputing that and I just threw it in his face. The same with you and Kate. I was on self-destruct and I hate myself for ever letting me sink that low. I am not that type of person that is malicious and I turned into some _monster_."

"You hit rock bottom," Carla reminded her and didn't show any animosity towards her daughter because the bottom line was that there wasn't one. "You know that now. You hit rock bottom quicker than some and there is only one way to go now."

"Up," Ana whispered out and took a deep breath. "I know it's not going to be a seven day fix to get out of this hole I'm in but, I don't want to be on the bottom anymore. I don't want to be like this forever."

"You won't be," Carla spoke with a bright smile, "You'll see. When you least expect it then you'll realise that you aren't there anymore and you'll surprise yourself." Carla gave her daughter a bright smile and a wink, "Believe me, Ana, it'll just happen."

"I hope so," Ana said and her gaze travelled to the right suddenly as she felt haunted by questioning gazes. She saw two girls together and quickly pulled Christian's hoody around her body whilst pushing the hair tugged behind her ear out to cover her cheek and some of her neck.

Noticing her daughter's suddenly shy behaviour, Carla turned in her seat and almost went crazy. "I have the good mind to go and shut those silly girls up," Carla sneered, staring directly at two females that kept looking at Ana with speculation. She wondered if Ana was getting ready to bolt.

"They can stare all they want," Ana mumbled not prepared to go running. Sitting there hidden was enough to keep her outside because she didn't want to be the hunted anymore. However much it agitated her to have people staring like she was circus freak show, all curious, all begging to know, Ana wasn't going to go and hide. "I'm not quite ready to go back to my room."

"Does that mean you're ready to come home?" Carla asked hopeful.

Ana hesitated for a moment, she halted and thought carefully, "That's a different story." She searched her mother's eyes for answers but, found none and had to trust her gut, "As much as I'm getting comfortable out here, I still don't like it much. I just know that going out of those front doors and going home is going to be scarier. I have nowhere to hide like I do here. I'm on my own."

"No, you are never going to be on your own. My sweet baby, you are never going to be alone out there. So please, never ever think you are going to be alone because I will be with you every step of the way. I will be there regardless, Ana. I know the big wide world is scary but, you have so much to give."

"I'm scared that I'll have to prove myself," Ana confessed and felt her eyes water all over again. What if no one wanted her outside of Christian and her family? What if she was never enough?

"The only person you ever have to prove yourself to is yourself," Carla offered her own philosophical motto. "Never be anything other than and never feel like you have to prove yourself to be accepted." She placed her hand to her daughter's chin, lifting her head so their eyes met, "Do you hear me? Never prove yourself to anyone who doesn't deserve it. Can you do that?"

"Yeah," Ana whispered back at her mother and then suddenly threw her eyes around her mother's neck, clinging on appreciatively. She couldn't fault how protected she felt by her family. She no longer felt like a victim to them. Apparently her breakdown had done more that shock Ana to the core. Hitting rock bottom had affected everyone and they were now treating her like she was Ana – their daughter, friend, soul mate.

Carla gave her daughter a gentle squeeze before relinquishing her hold, "C'mon, sweetheart, let's get back upstairs before people panic."

Without a word, Ana released her mother's hold completely, stood up and walked back up, partially the way with her hand in her mom's as if she was a child again and scared to get lost again. After all, wasn't that her fear now? Ana was terrified to get caught in a deadly rapture and never coming back again. She only let go of the hold as they neared her room and her sanctum was coming back to her.

Walking into the room, arms wrapped around herself she came to see Grace and Christian, panic rife in the air. She watched and listened to Christian just ranting off about Ana disappearing or worse and she gave a small smile, "I'm behind you, you silly man."

That paused the terror unravelling anymore.

"Ana! I was worried when I got here and you weren't," Christian said as he turned to face Ana. He went straight over to her, wrapping his arms around her the moment he could and just held her close to him for a moment. "I was scared."

"I was only outside," Ana told him and hugged him back. "Is everything okay at work?" She asked as pulled back and could see how the few minutes of disappearance had caused him such distress. "I went outside with my mom, okay? Please, Christian, stop looking so panicked."

"Sorry," he dissolved from his worrying height and took in her presence. "Work's fine. Just imbeciles unable to do their job properly," he joked as he led her back to the bed. "Feel better for being outside?"

Ana nodded, "I didn't run away from people this time."

"That's good," he spoke pleasantly, "You have no reason to run. If anyone they need to run from the wrath of me for ever making you feel the need to disappear."

"Playing hero I see, Mr Grey," Ana quipped and watched him lean in. He planted a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling away leaving her with a soft smile on her lips.

"Always," he confirmed her words and then kissed her on the lips. This kiss, unlike the one prior, was forceful, passionately fuelled and heavily laden with love and Ana just melted against him. She didn't care that their mothers were watching them, she just needed this welcome. "I love you," he whispered as he slowing, and unwillingly pulled away.

"I love you too but, you've made me want coffee now," she teased and licked her lips leisurely. She watched him chuckle and she looked to Grace, "Were you worried too?"

Grace nodded her head, "Of course." Grace gave a smile and then took a deep breath, "I have some good news."

"You do?" Ana asked, not sure what was coming next.

"We've reviewed your health and I think you're ready to go home today," Grace spoke with such optimism it filtered into the room, clawed at the walls and infected everyone around her. "Of course, John and myself will be checking in with regards to your mental status but, physically, you are strong enough to go home so we're going to allow you to recover at home, Ana. We feel you're ready to be discharged by lunch."

Except Ana wasn't ready to go home. Going outside in the hospital vicinity was one thing but, going outside to the rest of the general public shot up warning sirens and made Ana realise that she wasn't prepared at all.


	33. Getting Free

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Hey guys! I'm sorry for disappearing but, I am literally dying in bed with some bug! So you're getting an update but, I'm afraid I don't know when I'll be updating again. I really am sorry but, here's a little longer chapter to keep you going…_

_On another note, please like my author page on Facebook – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – I'm trying to gain a wider web presence for my original work and would love the support! Also, find me on Facebook as 'Klcm Fanfiction'…_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Three_

* * *

"Decided where you want to go yet?" Christian asked as he sat on the bed, Ana now finally dressed, her parents signing her discharge papers.

Ana, after a long mental debate, nodded. She licked her lips to dampen them and she then spoke, "I want to go back to my apartment." Immediately she saw hurt wash into Christian's gaze but, she couldn't do things for him right now. She had to right by herself. "I just want to go home, Christian. And right now, your apartment just reminds me of everything I walked away from."

"It's here though," Christian stated as if it were that simple. "Didn't I bring it all back to you?"

"Yes," Ana breathed out and she could hear the octaves in Christian's voice wavering readying to explode. "But going back there reminds me of those moments before I left. Everything that happened, what I felt, what was said, what happened after." She could see his anger dissolving as she spot and she knew she couldn't let him beat her, she had to rise above it and tell him the truths of her tortured soul. "Just let me deal with this how I need to, please," Ana began to beg, her tone going taunt on her. "I didn't do it to make you angry, Christian, or be selfish. I want to go home because that is where I want to be. That's in my apartment that I share with Kate and my best memories there are of hiding away with you."

And there it was again, that one word that would be sticking around for a lot longer than he wanted – hiding. They had hid before with a simple reason but, now Ana would be hiding away with another reason and that would be to keep herself from anybody's naked eyes.

"It seems we're good at hiding," Christian spoke tenderly and exhaled heavily. He felt like such a disappointment to Ana. He had made her feel like the monster long before someone decided to transform her to make her think she really was one. He stayed off, deflated and then spoke quietly, "I kept you hidden for so long and now how can I force you out of that and into public?" He looked to her as she remained silent, "You'll never be my monster, Ana. I will never allow you to be that or feel that again. I did it once and I regret it. Every single moment of it, I hate. You're too beautiful to be my monster."

Ana gave him a small smile, "I know I'm not your monster." It was the truth. To her family, to Christian's, she didn't feel like a repugnant state. She felt like Ana but, on the outside of this room she felt like something unworthy of daylight. She felt like a volatile atrocity to society. With that aspect of her life, she had to rebuild and make herself believe she worthy of public display without feeling like she was the outcast.

"Good," he said and leaned in, his lips capturing her in a gentle touch. "I respect you staying at yours and Kate's place."

"But you're not happy with it," Ana spoke, finishing his forethought off and she gave a small, gentle grin. "I need to do what's right for me."

"I know," Christian breathed. He understood her wanting to be at her own home but, at Escala he had security. He had control. God, he felt more comfortable with looking after her to his best ability. However, now was not a time to execute his innate drives to live passed this. No, right now, was about Ana. She needed him by her side regardless and if he ever wanted her to realise he was deadly serious with his verbal battles then he needed to accept what she wanted and deal with it. "We'll go to your apartment," Christian told Ana and gave her a kiss before standing. "I guess we better take these down so we can put them up at yours."

Ana gave a smile at him, even though she was happy to be leaving she would never admit the absolute horror and detest that was rivalling in her stomach at the thought of leaving the hospital. However, she didn't want to live in the confines of this sterile room. She wanted comfort and warmth. She wanted time to rebuild and equal time to plan ahead.

As she watched Christian pull down the photos, she took them and placed them back into the box one by one, revelling in the memories. She just got sat and got lost until she heard the familiar sound of Kate approaching the room.

"Before we leave," Kate came into the room, all guns blazing, "I want to know what hell is going on with the skank Kaitlyn. Do I need to start sharpening my claws?"

Christian couldn't resist a laugh and nor could Ana apparently. "I'd say sharpen them ready but, put them away." Christian's tone was doused in so many conflicting emotions it was hard to work out if he was bemused, angry, content, whatever. It was hard to pinpoint. "She's no longer in the country so she isn't an immediate threat right now."

Ana could tell that was why Christian was less tense, why his shoulders weren't hunched with stress. The woman that was haunting them all was gone and so was the stress.

Rolling her eyes, Kate placed her arms across over her chest, "Well she's clearly getting away with it now but, I want to know where the hell she's hiding now," Kate's tone was snappy and biting. She wanted nothing more than to rip Kaitlyn to shreds because they all knew she was the culprit and she was living on bided time. "That bitch and I need to have words."

"She's gone," Christian sighed nonchalantly. "According to her bank accounts she's gone back to London," Christian spoke with clear disappointment that Kaitlyn had simply skipped the country. "I have my men watching her like a hawk both here via her internet trail and over in England. She isn't a risk to us right now."

"But she did this," Ana moaned in terror that Kaitlyn would never get punishment. "How does she get to just disappear and live her life like nothing happened?"

"Because she can with the amount of money her father supplies her with but, mark my word when I say the guilty always run. She just made herself look worse and the guilty always get caught in my eyes," Christian's words weren't futile when they were fuelled as heavily as they were right now. "I even intend to threaten her inheritance to get myself a confession if it comes to it." He could see the stress dissolving from Ana and he just smiled, "Now can you just smile for me and enjoy the fact that we are getting you home so that we can get life back on track?"

"You're right," Ana spoke up, realising that this was her opportunity to grab her life by the horns and control her destiny.

Sensing her doubtful attitude, Christian sat back down with her, "I know she is still a threat but, I can't do anything without fool hardy proof and I can't bear to leave you right now to go to London and hunt her down myself. Can you understand that?" Christian begged an answer from Ana and she nodded at him, "I am trying everything I can but, I don't want to leave you just now and I feel that either way I am just letting you down. If I go to London I leave you behind but, if I stay here I don't get the person behind this." Christian felt like he was stuck between a hard place and a rock whilst he fought his gut feeling and his heart's desires.

"She's not a threat right now and it's her word against mine. I know she did it but, for now I just want to leave here with you and my family and work on getting me to a place where I can defend myself completely," Ana began to battle Christian's issues. It made her feel good to be needed and useful. "Let's just go home, Christian."

Christian gave a smile and embraced Ana before he stood up and took the remaining photos down. He was going to find a place for these all over her apartment and his. He wasn't going to let memories die and he wasn't going to let her forget that new ones were on the horizon.

"Discharge papers have been signed," Carla said as she stepped into the room.

"But we have an issue," Taylor spoke up as he entered the room.

"What?" Christian asked sharply, wondering what on earth could have happened.

"All exits have been consumed," Taylor spoke unhappily, his entire face full of thunder. "Some nurse let the details leak and media have swarmed."

"I want her fired," Christian snarled, his voice deep and dark at the thought of someone being so inconsiderate. "What's the plan now?"

"We wait it out the best we can or we make a run for the car. I can have it brought as close to the exit with the least amount of press and we can get Ana out and in the car as quickly as possible," Taylor informed his boss, giving his best solution. "Otherwise we wait until they tire and we try again. From what I've surveyed they are here for a long wait."

"I want to go home," Ana spoke softly, just dropping her most thought out notion in all of this. "That's it. I just want to get out of here. Why can't they just leave us be?"

Taylor gave both Christian and Ana a sad smile, seeing his boss frozen with an inability to speak. "To them you're worth a mint, Ana. Simple as. You are, with or without scars, the woman that has had Christian Grey sitting vigil for nearly ten days. They won't leave until they've seen you."

"In simple terms, I'm just a massive dollar sign to them," she muttered back and ran her hands through her head contemplating what best to do right now. She noticed all of the solemn looks she was getting. She had to accept her newest fate – she was tabloids dream for more reasons that the obvious one.

"Yes," Christian broke his own silence. "I'm sorry for that, Ana."

"You didn't make them into vultures!" Ana exclaimed at Christian, hating him for even blaming himself, "They're the ones that should apologise. They need to respect privacy."

Christian chuckled loosely at that claim, "Privacy doesn't exist in their minds. We've created a media whirlwind and they want to know all about it. They will hunt every high and every low until they find their information, Ana and that wouldn't be the case if I wasn't so rich. If I were just a normal guy then you wouldn't have half of these problems following you."

"Are you trying to make me blame you?" Ana asked, her tone heating up as she realised what he was doing. "If so, stop! Stop it right now! It's not going to work on me. I don't blame you for anything. You can't help who you fall in love with and I don't care about what happened because the most important thing in my life is that I fell in love with one the best men I have ever met! Money, fame, power aside, I don't care for it. I won't ever care for it. I just care about you, Christian. That's it. I love you."

"If I ever doubted your love for me, Ana, that right there would have stopped it," Christian told her with such ease and happiness it was captivating. "God, you don't know how much I love you and I won't ever be able to tell you the extent all the time I know you love me the same way. There's no limit to us, baby, and I hope there never is."

"Can we stop with all the lovey dovey mushy crap and go home?" Kate asked, not sorry for cutting into the moment. "You can continue this when you have a room to get lost in." She winked at Ana and then looked to Taylor, "What's your game plan to get Ana out of the hospital?"

Taylor smirked, "I think we need bait."

"I don't like the sound of this," Christian spoke and stood up, turning to face his head body guard. "What bait do we have?"

"Ana's mother," Taylor approached his plan with poise. "They're very similar and I think if we could get a few bandages and hide her under a coat the press will swarm. Whilst they're doing so we can get Ana out and into the car without being seen. The car has blackout windows so no one will see her once she's in the car if they suspect anything."

Christian liked the plan but, he wasn't going to subject Ana to anything she wasn't comfortable. He looked to her, "What do you think?"

"I want to go home," Ana spoke up, "I'll do whatever it takes."

"What about Carla?" Christian asked looking over to Ana's mother. "Are you okay with this?"

"I'll do whatever to get Ana home," Carla told them, comfortable to go to this extreme right now.

"Get everyone briefed," Christian instructed Taylor and took on his dominating tone. "Talk to my mother as well. Carla's going to need to have identical bandages to really make them fall for this. I want Ana home within the hour."

"I'm on it," Taylor said leaving the room, grabbing his phone ready to put this plan into action.

"Right well we might as well take the stuff down to car," Ray stated as Christian finished taking the very last photo down and placed it in the box. "Is everything packed up, Annie?" Ray asked and Ana just nodded. He hated how distant she was with him and he knew it was because she was blaming herself. They hadn't had a moment alone for him to forgive her himself and he hated it. "Okay then, I'll take this down and I think we should all go and get ready to leave."

"Sounds good to me," Ana admitted because now she was dressed completely in her own day clothes and not pyjamas she just wanted to be home. It seemed that everyone agreed as the plan got set into motion a lot quicker than Ana could have expected.

Ana quickly found herself waiting at the back entrance to the hospital. Everyone getting ready to release the decoy bait before Ana could slip away unnoticed and unscathed. She didn't want to let go of her mother but, the moment she did she saw how quickly they were working on getting her home.

Grace quickly stepped in front of Ana once Carla was gone from the hospital waiting on Ana's turn to run with Christian and Sawyer. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" Grace asked as if she were sending her child off to school for the first time. Except, she was panicking about Ana going home. Even when Ana nodded, Grace was still panicking about sending Ana home too soon. "Right, well, I will be over later, okay?"

"Okay," Ana replied with a reassuring smile. She felt Christian step towards her and she lifted her hood up and wrapped Christian's hoodie around her frame. It was all she had time to do to get herself some form of protection.

"The car is parked a little further than we wanted it but, it was necessary to have this pan out," Sawyer informed them and then pressed his ear piece in, listening to Taylor. He then pulled away and looked at everyone with alert surprise, "We have to leave now!" Sawyer stated and between he and Christian they worked their way out of the hospital and towards the awaiting car.

The moment they got outside, Ana had to look as everyone little swarmed and invaded her mother's personal space. The sight was awful and she knew a thank you wasn't enough to give her mother for stepping up like this. She had created a perfect plan to get Ana out.

Or not.

"They gave us a decoy!" One of the media stated having noticed movement to his write. "Mr Grey who is it that's kept you in the hospital all this long?" He shot a question out, "Who's the woman you're protecting and what's your relationship status?"

"Is it truth that she's your wife?" Another one asked, assuming right away.

Christian chuckled, "No comment you fuckwit!" He wasn't giving them answers in this way. He wasn't going to sate their egos and inflate their pockets with his answers. They were going to have to try harder.

Seeing the car looming closer, Ana was thankful when it was only a few feet away from her but, she felt herself yanked away from Christian and Sawyer, the hood falling from the jacket, her bandages on full view and she felt like a feral animal. "Christian!" Ana cried out as flashes burst into her vision and the questions all merged into one long ramble and she felt overwhelmed. "Christian, please help me!"

"Who are you?" One person asked.

"What happened to you?" A dark haired male thrust his microphone at her.

Another took a photo of Ana, blinding her more with the flash, "Can we see what's under the bandages?"

Ana just stood lost in their need to know every angle and she could feel her nerves dispersing from her body and her knees were going weak and she could feel herself readying to just collapse. She didn't feel safe and she certainly wasn't okay with how people were viewing her right now. She was a bit of meant right now and that was the killer point to all of this.

"Fucking move or I'll make sure no one finds your bodies ever again!" Christian released his threats and knew that they would be shocked when he went through with them. "Fucking move!" He then used his strength and forced his way towards Ana as she stood bewildered and terrified. He hated seeing her look like this, looking so wild and ready to break down at the barricade of questions thrown at her. As he enclosed on her he took his jacket off, threw it around Ana and fought back to get her away from the vile attention.

Suddenly Ana was cloaked in darkness and she could feel it was Christian's arms that were around her. She did nothing but allow the arms to guard her forth and remove her from the situation. She didn't want to stay out in the open, she wanted this oblivion and she wanted to disappear. Disappear away from the questions hurled at her and Christian, away from their attention.

"Fuck off!" Christian bellowed at them, his teeth grinding together to stop them. "I will not be answering any questions when you're like a pack of animals! Take that for a world exclusive!" He shouted and got Ana to the awaiting Audi. He bundled her in before following her and was thankful when the doors closed the windows blacked out the gazers on the other side of the glass.

Gripping the blazer she brought it down, Ana found herself shaking in fear at what had just happened and she couldn't for the life her contemplate this type of life every single day. Suddenly the car roared to life and she only now noticed Taylor was in the driver's side, Sawyer beside him and Christian suddenly wrapping his arms around her and as she dissolved into tears.

She could hear him cooing her, soothing her cries but, she remained against his chest, just heaving and hiccupping, trying to calm down. She didn't want to let him go just yet and she refused to right up until Taylor announced they were finally at hers and Kate's apartment and even then letting him go was hesitant. She didn't want to be confronted with more press and paparazzi.

When she saw there were none, she was eager to get out and Christian clearly saw that and helped usher inside with very minimum response from outsiders. No one took a blind piece of notice of her as she walked into the lobby and waited for elevator and no one even so much as looked at her twice as she pulled her hood back up. She kept it in place right until she was able to unlock her apartment door. Walking into her apartment, Ana felt that safety net of emotions set in. Here she was home at last and feeling safe than ever.

"I'm glad we came here," Christian spoke up as he entered in. He, Ana, Sawyer and Taylor the first to arrive and he was pleased about that, "The press had no idea."

"It is a good thing," Ana whispered back, walking around her apartment to get familiar with it. It felt like she hadn't been here in years not days. "Erm," Ana ran her hand over her forehead, "Do you mind if I go and lie down?" She asked them, hoping none of them would mind much.

"I'll come with you," Christian quickly jumped in, willing to go in with her and he started to advance towards her.

"No," Ana quickly replied, her eyes wide and alert. "Please, I just want to go and lie down for a few minutes alone." She could see her decision hit Christian hard but, she just wanted to go and have a few minutes to take in this new turn in life. She needed to realise wholly she was finally home. She watched him back off and she was appreciative over it. "I'll come out when everyone gets here." She then walked into her bedroom, leaving Christian behind with his guards.

Shutting her door behind her, Ana leaned against it and exhaled deeply. This was supposed to be home sweet home, not a place to hide but, right now, she just wanted to be alone and just familiarise herself with this new chapter in her life.

She was home, and the outside world was waiting more than ever for her grand debut.


	34. Unravelled Emotions

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_I am so sorry for the wait on this AGAIN! I seem to be picking up every illness as last week wiped me out and had me literally laid up in bed! =( However, here is a chapter and I hope you forgive me =) _

_Enjoyyy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Four_

* * *

Hearing everyone arrive, Ana finally pulled herself up off of the floor and approached her work desk. She knew Kate had offered her space in the study but, Ana wanted her design table close for those nights when inspiration struck. Most of those times those nights were with Christian sound asleep in the bed behind her.

Her eyes watered as she opened her design book and she snapped. A part of her that had been pulling like elastic band snapped and gave into the tension. The one part that revolved around her dreams and aspiration came at her full throttle. She thought she had dealt with it at the hospital but, clearly being confront with her drawings she felt how overzealous she was with her recovery. Ana saw all of her drawings and designs. The one that she hated the most was of the wedding dress she was designing. In a fit of rage she pulled at all of her designs, crumpling them, tearing them, _scarring _them like she was.

And then, as if a barrage of anger ripped through her, Ana grabbed the table by its tilted top and threw it to the side. It slammed down onto the polished hard wood with a shattering sound, the overhead light falling with it and smashing with impact. Ana then slide down the wall until her ass met the hard floor and she hugged onto her legs.

"Ana?" Ray said coming into the room, he was closest, he wasn't going to wait on anyone else.

She didn't even look up, she just sat on the floor, back to the wall, her knees drawn up still and cried. "I'm just going to be the scarred girl," Ana said, releasing her legs only to begin threading her fingers into her hair and pulling at her roots. "How is anyone going to take me seriously?" She took in a wobbly breath as she asked her father a question that scared her, "How do people expect _me_ to make beautiful things when I look like me?"

"Beauty is only skin deep, baby girl," Ray said as he came to kneel front of Ana. He gave a clichéd remark but, he needed to start somewhere. "You have a talent and that will always shine through. If you let those scars dictate your life then you lose. Annie, do you understand that? I didn't raise a loser, I helped bring up a smart, intelligent, courageous, beautiful girl and you seem to have lost sight of everything."

"I was so horrible to you," Ana whispered at her father and her eyes began to lace with a watery onslaught. "Why are you being so nice to me after everything I have done to you?"

Ana now saw this moment to build bridges with her father and hopefully rekindled one of her favourite relationships she had and start to heal herself emotionally that way. She didn't want to live with the errors of losing her way but, she wanted to make sure every relationship she cherished was tight knit and perfect because she knew she needed them more than ever.

"Because whatever you say you are my daughter. Blood related or not. I helped raise you and I loved you like no other man could have from a father's point of view. We all reacted on what happened to you and I regret ever leaving that room." Ray reached in to push some of Ana's hair out of her face. "You're lost right now, Annie, but please let me help you find yourself." He watched Ana's eyes raise to meet his, "You might not be my daughter but, you are the best accomplishment in my life, Annie," Ray said as he went and sat beside her, backs against wall, hips connected. "I don't care what anyone says I raised you right and I protected you when you needed me and I will do that until I die. I will be your father regardless of you say. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Ana rasped out, her voice barely there under her mounting feelings. "I love you, daddy." Ana looked to her father, everyone had admitted to her being lost but, her father was the first to reach out and offer to help find her. He went above and beyond just words. Everyone was supporting her and loving her and helping her with the words they relayed at her but, only Ray verbally offered to help her find herself.

"And I'll always love you, baby girl," Ray said and put his arm around Ana and pulled against his chest. He kissed the crown of her head as she lay her cheek against his body and just allowed her body to sag against him. "Now I think we need to pick this mess up and we get you resting. Will you let Christian help you into bed while I tidy this all up?"

"Yeah," Ana said and just like that Christian felt like he was granted entrance into the room and was by her helping her up. "I'm sorry I shut you out," was all she said as he stood before her, his grey eyes trailing over her. "That was wrong of me."

"You don't have to apologise for wanting a little time alone," Christian rewarded her apology so soothingly. "What happened back at the hospital was my worst nightmare coming true. I dread to think what it was for you. I knew it was risky but, I thought we had it in the bag. I thought we had managed it."

"I did too," Ana said as she remembered seeing the car door loom closer as if it were a golden gate to heaven. "I just didn't expect to be yank away from you."

"I will be making sure those pictures make it no wear near a printing process," Christian told her sternly, not word of a lie in his tone. He was messing with no one. "I am no compromising your recovery anymore. Those going nationwide will not do you any good so until your ready we aren't letting them have the satisfaction."

"I'm sure they're on a blog already," Ana tried to joke as she slumped onto her bed. "Perez Hilton is probably having a field day." She gave a mirthless burst of laughter and just shrugged her shoulder, "We are never going to be granted a private life now, Christian."

Crouching down, Christian feared she was cutting this relationship off, "Please don't make this sound an end to us." He looked at her, his big grey eyes sweltering with impending tears, "Please don't end this, Ana, because even if you do I will be fighting for you every day. I won't leave you, I won't love anyone else. I won't even be able to survive knowing that we were driven apart from imbeciles. We are not going to let them win especially not when I can see in your eyes that you love me. You are only working on in the moment impulses and don't really want this to end."

Ana's lip trembled, "I do love you." She gave a weak smile, her voice being torn to shreds by the onslaught of tears as they clawed and wrapped around her throat, "You saved me back there and I know you won't believe me but, you were my hero. I know you won't believe that because I can tell you blame yourself for this happening but, if Kaitlyn wanted to she would have gotten me wherever. Regardless of our stupid, stupid argument. I don't blame you okay?"

"Okay," Christian choked out on the four letter word and thanked any higher deity for granting him this type of consuming love. "I won't ever let you feel like you did that night and I won't ever let you think I don't love you when I can see us growing old together." He watched her smile at him, giggling a little with the mental image her mind had just concocted, "Now will you let me put you to bed so you can rest up?"

Nodding her head, she allowed Christian to untie the laces of her Converse and take them off for her. She then slid onto the bed and didn't let go of his hand. "Stay with me."

Looking over his shoulder, he saw Ray look at him and urge him to do so and he listened and kicked his own shoes off and climbed onto the mattress with Ana. It felt weird to be in this bed and have so many people ready to barge into the room. Usually he was so ready to drop to the floor and hide but, now there was no stress or worry and Christian felt the liberation of the moment. He felt the freedom of this new turn in their life.

"I'll be outside," Ray told them gently as he went and shut the curtains to Ana's room and then he took the broke lamp with him as he went to exit the room. "Get some rest, Annie, and we'll come and get you when it's time for dinner."

"Sounds good," Ana spoke up as she snuggled under the duvet and in turn snuggled into Christian's chest. Hearing the door softly shut she closed her eyes. "It's going to sound crazy but, in a way I am thankful for the attack." She felt Christian's chest stop for a moment in shock but, she perceived and carried on, "We don't have to hide any more, baby, and that's all we ever really wanted isn't it?"

"I suppose so," Christian said softly. He did agree but, he hated the lengths that their deceit had to end at.

"I know there are things I hate about it. The doubt of everything, the concern of how people in the fashion industry will act, how people will be to me in general but, I won't say it's all bad. I know how much you love me and I know how much your family and mine care about us. We don't have to hide and sneak around and if anything I have Kaitlyn to thank for that. She thought she was making me unlovable and repulsive in your eyes but, really she forced us even closer together."

"She didn't know me," Christian said as he ran his hand up and down her arm. "She thought she did but, she didn't realise how deep driven my love for you is, Ana, and that makes her the fool. The fucking tainted bitch lost big time."

"She really did," Ana agreed and snuggled in tighter and closed her eyes. "She didn't count how much we love one another."

"No, she didn't," Christian spoke back lightly, kissing Ana's forehead. "Now sleep, baby."

Laying there, Christian refused to move. He kept Ana close and listened to her rhythmic breathing as she remained sleeping calmly and peacefully. He didn't even think much about anything. His thoughts were consumed with how one day he would see the woman in his arms walking down the aisle towards him on their wedding day and he would make a family with her and one day in a few years from now, he would look at her and admire just as much as he did now if not more. He was dragged unwillingly from his mental world by the soft rap on the door.

"Come in," Christian called out as he ran a hand over his face to wake up some. He watched the door open and his mother appear in the gap between door and frame.

"How are things?" Grace asked as she stepped in and offered a smile that told Christian that she had heard about Ana's break down earlier.

Christian looked down at Ana before daring himself to speak, "Better now she's asleep." He hated to admit that but, Ana only seemed to be at peace when she was asleep and even then she had moments of haunted dreams from time to time. "How are we going to get through this if little things trigger her to just break?" He asked, assuming his mother had been told about Ana's mini breakdown.

"With baby steps and support," Grace came into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. She came and sat on the edge of Ana's bedroom and just looked to Ana as she lay curled up against Christian's body. "Things we think are going to be insignificant are going to trigger her to revert to a darker moment in her life. We can't stop it and to be honest, she needs to confront it or she never will."

"Baby steps I can definitely do," Christian countered with a warm smile. Baby steps made it seem more doable than ever. It made the treacherous journey for them appear to be less strenuous.

"We all can," Grace smiled back in agreement and looked around a little. "It's a lovely apartment she has here," Grace commented as she looked around the rest of Ana's room and it was eloquent and perfect to the pieces of Ana's pure personality she had witnessed.

"I like it here," Christian mused as she looked back at Ana. "I've hidden so many times in this place when Kate's come in or Elliot's turned up. It's cause for a lot of funnier memories." He gave a smaller smile, "I think I'm gonna miss hearing her trying to cover up or her acting like she wasn't just laying in my arms. I love hearing her get flustered," he gave a mirthful burst of laughter. "As grateful as I am that our relationship is out in the open with our families, I still miss aspects of it."

"That's very honest," Grace laughed a little, "and I'd say very normal of you too."

Christian gave a cheeky smirk, "I will never let this be a normal relationship." He grinned harder, "I want a relationship that keeps us both on our toes and means we have more laughter than sour moments. I want to make every day of her life the best. I will never just give her normal, mom."

"I'd expect nothing less of you," Grace smirked and knew she was excited for this relationship to blossom before their eyes. "Just for now we need to get Ana through this and I'm pretty sure she'll be rooting for a less than normal relationship."

"Oh she will," Christian told his mother with certainty. He was going to make this life perfect and he didn't care how he got there. He just knew he would get there with Ana.

There was nothing that was ever going to make him forget that new goal in life.


	35. Public Planning

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ Right, I'm sorry for the neglect! I've been so busy with my book getting published and life that I got lost! However, enjoy and thank you for the patience and love you guys have! On another note, please like my author page on Facebook – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – I'm trying to gain a wider web presence for my original work and would love the support! Thanks!_

_Please mind my mistakes. It's late and I wanted to give you all an update considering the wait!_

**Beauty and the Beast**_– Chapter Thirty-Five_

* * *

"The scared harlot?"Ana asked in disbelief as she read the headline, "Ladies, this is the woman that has successfully stolen Christian Grey from the world for the past ten days. Meet the lady that has the billionaire turning aggressive towards photographers as they tried to fool the nation again with a decoy just to get the mystery brunette out of the hospital undetected. As you can see from this lucky photographer, Christian Grey's secret lady was well shot and well injured – for reasons we will find out – and was clearly shaken by the lifestyle that Grey has come to thrive in." Finishing the article Ana just stared in disbelief, "Wow, and as if this wasn't bad enough."

"I didn't want you to see that," Christian's voice rose from over her shoulder. He had just came in from work to find her sitting in the kitchen, her mother and Kate with her. "I tried everything and even have my lawyers going over to the editor of the magazine as we speak."

"We're just hiding all over again," Ana whispered softly and just shook her head. "This isn't how we should be living."

Christian ran a hand over his brow, "No, you have no right to feel like you're the hunted one when really you're just the woman I love. I will willingly give up every dollar I have to prove that. I am not a matter to be brought and my life is very much mine. It is private and it is important to me. I will not let that change for anyone.

Ana watched her man and she heart clenched so painfully in her chest she knew she had to do something soon. Christian had been wrestling off press releases and work deals. He had been there for her every single step of the way and now he was due some of the weight taken off of him.

"I want to go public," she suddenly said out loud and the words she had been scared about saying had never felt more right. "I want to go and give the paparazzi what they want instead of having to read stupid things like this!" She picked the magazine up that had her scared, animalistic demeanour printed across it. "They want to know who I am, then I'll let them know who I am. They want to know what happened, then I will let them know."

"Ana," Carla covered her daughter's hand in hers, "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"I currently feel like my life is on hold because a stupid bitch decided to make me into something unlovable. She broke me, I won't continue to let her do that. I won't. I won't be her toy and I refuse to be her victim," Ana began to spit her words out because she was so fed up feeling like her life wasn't hers. She wanted to hit back at Kaitlyn where it hurt. She wanted to prove herself as someone strong. She wanted to finally break out from the shell she had been stuck in since the attack.

"Ana," Christian began to encroach on her now.

Slowly Ana rose her eyes, "Don't start. I want to finally break free of what I'm feeling and I don't care if it's been two weeks or two months, I want to be me and I want to be me as soon as possible. I don't do selfish or depressed. That isn't me. Those photos you brought to me, Christian, show me that. I think I've wallowed long enough for my liking. I want my life back and I want it back with you by my side."

"I'll always be here, Ana," Christian grinned at her. He was finally seeing his Ana before him, not the haunted shell. "Whether you do this or not, I will always here right by your side."

"Good," Ana said and smiled at him, "Because I need you by me with this. One hundred percent of the way need you."

"You don't even need to question where I'll be," Christian told her, gave her a kiss for added support and took a step back. "Now, do you want to call off the hounds or allow them to swarm?"

"Let them swarm," Ana said with a blasé tone. "I just don't have to the energy to muzzle them." She turned to Christian wholly, looking at him. She could see he was calculating right now, that he was trying to think of some plan but, she needed him to just realise her standpoint and how rationality fit in. "I have been locked away for nearly three days. I want to go outside, Christian," Ana told him as if she had never been out. "I want to walk the streets like I used to and I want to not care. I want to rip the band aid of this off and get it over with," she said with a small smile, "and I want to it without bandages on my face. I want to just come clean."

"Is this for me or you?" Christian asked with a tone fervently rippled with doubt and worry. He wanted her to do this for the right reasons and nothing else.

Ana jumped off of her stool and approached him, "It's for us." She saw him begin to smile at that and she just had to keep moving onwards or she would get stuck, "There's something I need to do," Ana spoke up and looked to Christian. "Your mom's coming over later right?" She watched him nod and she took a moment to take a breath of relief, "Well then I need to take these bandages off and face myself."

"Is that wise?" Christian spoke weakly, he was wary of the repercussions of doing such a thing.

"It's been two weeks," Ana began to say and met his gaze, "I'm ready. I have to be before I get stuck in this dark place. I need to stop being afraid of myself. I'm still me."

Christian remained silent. He took her hand and led her from the kitchen, leaving Carla and Kate as he closed the door off and shut them in Ana's room. "Sure about this?"

"Completely," she smiled at him and she allowed him to peel the cardigan from her body so she just stood in her vest. Standing in front of the mirror, Ana rolled her shoulders as Christian appeared in the pane of glass with her. He stood behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. With him here she could do this. If she didn't look at these first then she never would.

Christian slowly, one by one, released the bandages from her skin and let them fall to the floor. He would tidy them up later, for now his concern was solely on Ana's. He watched her careful via her reflection and could see how rigid her body was, how tightly closed her eyes were. She may have a moment of sheer bravery but, there were always going to be hiccups and bumps littering their way.

Looking upon her reddened marks, Christian knew this wouldn't be easy. He knew this would be quite a leap in her recovery but, she had to face this moment.

"Open your eyes, beautiful," he coached her softly. "I promise you they are not as bad as your mind is making you think." He said her bit her lip in trepidation and he kissed the uncut side of her neck, "C'mon Ana, open them for me. You're my brave girl, you can do this."

He felt her take a breath and then watched as she began to open her eyes to stay at what he did. He felt her gasp at her vulnerable mirror image. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her in place, stopping her from running off to hide. He kept her there, his head on her shoulder and held her gaze in their mirror replica.

"They're already healing," Christian murmured softly to her and tried to keep her positive nature as high as possible. "If I must admit it, the surgeon did an amazing job the first time round."

Ana nodded weakly and swallowed the lump forming in her throat, "I need to learn to live with them."

Christian's eyes watered, "You don't have to do anything."

"I do. I want to prove how strong I am first. How strong I am to me," Ana whispered at him and took a deep breath. "I will never survive if I just get rid of them. They help remind me of what I survived and I will do this how I've said I will. First I need to come to terms with the attack and then I will come to terms with the future and what can be done. I have to prove a lot of things to myself."

"First I want you to see yourself as Ana. I want to see you tell yourself you're no monster," Christian pushed her gently, coercing her in the right direction. "You'll never be a monster. Even with scars, you're no beast." He watched her and he couldn't deny that the doubt levelled in her eyes was falling rapidly. "Only your beauty," Ana mumbled and felt Christian kiss her jawline. "You'll only be a beauty. There are no beasts here, Ana."

"No beasts," she murmured as the idea toyed with every electrified brain cell in her head. Ana surveyed the scar to her neck – the most worked on – and realised that regardless of the damage, it wasn't as bad as her mind had imagined it. In her head, the scars were more than skin deep, screaming in memory and screeching in horror. She thought they would sing at her, taunting her, keeping her a monster but, they didn't. They were lifeless and although she felt less attractive with them, she knew that with time she would deal with them however she saw fit.

"You're so brave," Christian spoke into her ear, no moving from behind her. "So courageous in my eyes, Ana. You're braver than I ever could be and I am damn lucky that you're still here, still keeping me, still loving me."

Mortification rose in her like bile and she flung herself around in Christian's arms, she forced him to look at her, her hands rising up to his face and for the first time she lay herself bare – scars and emotions.

"You listen to me," Ana started and she watched her vision blur with the conviction building in her emotions. "Nothing is ever going to stop me loving you, Christian. _Nothing_. What happened ithappened. If anything I should be so thankful you love me. Loving you is like breathing for me. It'ssecond nature and I panicked from the moment I lay in that alley to this very moment that you might take a look at me and just not think I'm worth it." She watched his eyes begin to stream with unashamedly made tears, "But you love me. Whatever form I come, you love me. You don't care if I'm sick, if I'm fresh out of bed, scarred. You don't care because you love me and that's the bottom line to the pair of us. We love the other so unequivocally that what we have is life long."

"You believe me then?" He asked and he looked her, "I knew you said you did but, I worried. I worried my words weren't enough."

"Your love was," Ana quietened him wholly and gave him a kiss, her arms coming up to circle his neck but, the moment it pulled on her, she released him with a wince.

"Ana?" He asked panicked, his voice taut and tight with worry. "What's wrong?"

"I pulled on them that's all," she said and brought her hand up to her neck. "It's still painful on my neck." She rolled her shoulders a little and tried to calm her screaming wounds, "A few pills and some TLC will do just some."

"Oh, you want some TLC?" Christian asked, trying not to get too hopeful at the idea of a playful Ana. He knew the Prozac she was on was helping her a lot and he didn't want that to change anything. This woman, the one with the sparkle in her eyes, was his Ana. Not a medicated fool.

"_Tender. Loving. Care_," she punctuated each word, hitting hard by spacing them and she grinned at him. "Think you can help me?"

"Oh I know I can," Christian grinned at her. "Now I think it's time to get those cleaned and then we have a movie night and plot how you're going to captivate the nation."

"I wouldn't say I'm going to captivate the nation," Ana pouted at him and he said nothing as he led her from the room. "I'll be a freak show for all I know! They might see me as a monster."

Christian stopped, spun around to face her, his eyes narrowed on her. "You're right, you'll be a monster," he watched her eyes darken as he couldn't withhold a smirk, "A beautiful monster. My _beautiful_ monster. You always were a freak in the bed."

Ana felt the force of his words driven home by his kiss. His kisses didn't change and that was another way she knew he loved her – the passion was still there.


	36. The Public Debut

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Sorry for the delay! Life is a little crazy! Thanks as always and enjoy!_

_On another note, please like my author page on Facebook – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – I'm trying to gain a wider web presence for my original work and would love the support! Thanks! Annnd if you love my work my first book is readying to be published on June 28__th__. Check out '__**A Fire That Burns by Kirsty-Anne Still**__' on Goodreads =)_

_Please mind mistakes. I accept them all._

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Six_

* * *

Ana pushed the skirt of her dress down only to feel the material snap back the moment the pressure of her palms was released. It pulled back into its loose hanging style and sat perfectly back in place. She did it again in a bid to rid her nervousness but, apparently she was too far gone to stop them now. They were rife throughout her body and her nerves were shot and way passed saving now.

Christian stood looking at her for a moment. She stood in plain black skater skirt, a burnt orange top tucked in with dark high heeled boots and he had never seen a more stunning sight. As she turned away he could see the necklace she had on to compliment the outfit and the simple earrings.

"You look stunning," he commented at her and watched her smile bashfully at him. "What jacket?"

"The cream one and I've got a cream clutch as well. Thanks to Kate," Ana giggled a little. "From the look of it though, it's quite warm out so I might need the jacket at all." She approached him slowly, reaching up to his collar to straighten it, "You look really good, Mr Grey." She spoke with a grin that grew as her eyes rose up to meet his, "Real good."

"Steele!" Kate's voice broke the moment just as Ana began to pull Christian closer and their lips began to cover the distance. The door flung open and Kate stood in the perfect figure fitting dress, hair pulled up into a high bun. "I'm guessing I'm killing a moment but, you two need to hurry up so we can go." She gave Ana a wink, "You can recover this moment later. I promise."

Ana giggled at her friend's playfulness especially now she had lightened up to the entire predicament and accepted Christian. She looked to Christian and knew herself that it was time to play the game that they had set into motion. Before she could even dare talk herself out of it, she told Christian it was time and took his hand before leaving the room entirely.

It didn't take them long to arrive at the place set up for this conference. Ana got out of the car and stood still for a moment. She didn't know if the temperature had just risen or if she was just feeling the ferocity of her nervous energy. Taking her jacket off she took a few steps towards the back of the stage and she had to inwardly laugh – only Christian Grey would get her to this point and she didn't actually care.

"Right, I'll be going up and leading this press conference," Christian began to say and stuck to his CEO demeanour. "I will tell them current situation before introducing them to you, Ana. Is that okay with you, baby?"

The moment Christian had set it all into motion, Ana found she was panicking. "I can't do this. I can't go out there. I can't. I just can't." Her rambling sped up and she began to look for her exit.

"Ana," Christian grabbed her, even with his grasp on her he could feel how nervous she was as her shakes became uncontrollable. He watched her look at him and he could see how ready she was to bolt. It was the same look she had given him before she had ran away that fateful night. Unlike then, he wasn't letting her run off anyway. "I know this is a big step and it's so soon but, something made you do this."

"Yeah," she spoke in a mirthless tone, "Stupidity!"

"No," he fought her back. He wasn't going to let her wane under the pressure. He was going to make sure she came out of this with smiles and more courage than ever before. "You're going to come out of this the bigger person and people are going to understand you and they going to value you and they are going to appreciate you."

"I'm scared," she mumbled, her eyes welling up with a new onslaught. She could hear everyone was ready for the couple's debut but, was she ready for them? She didn't know if she was or not. "Maybe if I covered up, Christian, it would be better. What if I just let you go out there."

"You'll regret doing either of them," he told her firmly and Christian could see the truth in her eyes. She was in such a battle with herself that he knew he just had to give her strength until she recovered hers. "You'll have me with you the entire time. I won't be leaving you. If you ever feel a moment of panic, you just grab my hand and give it a squeeze and I'll take over."

"Okay," Ana whispered back and looked up at him. "Together."

Christian gave one of his million dollar smiles and nodded, "Together." He pulled her close to him and kissed her, he gave no care to who was around. He pulled back, pushing his forehead to hers, "That's all we are, baby. We're together until the end and that I will make sure will happen."

"I know," Ana agreed because she did know that was the truth.

"I will come for you when the time is right," he told her and released her. He stood a deep breath, straightened his grey suit and looked around. He didn't need praise on how he looked or a pep talk. He was Christian Grey. Kissing Ana once more on her uninjured cheek, he turned and started up the steps to the main stage, Taylor immediately behind him.

Ana watched him stand up there, greeting them all and then she heard him speak and her heart began to race. Time was limited now and as much as she wanted to run off she refused. Feeling her parents step beside her, she took their joint strength and waited for her turn.

"I stand here today with one reason," Christian began to speak, not even rocked by the mass of people and cameras before him. "As most of you are aware I have spent a lot of time out of the way lately. I don't mean only from my job but, also the general public. Nearly two weeks ago the woman I have fallen in love with was brutally attacked in a nearby alleyway and left for dead. My relationship with this woman wasn't something I wanted documented and so we carried on a relationship in the private of our homes. Now, however, we realise that we cannot keep such a low profile until we have confronted the general public. Anastasia Rose Steele is the woman you have all been trying to get photos of and today we are taking a stand as a couple and giving you all what you want. After this, I expect no questions regarding my love life, I expect no invasion of any form of media and I expect total respect. After this I want my life to remain my life and if I find anyone stepping upon my privacy I will take action."

Looking to his left, Christian walked away from the podium and put his hand out for Ana to take. He saw her hesitate and so he smiled at her, gave her a wink and took a small step forward to see how ready he was for this to turn out right. Slowly he watched her feet move and she climbed the steps to the top and cross the stage to the podium.

"Anastasia was the one that decided this that this conference was for the best," he spoke up before Ana as she stood shocked in her spot. "I am so proud to be able to share with you a woman that is truly magnificent and strong. She had overcome so much in the past two weeks and I know we have a long way to go but, mark my word, we will get over it."

Ana was pulled from reverie, her stomach swirling as if the medication she was on that controlled her depression were suddenly meddling and making her feel the need to be sick. She took a few calming breaths as her name was screamed at her from every direction in front of her and she was overwhelmed. With Christian's hand still in hers she quickly gripped it and felt him step a little closer to her.

She was out in shark invested water and she was sinking. What the hell did she do right now? All eyes were on her and she hated it. Suddenly her scars began to pulsate as if they were glowing at the attention.

Christian, seeing her wide eyed terror, turned to the microphone, "Any questions?" He watched and pointed to one of the blonde news reporters. "What's your question?"

"How long have you been dating Miss Steele?" She asked.

"Over a year now," Christian alerted them and saw the shock. "Like I said before, we wanted total privacy and we achieved that." He looked to opposite of the crowd and picked out another reporter, "Yes?"

"What were your families' views on your unconventional relationship methods? Were they against it?" The man asked, and noticed his question got everyone begging for answers.

"They weren't best pleased," Christian coolly replied and didn't see it as a lie. They might not have known but, the rest of the country wouldn't know. "My family however love and dote on Ana and I hope when I say her family do me too that I am speaking the truth."

"Anastasia!" One of the reporters snapped up and forgot about Christian and went straight for Ana. The moment Ana's eyes met hers; she asked her question, "What is life like now you have a disfiguration? How are you coping?" It wasn't a malicious question; it was an endearing moment of worry. "It must be hard to now live with the aftermaths of such a horrible act. You show strength being out here. Is this all an act?"

Looking to Christian, she begged for an answer. All she got was a whisper of "Honesty's the best policy" and so she listened. Looking at him, he nodded in encouragement and she decided to just be open. After so long of hiding, Ana wanted everything out. She wanted everyone to know how much she loved Christian and how hard this time was but, how willing she was to fight to get her life back and most of all, she wanted Kaitlyn to be watching and see how Christian still loved her.

"Right now, I am shaking so hard the only thing stopping me from falling off the stage is the man beside me holding my hand," Ana joked, trying to win the general public over with some light humour. Hearing them laugh she felt herself relax a little. "I wouldn't say I am coping but, also I wouldn't say I am struggling. Sure, I look in the mirror at how I am now and hate the reflection but, it could have ended worse for me. I could have died that night and yes, at times I have had moments where I wish I had but, with the people around me I haven't been allowed to sink into depression as much as I could have. I am currently seeking help for clinical depression and I am not afraid to admit it. To be fair, I would rather tell you now than you publish it later and out of the blue. I won't be your victim just to get your kicks."

She heard a round of applause and wondered how it got to be so easy to just accept herself as she was right now.

"How are you going to deal with the scars in the long run? Surely they will place a major strain upon your relationship to someone such as Christian Grey?" A mousy looking man called out, stretching out his microphone more and he saw his question hit Ana harshly. "By the look of it you have already questioned it, Miss Steele."

The guy who owed the question quickly felt a large hand clamp on his shoulder. Turning around he was met with two large men so big they blocked out of the sun and wore looks that could kill. In one swift moment, he gulped and then found himself picked up and taken from the crowd.

"Moving on," Christian spoke with a tight tone, his voice vibrating with venom for the lowlife that question his love for Ana. Christian listened to several people question his love for Ana and how dishonest he was being to her and suddenly he felt Ana take command.

"I know Christian is a well-known, respected member of society but, for the meantime, we would appreciate our privacy to get our life back on track," she started off shakily but, calmed herself. "I know he could look elsewhere than at me and I know the option is there but, Christian loves me and if you cannot understand that then that isn't our fault. He loves me and that is final. He has been exactly what I have needed throughout this experience and he has been there for me twenty-four seven. If you cannot respect the love he has for me then fair enough but, I know it's there and I love him for it."

This time Christian's hand tightened around hers and she gave a small smile.

"One day in the not so far future I hope to have justice for not just myself but, Christian and our families who have been nothing but supportive. One day I will be married to the man next to me, scars or no scars. If you believe me to be a victim then you can think such little of me but, you will be sorely mistaken. I have a man that loves me, a family that adores me and a career that I will strive to be the best at. I'm a survivor and I know full well I am not alone."

What Ana didn't expect was a round of applause and sudden rush of public love.


	37. The Truth of Stength

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Sorry for the delay! I am SWAMPED with editing and revising my book!__If you love my work my first book is readying to be published on June 28__th__. Check out '__**A Fire That Burns by Kirsty-Anne Still**__' on Goodreads =)_

_However, enjoy and don't hate me ;) Thank you as always!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Seven_

* * *

"I'm happy with what we did yesterday," Ana told Christian honestly as she read the news spread that was to do with her and Christian's debut outing she really did feel proud of her steps she made.

Christian's brow furrowed at that comment, "You don't seem happy."

"I'm just not feeling it today," Ana admitted as she remained in her position.

"You okay?" he asked her worriedly, putting the newspaper down onto the coffee table. "You've been quite quiet all day."

Giving a coy smile, she tried to calm herself, "Like I said, I'm not feeling it today." She turned to face him properly, lifting herself a little to sit on her bent leg. "I've got something I need to tell you," Ana started off slowly, her tone quiet and quivering with nerves. She shifted and looked at him, "Don't get angry, please."

"What is it, Ana?" He asked her, his tone questioning and trying to guess what this was.

"I haven't been taking my tablets," she whispered, her eyes dropping to her lap as the words began to fall out of her mouth. When she was met with silence, she raised her gaze and was met with a cold stance of an emotionless man.

"Yes you have," he suddenly replied to her. "I've seen you take them regularly."

Shaking her head, she swallowed the lump of nerves gathering in her throat, "I've been fooling everyone. I make it look like I take them by keeping it in the side of my mouth and I spit them out and throw it away into the trash or whatever."

"Why?" he asked her, his brow creasing up even more with the confusion to why she wouldn't take something that would help. "I don't understand why you wouldn't just take them when you know they're to help you through this."

"I didn't want to be medicated to get better," she whispered and looked at her hands as they sat in her lap. Feeling Christian get up to move her head shot up, "I'm sorry I lied but, I wanted to prove I could get better."

Placing his hands on his head, Christian looked at her, "So you sitting here like this is you getting better is it? You've never been this quiet and distance on me in the entire length of our relationship. Don't you even think those tablets would stop you from just _not feeling it _today, Ana?" he asked her, using her own words against her, standing up. "I need to get some air."

"Christian please," she started and reached out for him. "Please, don't go. I'm sorry. I know it's stupid."

"Stupid?" He asked and laughed at the mockery of her statement. "You've had everyone believing that you don't want to hide anymore and here you are lying! Do you have any idea what you're doing not taking them?"

"Being me," Ana fought back, trying to prove her point. He hadn't known that during sleeplessness she had researched the effects of the drugs and when she read about personality changes and the negative sides of the drugs she couldn't handle it. She didn't want to be numb and she didn't want to lose the person she was because since the attack that was all she felt like she had. Physically she was damaged but, her inner self and personality was still intact.

"Yeah being you in the hospital had real good effects," Christian stated and before he could stop himself the words were tumbling out of his lips. If this was what mistrust did to him he needed to be strung up and gagged. "Do I have to watch you stand in the kitchen this time?" He asked her, his voice hitting hard with his accusations, "Do I have to try and take a fucking kitchen knife away from your throat next time?" He dared her to answer, "Is that it? Did you not think of the repercussions?" He just watched the tears stream down her face, taking on the soft contours of her bone structure, lining her scar on her cheek before meeting mostly at her chin. "Because, in all honesty, I don't think I have the strength to talk a blade away from your jugular again. It nearly practically killed me the first time. Don't you even dare think I can do that again because I can't." He then looked at her, his face softening, "I love you but, I can't watch that sight again, Ana."

"You won't," she fought with him and pulled herself to her feet. "I won't ever get to that point again. If I had I would have done it weeks ago. I won't ever go back to that moment." She wasn't even lying because she didn't want to go to the lowest point in her life.

"How do I know that?" Christian asked her, "How do I know that you won't slip into one of your moments. Those tablets were to stop that. They were to keep you safe."

"From myself?" Ana asked miserably and took in a shuddery breath. "Everyone wanted me medicated to keep me safe from myself." She shook her head at the disappointment she was feeling, "I wanted a chance to survive this on my own but, you just proved that was futile. Either way one of us would have been disappointed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Christian barked at her.

"If I took those tablets like everyone thinks then I'll feel disappointed that I wasn't strong enough and if I don't take those tablets I'm a disappointment to you because I'm making myself unstable. What I never expected was for this." She wiped her tears, not wanting them tracing her skin, "I thought, stupidly, that you might see me as someone strong but, you don't, do you? All I ever try to be is perfect and strong and someone that you can love forever. I try to be something you're proud of regardless of everything."

"This is why you should be taking those tablets!" Christian confessed at her, throwing his arms up. "You're being irrational right now and you can't even see it, Ana! You are perfect and strong and if I haven't proved it by now you're someone I can love then what the fuck am I doing here?"

All viable air was suddenly stolen from Ana's lungs as she heard that. If this wasn't the beginning of a breakup then she didn't know what would be. The vein like cracks beginning to thread through her heart sure felt like the beginning the start of heart break.

"Do you think I don't love you properly, Anastasia?" he asked her, carefully stepping towards her. "After yesterday, do you think that's what I think? Something to just cover up all of this. I did that all for my public image instead of wanting to help you get over this and show the world that I am wholeheartedly in love with you because if you think that of me then maybe we need to take a break from this relationship until you're at a point to see how much I am in love with you."

Gulping back her tears, Ana knew he loved her, she did but, the scars were always her seeds of doubt. It had only been a few weeks since the attack, it hadn't been long enough for someone to come to terms wholly and now she didn't know how she felt. The idea of Christian even instigating a break from their relationship made all sorts of dark and twisted scenarios come to life. He might never be able to come back to relationship with her if they took a break and if that happened how would she ever be able to see him with another woman? Simple, she wouldn't. Losing Christian would be the utmost reason for her to give up and really close herself away more than she already was. If she didn't have him she wouldn't have anything to live for. No other man would think twice when looking at her.

And as her tears beckoned heavier than ever before she found herself spent of words and just decided to leave him alone. As the tears began to burn in the back of her throat and eyes she found herself unable to face Christian any longer. The prospects hurt and she didn't have it in her to fight for him. Yesterday had really taken her emotional strength. She made a mistake the day she stood with a scalpel to her throat and it appeared that regardless of words she would never be free of that demon. It was always going to cast a shadow upon her whatever. She made a mistake going public yesterday because now it seemed to not matter and being truthful with the man she loved had caused all of this.

Closely the door, she pressed her back to it and locked it before falling onto her bed and just curling up. She closed her eyes to the world around her and just closed down on it for the moment. She needed to get a fight back in her. Wiping her face hard to rid the tears her eyes opened and fell onto the pot of Prozac pills. Sitting up, she grabbed them and readied her index finger to push the cap off them. Maybe Christian was right. Then just before she opened the pot and took one she threw the pot across the room, the sound of multiple little tablets rattling onto the floor after the pot hit the wall.

She was strong enough to do with this without tablets.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Beauty and the Beast -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Not following her, he turned and left the apartment. Grabbing his phone, Christian knew he should have been truthful and admitted that he was leaving the apartment but, he didn't know how Ana would react now. It seemed that yesterday had sucked the life out of her and now she was admitting that, he felt like he was in turmoil again.

Walking to the stairwell, he went in and sat on the steps and grabbed his phone. He needed some sanity and only one person would remain unbiased and calm – Flynn. Pushing the right numbers he placed the phone to his ear and worshipped the good doctor for answering quickly. "I need to talk," Christian muttered into his cell phone as he pushed his fingers through his hair. "That's all."

"Then talk," Flynn instructed him coolly, not saying anymore.

Christian sighed heavily, "I just found out that Ana hasn't been taking her medication. Like at all since being out of the hospital."

Flynn gave a small laugh, "Well I am impressed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Christian barked at his friend, wanting to see how being impressed fit in because right now he was panicking how Ana was going to relapse before his eyes.

"Christian," Flynn began in the same mannerisms he always used, "Ask yourself this, how has she been since leaving the hospital? Has she been coping, acting weird, acting out?"

"No," Christian breathed out the single syllable word, "she's been perfect." He allowed his head to droop down and he took in a scathingly shuddering breath, "She should be taking the pills, John! If she was then she wouldn't be having a down day like she is now."

"There's nothing to say she wouldn't be having a bad day with the medication," Flynn stated the obvious as if it were just that easy to recognise. "If she were a danger to herself she would have done something drastic weeks ago. She wouldn't confess to you that she had stopped talking her pills. Clearly she trusted you to know thinking you wouldn't react."

"Shit," Christian hit the stairs with a closed fist. "I just felt she was so stupid and reckless and I'm scared for her. I can't believe she hid it from us all."

"What was her reason?" Flynn asked, trying to get the gist of the entire situation.

"That she basically wanted to recover by herself and show she was strong for me," Christian spoke, finally seeing just how strong she was being in admitting to him what she was doing. "She wanted to remain _her_."

"Do you realise how strong that woman is?" Flynn asked in an incredulous tone. "Not many people could say they survived the attack she did and recovered mentally without some medical help. Sure she had the intravenous medication whilst in the hospital but, coming home should have made it harder for her to cope. From what I can tell she's more than coping."

Christian took a few moments to calculate the truth here. Ana was coping. They had all seen it. All spoken about it and all agreed that they loved it. If she did that without pills she really was getting better and she was recovering on her own terms – exactly how she wanted.

"I gotta go," Christian suddenly said, closed the door and shot up. He bolted from the stairwell and back to Ana. He couldn't leave this like this. He couldn't bear not making it right now. He had to make it right and he had to seek forgiveness.

Going back into the apartment, Christian was suddenly extremely grateful that everyone had given he and Ana a day alone. Not they had anticipated it end up like this! He approached Ana's door, full of regret and apology and reached out for the doorknob. When he tried the handle, he panicked. Pressing his forehead to the door he knew he had done damage and he would never forgive himself if Ana did something stupid.


	38. Heated Moments

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So, again a wait. I hate it! But, I have a valid excuse. Fanfiction has to take a step back whilst I get my first book ready for release! Bear with me but, I hope you enjoy this! If__you love my work my first book is readying to be published on June 28__th__. Check out '__**A Fire That Burns by Kirsty-Anne Still**__' on Goodreads =) Or find me on Facebook as either 'Klcm Fanfiction' or 'Author Kirsty-Anne Still'_

_Thank you as always! Your support is appreciated beyond words._

_Slightly increased rating ;) Hehe!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Eight_

* * *

It had been hours since Ana had made an appearance and he knew how to unlock the door from the outside. It wasn't something hard for him to do and instead of giving her more space, he went unlocked the door.

Pushing the door opened he stood just before the door frame and looked in. Immediately he saw her hunched over her drawing table, newly fitted lamp on, clothes changed into pyjamas, the light shining down on her scarred cheek, her concentration weighing heavily on the muscles of her face.

"I was waiting on how long it'd take for you to pick the lock," she commented without even so much as looking at him. She continued what she was doing and didn't show signs of stopping for even him.

Stepping in, he took her words as a reason to enter, he continued to watch her, "I thought you needed some space."

"How very unlike you," she spoke with a mirthful tone, the sarcasm lacing her tone so vehemently it hit him hard. Usually if they argued he would give her a few minutes to cool off, allow himself those minutes of peace before kissing and making up. "Seems we're both changing on one another now and there's only one person to thank for that." This time Ana paused and twisted her body to look up at him, "Kaitlyn Brown has once again caused a rift between us."

"Now that's not true," he admonished at her. "We're stronger than she is."

"Oh no, you are remember?" she asked him disbelievingly, "You're the strong one here. I'm the _volatile_ one."

"For Christ sakes, Ana, don't be so petty," Christian attacked her, not liking where this was going one bit. "Can't you just understand I was worried about you? That's the only reason I lashed out was because I was worried about you."

"You don't have to worry about me doing something stupid or something I'll regret though!" Ana lashed out, and quickly grabbed her pencil again and began to sketch away like crazy.

"I have a right to when you when you get worked up like this!" He shouted back, his voice straining at his bellowing tone. "Look at you, this isn't healthy! You're drawing like a mad woman, Ana. You were never like that."

"Yes, Christian, every time I feel myself getting worked up I come and sit here and I sketch," Ana began to tell him, drawing away at a new design. "When I feel weak or vulnerable to the thoughts in my heads I come here and I make a new design. When I'm stressed or scared or wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare or a noise, I come and draw until I feel safe again." She put the pencil down, looked up at him from the corner of her eye and then let her shoulders drop, "I channel it because it gives me sanity. I don't think about pushing a knife into my neck or self harming myself. I don't think about ending it all. I think about my future and the promise it holds."

Christian remained silent, watching the epitome of strength before him.

"So don't worry, you won't need to watch me try and kill myself because I have been able to overcome a lot in the last few weeks and I've managed to find something that satisfies me the same, if not more, than what holding that knife to my neck did."

Still unmoved, Christian couldn't believe he had missed this. He couldn't believe that she had channelled her emotions into a positive and he had completely been oblivious to it. Thinking about it now, right here after her admittance, he had noticed her scribbling a lot and now it made sense. When she was tense she would design a new sketch.

"Is there anything else you want to say or are you done now?" she asked, not relenting on her cold tone, "I'm kinder busy."

Christian shook his head, unable to admit his own faults right now, "No, I'll go and start dinner for us."

As he turned to make his exit, she spoke up. "The pills are on the floor by the way. In case you're wondering," Ana muttered as he went to leave. "I was going to listen to you and start taking them but, then I thought to myself, no that's me admitting defeat."

"You're just blowing this all out of proportion now," Christian said as he looked at the little white pills littering the wooden flooring, scattered across various parts of the room like little white polka dots.

"No!" Ana's voice suddenly thundered out at him. "You'll fucking listen to me! I am not blowing anything out of proportion, I am sticking up for myself and I hope you're happy with bringing a whole new strength to me because what you did earlier did that to me. It gave me more spirit to fight, Christian."

The eyes that met his scared him. The usually tame blue of Ana's orbs were now heated and almost dangerous and he couldn't deny that he loved the power his woman could exude when she was riled up. It was one of the things he loved most about her – that tenacity.

"I remember lying in that alley way and all I could think of was losing you more than ever. All I saw was you never coming near me and never wanting me and I felt that every moment I woke up in the hospital alone I felt it was verification." She looked at him, "Then I saw you and it scared me. I tried to push you away to save myself the hurt but, you fought for me, Christian. In that doorway you stood there and told me to stop pushing and putting words in your mouth. I did. I let you in and let you save me and the person that came back isn't the Ana you knew. She's stronger and feistier and she won't let the likes of Kaitlyn Brown walk all over me."

Christian felt the smile begin to twitch at the corner of his lips.

"When I started taking those drugs at the hospital, when they were forced into my system, I could feel them changing my way of thinking. I felt like I was losing control. Everyone was telling they were to help me and I wanted to believe it but, I couldn't. I just couldn't keep it going and when I was given the pills I found it a chance to prove I could do this. I could survive this." She looked up at him, "I am handling this, believe it or not, so I don't want to fight over this anymore."

That was it for Ana. She had shut down all feasible routes to keep this argument going on now

Christian sighed, "All said and done, I now realise how proud I am of you. I acted out because I was shocked and scared but, now I find myself extremely proud of how you are dealing with this now. You deserve praise, not anger. I regret everything I said and I am sorry for it all."

"Good," she said and turned back to her newest creation.

Keeping quiet and watching her, Christian chose his time wisely to speak up. "Can I take a breath and declare this fight over?" Christian asked, exasperated after fighting with the one person that gave him life and took it all at once. "Please?"

Ana looked up, put the pencil to her lip, toying with him for a moment longer with her thoughtfulness, before breaking into a smile, "Yes."

"Then give me a kiss," he challenged her lightly, covering the gap between their bodies, putting his hand out for her to take. "I like when we kiss and make up."

"So do I," Ana whispered at him and took his hand and allowed him to pull her from her perch and up to his body. He encircled her body with his arms and held her close. She placed her arms around his neck, grabbing onto her elbows as she did so and kept him close. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Christian countered and smirked. "So let's agree to disagree, Miss Steele," he murmured and crooned his neck lower so he could meet her lips and really move on from their argument. The moment they touched he knew all was forgiven.

It seemed that the kiss ignited more than an apology between the pair as their bodies cried in unison for the other and Ana couldn't stop herself from releasing her hold around his neck and grabbing the hem of his shirt, quickly Christian helped him remove it, tossing it aside the moment it was free of his body. The moment she did, he undid his belt, loosened the buttons and stripped them of his body. Ana pushed her pyjama bottoms down, stepping out of them to rekindle the kiss.

As he got her closer to the bed, Ana pushed away his boxers leaving her in only her pyjama top. Pushing her to the mattress, Christian climbed on top of her, hovering over her, staring at her vixen eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked, panicked it was too soon after the attack to just get back into this part of their relationship.

"There's nothing I want more right now," Ana told him honestly, running a hand up his arm and over his shoulder. "This is the longest we've ever gone, baby. I can't wait any longer."

"Same," he told her, his tone lowering to a new heat as he leaned in to kiss her.

Slowly he began running his hands up Ana's arms, Christian forced them above her head and caught her hands in his. Interlinking their fingers, he allowed the moment to be devoured in a kiss, one of longing and one of need. Their bodies hadn't been united as one for so long and now it was happening both seemed unable to keep the moment slow.

They were greedy, their bodies fighting a hungry war longing for the other.

Without breaking their connection, Christian looked at Ana as he reached between them, his hand nearing her groin, ready to see how wet and ready she was. He knew from past experience he was always ready for him and today he knew would be no different.

Ana released a pleasured moan as she felt his fingers glide over her, his index finger hitting her clitoris before feeling how wet she was it. Slowing, he teased her slit, tantalised her clitoris more before he sliding his fingers in and making her moan harder.

Unable to take her moans and groans of pleasure, Christian knew after so long he wouldn't be able to last long and tease her and really enjoy the. Today was about finding them again and getting life back onto an even level gain. As he pulled his fingers out, he plunged into her, penetrating her sweet centre, indulging upon the feel of it around his hard penis.

Feeling the sweet joining of their bodies with his first thrust, Ana realised just how needy she had become. She gasped as he filled her with his entire length and she missed this, feeling complete for that blissful moment before he pulled out only to slam back into her and push her higher to that heavenly state.

With her hands wrapped around Christian, all Ana could do was take what he was giving as if it were the only thing that could keep her alive. The longer she held off on feeling his desirable fullness the longer she could revel in the moment of a normal life because right now, the attack never happened.

As she felt her orgasm climbing, readying to take her victim of its glory she enjoyed how much more intense this felt. After everything, after all Christian's attempt to show how much he loved her, this one was by far the best. Knowing she was safe at his hands, she let herself go, feeling herself tense and release around his hard erection as the rapture took her to its glorious paradise.

Midst the rapture of her orgasm, Christian's breathing shuddering as he came hitting her skin, Ana felt beautiful and wanted and loved. It didn't matter about the scars still healing on her face and neck, the way Christian made love to her proved to her that nothing changed. He still worshipped her and cared for her and readied to please her like he always had.

The moment they both finished, he withdrew from her, already feeling empty in comparison to how they felt moments ago and crawled into bed with one another. This was how the day should have been played. There should never have been animosity or hatred. Only love and now they had it, lying in bed together felt the perfect end to it. Even the argument felt a perfect part of getting them here

As her body continued its comeback, she rolled over so she could curl up into Christian's side and she honestly felt like everything was back to normal. Pushing a hand across his chest, she kissed one of his own scars and nuzzled into the warmth of his bareness. As his arm came around her she was transported back to their time together when they would just lay here in the afterglow feeling and just not speak.

Words weren't needed when in the arms of the love of your life.

"I love you," Christian exhaled at her, his tone husky and raw.

Ana kissed his chest again, "I know. I love you too."

The peace settled between them, apart from Christian's phone ringing out. Hearing his phone receive a text Christian groaned. He didn't want interruptions right now. He wanted a moment's peace to just revel in this make up with his girlfriend. He kissed Ana's head, flexed a little and remained comfortable. He was ignoring everyone outside of the room right now.

"Go answer it," she whispered, nudging him to grab his phone.

Christian listened and reached for his jeans as they lay crumpled on the floor. He found his phone and looked at it, growling exactly after the screen illuminated. "Fuck," Christian said as he read his phone.

Without another word, Ana jumped up and grabbed his hand and turned it to face her. Instead of getting scared or letting the news wrap her up and strangle her, she smirked at seeing an end to this nightmare.

The bitch had landed.


	39. Difference In You

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_Yeah so I've become MIA... I have to admit, I haven't really been writing a lot lately. No idea why, but such is life. I've had this sat in my documents, but decided to post it and see if can hit my muse in the right place... Sorry for my absence... forgive me! _

_Also, I said on my other story, but I will say it now – if you have nothing nice to say don't say nothing. I don't force people to read my stories, nor do I force them to review. I feel blessed every damn day people even give me a second glance and they will never know how grateful I am for them. If you don't like my story please just close the tab and forget it. Find a story that is to your liking and l.o.v.e it! There is enough crap going on in the world, don't bring it to a FANfiction site!_

_That said, thank you and enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Thirty-Nine_

* * *

"I wanted her to react to that public conference," Ana said to Christian as they sat eating Chinese later that night. She had asked Luke and Taylor to sit with them as well. She hated having staff when they were more than that. They were a very weird family. "She has been this little maggot in our lives and after she did this, I wanted her to realise that she didn't ruin anything."

"Well she certainly didn't look happy," Taylor muttered as he remembered getting the surveillance on Kaitlyn.

"When did she?" Sawyer quipped and smirked as Christian and Taylor laughed. "I think that's why you get on with the security so well, Ana, you know how to crack a joke," he winked at Ana and watched her burst into a smile.

At first, he had found himself terrified to greet Ana after the surgery. What if he fucked up and made her feel worse? He would hate to be one of those that condemned Ana with just one look. However, he found that even with a scar down her cheek, the one running down her chest and all of the little ones marring her chest, she was never anything but, Ana. The bright eyed, giggling, teasing, stubborn woman that had graced all of their lives and even at her lowest, he knew she was still unbeatable.

"I remember that one time she slipped over on ice, you and me couldn't stop creasing up," Taylor began to speak, already beginning to chortle at the memory, "Christian came out of work to find her with her skirt up around her waist and her demanding we pick her up."

"And I still remember her blaming me," Christian spoke disgustedly as he remembered how much of a _victim_ she acted that day.

"Then you've got Ana who falls over in the snow and only asks for help to get up to drag someone down to her level," Taylor pointed out, remembering one Christmas when that happened outside of her apartment.

Ana, innocently eating noodles off of her fork, shrugged, "I don't know what you mean."

"She did that to you too?" Christian exclaimed and looked at the pair. "She did it to me!"

Giggling a little with the two guards and her boyfriend, Ana suddenly narrowed her eyes onto Christian, "Remind me again why you ever got with such a brat?"

"Long story," Christian groaned out and rubbed his brow. "Let's say I'm glad I fell in love with you on my own and not to suit your father."

"That's right," Ana agreed, pointing her fork at him, "I'm not some deal. I'm the woman that stole your heart and your mind." She tilted her head to the side, "And if I'm going to fall down, I'm going to take one of you three with me every damn time."

The three men laughed at Ana's teasing behaviour.

"You've definitely got your work cut out," Sawyer quipped as he looked at his watch. "Right, I'm going to go and check in with Welch and see where that little spoiled bitch is lurking." He looked Taylor to okay his job before he really made a start on moving, "I'll ring you when I know."

"I expect direct coordinates," Christian ordered and looked to Taylor. "Ana and I aren't leaving the apartment, you can go and see Gail. Thank her for the food."

"Shall do," Taylor accepted his duty. "I'll tidy up then head over to Escala."

"Thank you, Taylor," Ana appreciated and looked to Christian. "Can I borrow you for something?" Ana asked seeing as they finished up breakfast, she wanted to show Christian something and she wanted to show him how she was coping. She wanted him to understand her method of healing herself. "I wanted to show you something."

"Sure," he smirked at her and finished his coffee off. He followed her back into the bedroom and wondered what it was she was going to show him.

She went straight for her designing table and turned to him. "I've been working on some things," she told him and passed him over the sketch book. "I couldn't help myself," she admitted in a weak admittance and watched as he opened the book and began to see what had consumed her when the darkness began to enclose around her.

Christian looked in awe at what Ana had created, "You've done all these when you feel yourself slipping?" Christian asked as he looked up for a moment and saw her nodded hesitantly. "This coping method is amazing, Ana. You should be so proud of yourself for channelling your feelings to create such beautiful work."

"I have inspiration and incentive," she said and Christian's head left the page to face her. "I can't help myself fantasizing over what my wedding dress would look like," Ana trailed off with that sentence, still unsure if she would ever get a chance to marry Christian, terrified she would feel like an ugly bride and not a blushing one.

"One day I will be marrying you," Christian breathed almost heatedly at her. "There is no doubt in my mind that one day you will be Anastasia Grey and we will make an amazing life together and do you want to know the best part of it?" Christian asked her, staring into her eyes.

"What's that?" she asked trying to stop her eyes from watering too much.

"Everyone will know about it," he whispered it at her delicately and then leaned in to kiss her, his hand running along her jaw line, stopping at her ear so he could tilt her head up to him to deepen the intensity. He pressed his tongue to her lip, running it along to gain access and Ana caved to kiss.

Immediately her arms came around to look around his neck and when they both pulled away she bit her lip and rested her forehead to his, their eyes staring at one another. It was another thing that added to the pile that Christian's love for her was neither waning nor forced. It was still perfect and effortless.

"Thank you," Ana murmured to him, her breathing heavy with emotions and taunt with control to not let them rip free and ruin the moment with making her cry.

"Baby, for what?" Christian asked confused, there were no thanks necessary when love was involved, especially when it was reciprocated.

Ana flicked her eyes down for a moment before looking at him, "for loving me. For never letting me feel anything but loved by you. I left Escala so miserable and feeling like my life was ending and then that attack, I thought you were never be able to look at me the same ever again. You proved me wrong even when I told you to leave. You came back. You always came back."

"I don't need thanking for listening to my heart," Christian told her with sincerity. "Loving you is the easiest thing I have let myself do and the attack, it didn't change you, it changed me and the way I value you." He saw her eyes well up with confuse, her eyebrows pulling together to knit into a furrowed expression. "I took you for granted and I nearly lost you when we were at our lowest with one another. I won't ever do that, Ana. I won't ever make you think I don't love and appreciate you. I won't ever live with regrets like I have."

"We aren't right now," Ana countered and smiled at him. "We really aren't now, Christian. Your love for me is what's helped me survive this. If you hadn't have loved me, had you have finished with me because of the scars I would've died. I would've done anything to not live like that but you saved me. You keep saving me."

"I love you enough to do that," Christian admitted to her and smirked that coy little smile. "You do realise without you I am a dying man. You make me, Ana. You made me into the man I always wanted to be. How could I ever not love you?"

"The scars," she whispered doubtfully and diverted her eye contact away from his.

"Look at me," he commanded her and she listened. "Scars don't make you my Ana. That personality and quick wit, that smile and that laugh are what captivated me. Your strength, your courage, you love after having such a vile thing happen to you makes me fall in love all the more. You wear your scars with pride and you came out of the darkness and didn't let them or Kaitlyn win."

"If I let her win what am I?" Ana asked Christian, the anger building up at the mere thought of Kaitlyn. "If I let her win over me then I am a pathetic excuse and I'm not. I'm Anastasia, I'm better than her and I have everything at my feet. I still have my life, my family, your family, _you_. I've won already."

"We've won," he defied her claim, replacing it with a new one that made her beam up at him. He pulled her to his body, held her close and slowly allowed Ana to push him backwards. "Woman," he warned but, it was too late to stop her. He fell backwards onto the bed only able to see the seduction burning throughout Ana's expression.

"You cannot say those things to me and not expect me to response in such a way," she told him, falling on top of him deliberately, straddling him. Pinning him down, Ana smiled as he moved his head to the side and kissed her arm, it was all he could do when he was restrained beneath her.

He then looked up at her and couldn't resist the cheek achingly big grin that captivated his lips. She looked so beautiful here, her beauty shining brightly and he had never felt more turned on than he did so much. Not with the future piecing together, not with Ana so like herself. He knew not to fool himself, that Ana's mood could snap back and forth as it so pleased but, he knew she was strong enough to fight the darker emotions.

"You can't expect me to not want to take you, Mr Grey," Ana teased him, leaning in, her hair shrouding them both as her lips met his, her fingers flexing and then interlocking with Christian's as she kept them held above his head.

"You do realise I could easily just by pushing you onto your back, rip you pyjamas away and take you," he murmured at her as they parted the kiss, "Right here, right now."

"I do," she spoke, the glint in her eye twinkling at him. "It's kind of what I'm holding out on." She giggled at him, not pushing the moment upon them but, more or less, working into it. "So we either stay here like this, or we give in."

"Again," he grinned up at her, he was biding his time to shock her when he threw her over and straddled her. He would have his wicked way with her, and he would make sure she felt it for the following few days. The night before, the sex had been perfect, a true testament of their love but, he could see she wanted more of what they had before. More of the heat, the hard fucking, the really raw emotions that led to the most amazing orgasms and then led to them just wanting to stay in bed forever making love and forgetting the world outside.

"Oh yeah, again," she said as he went in for another kiss.

"Oh god!" Kate suddenly killed the moment with her terrified tone, "Shit, my bad! Fuck, erm, I'll leave you to it." She quickly shut the door but, then opened it, "Your parents are here. I'd make it out here before they barge in. This isn't something for them to see."

As they were left alone, Ana collapsed in a fit of giggles, Christian suddenly erupting into laughter with her and they looked at one another, Ana's cheeks flushing with heated redness, Christian's laughter getting the better of him.

Apparently getting caught was a new thing for the pair of them!


	40. Empowerment of the Moment

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So I literally fell off the face of Fanfiction world! I have been hulled up with my book release as it looms closer! Next week my first book comes out, so my world has been that, family and work. Forgive me, please! =)_

_Please mind mistakes and enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Forty_

"No, no, no, Christian! No, don't you dare!" Ana's voice rang out through the apartment, followed by a chorus of giggling. "Christian!" she screamed between her protests and giggles. Ana felt like she couldn't breathe between the tickles of Christian's incessant attack and her laughter, but she didn't want this to stop. She loved being able to laugh so freely.

"Can you two behave and come out here!" Kate yelled out, her voice trying to act aggressive, but she failed when amusement filled her tone. Lately there seemed to be no negativity in the apartment, just copious amounts of love and happiness.

It had been just over a week since Kate had first walked into the room to find Christian on top of Ana, and it had literally be a daily occurrence ever since. It made a change from Ana dwelling or fretting over her looks, her love life, her career, everything.

"You heard the girl!" Ana managed, as Christian eased up on his attack and began kissing her. Ana slowly pushed up, still with him kissing her hungrily, and heard him moan out as she got free and stood before him. "Come on, Mr Grey. Our presence is needed; you can have me all to yourself later."

"Oh, and believe me, no one will dare disrupt us later," Christian said, as he finally stood up and took the lead by taking her hand and pulling her from the room. The moment they were outside they found both their mothers, Elliot, Mia and Kate standing around. Sawyer and Taylor were in the kitchen and Gail pottering around cleaning. "What's with the sudden gathering?"

"Well, we thought we could do something today," Elliot simply commented. "Ray and dad are off out on that fishing trip, Ethan's out of the country so we decided to congregate here."

"As usual," Christian stated with a tone full of sarcasm.

Ana put her hand on his shoulder to calm him down. She knew he loved spending most of his day with her, _alone _– a set back of a private relationship – but she had to help him get used to their new found status. They were now publicly together, and he had to face up to that.

"Okay," he sighed, letting his shoulders slump and decided to make a good go of this. He knew he had to share Ana, and he wanted to take her public and show her off as the beauty she was to him. "How about we go out for a big meal," Christian announced, but narrowed his gaze on Ana. "What do you say, baby? Fancy some Italian for lunch?"

Ana didn't feel confident about going outside. These experiences had been limited recently because even though she had taken her stand at the press conference, she still felt like all eyes were on. It unsettled her, and she felt like she couldn't get away from them.

But she didn't want to be hidden away. She wanted life back in her hands, controlled only by her.

She looked around, noticing that multiple people were literally holding their breaths. "Italian sounds perfect right about now."

"Oh yay!" Mia clapped her hands excitedly as the tension broke from the room. "I say we have a family movie night as well tonight. I mean, we haven't done that all together, and it'll be amazing to just chill out."

"Dibs on the sofa with my man," Ana joked and went and grabbed her purse from the stool in the kitchen area. "I have a thing for back rows at the cinemas. Sue me."

"Damn," Christian commented, another backlash of their secretive relationship hitting him. If he had just given in he could have experienced public dates sooner than this. "We are getting us a weekly date night, Anastasia, and that's final."

"Oh we are?" she giggled at him as he looped an arm around her waist and pulled her tight, "For now though, Mr Grey, you're committing PDA with a hungry family watching."

Christian shrugged as she giggled at him, "Who cares," he said and kissed her. "Now who's going in which cars? I fancy driving, so I guess we can all just separate in the garage." He looked over to Taylor, "You, Sawyer and Gail are coming too."

"Yes, Sir," Taylor nodded. He knew that Christian had seen himself, Sawyer and Gail as more family since Ana's attack and he valued it. He felt he did his job better with a stronger emotional connection. "I don't mind driving either."

"Okay so that's two cars," Christian commented, and turned to his brother. "Elliot, you want to drive an Audi?"

"My car not good enough?" Elliot joked with his little brother.

Christian put his arms out and shrugged again, "It's not an Audi." He shot Elliot a quick wink and smirked, "I just wondered if you wanted a go in one, or if we should just stick with two cars."

"You seriously think I'd pass up the opportunity to drive one of your cars, bro?" Elliot asked, the excitement beginning to creep into his tone, his eyes igniting with the sudden rush of endorphins.

"C'mon," Christian said, and grabbed the keys from the side, throwing a pair at Elliot and leading them all to the garage in the basement. Just like his brother, he kept his girl at his side, and lapped up the normalcy that seemed to be encroaching back into their lives.

The journey to the restaurant was lively, with Grace and Carla in the back of the car, the pair found it easy to tease about a future wedding for Ana and Christian. As mothers, they both wanted to see their children happy, but Ana and Christian were perfectly happy as they were. They didn't need a marriage license to make that real.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Ana was glad to flee the small space and walk inside and get their table. The sooner everyone else arrived the better! It wasn't that she hated the idea of wedding talk, but it conjured images in her head of her being an ugly bride. It was a stupid insecurity of hers, and she knew she would get over it, but she was still working on her self-esteem and one day she wouldn't even bate an eyelash at her scars.

Until that day she would live her days thinking only about her life, not her scars and keeping her mind busy with time with Christian and her family and designing the next best fashion collection that would blow everyone else out of the water.

Sitting in the restaurant, Ana found herself a little uncomfortable, but cocooned between Christian and Kate, she felt protected by a well manned fortress. With her mother and Grace opposite her, as well, she felt even more comfortable in her environment.

"Sorry to interrupt," a woman's voice came from Ana's shoulder and she turned around in her seat. "Oh it is you!" she exclaimed, a hand going to her heart as a smile grew across her face.

Ana looked at her baffled, "Excuse me, do I know you?"

"No, sorry for my rudeness, I know you're out, but I'm Claudia Fitzgerald," she introduced herself and extended her hand to Ana. "You're an inspiration," the woman continued as Ana took her hand. "I help women similar to yourself, and when I saw you sitting here I knew I just had to come over."

"Oh," Ana started to stammer, unsure of how to answer.

"You really helped the women I work with," Claudia continued with an air of confidence. "I just wanted you to know how amazing so many people think you are," she clarified. "You would make an amazing advocate for raising awareness that people with disfigurement are no different to others. You've prove that it doesn't run your life and that makes you an amazing role model to a lot of people. You wear such an aura of confidence that it is admirable."

Ana had to admit she rarely thought about her fresh scars. It wasn't until she looked into the mirror she was really reminded of them now. No one looked at her like they first had. No one cared for the markings on her face, down her neck and onto her chest. They all treated her like _Ana_, how she feared they never would again.

And the one thing that empowered most was the way that Christian looked at her. There wasn't an ounce of pity, worry, horror. He looked at her like she was the woman of his dreams, exactly how he always had. He gave her seduction and love, and happiness and hope. He made her feel unmarked and beautiful and he was the reason she got up in the morning with a bright smile on her face.

The morning sex always made sure it was permanent!

"Well!" the woman suddenly spoke up loudly, breaking Ana from her thoughts. "Take my card, and think about my proposition. I mean, it'd mean a great deal to me and the women in the group to see you in person, but I am by no means forcing you."

"No, no," Ana said and accepted the card. "I'd like that."

"Well, I'll hopefully hear from you soon then," Claudia spoke, happy with her feat, and then thanked them, apologised again and left them to it.

"Wow," Ana managed to say as she turned back to everyone stunned.

"I'm so proud of you," Christian whispered into Ana's ear as Claudia left them and their food arrived.

Ana just blushed, and felt another part of her come alive again. Every single day she could feel herself strengthening and soon she would be formidable once again.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Beauty and the Beast -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You really think I could be a role model?" Ana asked as her and Christian lay out on the bed in the afternoon sun. "I mean, after my _attempt,_ I don't feel worthy of being seen as an inspiration."

"Why not?" Christian asked her suddenly, looking down at her.

Ana shifted, twisting in her man's arms so she was her belly facing him, "Look what I tried to do, Christian. When I think about that moment when I threatened to kill myself, I feel this rush of fear that I turned into a monster. I was so worried that the cuts would make me one, I forgot about letting myself turn into one."

"You're not a monster," Christian told her sternly, unable to adhere to her self-made accusations. "You were in a dark part of your life back then, but look how you've changed since then. Look at how you conquered so many obstacles. It is because of that, you are a role model. So what if you had a moment of weakness, you were warranted it. You were not thinking straight, but I told you once, I'll tell you again, you dropped the scalpel." Christian smiled at her, bringing his hand over to meet her fringe so he could push it out of her face, "You came back to me."

Ana's face illuminated then with the hope that Christian exuded with that one final, five word sentence. "Of course, I came back to you, Christian. You were the only thing on my mind the entire time I was there. I could only think about you loving me, and when I thought it was all lost, you proved otherwise. You loved me regardless, and you stole my heart from me unwillingly all over again."

"I'm glad," Christian murmured softly at her. "I can't live a day without you, Miss Steele, and the thought of it kills me. I want a long and happy life of waking up next to you."

"Well you saved me," she said and crawled up a little so her lips were hovering above him, their eyes caught in a locked lover's gaze. "I want to sleep with my hero every single night."

"It's a done deal," Christian said and reached up that tiniest bit to kiss Ana on the lips. He pulled away, a smile marking his lips, "Now let's get you food."

"Deal," she smirked, crawling off of the bed ready to leave.

"Christian!" Taylor cried out, his voice steady and booming. "Ana!"

"Seems we're needed sooner than we thought," Christian joked, not anticipating anyone turning up for another two hours.

Leaving the room, Ana still teasing Christian she found herself near enough walking into him as he froze just outside of the doorway. She didn't know why until she really forced him out to see and what she found made her feel sick. Sawyer was on the floor, bleeding out and unconscious while Taylor looked on in horror at Kaitlyn as she now stood with a gun pointed at them, a blooded knife in her hand, fresh crimson droplets still falling to the floor.

"Finally," Kaitlyn started to speak and looked at Ana, moving her gun off Taylor and onto her. "We need a chat and there will be no interruptions! Am I clear?" she asked and noticed Taylor moving towards her so she swung the gun back to him and fired. "Am I clear?"

Christian took Ana's hand as he watched his closest friend and guard fall to the ground.

"Yes," they both spoke in unison.


	41. Damned Be Damned

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So I bailed and I didn't mean to take so long! Life got crazy, and my book release took over, and I got lost in it all! However, now that book's been out 5 days now, I have had time to sit and write a little of this... But thank you, thank you, thank you for waiting, and enjoy!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Forty-One_

Reaching for Christian's hand, Ana couldn't believe the sight before her. This was not how her life was supposed to be. It wasn't supposed to be riddled with things you only saw in horror movies, and they weren't supposed to be filled with so much grief and fear. Her life was supposed to be perfect and simple all at once.

"W-why?" Ana asked, and allowed her gaze to latch onto Kaitlyn's stern, cold stare. "Why are you doing this?" As she asked the second question, she could feel her anger beginning to take over. "Your problem is with me! Sawyer and Taylor have nothing to do with this!"

"They got in my way," Kaitlyn merely stated, and looked at the blade in her hand that was stained with Sawyer's blood. "Easy to get in when you have a knife. It kept him silent, and the gun kept him silent until I got you here." She pointed the gun at Taylor who lay getting weaker as blood rushed from the right side of his abdomen.

"Kaitlyn," Christian began to speak, his tone soft. He released Ana's hand and took a step forward.

"Don't you dare try and talk me away from this, Christian!" Kaitlyn snapped insanely at Christian, stopping him from even beginning to take her down from the dangerous ledge she was on. "Whether you like it or not, Ana will out of the equation by the time I am done here."

Christian felt every droplet of blood wash from his face. The thought of Ana being hurt cast shadow upon shadow over him, shrouded him in horror, and he couldn't take it. "You hurt Ana and I will not be liable for my actions."

"You love me," Kaitlyn stated with fearless hope. "You wouldn't dare hurt me, Christian. I was the first woman to love you."

"And you were the first woman to break my heart," Christian replied coldly. "I might have loved you, but that is a feeling that I made sure was dead and buried. How can you think I can love you? After what you did? You never loved me."

"I did," Kaitlyn fought back strongly. "You fell out of love with me after I got that scar on my stomach. I thought if _she _was scarred then you'd be repulsed by her too."

"It's not about the scars!" Christian bellowed, his hands flying up, his body rigid and dominating. "I didn't fall out of love with you because of a fucking scar on your stomach, Kaitlyn! I just fell out of love with you, and all of your selfish, pathetic ways!" He tried to calm his breathing, telling himself to regulate his inhales and exhales. He closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them to continue. "You could do your worse to Ana and I would still love her all the same. Hell, I love her more after what you did! I nearly lost her, and that's on you! She survived, she came back to me, and I still love her. I always will."

"She's a monster," Kaitlyn stated, not looking at Ana, but staring at Christian.

"No," Christian whispered back at her. "No, she isn't. She's still Ana. She'll never be a monster, and the sooner you look in the mirror, and see the real monster here, you're just going to make yourself bitter."

That seemed to make Kaitlyn even more deranged and she began to wreck the apartment. "I only ever loved you and you broke my heart!" she screamed at him and began to throw anything she could in Christian's direction. She was blind-sighted by her anger and her still apparent heartbreak that she didn't care what she threw, and she didn't even think when she brought the gun up and just pulled the trigger. The pop was delicious to her and the fear she caused only spurred her on. She wanted to cause damage and if that meant hurting Christian then so be it. At least then he wouldn't be able to stop her from killing Ana.

Trying to shield himself, Christian knew he had failed when her felt the base of one of the bowls connected with the side of his head and he lost his footing.

"Christian!" Ana cried out in horror as Christian fell and hit his head on the edge of the coffee table. She saw blood on his shirt and ran for him. Her instincts told her to save him; she had to.

"Don't you dare," Kaitlyn stopped Ana mid step.

"If you love him, you'll let me help him, Kaitlyn," Ana tried to bargain with Kaitlyn, "You saw him hit his head! You can't just leave him."

"He can't save you now," Kaitlyn laughed manically and took a step towards Ana, the gun now trained on her last victim. She pulled the trigger once and Ana managed to move quickly enough to escape the travelling bullet that flew from the barrel. She then tried again and again, only becoming infuriated with the failure of not yet killing Ana.

Running out of bullets, she discarded of the gun, and ran after Ana as she tried to get away. She gave Ana no chance to get away this time. Ana had no time to react as Kaitlyn ran for her, knocking her to the floor with a harsh impact.

Ana didn't care about anything else but surviving and as Kaitlyn began an onslaught of punches, Ana hit back. She had survived the worse moment of her life, and now she was going to show Kaitlyn what sort of _beast_ she had created.

When Ana found herself pinned, she looked to her side and saw the glistening of broken glass beside her. Seeing a game plan forming, Ana gathered all the inner strength within her, and hit back hard against Kaitlyn's chest, immobilising her enough to throw her off. Ana reacted and pinned Kaitlyn, turning the tables completely. Reaching out, careless of her wounds, she latched her fingers around part of the glass and immediately pressed it to Kaitlyn's cheek. With her breathes heaving, Ana looked down at Kaitlyn's suddenly fearful eyes and froze.

Ana saw red at the fact three of the most important men in her life were injured and she almost gave herself the push to dig the blade of glass through Kaitlyn's skin. She looked at the glistening of the shard and back at Kaitlyn, her thoughts darkening. This could well be her chance; she could easily disfigure Kaitlyn and have her revenge.

She could claim this as her closure, but something within stopped her. Clarity cried out for her, her conscious claimed her sanity, and instilled it upon her. She couldn't be Kaityln because she wasn't like her. There wasn't an ounce of her that was remotely like the woman that had attacked her, and she wouldn't lower herself to be like that.

"Go on Ana, do to me what I did to you," Kaitlyn dared Ana as she watched the battle Ana put on herself. Kaitlyn smirked in glee, ready to goad Ana into being the bad guy here.

Ana looked at the shard of glass in her hand and then looked down at Kaitlyn. Could she do it? Could she really make Kaitlyn like her, and in turn, become Kaitlyn in the process? Ana felt like she was at a crossroads between doing what was right for herself, and what was right in this warped sense of reality. This woman had taken so much from her already and was threatening to do more.

"Do it," Kaitlyn continued to push Ana, trying her hardest to get her to react. "Cut my skin, Ana! Go on! I - dare - you. Do it!" she screamed at Ana, waiting for her reaction.

Looking to her shaking hand, her grasp tightening, so much so, the glass was cutting into her skin. Ana found herself unable to go through with it and just dropped the blade to the floor. In utter repulsion, Ana pushed off from Kaitlyn, dissolving into a fresh wave of tears, and looked at her nemesis.

"I'm not you," Ana sneered and suddenly stood up, dominating the moment. She hated herself for that moment of mental imagery of what it would feel like to scar Kaitlyn like she had been, but now she was repulsed. Now Ana realised that no matter what she did to Kaitlyn, it would not be closure. It would not end this moment of crisis in her life, because whatever she did, she was still scarred. That clear fact was something she had accepted.

She backed away, unaware that Christian was now behind her. He had seen it all, even called for help, and he couldn't have been more proud of Ana's stealth in this moment of terror. Hitting him, she spun around and literally flung herself into his arms. "I was so scared. I thought you were dying. She wouldn't let me get to you. I couldn't do anything."

"I'm okay," Christian murmured at Ana as she broke down in his arms, her own arms literally latched on as if he would be gone if she didn't. "I've called for help; we help to get to Taylor and Sawyer."

Ana just nodded, releasing him slowly.

Kaitlyn forced herself to her feet and stood shaking with envy and rage. She hated the sight before her. Christian with his arms wrapped around Ana, comforting her, as he gave her a game plan to getting Taylor and Sawyer help, and she couldn't take it. She crouched down and grabbed her knife she had dropped earlier, and set her gazes upon Ana. Without thinking, she narrowed her vision upon the woman she hated and made a beeline for her, the blade up in the air ready to strike down into Ana's chest as she slowly broke away from Christian. Kaitlyn was aiming for the heart that Christian so dearly loved.

Having seen Ana's eyes widen, Christian reacted. He turned around, blocking Ana's body with his just as Kaitlyn began to lower the blade. He took the full blade in his chest, his lung immediately finding an inability to draw the right breath. He felt the sharpness penetrate his body and he could only gasp, his eyes going wide before he heard Ana's screams. He took a moment to look at the black handle that sat so prominently in his chest, the blade was angled downwards and lodged into its spot.

As she saw the sight before her, Ana cried out as Christian stumbled on his spot, unable to comprehend what had really happened. He had just saved her, and because of that, she could well lose him.

Kaitlyn stepped back in horror, visibly shaken by how wrong her killer drive had become. She had just stabbed the one man she had ever loved, and because she had been driven by her hatred of Ana, she could now lose Christian.

"That was your fault!" Kaitlyn began to scream, as Ana collapsed to the floor with Christian, gently laying him down on the floor. "It was supposed to be you that I got! Not Christian."

Ana remained silent apart from trying to get Christian to stay awake, but she knew he was growing weak on her. The moment she saw blood on his lips, Ana felt the beast in her come alive. She was consumed with grief, riled with putrid hate for the one person that made it her life duty to destroy everything Ana loved so dearly.

Except she didn't react, not in the way she thought she would. She stuck by Christian, unable to leave him. All of her hate and anger could wait because she didn't want to waste a moment by leaving him. She had no idea what would happen with Christian, but she feared that if she left him she wouldn't get a chance to beg him to stay with her.

Kaitlyn noticed this, and slowly began to step away, her mentality slipping closer to rock bottom. Once her back hit the wall, Kaitlyn slid down it, bringing her knees up to hug them to her chest as she silently cried. She couldn't believe she had allowed this happen. She had been stupid to even try to kill Ana without Christian jumping in like some hero. That in itself showed Kaitlyn who Christian really loved. Now with Ana cradling Christian's weakening form in her arms, she realised she had only just removed herself from the situation, not Ana.

"Christian," Ana sobbed, her hands shaking harder than ever as she tried to work out what to do. Logic had disappeared and she was at a loss. Her hands hovered around the blade, the blood pulsating out, and she panicked at what would be the best thing to do here. "Baby, please, I love you. You can't leave me."

"I-I lo-love you," Christian grinned difficultly at her and reached up to wrap his hands around her arm. "I-if this i-is it-"

"No," she shook her head at him. "No, no, Christian. You can't leave me. That isn't allowed. You and me until the end, that's how we play this out." She dropped her head to stop the tears from escaping, she would beg him until her last breath to stay with her, but she knew this didn't work like that. Her words were futile. "It's you and I, Christian. Always and forever. Those were your words, not mine. You made me believe them, so now you have to believe them."

"I do," he whispered silently, his voice inaudible as he slipped into the darkness.

"Christian, please, just a little longer. Baby, don't close your eyes," she cried at him again. "Please, you can't do this to me, Grey. It's your and I. Not one or the other. Please."

Suddenly the door opened, and even though Ana could hear how happy and excited everyone was for their evening together, she couldn't stop cradling Christian's barely conscious form, whispering at him.

"Ana?" Grace gasped in horror, as everyone stood watching the scene before them.

Looking up, Ana had nothing really to say. "Help us," Was all Ana managed to ask the moment she saw everyone spark to life. "_Please_."


	42. The Evil At Fault

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N: **_So not as soon as I hoped, but not an eternity either ;) Enjoy this, and thank you!_

**Beauty and the Beast **_– Chapter Forty-Two_

* * *

"Ana," Grace's soft voice floated into Ana's senses, driving her away from her memories. "Ana, sweetie, we really need to get you seen to."

Shaking her head, Ana only managed to murmur her response, "No."

"I know you want to know what's happening, but you're hurt as well." She watched as Ana looked up, she knew the wounds to Ana were not even remotely close to what Christian, Taylor, and Sawyer had sustained, but she was hoping to occupy them both until news arrived. "You've got some superficial wounds," Grace pointed out, gently talking Ana's hand in hers. "I just want you to get checked out and these cleaned up. As soon as there is news I will know."

Ana said nothing. She simply nodded her head and allowed Grace to guide her wherever. She felt numb and empty all at once. She hadn't cried since they arrived at the hospital. She hadn't even spoken. She could barely find faith right now, not when she felt filthy with Christian's blood, and she felt empty that Kaitlyn pleaded insanity to her actions. The only insanity she saw was the one she was now feeling not knowing whether the man she loved was going to survive.

"Sweetheart, I know this is a very hard time in your life, but believe me, Christian did what he had to," Grace spoke up, after hearing about how Christian got so hurt, Grace found herself to feel proud over her son's decision to protect Ana. He had been heroic and gotten hurt, but he would only ever do that for Ana. She had worked on cleaning Ana up until the silence became unbearable and now she couldn't stand it. "You need to realise he did that because he loves you so much."

Biting her lip, Ana couldn't deny how loved she felt as a direct result of Christian protecting her from Kaitlyn's actions. "I can't believe she hated me so much for loving him," Ana whispered out, her eyes dropped to her lap, the tears welling up heavily across them. "I did nothing but love him, Grace, and that should have been enough. Seeing Christian happy and loved should have counteracted it all."

"Ana," Grace froze her actions of cleaning the wounds on Ana's palms and just sighed. "Kaitlyn, she's mentally unstable. She was driven by insanity to this. Most people would love to see the people that mean a lot to them happy, but Kaitlyn, well, she was driven by jealousy because she could never keep him happy. Even after her attack on you, Christian fell harder than ever for you. She saw how in love he is with you and that fuelled her."

Raising her gaze, Ana looked into Grace's warm, motherly gaze, "He isn't going to die is he?" Her lip began to quiver, the tears finally falling down face. "He keeps me alive. If I don't have him I'm terrified of what my life will become, Grace. I can't survive without him. I don't want to either."

"And you won't have to," Grace attested and applied her faith in her son's ability to come back. "However much I am terrified right now at the prospect of Christian's predicament, I have absolute faith in him surviving this, and then shouting his orders by the morning." She watched Ana give a weak smile, but hoped the Ana would see her optimism and feel it too. "See, somewhere in you, you can see the same thing."

"I don't want to hope too much," Ana meekly replied, her eyes staring at Grace hard. "What if I do that and then he's not okay?"

"What if you do that and he is okay?" Grace countered her question.

Ana nodded offering a small shrug, and watched Grace get back to work, finishing her job of cleaning the tiny cuts to Ana's hands, and stitching the slash from where Ana had literally gripped the shard of glass in anticipation to cut Kaitlyn.

"Right, that's you done," Grace said as she covered the wound and tore the latex gloves from her hands. She threw the rubbish together and took it to the waste bin. She looked over at Ana, who still sat so deadly silent it worried her, but she just acted normal. "Your eye will bruise and I want to watch out for the swelling, but that should be fine once the bruising comes out. From the look of it so will other areas of your face, but you seem okay otherwise. The hits didn't disrupt you scars from the original attack so we just need to get you some pain killers and you'll be okay."

"Okay," Ana gave a coy smile, hoping down from the bed, "Thank you, Grace."

"No thanks needed," Grace said and led Ana from the room.

Getting back to the waiting room, Ana resumed her previous docile seat. Took to it and closed herself off from the world. She could hear conversation flowing freely, everyone trying to keep the optimism rife, but Ana only found herself hating it.

"It's all my fault," Ana suddenly whispered, looking at her hands as they sat lifelessly in her lap. "He stepped in front of that blade to save me. It's my fault," she continued, and suddenly pressed a hand to her chest as she felt it hard to breathe through the consuming grief. "Oh God, he's going to die and it'll be down to me." She stood up, ignorant of her name being called, and began to pace. "They all got hurt because of me."

"Ana," Grace stepped in, grabbing onto Ana's arms and holding her still. "It's not your fault."

Ana nodded her head vigorously, "It is. He's dying because of me, Grace. They all are. She wanted me dead. She wanted me out of the equation. That knife was meant for _me_."

"No," Grace replied to her. "This is no way near your fault, Sweetie."

"It is. Think about it," Ana spoke, tears pouring down her cheeks. "We should have gone to Escala. Christian wanted us there, I said no. I wanted to be at my place and not be reminded of that night when we argued. I stupidly thought it would work out for me, but it didn't. It came back with a vengeance. My selfish decision came right back at me. He knew how to keep us safe. He knew how to protect us."

"If Christian thought for one second you weren't safe at your apartment, he would have gotten you to his place and that would have been final," Grace told Ana, the stillness in her voice, fortifying her certainty. "No one knew that Kaitlyn would literally fight her way into your apartment, Ana. None of us could have predicted she would have gone to this extreme so please stop thinking it's all on you."

"B-but I had such an aversion to going there because what happened the last time I was there and look what happened!" Ana couldn't listen to Grace's rationality when her own was cast down around her ankles, dying a slow and torturous death. Choking on a difficult breath as more tears beckoned upon her lashes, Ana ripped herself from Grace's grasp and just stood alone for a moment before her irrationality really did take over. Ana tore at her hair, literally feeling the roots beginning to scream across her scalp. "I told you this was _my _fault! Every little thing points to me!"

Kate reached out for Ana, but was scared when Ana's eyes flashed over to her with so much feral emotion, she didn't know how dangerous Ana could be right now. "Steele," she started, keeping the physical distance between them. "I know it's scary right now, and we don't know what's happening, but you cannot carry the blame of this on your shoulders. You asked for none of this."

"I know," Ana replied miserably, and her bottom lip began to quiver. "But I am the reason it all began. Kaitlyn did this to make Christian not love me. All of the stress afterwards was down to me literally going crazy, and now this." She reached up and covered her face, speaking through her palms as the sobs increased, "She shot Taylor and Sawyer to get easier access to me, and Christian," her hands fell from her face to look at Kate, "He saved me from her. That blade was meant for me. She aimed for me, and he saved me. It's all down to me."

"Listen to me," Kate began to say, forcing Ana's attention to focus for a moment, "Kaitlyn did this. It was her plan. She planned to hurt you, she planned to make Christian hate you. She planned to ruin you. She also plotted getting into our apartment, and she planned on killing you. You are an innocent party who was literally pulled into the middle of this because of someone's jealousy."

"She wanted me dead," Ana suddenly shuddered upon the thought. This was the first time she had fully felt the impact of the claim. "She wanted me dead, and he wanted me alive. I can't lose him because of that. I can't live without him."

"And you won't," Kate finalised the comment. As Ana caved to the breakdown, Kate brought Ana to her chest and allowed her to cry out all of her feelings while she hugged her tight. Slowly she got Ana sitting and still remained holding onto her. She believed Ana's strength was only sourced from Christian. Without him, she might as well be left for dead, and having seen the predicament of Christian's health, Kate was nervous she would lose both him and Ana. Even long after Ana calmed down, everyone's silence beckoned across the room, Kate remained close to Ana, refusing to leave her side.

Ana ignored the news as the doctors tending to Sawyer and Taylor came to give their update. Gail was immediately in a flood of tears and gratitude to hear that Taylor had pulled through. Ana barely heard that Sawyer had made it too. She was lost in this world right now, not hearing about Christian. She needed to know if he was okay.

"Doctor's here," Kate whispered at her as she took her stand. Immediately Kate looked back at Ana as she jumped up to her feet, and wearily approached the doctor, readying herself for this new fallout. She grabbed Ana's hand in hers, offering some form of moral support for her to make it through this.

Feeling her every nerve begin to tremble, Ana tried to play it cool, tried to remain calm, except deep down, her panic was widespread and looking for an outlet. She just listened to Grace take charge of the moment, using her ability to be a doctor to take control.

"How is he?" she asked, her tone unmoved, and her posture was stoic and strong.

"He's alive," the doctor told them with a smile. "The damage was minimal, but the blood loss wasn't. That's what caused Mr. Grey to become so unstable. He's stable and resting in ICU right now. I just wanted him under constant observation until he wakes up."

"He's not awake?" Ana gasped in horror. The guilt nailed into her more by Christian's unclear status of health.

"Don't look so worried," the doctor quickly replied, calming the fear rapidly coming apparent on Ana's face. "He's doing well right now, and his body needs the rest. I would say in a day or two we'll be looking at a complete turnaround. Right now, he is recovering from massive chest trauma and the effects of surgery. I have no worries, nor should you."

"Can we see him?" Grace asked, jumping in with a hopeful tone.

The doctor nodded, "But only two of you until the morning. He needs the rest." He watched them all contemplate and agree. "I can take you down now."

"Grace, take yourself and Ana down," Carrick stepped in, he noticed the faces of everyone and stood his ground. "Knowing he's okay will do me fine. Grace, I trust you to give us the real picture here, and Ana, after being caught up in the ordeal, you need to see him. You need to gain that closure."

"Come on, Sweetie," Grace said, taking Ana's hand as she became almost frozen to her spot. She led Ana down after the doctor and found her son sleeping soundly. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart monitor and she relaxed. He was alive, that was all she needed to relax her. The rest she could read from his chart. "I'll leave you," Grace said as she placed a hand onto Ana's shoulder. She watched her look at her with a bewildered expression. "I've seen him," Grace smiled, "That's enough for the moment."

Before Ana could argue about being left on her own, Grace was gone. She was caught between the man she loved and listening to her subconscious whispering insults of blame and guilt trips at her. Looking back at Christian's sleeping form; Ana went with what she wanted more - to be near Christian - and stepped into the room.

Unable to approach him wholly, Ana slid down the nearest wall and sunk against the floor, keeping Christian in her line of vision. She couldn't bring herself to touch him, she felt she didn't deserve it, but selfishly she couldn't just leave. He was alive, and that was what kept her here.

"Ana?" Christian's hoarse voice crossed the room at her, circulating around her as if to be her security blanket. She slowly looked up at him as he reached out weakly for her, "What are you doing down there? Baby, come here please."

"No," she whispered in a choked sob. "No, I can't."

"Baby," he called out to her again, then time trying to push himself up on his weakened limbs. "Anastasia," he said as he gave up and collapsed back down onto the mattress, wincing a little as he did so. "I need you."

As he said that, Ana was up on her feet and by his side. Him needing her was completely different to her needing him. Right now, she wasn't a priority, he was.

"Your face," Christian stated as he looked up at her, his eyes grazing over her every feature to see how much damage was done. "You're a mess."

Ana smiled at that gentle comment, and felt impish over it. She knew he didn't mean the scar down her face, but the fact that she was now sporting a cut lip and a swollen eye. He had never seen her as a mess for the scars, but healable abrasions and she was a mess.

"A beautiful mess," he continued, a tired smirk gracing his lips as he closed her eyes. "I'm so happy she didn't follow through on her plan."

"No thanks to you," Ana mumbled at him, the misery boiling in her still to see him in such a state. "If you had just let her do what she wanted to then-"

"Then I'd have lost you," Christian spoke with such certainty. "The angle she had that knife, she aimed to kill you. I'm taller than you; I knew it wouldn't kill me."

"How? How could you possibly have known that? You reacted to the threat on me and now look at you, Christian," she said and looked up and down his body, her eyes cast upon his wrapped body.

"I'm alive," he countered and gave an exhausted chuckle.

Letting out a sob, Ana broke, "This is my fault you're like this. Everyone told me it wasn't, that you would have wanted to save me, but I cannot stop and think how you nearly dying is on me. You and Taylor and, Christ, Sawyer all took a hit for me to survive. That's all on me now."

"It's not your fault," Christian whispered at her, his tone tentative and soothing. "You were so strong back there, Ana. You were everything I thought you would be and I am so proud of you." He brought his hand up slowly, weakly to wipe her tears away. "You, Anastasia Steele, are such a fighter I can't wait to call you my wife."

Closing her eyes, Ana didn't second guess her next set of words. They came to her like drawing breaths, like loving the man before. "Ask me," she whispered at him as her eyes opened. She watched the shock on glaze over Christian's expression, "Ask me."

Not wasting a moment, or giving her the chance to stop this, he listened. "Marry me?" Christian asked her, licking his dry lips as the smile literally grew wider by the second. He knew this wasn't the proposal he wanted for her, but right now, hearing her affirmative was more than enough for him.

"Yes," Ana said and grabbed his hand in hers, kissing his knuckles. Having been given a second and third chance at keeping Christian in her life, Ana wasn't going to waste any more time. "God, yes."


End file.
